Chapter 20

Disclaimer: I own no part of Harry Potter.

I'm really sorry for not updating when I was supposed to, I was sick and hit a mental block, and I had to leave town to go to a funeral. I know that that is no excuse, but we're almost done. Thanks to all of you that reviewed, I really do appreciate your input. Almost everybody said that they should run both and combine the two. I hadn't actually thought of that.

"I can tell that you're thinking about sacrifice and I won't leave you. Wherever you go I will follow." James kneeled in front of me and placed his hands on my knees as I sat on the edge of the bed. I turned my head away.

"James, we have to do what's best for our people. We can't be selfish and be together if it hurts people in the end. We are supposed to be the ones that our people look to when they need help or guidance. I won't take advantage of my position to get what I want. If we can find a way to be together that won't hurt anybody I will gladly do it, but until then I'm not leaving my people."

James met my eyes. I could see that he was feeling the same anguish that I was, but I knew that we had to consider not being together. A knock sounded at the door. I stood and composed myself, not letting the distress show on my face, before I walked and opened the door. One of my father's personal servants stood there and in his hands he held a rolled up piece of parchment.

"This just arrived for you."

I took the letter gently and thanked the man before he walked down the hall. The piece of paper was addressed to both James and I. I motioned him over and once he was beside me I opened it. It was from Sirius and Elizabeth. They were getting married the week after next and were requesting both of our presences during the ceremony.

This was happening too fast. At this rate I would be parted from everybody I'd come to love in just over one week. I needed more time.

Over the next few days I got to know everybody again. The servants all remembered me, as did most of the soldiers, but I could tell that the other aristocrats had not idea what to think of me. I did the best that I could to show them that I was the same person I had been before, but the truth was, I wasn't. My time away had changed me. I found that I was able to connect with the villagers much easier then I was able to before because I had been in their place. I may not know exactly how they felt, but I had a much better idea of what they went through every day now.

This time when I was to leave it was much harder, even though I knew that I would be back. My father was in much better shape now then he had been and everybody had begun to trust in his ability to rule peacefully again. This fact alone made it possible for me to leave and go to visit James' family.

The ride through the forest towards the place that had been my home and hiding place was long and uneventful. It still felt like my home, but I knew that that was because of the people there. I was going to miss not seeing everybody there every day. I knew that I had to return to my father.

I insisted on riding horseback, instead of sitting in the carriage that was there for James and me. This caused a stir amidst the soldiers, but not nearly as much as it would have before. I guess they were becoming more accustomed to me doing things out of the norm. The approach to the castle couldn't go fast enough for me and at the moment I saw the people waiting for me I slid off my horse and walked into an embrace. Elizabeth gripped me tightly and I held her just as tightly. I had found the friend of a lifetime in her.

"I missed you," these were the only words that I spoke and I knew that she felt the same even though we'd only been apart a week. As soon as my father was on his way to returning to normal I had sent a letter, letting everybody here know what was going on.

"You have no idea how relieved I was when your letter got here. The moment you left to the moment it was opened felt like an eternity. Are you truly alright?" She pulled back and looked at my face. I registered the look of surprise on her face and knew that she saw through my faked front. She grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the palace.

"We are going to get ready for dinner." Elizabeth said when the King and Queen approached. She pulled me forward and guided me in the direction of my old rooms. Once we were there, she sat me down and said, "What's wrong? Is it your father?"

I shook my head and took a deep breath, "what are we going to do Elizabeth? He and I are the only remaining heirs. Being together means leaving one land behind. I won't do that to my people again. I already left them once! And I won't let James do it here. What are we going to do?" My head dropped into my hands and I felt a hand fall onto my shoulder.

"What's your heart telling you? If there is anything in this world that is a guarantee, it is that your heart will never lie to you." She said softly as she sat next to me. I recalled what she had to do in order to be with Sirius and I knew that she understood. I looked up into her kind eyes and said nothing. She could tell that I just needed time, so she stood and turned towards the door, but my hand on her arm stopped her momentarily.

"Is Melody still here?"

She nodded, "you don't have anything to worry about her though. You are the only one for him." With these final words she left me alone with my thoughts.

"That's what I'm afraid of." I sighed into the empty room.

As time passed slowly I still wondered what I could do. The answer came to me as I prepared for the small party for our good news of the renewed connection to my land and people. There was something that I had to do tonight and nothing was going to stop me. With a revitalized drive I finished getting ready and met Elizabeth at the entrance to the dining hall.

I had explained to her what I had to do and she looked at me in surprise.

"Are you sure that this is what you want to do? It may not work."

I nodded. "I have to try though. It's the only thing that I can do and not abandon anyone."

Arm in arm we entered the room and descended down the stairs. I shored up my courage and met James' eyes. He was watching me with love shining in his eyes. I knew that this was going to be really hard and I probably wouldn't be the same ever again.

