Four Conversations on the Subject of Flight.

Part II

He's wearing his mask, like her, but she can see the pale glimmer of his eyes behind the porcelain. His gaze rests on her face for a moment, hands stilling mid-air. Crimson blossoms steadily into the bandages around his wrist.

"What happened?" she asks despite herself, slackening her hold on the reports and quickening her pace into the room. She winces at the sudden, yanking pain in her ankle but drops the paperwork on a chair and turns to face him with hesitant concern. "Do you want me to –"

"I'm fine." His attention is back on the bandages, loosely bound hair falling thickly to obscure his eyes. Tenten reaches down into a pocket and twists a kunai nervously between her fingers, the cold metal reassuring against her skin as she watches him a little helplessly, hating the brittle awkwardness that jars the air between them.

"Yes?" Her head jerks up; she had been unwittingly staring at his fingers, noting the new, unfamiliar scars he has acquired. She doesn't recognize his hands anymore.

"Sorry." She blushes, inwardly wincing at the cold, polite tone he's using with her. "I wasn't…..I mean…..look, you might as well let me help you since you're obviously having trouble tying those up." He had been moving slowly, jerkily, inhibited by the injuries down his forearm. Before he can protest she is kneeling by his side and taking his hand in hers, determinedly ignoring the way his shoulders immediately stiffen at her proximity.

"I can do it myself."

"Oh shut up," she tells him, trying hard to sound brash and cheerful. "You know you've never been very good at this. I always had to help you retie the damn things after training, remember?"

He doesn't reply, but he doesn't remove his hands from her grasp either and for that Tenten finds herself feeling absurdly relieved. She works quickly and methodically; when her fingers graze his, thumb brushing against the warm underside of his palm, there's a tingle of recognition and she can't help but smile. His hands have changed visibly but she knows that even if she is to go blind she would still be able to identify them by touch alone.

She doesn't let go of him when she finishes, pretending to busy herself with a fraying knot here, a rip in the cotton there. His palm is completely covered by the bandages but everything knuckle down has been left free; she allows herself to run her fingers lightly along a new scar that cuts horizontally across the back of his, the serration evidently caused by a blade slicing across his closed fist. For a moment Tenten feels like they're back in their genin days, sitting under an old oak between spars, fingers interlinked.

Then he gently slips his hand from hers and she looks up, startled from her thoughts. The sight of a mask instead of his face jars her rudely to her senses; in those days they never had such things as painted porcelain obscuring their expressions from each other, this barrier of secrecy and duty and formality.

"Neji?" she asks in a small voice, wanting irrationally to reach up and remove it from his face. His eyes are unreadable, pale and blank and distant, and Tenten is scared that he is too far from her now for her to ever find him again. He's moving away and gathering up the bandages from the floor, leaving her alone on the cold tiles. She scrambles up to follow him but her ankle gives way and she hisses in pain – "Oh, fuck this," – falls back down, but Neji turns smoothly and grabs her by the waist to keep her from hitting the ground.

"You should be more careful," he tells her quietly, carefully setting her upright; "…..Phoenix." Then he removes his arm from around her and suddenly she is cold, colder than she has ever felt before.

His refusal to use her name – her real name, Tenten, Tian, Heaven – is a rebuke, a sharp reminder that hurts her more than she is ready to admit. Tenten stands very still for a long moment, staring at the floor. It is only when another ANBU enters the room (his superior, calling Neji to his office to report on his mission) that she moves, turning away and pretending to sort through her paperwork (but her mind is numb and her fingers only grasp meaninglessly at the pages); when she hears the door shut quietly behind them she closes her eyes and reaches up to press her fingertips against her mask, finally resigning herself to the fact that here she is not Tenten but Phoenix,that she and Lee might never catch up with Neji after all despite their joining ANBU, and that the day she set him free from Team Gai she had also set him free from herself.

