Red vs. Blue 2: The Valhalla Chronicles

Episode 101 – No Really, Why the hell are we here!?

Blood Gulch was quiet. It had been two years since that fateful day, that day that Tex died. Nothing much had changed. Both the Red and Blue teams had stopped calling command, Sarge especially. After hearing that Vic Jr. was the command for both teams, he had all but lost his fighting spirit. It was lucky he had Grif to vent to…or shoot at. Simmons was still as much a kiss-ass as he always was. Every other word out of his mouth was 'Yes sir, Sarge!' What a brownnoser. We still weren't sure of Donut's sexuality…I mean he had decorated the red base with flowers and stuff (That is until Sarge burned it all). Caboose was…was…do I really need to explain how Caboose was? Tucker had grieved over the death of his 'son' for about 5 seconds. He had almost resigned and gone home, but we convinced him that his home was probably long gone and we were the only family he had. At times, I think he misses Tex as much as I do. Oh, by the way, I'm Private Leonard L. Church of the Blue squad. I'm not really sure why the Red squad is our enemy…hell I even like some of them. But, we're here…in Blood Gulch…for 5 goddamn years! I guess it's more like 1005 in my life though, but I won't get into that. I'm here to narrate. Anyway, our story continues on one quiet…boring…mind-numbing…ugh, just listen up.

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I was waiting outside the Blue base. Doc was downstairs, with Sister. Ever since she had arrived in Blood Gulch, Doc had been infatuated with her. They have been having sex in the base daily. Her screams get annoying. It's not fair, Doc with Sister. Normally I'm just here to keep Tucker from running in on them 'unintentionally'. I swear to god, if he doesn't stop being a pervert I'm going to shoot him. I had something to ask Doc, but I guess it can wait until he finishes working on Sister. I got up from my seat and walked over to the mongoose. That's just one of the new inventions that Sarge had come up with. Personally, I think it looks more like a lizard. It still worked though. I revved the engine and drove across the clearing toward Red base.

I could hear screams of terror coming from the base. That was normal. Sarge was just playing Grifball. He just ran around chasing Grif with a Gravity Hammer in a fenced off area behind the base. Donut was outside on the top of the base.

"Hey Donut." I said

"Hi Church! How are you?" he replied. I wish he would stop doing that. If we ever find proof that he's a heterosexual, I for one will be amazed.

"Yeah…I'm fine."

"You want to watch Sarge play Grifball? There's a great view of the court from up here." What the hell, there's nothing else to do.

"Yeah, sure." I walked up the stairs on the side of the base to watch the game. Caboose and Simmons were up there too.

"Hey Blue." Simmons said. As much as Sarge was now opposed to the war, Simmons was still referred to the blue team in that way…Kiss-ass.

"Hello Church!" Caboose yelled. I kind of liked his stupidity. He always looked at things in the best ways. I often wondered what it was like in his world…then again I hated it in his head, especially since the last time I was there. I looked down to the backyard of the base. Sarge had fenced off a large area, about the size of a basketball court, with which to play Grifball in. His favorite version of the game was the one where he just chased Grif around with a hammer. Normally, Grif carried around a bomb and we all joined in. Today, Sarge was hard at work…wow that sounded weird.

"AHHHHHH! GET HIM AWAY FROM ME DAMMIT! I HATE THIS GAME!" Grif yelled. The gravity hammer slammed the ground behind him.

"Quiet Grif! This is the best game since itself!" Sarge replied. He swung with the Gravity Hammer once again. This time it hit Grif. He was sent flying across the court outside of the fence. Everyone laughed. "Get up you big baby! That was only round 357! We still got a lot to go!"

"ugggg…just leave me here to die…uggg" Grif said. I smiled. The day was going smoothly. I just sat against the hard cement of the red base and relaxed. It was just a few minute until I was asleep.

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Dreams. I like dreams. They were the only thing dragging me away from the mind-numbing experience of living in Blood Gulch. However, I didn't always have dreams. Sometimes Tex was in them. I didn't really classify them as dreams, mostly because they all ended with that damn explosion. I didn't blame Sarge because he put Andy on the ship, I blamed Andy for exploding. I like that O'Malley is gone, but he was infecting Tex at the time. As much as she ignored me in the time she was here, I admit that I still had feelings for her. I woke up after the explosion happened once again. I didn't realize it, but I had awoken screaming.

"TEEXX!" I yelled. I looked around after my yell, seeing if anyone had heard it. It was night, I had been asleep for a few hours at best. Caboose sat next to me.

"Are you okay Church?" he asked. I nodded my head.

"Yeah, I'm fine Caboose."

"You want a blanket! It's cold out." I chuckled at the offer.

"No, it's okay Caboose. I'm fine."

"Oh, oh, oh! Um…Tucker wanted to see you! He told me earlier. He said…'get Church over here you…well, I don't want to repeat the last part…it was mean."

"Jesus, what does he want now?" I said. I walked down the stairs to my mongoose. I asked Caboose to get on the back. He liked it on the back of the mongoose. I warned him not to fall off again. Yeah, that had happened before. Luckily we got back to Blue base safely. I went into my room on the bottom floor. I laid on the floor and went to sleep again. AH! I can't get Tex off my mind. I like that I dream about her, but I hate that that damn explosion replays over and over again. I awoke about 8 hours later to Tucker's yells.

"Church! Church! Get up here you lazy bastard!" I ran to the grav lift and up the ramp to the outside of the base. Tucker and Caboose were on the roof.

"What's going on?" I yelled. Caboose pointed behind me to the open plains of Blood Gulch.

"Shi…Shi…Big big ship!" he mumbled. I turned around to see a Pelican transport ship lowering to the ground. It was really weird that it was here, considering we thought that the UNSC could give less of a shit that we were here. The pelican lowered to the ground. When it finally hit, all of us raised our guns. I, my sniper rifle, Tucker, his battle rifle, hell even Caboose raised his gun. When the door finally opened…I almost fainted. There in the light of the pelican…stood Master Chief himself!