Author notes: I will say this once, REVIEW. My (Trip) Mum kindly proofread this for me and Jayne and I have decided to post it under our new profile.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter x45

The party streamers flew through the air, cheers went round as the birthday boy was brought into the room in the arms of his pink haired mother. Teddy Tonks was turning two and everyone was at the party, except for the dead guys.

After a while, the toddler was put to bed and the rest of the adults broke out the champagne.

"To Teddy Tonks-Lupin, only nine years to Hogwarts," (Nymphadora) Tonks cried out

"Oh my god! you're counting?!" Ginny cried.

"Yeah, I loved Hogwarts!" Tonks retaliated.

"What was your best subject?" Hermione asked, intrigued.

"Potions by far." Tonks said proudly.

Harry and Ron cried out laughing at the thought of Potions class shenanigans.

"Ah, Severus." Andromeda sighed, "I remember going to school with him; he used to get horribly humiliated by that Potter boy. I'm sorry to say this Harry, but your father was a complete jerk." She sighed again "Everybody used to just turn a blind eye to it. Until I walked in on Severus trying to kill himself."

Several mouthfuls of champagne were spat out as the attention of the entire party turned to Andromeda, "It's true," she defended. "He cut his wrists. I mean the constant bullying, and his best friend shunning him because he showed a bit too much Slytherin pride. He was lucky I stopped the bleeding and after that our friendship blossomed."

Andromeda had a fond and wistful look in her eye.

"Until one summer we had a fling and I conceived Nymphadora."

Tonks smashed the champagne bottle in her hand.

"WHAT? ARE YOU SAYING THAT SEVERUS SNAPE, MY FORMER POTIONS MASTER, IS MY FATHER?" Tonks screamed

"Well yes, actually, that is the idea I intended to convey. Which would therefore mean that you have to change your nickname." Andromeda said matter-of-factly

"OH MY GOD! THE GREASY GIT IS ACTUALLY MY FATHER-IN-LAW!" Lupin screamed terrified

"Well yes," Andromeda said, a little frightened at all the noise.

"OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD…I HAD A CRUSH ON MY FATHER!!" (the woman formerly known as) Tonks screamed absolutely disgusted and horrified.

"Ewww!" Lupin exclaimed.

"PLEASE TELL ME YOU AREN'T SERIOUS!" (the woman formerly known as) Tonks implored her mother.

"Of course I'm not serious, you silly girl, God, you always were gullible, weren't you." Andromeda said, bursting into laughter.

No-one else at the party laughed; everybody was glaring at Andromeda, who was looking very, very frightened.

"I'm just gonna…go." Andromeda said, turning around and sprinting out of the house.

Nymphadora TONKS, walked over to her liquor cabinet, pulled out a large bottle of brandy, drank the whole bottle and passed out on the floor.