A ship there is and she sails the sea
She's loaded deep as deep can be
But not so deep as the love I'm in
I know not if I sink or swim
Every now and then, through the suffocating smoke that blocked out the sky, I would catch a glimpse of the moon, or maybe even a star. I wasn't allowed to stand and watch the glimmer in the black blanket that was my only protection. If I craned my neck back to look at the great expanse, the familiar sting of a whip would slash across my hands. I would be expected to work just as hard as before, even though my hands trembled in pain. The pain was no longer enough to make me cry. Whips, bruises, and cuts, I had long accepted them as a part of daily life. I accepted many things. Meals that were of tasteless gray gruel. At night, the room I shared with everyone was always cold. There were three blankets, sewn together from the leftover potato sacks. I hadn't bothered speaking with any of the other children around me. Why? Why make a bond when it would be lashed away by whips, locked up with chains? Jeral was different. He carried his own aura. He was stronger, smarter than everyone else. He was optimistic, cheerful, and selfless. Before Jeral, the days had passed slow and colorless. He painted life his own colors. Bright colors that brought light back into the dreary life we'd made for ourselves. Jeral's eyes were different from ours. They were filled with hope. A hope that couldn't be crushed by anyone. I can't remember a time when I was with him and could not smile, even if inside I was torn up into little pieces.
Often times, when we'd stop momentarily for dinner and for the machines to cool, the smoke would ease up enough for us to be able to see the entire sky in all its magnificence. Jeral would laugh and point at the stars and tell stories he'd made up in his head, or maybe tell us how someday he'd catch a ride on a shooting star and fly away from this place. I smiled with him always, told him that he surely would. But I was always afraid that one day, he would really go away. I never saw a shooting star, so I had never worried. But I would still cry at night, when I dreamt of him turning away from me and taking all my wishes with him. My hope had always been originally his, after all. If I woke the others with my sobbing, I always made up a phony story about a boogie monster that had been chasing me in a nightmare. But I was the only one doing any chasing. Jeral was so free. Free to walk and go wherever he wanted. Here, was only a temporary pit stop on his journey. And I? I was trapped here, helpless, borrowing his determination to move onward.
Must I go bound while you go free
Must I love a man who doesn't love me
Must I be born with so little art
As to love a man who'll break my heart
I was selfish, and the night that I got to eat dinner alone with Jeral was the happiest moment of my life I could remember. I forgot the reason why it was only me and Jeral. I knew only that I had him all to myself. He pointed out constellations, showed me how to find the North Star from the big dipper and little dipper. I couldn't really follow his line of vision, but I hadn't cared at all. He spoke only to me. Showed all this only to me. He knew so much about the outside world. He knew how to get around without being hopelessly lost. He knew where he was headed. I thought I did too. "Are you really going to go away someday, Jeral?"
He lowered his finger from the sky and stared at me with clear gold eyes, rooted in their choice and determined to see it through.
"Of course I am." He replied, as though the answer was obvious. I looked up in alarm, tears I couldn't stop springing up to blur my vision. The sadness eased a little, as it always did, when I saw Jeral's lips spread into a grin. He ruffled my hair, and I couldn't hear the clinking of the handcuffs around his wrists. "I'll take you with me. You, Shou, Miria, Wally, everyone! We'll get out of here one day." I had to smile with him as he went on, "And then, when we're free to do what we want, we'll all grow up together. We'll be happier than anyone else in the world! Imagine it…. We'll get out of here one day."
The sound of the bell signaling us to return to the machines rang. Jeral stood and held out his hand to help me to my feet. I didn't take it.
"Promise you'll take us with you?" I implored.
"I promise, Erza." Jeral answered. His expression was strong, unable to be deterred by any force. Not even the R-System.
I took his hand, walking back to the Tower of Paradise without hesitation. I knew that even though I was going back now, I would someday walk away from it, and never return. And with my hand in Jeral's, harm would never come to me.
I leaned my back against an oak
Thinking it was a trusty tree
But first it bent and then it broke
So did my love prove false to me