She wakes up briefly after the smoke clears. A light breeze had picked up and after god knows how many hours the poison has mostly dissipated, leaving her curled up and uncovered at the bottom of the trench; she licks her lips slowly and winces, tasting sulphur and acid and blood. Tenten is cold, alone, and she wonders vaguely whether the other two masked ANBU had managed to escape under the cover of her diversion. She can barely think coherently anymore, however, and each thought becomes harder and harder to cling onto until finally they all but disappear, fading inexorably back into the darkness.

Tenten closes her eyes and follows.

The next time she sees him they are standing in the Hokage's office with seven other ANBU members, a semi-circle of faceless shinobi clustered silently before her desk. The mission Tsunade is assigning is an important one even by their standards: three teams are to be sent out on three different but interlinked strands of the same job, spread over two countries far, far from Konoha. Tenten looks around and sees Crow slouched in the corner – a given, given the complexity of the mission – sees also Stork, Scarab, Hawk and three others she cannot recognize.

In the end she is assigned to a team with Scarab and one of the unfamiliar, female operatives. After completing their part of the mission in Water country they are to meet up with the second team as their backup, if all goes as planned, to remove any renegade nin that may follow the latter on their way back to Konoha. Tenten does not give any sign of surprise or awkwardness when she learns that Neji is to lead their partnered team; she addresses him correctly and politely when the six operatives meet later to discuss their plans, asking questions and discussing mission details with professional calm and formality.

"After the ninth day," Scarab is telling them quietly, "If we have not turned up at the checkpoint, you should continue on without us. We may encounter trouble near the coastline on our return. It is best that we do not hinder your progress."

Hawk nods in agreement. "If that happens we will change the route slightly, to follow this –" He runs an elegant finger down the curve of a river on the map before them. "-down to the border, so if you do miss the deadline you can take the detour through the flatlands. We'll wait a further two days there."

"So in total, including traveling time….that's fourteen days." Stork chews absently on his senbon as he does the calculations."Should be plenty of time for you to get your asses there, huh? You guys better be on time. There's no way we can keep the target alive long enough to survive the journey back otherwise."

Scarab nods, standing up to signal the end of the meeting. A thin black line of kikaichu scurries from his chair into his sleeve. "We leave tonight, then. If there are to be any changes to the plan, I'll be in the laboratories."

Tenten lingers by the table while the others file out of the room. When Neji passes her she reaches out, resting a hand lightly on his shoulder to hold him back. "Hawk."

He pauses and looks down at her. She doesn't remove her hand; out of the corner of her eye she sees Crow glance their way, eyes hooded knowingly behind his mask, before shoving his hands into his pockets and tailing the others out the door, a faint "Troublesome" muffled behind porcelain.

Neji remains silent, watching and waiting for her to speak.

"Take care," she tells him simply. She can tell that his eyebrow is arched questioningly behind his mask and shrugs in response. "That's all I wanted to say."

A moment later he nods."You too."

Then he disengages his shoulder from her touch and walks away, and Tenten remembers that this will be the third time that he has left her behind, or maybe the third time that she has let him go; at the back of her mind she wonders whether there can ever be a difference between the two.

"Goodbye," she calls out. He doesn't turn around, only lifting a hand in acknowledgment.

It is the last time that he ever hears her voice.

When she comes to again there is shouting in the distance. Phoenix, she makes out through the hollow ringing in her ear; Phoenix, Operative Phoenix, can you hear me?

Fools, she thinks, the enemy-nin will find you. Then she remembers that the enemy-nin are currently buried and bleeding in the mud, sliced through by her steel. Her lips part and she tries to call out, but it is taking all her effort just to stay conscious and even breathing is agonizing. She had lost track of time after being knocked out by the poison gas, but there had only been one day left before their deadline when the fight had broken out. What day is it now? she wonders. Fifteen? Sixteen?

They should not be here.

"Operative Phoenix!" The voice is nearer now; she can recognize Scarab's low baritone echoing across the fields. Then, someone else:

"She's there. On the left, fifteen metres from the tree, in the trench."

Neji.

Her eyes flutter shut. Neji is here. Neji has come back for her.

A moment later she is being lifted up from the trench and onto the open field. Her mask is slid off; the air is blessedly cool against her skin.

