Disclaimer: I own nothing...except a pair or gay-pride hobo gloves and a lollipop that makes obnoxious noises.
Author's Notes: OK so I know I said Virtual Catastrophe was going to be my Valentine's Day fic, but I couldn't crank out the next chapter in time. So here is a nice little one-shot presented the day after Valentine's Day...because I run on Kakashi time. It also kind of fits the story anyway. Hope you enjoy it.
It was official; Iruka Umino now absolutely loathed the color pink. Normally, he wasn't as petty to attribute hatred to something as harmless as a color, but morals and rationality be damned, he was going to put a kunai through the skull of the next person to offer him a balloon, cheaply made paper card, or ridiculous looking stuffed animal that even thought of tinting itself in that monstrous hue. Iruka was not having a good day, and most of that fact could be attributed to the color of his darkest dreams currently busing itself with covering every single square inch of the normally peaceful village he lived in.
It would just figure that Konoha would suddenly catch a mass case of holiday spirit just in time to celebrate what could be argued as the dumbest holiday of the year. Very few ninja ever saw the point in celebrating the holidays, as it usually just served as a time to remember the friends and family that had been lost in the past and consume mass amounts of alcohol; but, for some reason, everyone always sobered up enough to enjoy Valentine's Day.
It was open to debate why the ninja took so much pleasure in Valentine's Day. Some argued that the village full of adults, that were essentially children allowed to play with sharp toys, only wanted an excuse to engorge themselves on candy and wreak havoc as the result of a sugar rush from hell. The more logical and politically minded nin said that Valentine's Day was celebrated as a fundraiser, and was some kind of conspiracy concocted by the counsel to get the innocent and naïve citizens of Konoha to spend their hard earned money on all sorts of frivolous trinkets in order to help the village that was slowly falling into the terrible rut known as 'bankruptcy', thanks to the spending habits of one Godaime Hokage. Most of those people were the ones who set up separate little vending booths in order to get some slice of the profit.
A great majority of the population, however, took on a much more romantic and sentimental viewpoint of the situation. Most figured that in a village that built its foundation on death and destruction, it was only fitting to have a holiday advocating what most were denied. They looked on Valentine's Day as a time to fully appreciate and pamper the things that were left to love. Valentine's Day was the one day a year that Rule #25 was written out of the shinobi code and everyone was free to express their latent emotions.
Iruka thought all of this was a load of crap, and believed, selfishly, that Valentine's Day was only around as an excuse to cause him more misery. It was a bit hypocritical for him to hate this day of love, seeing as he was the one to encourage caring and emotion in the ninja lifestyle everyday and had even gone as far as to cross out Rule #25 in thick, black marker in his own copy of the shinobi code and replace it with a rather crewed doodle of one of the more rule-oriented elders shoving a stick up his ass. Iruka believed that the spirit of Valentine's Day should be celebrated everyday, and that there was no need for obnoxious pink decorations or boxes of cheap chocolate to show someone that you cared about them. He always got depressed on Valentine's Day because he knew that the next day, things would be right back to the way they always were, so he refused to celebrate on principal.
This of course had nothing to do with the fact he always spent Valentine's Day alone.
Iruka hadn't always hated Valentine's Day. Back when his parents were alive, it used to be his favorite day of the year. He would make cards for all his classmates, pass out candy to everyone he met and smile freely at everyone, offering them good wishes on this day of love. When he got home, he would exchange cards and small gifts with his parents and then they would go out for a meal at his favorite restaurant.
After the Kyuubi attack, Iruka stopped liking Valentine's Day so much. He still made cards, but he coated all of them with a powerful, undetectable adhesive that soaked into your skin and bound you to the first thing you touched for the next twelve hours. Most of his classmates spent Valentine's Day glued to their desks and chairs at the academy and Iruka laughed the whole way home, smile never reaching his eyes. The next several years only ended in more disappointment for Iruka. All of his past partners either were sent out on mission right before Valentine's Day, or never made it to Valentine's Day to begin with. Iruka could just never win, but he never quite lost hope that he would find someone special to spend the day with.
When Mizuki, the only person aside from the seven year olds he taught to ever give him any acknowledgement on Valentine's Day, betrayed the village; Iruka gave up. He stopped making cards and decorating his classroom; and he stopped looking at every person in the village with hopeful eyes, silently pleading that one of them would spend the day with him.
Now on Valentine's Day, Iruka's usual perpetual smile was morphed into a scowl. He was still unusually polite to all he came in contact with, but the usual aura of warmth he seemed to constantly emanate was gone and replaced with something cold and lonely. He was harder on his students, easier to anger, and had even been caught ripping down decorations when he thought no one was looking.
The worst part about the entire situation was that, though he told himself he really didn't care anymore, he still deeply desired even a small bit of romance on Valentine's Day. Really, was it so much to ask that someone besides seven year olds and Naruto show that they care about him? He knew that he was being selfish, but no matter how many times he told himself that Naruto was the only person he needed to feel important, something inside him was always screaming that it wasn't enough. Besides, Naruto wasn't here to celebrate this year anyway. Even his own surrogate son had abandoned him on Valentine's Day; he truly was pathetic.