He met us at the base of the stairs and bowed and I placed my hand in his elbow as Elizabeth moved to stand at her fiancé's side. James' arms came around me and his left arm lifted my right and we began to move. It felt as if we were the same person, there was no way of telling where he began and I ended. This was the way that I wanted it to stay forever, but it was not to be.

One of our spins ended with me facing the person that I was looking for and I stopped him. He paused and looked at me quizzically.

"Is something wrong?" I shook my head.

"No I'm just a little bit thirsty. Would you mind going to get me a little water?"

He smiled and bowed, "as you wish, my lady."

He escorted me off to the side in the direction that I needed to go in and left me standing beside Melody.

As soon as he was out of sight I turned to her.

"If I asked you to something for me would you do it?" She looked a bit taken back, by the blunt words coming from my mouth, but I knew I didn't have much time before he came back. She nodded anyways, her eyes telling me to continue.

"If it is possible, I will do it."

"Be good to him."

She looked confused at my words, "who?"

"James. This is the only thing that I will ask of you. Just be there for him and his people."

"Lily-" I interrupted her and knew that the clock was ticking. My time was becoming short.

"We can't be together, so I need you to take good care of him. Be his friend and don't let him do anything stupid. I hope you will do it; if not for me then for him." I refused to cry in front of the woman that the man I loved was going to marry, but when I looked at her face, everything stopped. She looked heartbroken.

"This isn't the way that it was supposed to happen. Even after everything you've been through you still can't be together? No. There is a way around everything. I won't help you in this, he wouldn't want me to."

"Please Melody!" I was desperate. She had to do this for me. My hopes fell however, when she shook her head.

"No. This isn't right. There has to be a way. If anybody can find one, it's you." Her eyes were filled with sadness as she looked at me.

"You are the only person that I can trust with him though. If you don't do it I have no idea what will happen."

"It won't matter because he won't be with anybody else. You should know by now, if he can't be with you then he will be alone." I knew that this was true, but there was no other way. I had to say goodbye and make him understand. I didn't want to hurt him, but if I had to I would. Her eyes flicked over my shoulder and I turned slightly to see the focus of our discussion walking through the crowd towards me. There was a small smile on his face and just by seeing that I knew that he had no idea what was running through my head at that moment. He stopped beside me and I felt his hand brush against my own.

"Goodbye Lily. I'll see you later." Melody said and left me and James alone. I took the small glass from his hand and placed it on the table beside me.

"Would you like to take a walk?" He motioned to the balconies that lead down to the gardens. I nodded, my mind already going to the first time I had tried to say goodbye. It had been in the garden during one of the balls at the Potter's palace. That hadn't ended like I'd planned, but I hoped that this would end better.

We moved in silence through the hall and out into the open air. Once there I took a deep breath and turned to him.

"I have something to tell you and I need you to hear me out. Please don't interrupt. This is going to be hard enough as it is." I waited until he nodded and took a moment.

"You know that we have to do what's best for our people and no matter how hard it is for us, they have to come first." He nodded and I said what was on the tip of my tongue.

"There's no way for us to be together without leaving people behind. That's not acceptable to me." James was watching me and I could see that he was preparing to fight what I was saying. I couldn't let him do that.

"If you could do that, then you aren't the man that I thought you were. The James that I know would never leave his people in a lurch. And to be completely honest I don't think that if I hadn't been pushed into your arms I would be there now. The circumstances with my father left me feeling hopeless and I got attached to the first person that showed me any kindness. That just happened to be you. Me being with you isn't what my people need. They need somebody that I will love forever, not somebody I will wake up beside and think what was I thinking." His eyes widened and I saw the pain in them, but hardened my resolve and didn't let him see the pain raging inside me.

"I will be leaving soon and I will be returning to my home alone. I no longer need you." With that last parting shot I spun on my heel and walked away, determined not to show the grief I was feeling because of our parting.

Only when I was alone in my room did I release the dam that held my anguish back. The tears streamed down my face and the regret slammed into me like a carriage. I was doing what was best for my people, but it hurt. And nobody would find out what I did. I would be calm and collected in front of everybody I saw, I had to be, but for now, I could let the sorrow out because I was by myself.

Later that night after saying goodbye to James for the final time, I lay back on my bed and stared at the ceiling. I was numb. There was no feeling in my heart or anywhere else at that moment and I knew why. It was because I had said goodbye. I had said goodbye to the other half of me. A tear leaked out of the side of my eye and I rolled onto my side. I had made my choice; a life without James, in return for the continued prosperity of my people.

Forever passed and I finally fell into a fitful slumber. A hazy landscape unfolded in front of me and I stared around in confusion. This place was familiar, but I had no idea when I had been here. A clear blue lake was nestled among the green grass with crops of trees standing tall around the field. There were fluffy clouds in the sky and tall mountains in the distance. The haze faded and I was left in the most beautiful place I'd ever seen. Soft footfalls whispered through the grass behind me and I turned around slowly. A figure that I could've recognized in the darkest cave stood in the gentle light.

