Author's Note: I don't own anything. Okay? Try to sue me, you'll get nothing more than my school work. Besides that I'm sorry for any grammar mistakes, spelling errors..etc
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Demon Eyes Kyo: The Owner's Maintenance Guide
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CONGRADULATIONS!
If you are reading this, it means you've purchased our specialized Demon Eyes Kyo (Version 78.8) unit out of our catalogue found on EBAY. Please study this guidebook throughly following the complete instructions to make sure that your satisfication has been guaranteed.
Basic Information:
Name: Demon Eyes Kyo (may respond to Master, Almighty One, Kyo-sama)
Date of Manufacture: Unknown
Place of Manufacture: EBAY Headquarters, Japan?
Height: roughly 6 feet
Weight: 66 kg
Length: Go Figure it out
Level of Skill: Unbelievable that it makes you want to run for your life. Unless you're dead of course.
Occupation: Killer/Drunk/Male Prostitute/Psychopath
Your Demon Eyes Kyo (Version 78.8) comes with accessories:
1) A kimono
2) Tenro (Please don't touch this blade. This is for your own good. He will kill you.)
3) A pair of slippers
4) A sash
5) A pair of red eyes built into his face
6) A box of sake
7) A box of tobacco
Installation:
Take precaution when opening your Demon Eyes Kyo (Version 78.8). Be sure to open him in a closed area, such as a brothel or a rum shop. Do not open him in a place surrounded by weaklings. Unless you wish to activate one of his modes set to kill humans. Being a human may cause him to land you a death wish straight to Hell. Once awaken, remove the box putting a dead body inside, disgarding it into the dumpster. You do not want him to believe you are a peace lover.
Treat your Demon Eyes Kyo (Version 78.8) with much care and respect from the moment he's been opened. Show him that you will follow his every single rule. He is a temperamental unit and is not afraid to kill you for not following his orders, insulting him, threatening him, bringing him sake, bringing him women and lastly not letting him kill. Be alert to his constant complaining on everybody being weak, deserving to die or should serve him. Expect him to go on killing sprees, leave your house to go find a hooker, tormenting people causing them to leave the country, changing their names and identity. If you cannot stand this, take him to a brothel. However if you have not noticed any of his behavioral problems please grow a brain.
Alternate Form of Installation:
Instead of treating him with love and admiration meaning instead of following his every order, you may choose to take charge. Insult him as you feel appropriate, make him dance the macarena, sing Kumbaya or watch Sesame Street. Do not expect that four events will ever occur not unless you have ordered Demon Eyes Kyo (Version 189.9) which has not been released due to a few alternations.
Your Demon Eyes Kyo (Version 78.8) is equipped with four different modes:
Drunken Bastard
Thousand Slayer
Pimp
Mental Patient
Important Note: The Demon Eyes Kyo (Version 78.8) does not come with a whiney, horny arrogant bitchy mode. Due to the fact that he is already a whiney, horny arrogant bitchy person. He does not need a separate mode to be any more than an illegimate child to the Mibu Clan.
Interactions with other units:
Yuya Shina - Your Demon Eyes Kyo (Version 78.8) will experience great communications with this unit. This will benefit you, as long she is around to tend to his orders, you will be free to do as you wish. Unless she becomes fed up with his horrific habits ranging from stealing her wallet, to attacking her chest area, etc...this may lead her to leave you fending on your own against the Demon Eyes Kyo (Version 78.8) unit.
Sakuya - Your Demon Eyes Kyo (Version 78.8) will be harmed by this unit. This unit will activate your Demon Eyes Kyo's Mental Patient mode causing him to go through a temper tantrum. People will die as a result. Please keep this unit far from his grasp.
Akira - This is a compatible unit for your Demon Eyes Kyo (Version 78.8) seeing as this unit is after his body. The two units seeking the exact goal will lead into a friendship. This unit can be protecting and defensive for your unit. This unit may prove to become quite possessive, be aware of his strange goals.
Yukimura Sanada - Apart from the Akira unit, this is a great unit built for Demon Eyes Kyo (Version 78.8). Both units enjoy drinking sake, chasing women and things that can't be mentioned in this guidebook, due to the children reading. This unit makes the Demon Eyes Kyo unit come out of his shell, to either kill or drink. At times this unit may appear to be a traitor, but paying close attention to him will help you determine his motives.
Hotaru - An interesting unit to keep around Demon Eyes Kyo (Version 78.8). This unit shows signs of idiocy, slow development, amnesia, but it comes with a great fighting mode. This unit can become a great fighting partner for Demon Eyes Kyo. Be careful with his modes which can cause an uproar among people around him. If you'd like to keep this unit close to Demon Eyes Kyo, keep him away from units Akira, and Shinrei.
Bontenmaru - Another excellent unit to bring to comfort Demon Eyes Kyo (Version 78.8). This unit can be arrogant at times, this unit and Demon Eyes Kyo may end up in arguments. At times you may have to store this unit in a dumpster to shut his mouth up. All in all, this unit's Mother Mode will a great support for your very own Demon Eyes Kyo unit.
Kyoshiro Mibu - I beg of you keep this unit far, far away from the Demon Eyes Kyo (Version 78.8) unit. Hell will break loose, I assure you that much.