It wasn't like he expected anything extravagant; he didn't need a fancy dinner or an expensive gift. He just wanted someone to spend the day with. Someone to laugh and joke with, to prove he at least mattered to someone. One of his deepest desires was to receive a kiss from someone he loved on Valentine's Day, but he had given up on that dream a long time ago.
"Not going to happen," he thought to himself, shaking his head. Class had just ended and he was now walking through the rosy streets of Konoha, eyeing the happy couples enviously and planning out what he was going to cook himself for dinner that night. He spotted Azuma and Kurenai making out in an alley way and added 'bottle of sake' to his grocery list. Dejectedly, he put his head down to the ground and kept walking, doing his best not to focus too much on all the romance dancing through the streets. So adamant at being not focused on anything, Iruka failed to notice that there was someone walking right in front of him and he let out an undignified 'yelp' as the two collided and fell to the ground, taking his paperwork with him.
"My apologies o' fair and wise Iruka-sensei, I did not mean to get in your way." Iruka looked up from the ground to see Konoha's Beautiful Blue Beast frantically chasing after his lost paperwork. He stood up and brushed himself off, thanking Gai as he handed him everything that he had collected.
"There's really no need to apologize Gai-sensei. It was my fault really; I wasn't looking where I was going. "He adjusted his paperwork and gave Gai a half-hearted smile.
"You are far too modest, sensei. So, how are you doing on this spectacular day of love and kindness?" Iruka resisted the urge to snarl and kick Gai in the stomach, leaving him to choke on his 'youthful' adjectives.
"I'm alright, I guess." Even Naruto would be able to catch the lack of mirth and chill to his tone, but Gai seemed unaffected.
"That is very good to hear. So, are you off to spend the day with the person you cherish and adore?" If possible, his eyes grew even darker and the air around him became cold.
"No, I'm just off to do some shopping and then I have some papers to grade." If Gai had finally caught on to Iruka's dark aura, he didn't show it.
"Ever the work-a-holic, I see. The village truly does benefit from having you among our ranks, sensei, you keep our beautiful children sharp and fair-minded. I'd love to stay and talk more with you, dear Iruka-sensei, but I am due to meet someone and it would be most un-youthful of me to be late."
With a blinding smile and a "nice guy" pose, Gai was gone. Iruka bid him a curt "Goodbye" and stood in the street with his head hung even lower. Even Gai had a date today, that was a very low blow. He revised his grocery list to now contain 'two very expensive bottles of sake' and continued on his way, walking a bit faster than usual.
-
Iruka emerged from the store a bit later, clutching a bag containing four bottles of not-so-cheaply-priced rice wine, and looking like he was about to burst out in tears at any moment. While inside, he had spotted two couples groping each other near the frozen food section, one in the vegetable isle, one near the assorted boxes of chocolate, and one absolutely giddy looking pair giggling insanely near the condoms and personal lubricants.
He sighed to himself and decided to make his way to the memorial stone, at least the ghosts wouldn't mind keeping him company today. He walked the path there slowly and with a heavy heart, nearly crying out in frustration when he spotted a tall and lanky silhouette already standing there, staring silently at the glistening surface.
Nothing seemed to want to give him a break today, but seeing as how he was already there he might as well stick around for a while. He approached cautiously, not wanting to startle the man who seemed to be asleep standing, and gently set his bag on the ground. The two stood in silence for a few minutes before the taller of them spoke up.
"Something you needed, sensei?" the tone was bored sounding, but it didn't hide the offensive twinge the words contained. Iruka bristled slightly, he had as much right to be here as the other, and prepared to lavish some of his righteous anger on the infuriating copy-nin.
Right as he was about to unleash his infamous temper, Iruka looked up to see Kakashi regarding him not with his usual bored stare, but with an expression that looked almost pained. It seems he wasn't the only one destined to be alone on Valentine's Day after all.
He bit back his harsh retort and answered, "No, I'm just here to pay my respects," in a much more reserved manner. Kakashi didn't say anything else; he simply went back to staring at the stone in silence. They remained standing side-by-side in a bit of a tense manner before Iruka gave up and decided it was time to go home. He collected his bag and bid his parents a silent farewell before looking up only to find Kakashi staring at him again. His one-eyed expression was still saddened, but this time there was something else to it; something that looked almost…pleading. It looked almost as if the copy-nin was begging him to stay. He wrote it off to his imagination and began walking away.
Iruka had made it about half-way out of the clearing before he turned around again.
"U-um, Kakashi-sensei?" He almost smacked himself for stuttering and wondered why he was even bothering to say anything at all. There was a long pause before Kakashi replied with a "hn?" not even turning around.
"I was wondering if maybe you would like to come have dinner with me tonight, that is, if you don't have any other plans of course." Iruka scratched the back of his neck nervously, feeling foolish and out of line. There was no chance that the copy-nin would agree to having dinner with him, and he was probably just killing time until it was deemed suitably late enough for him to show up for his date.
