Title: Before It's Too Late - Chapter 6 - All Men Must Have Someone

Author: B0gw0ppit

Rating: M

Disclaimer: I own nothing except my dreams, my dog and my VW Camper.

Author's note: I think Hodges had a bit of a breakdown in the last chapter, but I also think that he needed something quite traumatic to happen to create a catalyst for his fears and his past. Hopefully I can try to pull all this together at last!

All men must
have someone,
have someone
who'll never take advantage
of a love bright as the sun
Someone to understand them
and you just may be the one

I saw when you walked by
The lovelight in your eye
And I knew I must try
To win you more than just a friend,
I'm starting near the end,
And I go again

You Just May Be The One by The Monkees

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Three hours. For three hours David Hodges spoke, leaving nothing out, purging his soul, and at the end of it all he felt as though he had been run over by a truck and put through a mangle. All he wanted to do was sleep. Nick had not moved once throughout all of it, as though to move would be to frighten him away, and then his story would never be known. For himself, Nick was first sympathetic, then shocked, then angry at everything Hodges had gone through when he he was so young, and several times he had to clench his fists to stop himself exploding with the unfairness of it all.

Once he started talking Hodges was surprised at how easy it was to tell, although the telling brought fresh tears to his eyes, tears which he did not bother to quell. They ran silently down his grief-stricken face to soak the collar of his shirt, and it was as though with them all the bottled-up anxiety was washing away too. At the end of it all he looked at Nick silently, waiting for acceptance, or for the blow that he expected. It did not come, but neither did Nick speak, and Hodges began to mentally go through the list of crime labs he could transfer to next. At last the CSI moved, and it was to get up to walk to the sink in the corner, where he took a paper towel from the holder and brought it back to Hodges. David took it gratefully, and attempted to dry his face and neck.

"I have no idea what to say," Nick admitted finally, sitting back down in front of him. "But I'm glad you told me, man. If you hadn't I think this thing would have made you crazy."

Hodges huffed out a small laugh, this one no longer bitter, and screwed the paper towel up in one hand.

"You do know none of it was your fault right?" Nick continued, suddenly wondering if Hodges did realize that fact.

His fears were confirmed when the trace tech shrugged, and Nick slid closer to the front of his seat, leaning his elbows on his knees as he attempted to force eye contact.

"Hodges, look at me." Uncertain blue eyes met his. "None of it was your fault. You weren't to know anyone was watching, or that they would be narrow-minded assholes with zero tolerance for anything they didn't understand. You didn't push your friend in the lake, and there was nothing you could have done to stop them, you hear me? Nothing."

Slowly Hodges nodded, and Nick reached out to clap him on the shoulder, hesitating for a moment when he remembered the man's reaction last time he went to touch him. But Hodges looked at him steadily if a little tensely, as though forcing himself not to flinch away. Nick smiled and gently nudged the top of his arm.

"Good," he said softly. "Now, I know someone who would be very pleased to see you if you feel like a drive over to the hospital?"

Hodges hesitated, not sure whether he was ready for that yet, but then Greg's sad little puppy-dog face swam into focus in his mind, and he couldn't help but smile.

"Ok," he nodded, and stood up before he could change his mind.

---------------------------------------------------

Greg was laying on his side looking very sorry for himself when they walked in, his eyes closed and his face a mass of tiny cuts and bruises, but to Hodges he had never looked more beautiful. Nick left the two of them alone, and Hodges sat down by the bed, not quite knowing what to say now that he was here. It wasn't going to be easy, admitting to himself and to others that he wasn't quite as straight as he had always believed, but he had begun the process, taken the first step. Now he just needed the courage to carry on. As he watched Greg's face, long dark eyelashes dusting across too-pale cheeks, a part of him wished they were still at his house, and Greg was lying asleep on his couch, so that they could begin all over again. But he knew that would be no good. If he had given in that night then the terrible suppressed memories of his childhood might never have resurfaced, the issue would never have been faced, and Hodges would never have gotten the chance to be whole again. This was the way it needed to be. It wasn't going to happen overnight, Hodges knew that. It would be a long, hard road fraught with setbacks, and his hang-ups weren't going to disappear just because he had remembered what happened to him. He would probably need that counseling now, but maybe, just maybe, he could learn to trust someone enough not to have to face it alone.

A small hiss of pain from Greg brought Hodges attention right back to the present, and he started forward, concerned. Slowly, deep brown orbs fluttered open to meet Hodges' worried blue gaze, and an angelic smile spread across Greg's pale countenance.

"Hello David," he uttered, his voice croaky as he lifted one hand slowly and painfully off of the bed.

David smiled through a glaze of tears and placed his fingers carefully in the bandaged palm. It would be a long, hard road, but the healing had begun.

Fin