Shinrei - This unit is quite troublesome for your Demon Eyes Kyo (Version 78.8). Demon Eyes Kyo will want to beat this unit to a pulp when catching sight of it. If you'd like this unit to interact with Demon Eyes Kyo, you cannot allow this unit to be in Pompous Jackass mode, Strike a Pose mode, only silent mode will work.
Akari - A great unit for your Demon Eyes Kyo (Version 78.8). This unit can calm the Akira unit down, scaring him out of his possessive ways. This unit is willing to die for the sake of your unit. Akari's loving mode may occasionally cause Demon Eyes Kyo to leave the house to drink at the mention of marriage.
Muramasa - Apart from the others, this is one of best units to join with your Demon Eyes Kyo (Version 78.8). This unit has a special mode called Satori. This mode is quite useful, keeping this unit will help things get done. When Demon Eyes Kyo chooses not to speak, Muramasa can read his mind, telling you the thoughts on what food, clothing etc that Demon Eyes Kyo would like. Though please be careful when asking Muramasa questions about the Demon Eyes unit. This unit's Mother mode works much better than Bontenmaru's. This mother mode will make sure that Demon Eyes Kyo is taken care of properly.
Benitora - This unit can be kept close, once it is far from the Akira, or Yuya units. The Akira unit will constantly fight with this unit, the Yuya unit will constantly hit this unit. The Demon Eyes Kyo (Version 78.8) will become very upset which is not good. Sad is Bad!
Cleaning Your Demon Eyes Kyo (78.8) unit
Your Demon Eyes Kyo (Version 78.8) will demand that you wash his clothing. He will order that you bring clean clothing to him, you may wash him, but be careful. He may kill you.
F.A.Q. (Frequently Asked Questions):
Q: When I opened the box my Demon Eyes Kyo (Version 78.8) looked quite different much shorter, why is that?
A: Either he shrank in size, or that may be the Chibi Demon Eyes Kyo. If so, you may place him back into the box, along with a receipt confirming your purchase. We will send your correct order within the next few days.
Q: Why does my Demon Eyes Kyo (Version 78.8) drinks nothing but sake?
A: That is the way he has been programmed. He knows nothing besides sake. It is his lifeline.
Q: He keeps stealing my money. I'm totally broke. What do I do about that?
A: Marry a rich man?
Q: I took him to school and he killed everyone. What will I do now?
A: Jump in joy. Be happy.
Q: I joined the Demon Eyes Kyo (Version 78.8) with an Akira unit. The Akira unit is trying to steal my boyfriend. Can I kill him?
A: It is written in the guidebook. Be careful when bringing an Akira unit around Demon Eyes Kyo (Version 78.8). The Akira unit is quite possessive and obsessive. There is no way to kill the Akira unit. Not unless he kills you first. I assure you that we can send a unit specificially for to the counter the Akira unit.
Q: Why does my Demon Eyes Kyo (Version 78.8) keep killing people? Can't he stop? Isn't there a mode to stop that?
A: No we're still working on that with our other models.
Q: Why does he have an obsession with blood?
A: Have you looked at his eyes? They're blood red. That ought to give you a hint to the problem. The redder his eyes get means that his obsession will become greater. I advise you to give him lots of sake. That will calm that obsession down.
Q: I asked my Demon Eyes Kyo (Version 78.8) to marry me, he said no. Why did he say no? That's not fair is it?
A: It is quite fair. Seeing as he's the 78.8 version. He's not set to deal with marriage. The word marriage scares him. If you wish to still marry him, he may consider it, once you commit to his every will. You must be a good servant for him to come to accept you as anything more.
Q: Why doesn't he ever shut up about the whole Kyoshiro thing?
A: He hates Kyoshiro. Kyoshiro equals evil for him. You may need to take him to a shrink to have him talk about that problem. After Demon Eyes Kyo kills you for attempting to take him for psychiatric help please give us a call.
Q: I swear it's like the same line everyday. "Die Kyoshiro" "Sakuya" Is he made to only have a limited vocabulary? Can I change that?
A: Yes you can. You may have to disconnect parts in his brain. Take out a few screws and bolts. Rewire his voicebox with a specific vocabulary that you'd like him to know. When you're done, be sure to test your work by giving him an internet chat. If he understands words such as ZOMG, OMFG, LMAO, LMFAO, LOL, NVM, etc then he is cured.
Troubleshooting:
Problem: Your Demon Eyes Kyo (Version 78.8) is in jail.
Answer: Bail him out. It is better to stay alive then die a worthless death.
Problem: Your Demon Eyes Kyo (Version 78.8) is a murderer, he kills people.
Answer: You knew that when you bought him. Didn't you read the manual?
Problem: Your Demon Eyes Kyo (Version 78.8) doesn't understand how to answer a phone.
Answer: Have you ever thought that maybe he doesn't know what a phone? Even if he did know what a phone were, he'd have his servants answer the phone.
Problem: Your Demon Eyes Kyo (Version 78.8) knows that you're a spy for the Mibu.
Answer: Sorry about that. It seems your death is nearing close.
Final Notes:
Your Demon Eyes Kyo (Version 78.8) is with an unlimited warranty until he kills you that is. (Which may not be long. If not treated with care and respect.) If he is damaged in any way feel free to ship him to your parents's house or friends's house. Please do not return him to us, we do not see the necessity in dying an unnecessary death. Enjoy your purchase for the time being.
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Please read and review!! I just had to write one of these. XD I hope someone likes it.