Iruka couldn't see it, but Kakashi's visible eye had widened in surprise. There was another long pause and Iruka was about to walk away before he heard a quite "ok" come from the direction of the copy-nin.
Iruka blinked a bit in bewilderment and held his bag a little tighter before replying shakily, "O-ok, just follow me," and turning back around. He waited for a bit to let Kakashi catch up and the two headed off in the direction of Iruka's apartment. However awkward the situation was sure to turn out; Iruka could not keep himself from smiling.
-
Much later, the two sat on Iruka's couch hopelessly intoxicated, mumbling an off-key nursery rhyme and bursting into very un-ninja-like fits of giggles. Somewhere in Iruka's alcohol clouded mind, he might have noticed that Kakashi was sitting a bit closer to him than was appropriate for someone who could not stand his presence no more than a few hours ago, and really did look a lot nicer without all that fabric covering his face. Iruka just smiled as Kakashi slowly slid off the couch to the beat of the new song he was attempting to get through and burst into another fit of laughter when he finally fell off, sprawling himself out of the floor and mumbling the rest of the tune into the carpet.
The evening had started out as expected, the two walking in silence most of the way to the apartment and remaining silent even after arrival. Iruka served Kakashi some tea before leaving him alone in his living room to survey the surroundings while he busied himself making dinner. Over dinner, Iruka had managed to engage Kakashi in a bit of small talk, and found that he was quite an interesting and funny person to be around, once you got past his hostile and aloof barriers. After dinner came alcohol, and then more alcohol, as the conversations progressed from Team 7, to the antics of Iruka's academy students and even into Iruka's former prankster days (Kakashi got a big kick out of the self-gluing Valentines). At some point they had run out of alcohol and had managed to stumble their way down to the market to get more, laughing and joking all the way like a pair of children.
Now the two had consumed seven bottles of sake between them and Iruka had a fleeting thought that he probably had more alcohol running through his bloodstream than there was blood. This had Iruka laughing again as Kakashi flopped himself over and gave him a lazy glare.
"Whas' so funny?" He asked the ceiling
"Nothin'. You fell."
"Yeah," Kakashi gave another drunken laugh, "I did."
"Ninjas aren't supposta fall you know, I thought you had cat-like reflexes" Iruka hiccupped and leaned over the couch to talk to Kakashi properly.
"I like dogs better anyway," Kakashi replied, staring openly at Iruka. "Ruuuka!" Kakashi exclaimed suddenly after a small silence. "Ya gotta come down here with me, I'm all lonely."
"Awww, poor Kashi," Iruka teased, laughing again.
"If you won't come than I'll make you come!" Before he could comprehend what was going on, Kakashi had violently yanked Iruka's arm and pulled him off the couch so he was now lying on top of the copy-nin. Had he been in his right mind, Iruka probably would have blushed, stuttered, and made some poor excuse to leave, but the only thing he did now was snuggle a little into the Kakashi's chest and sigh happily when one of Kakashi's hands made its way into the silky strands of hair he had let down about three bottles ago. They stayed like that for a while, with Kakashi's other arm draped loosely around Iruka's waist, before Kakashi spoke again.
"This is nice."
Iruka gave another contented sigh and breathed "Yeah" into Kakashi's vest.
"Ruka?" Kakashi's voice had taken a suddenly serious tone and Iruka lifted his head to look into his eyes. "Why did you invite me here, for dinner I mean? Not that I didn't like it, but didn't you have somethin' else to do or someone else to make plans with?"
Iruka's eyes drooped a bit and he put his head back down on Kakashi's chest. "No. I invited you here 'cause you were alone, just like me. It's no fun to be alone on Valentine's Day, with no one to care about you."
Kakashi 'hmm'ed and held Iruka a bit tighter. They fell into silence again, and Iruka was the one to break it this time.
"Kashi, can I tell you a secret?"
"Sure."
"I've never had a kiss on Valentine's Day."
There was a long pause before Iruka found himself being pulled toward the copy-nin again. Their lips met timidly for a few seconds, and the sloppy kiss ended as unsurely as it had begun. Neither moved or said a word, until Iruka lifted his head slightly to glance at the clock behind his television.
"12:05, you're late." Iruka smiled down at Kakashi who laughed and wrapped his arms around Iruka's neck, pulling him in for another kiss.
"Good thing I have the rest of the year to make up for it then."
-
When Iruka awoke the next morning to find himself with a pounding heading and Kakashi sprawled out on top of him, snoring lightly; he couldn't help but give a bright smile. Maybe this year, things wouldn't go back to the way they were after all.
End Notes: I always imagined Kakashi as a silly, clingy, insecure drunk. I had a lot of fun writing this. I hope you had as much fun reading it. Many thanks go out to all who have read/reviewed this and my other two stories, and I promise to have new chapters out for one, or both, of them some time soon
Hope you guys had a great Valentine's Day, love ya
The Friendly Neighborhood Psycho