I was thinking to myself..."Hey, it's been a while since I updated something...I should do that now!" then I got on my laptop, ate some Valentine's day candy and stared at the screen for a good 5 minutes before coming up with this. Yes, it's not an update. Let's call it...the Death Note version of Poup -nods- Yes, that's it...hopefully, it gets as many reviews...

Btw, most of the time I'm gonna be calling Light Raito. Why? ...I dunno, because calling him Light makes me twitch for some reason...Raito sounds sexier.

Disclaimer: Damn, I haven't been doing these in a while...call in the magic dancing chicken!

Chicken: -makes chicken noises and starts breakdancing-

Me: Yaaaay!!!

Raito: ...what's that have to do with anything?

L: -in awe- Chicken...

Me: Yeah, I don't own shit...Raitoooo-kun! -tackles-

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For the seventeenth time that day, Raito's left eye twitched. He absolutely loathed shopping with L. Mainly because he was an idiotic, disgusting and poor excuse for a civilized human being. And because the way people stared at him like they were kinky sex partners annoyed the shit out of him. He twitched again as L picked up a box of Milk Duds, slid out a couple of them and replaced the box on the shelves. L glanced at him. "Would Yagami-kun want one?" He asked, offering one of his duds.

"Ew, no. You touched it." Raito glared at the small chocolate covered candy. "It probably all your germs on it. Like...like L cooties or something."

"I'll have to disagree with that statement, Raito-kun. I have the same amount of bacterial organisms living on my skin as anybody else. And cooties are a type of head lice that I only have a 13 percent chance of possessing." L replied dully, popping the Milk Duds into his mouth.

Raito rolled his eyes. "Yeah, right, coming from the guy who hasn't even heard of the word hygiene."

"Hygiene; conditions and practices that serve to promote or preserve health, and or the science that deals with the promotion and preservation of health. Also called hygienics. Besides, I took a bath last week..." He mumbled distractedly, ripping open a pack of Skittles and taking out most of the green and yellow ones. Raito stole the packet and bopped him on the back of the head with it. "Cut that out!"

"Ow..." L rubbed the back of his head and frowned to himself. "...up by three percent."

Once again, he rolled his eyes. "Whatever." He randomly felt a tug on his sleeve and whipped around to glare at whoever dared to touch him and wrinkle one of his favorite shirts. It turned out to be some kid, who as Raito noticed, totally clashed. "What the hell do you want?"

"Raito-kun should refrain from using profanity in front of minors..." L muttered.

"Um, Mister, what's that?" The kid pointed to the thin chain connecting the two. "Are you a bad guy?"

"Yes, Yagami-kun's a highly dangerous suspect of mass murder. I'd advise that you run away before he attempts to consume your insides." L grinned at the kid, who looked absolutely horrified and looked like he just wet himself in fright. Which he did. You can tell by the sudden puddle that had formed around the boy's feet.

"Ryuuzaki, you bastard!" Raito hissed, glaring at the older man. He looked back at the little boy to set him straight, but he was already dashing down the aisle, screaming on the top of his lungs, "Mommy!! Help! This guy's trying to eat me!"

"Shut up!" Raito yelled, throwing the Skittle packet at the kid. It bounced off his head and the kid hit the ground facefirst, bold red letters appearing over his head that randomly read "K.O."

"Heh, taste the rainbow, bitch." Raito said and smirked in an evil and quite sexy way. A random woman that could only be assumed to be his mother screamed, ran to where the boy lay and started wailing loudly. "Dead!! He's dead!"

"Up by thirty percent for murder of a youth." L said. Raito glared at him.

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Now I'm bored again...computer kept spazzing out while I wrote this...next chapter will be funnier, my brain's dead right now...especially since my parents are being uber paranoid about me being on the computer lately...sheesh...you stay up 'till three in the morning on a school night one time...okay, maybe like, every day this week...who cares? ...gimme review!