"She's too cold." Scarab. She feels the vibrations in his chest before he lays her carefully on the grass. Tenten tries to open her eyes but she's too tired, a heavy weariness weighing down every muscle, every bone.

"Operative Phoenix." She can hear Neji by her side. "Operative Phoenix, can you hear me?"

Yes, yes I can hear you, she thinks, and she can see the light filtering through her eyelids; the world is not so dark anymore. Briefly she feels fingers tracing her cheek, before a hand takes hers and if she could she would smile because even if she is to go blind she would still recognize him by touch alone.

"Phoenix," he tries again, voice low and tight with desperation.

"Her pulse is weakening. We should get her back as soon as possible." She feels herself being cradled, stray strands of long hair falling cool against her cheek. Neji is carrying her and running at the same time but he hasn't given up yet because he is terrified, absolutely. Fucking. Terrified, that she might leave him again to drift alone in this hell she actually believed could be freedom.

"Phoenix. Phoenix, can you hear me?" And so he keeps trying and trying and trying, voice cracking with each word. "Phoenix. Tenten. Tenten, wake up, Tenten. Don't leave me, don't you dare leave me-"

And she is already half way back to unconsciousness but the moment she hears him finally say her name – Tenten, not Phoenix or ANBU Operative, just Tenten – something unclenches in her chest so hard, blossoms outwards so forcefully that she can feel her heart breaking over and over and over again.

She is allowed a room by herself in a section of the hospital reserved for ANBU. It is early spring: crisp, clean sunlight filters in through the large window, pooling crystal clear on her bed sheets. A gardener is planting chrysanthemums in the grounds outside and Tenten watches him, curled up on the window seat in nothing but a thin hospital shift.

He's overcrowding them, she thinks. Chrysanthemums are prone to disease and should be more loosely packed to ensure sufficient air circulation, what kind of gardener is he to not know that? She considers tapping on the glass and calling out to catch his attention but then abruptly remembers that she can't; her hand comes up, fingers tracing reluctantly against her throat.

Her vocal cords had been burned out by the poison, Shizune-san had told her. She should consider herself lucky that it didn't do irrevocable damage to her lungs. Tenten breathes out slowly, leaning back and setting her gaze on the sky. She catches glimpses of grey and white wings fluttering against the pale blue backdrop and smiles wryly. One, two, three… Despite the medication her throat is still dry, scalding, raw. She will never speak again, Shizune-san had said. Four. Five. Six, seven…

"What are you doing?"

She turns around, face brightening; Neji is leaning against the doorway with his mask in his hand. He had entered without her knowing, watching her quietly from the other side of the room. When she gestures at him to come closer he pushes himself off the door and strides forwards calmly, allowing her to tug him to the window.

Counting birds, she mouths, holding up seven fingers. It's the first time he has visited since she regained consciousness but Tenten remembers him in the darkness, a familiar hand covering hers. Lee said that Neji had come in with him regularly during the three days she had been out. The corners of his mouth lift in a faint smile.

"How are you feeling?"

Better. It is strange, watching her lips part and form the words while unable to hear anything but her light breathing. Briefly he is reminded of a silent movie: she is painted unnaturally with a grey and white palette, her face still too pale, hollow shadows under her eyes. Her unbound hair falls darkly onto the white cotton of her shift. He threads his fingers hesitantly through her tresses and is glad when a touch of pink diffuses slowly across her cheeks; to him Tenten had always been the brightest contrast to the grey of the Hyuuga and he prefers it that way, likes to see her colour against his own subdued hues.

"Good." His hand moves down to trace slow circles across her back. Tenten blinks tiredly, fingers curling tighter into the fabric of his vest as she pulls him even closer, resting her forehead against his chest. A quiet moment later he speaks again: "I quit ANBU."

She jerks back, almost hitting the window in her surprise. What? She looks horrified. Why?

"Lee quit, too," he tells her softly, tucking her hair behind her ears. "We're handing in our masks later in the afternoon."

She shakes her head. You shouldn't have. She's getting agitated and forces herself to slow down, form her words clearly enough to be read. Why did you do it?

"You know you can't stay in ANBU after this."

Tenten rolls her eyes but a sharp panic is prickling at the back of her mind because he cannot actually be sacrificing his position for her, can he? Of course she knows that she'll have to step down; a mute shinobi taking on ANBU level missions is not only suicidal but dangerous for her teammates. But Neji doesn't have anything to do with this. Neji is doing brilliantly, rising up the ranks as quickly as expected.This is exactly why we had to break off Team Gai, she tells him, I will not be the reason why you're unable to do what you want.

He opens his mouth to reply but she places a finger on his lips, silencing him with a fierce glare. Is he out of his mind? she thinks despairingly. She and Lee had let him go despite everything and now he's just going to go docilely back into the figurative cage and throw away the key? For someone who loved to monologue on the subject of freedom every now and then, you sure are willing to give it away without thinking it through properly. Don't be a fool, Neji.

He removes her hand, enveloping it in his instead and eyeing her with faint amusement. "I'm not giving anything away." His voice lowers. "I chose this myself, Tenten. Isn't that enough?"

She shakes her head. Then why were you so angry when I….when we decided to let you go and join ANBU? You never chose to be put into Team Gai.

He is silent for a moment. Tenten looks away, biting her he tugs gently at her hand and her eyes widen, wary and somehow afraid of what he might say.

"No, I did not." He speaks slowly, weighing each word deliberately, carefully. "I had no say in the matter when I was put into Team Gai, but - Tenten, I chose to stay even after Gai died, even after Hinata-sama abolished the branch divide, because I wanted to."

You wanted ANBU too, she points out.

Neji shrugs. "I prefer working with a steady team," he says, meaning I want you more. He looks down and smiles hesitantly for her. "Freedom is not the same as leaving, you know."

Freedom does not mean flying solo, either, and Tenten realizes with a start how lonely he really has been when she wraps her arms around his waist and he immediately reciprocates, looking almost relieved as he pulls her tightly against him and rests his chin on her head. She presses a soft kiss on his collarbone and closes her eyes, holding him and smiling when she feels him relax under her touch.

After a while she pulls away so he can read her lips. What next? She looks at him uncertainly, an eyebrow raised in question.

"Well." Neji tilts his head slightly, watching her expression."I've applied to Hokage-sama to create a new Jounin team."

She blinks at him.

"To restart an old one, rather," he amends, and Tenten finds herself involuntarily breaking into a grin.

Are you sure? She's trying to be sensible, to think this through clearly and reasonably. It'll be difficult, working with me. I won't be able to shout or call out or-

"Lee is loud enough for all three of us," Neji interrupts her grimly. Tenten slaps him lightly on the shoulder but she is grinning again because he is right. "Besides," he continues smoothly, "That's all the more reason why you should work with people who know you well enough." It would mean, Neji admits silently to himself, that he'd have to look at her mouth every so often, which might just become quite problematic if the past few minutes are to be any indication.

Tenten realizes that he is staring at her and blushes, licking her lips hesitantly. Neji swallows.

What are you looking at, she narrows her eyes, trying to fight down the heat spreading across her face and feeling alarmed when he shakes his head while leaning down, muttering – "Sorry" – and pressing his lips firmly to hers. She grabs him by the shoulder to steady herself, pulling him down and he slams a hand against the window to support them both, breath catching when she bites down gently on his lower lip. Their kiss is slow and thorough and languorous and neither of them notices that the gardener and a few hospital staff have gathered in the grounds below, watching the proceedings with interest.

Well, she tries to mouth after they finish, each word punctuated by a short gasp of breath: Well, you didn't really need to apologize for that.

"No?" Tenten notes with dark satisfaction that he looks decidedly flushed for a Hyuuga.

Definitely not. She shakes her head, and when he smirks at her and catches her hand they both realize that they will be alright; the most important things don't need to be spoken to be understood, after all, and the look in her eyes as she smiles up at him already tells him everything that he needs to know.

Fin.