I hadn't seen her in what felt like a very long time, but I knew that it was only a few years. Her long auburn hair fell past her shoulders and her green eyes stared at me filled with love and contentment.

"Mom," I breathed. I couldn't believe my eyes. "Is it really you?"

She nodded and I threw myself at her and as if we'd never been apart, her arms opened and she caught me. I hugged her close and she clung to me. My eyes filled with tears while sobs wracked my body. She held me tightly, keeping the world at bay, until my eyes dried.

"I've missed you. Father's missed you." At my words she sighed.

"I know. It wasn't my choice to leave you; it was just my time. I brought you here to talk about James. I've been watching over you since I passed. Why did you leave him?"

"I had to Mom! We are both the only heirs to our lands. Being together would mean leaving one of our kingdoms to be ruled by somebody outside of the bloodline. Our duty is to our people."

"What if I told you there was a way for you to be together that wouldn't result in the failing of either land? What would you do then?" Her voice was gentle.

"I would be with him, but I can see no solution that would allow that." A thought struck me, "but you can."

She nodded again.

"The East and West kingdoms have the most landmass and we share a common border. Why not just dissolve that border and unite the two lands?"

"Could it really be that easy?"

"You will face the same struggles as any other royal who has tried to unite lands, but you have something that I have never seen before. You have the ability to connect with everybody on a very deep level. You are the friend of everyone, whether they are peasant or aristocrat, beggar or royalty. That is a quality that will help you. With you and James taking the lead, I can see no impossible obstacles." My mind processed this new information, but even as my hopes grew I saw my chances fading.

"I said goodbye. I don't know if James will even speak to me anymore. I threw away what we had." Her eyes filled with sadness and I knew that she felt what I did.

"At this very moment he is speaking to his own mother. She has a very strong soul and I have been talking to her in her dreams, just as we are now."

"Is that how you've been watching over me?" She nodded.

"That's one of the ways. When I haven't been talking to her I have been right beside you and your father. I was always there. You just couldn't see me."

"It felt like I could sometimes. When I was feeling alone I always felt like there was somebody there, standing beside me, shielding me from the pain. That was you."

Her eyes widened and I knew that I had shocked her, but then she raised her eyes to the sky and I noticed that it had gone from around midday to sunset. I didn't know what that meant.

"You will be waking up soon. Remember this and know that I will always be there for you and we will see each other again." She began to fade away. I reached out and grabbed for her hand.

"Don't leave yet! I have no idea what I'm doing." She shook her head.

"You don't have to know what you're doing. Follow your heart and your path will soon become clear. I will join you in your dreams again soon. I love you." With these final words she faded completely from my sight and the moment I was alone the landscape seemed to dissolve around me. I jolted awake and sat up in my bed. At that moment I knew what I had to do.

After I left James standing in the garden alone he stormed into the hall again and pulled Sirius aside.

"How could I be so wrong about her? I thought she loved me, but then she turned around and did that! Thank god she's leaving. Made a connection with the first person who was kind to her." Not even seeing Sirius anymore he left the room, needing to be alone with his thoughts.

His parents saw this and shared a look. Something had gone wrong. Dolores put a hand on her husband's arm and left without a word. She would go speak to their son and figure out what went awry. She searched and finally found him in the western tower. He was standing beside a window and staring out at the sky.

Moving to stand beside him quietly they watched the heavens together.

Even standing so close to each other James felt that they had never been farther apart.

"She is leaving tomorrow."

"Are you leaving with her? Have you made your decision?" his mother's voice was calm.

He shook his head. "She made it for me. We will no longer be together. She said that after everything she'd been through she would have felt a connection with the first person that would have shot her a smile or a kind glance. What we had meant nothing to her."

Dolores could feel the pain that her son was in and knew that there was a small window of opportunity to help him understand what Lily had done.

"What else did she say?" Maybe if she had him think it through, he would reach the same conclusion that she did. The conclusion that a woman that she'd never met, but still felt as close to as a sister, had helped her reach.

"She said that she couldn't leave her people behind and if I could then I'm not the man that she thought I was, and that she no longer needed me." His mother was watching his face carefully.

"I have no idea what you are trying to get me to do! It feels like you are trying to make me think, but the only thing I am thinking about right now is Lily!" She nodded and James knew then that that was what she was trying to do. There was something there that he wasn't seeing. His mother saw that he was thinking and she knew that he would get to where he needed to be eventually, so she left the room silently.

James thought over his conversation with Lily that night and all the conversations that they had had before regarding a future together and then it clicked. There was a way for them to be together. She just didn't know it yet. Everything she had said tonight had been to distance herself from him and make cutting it off as easy as possible; making a clean break, so they would both survive. He knew that she hadn't just hurt him when she had said the things that she did. She had definitely been hurting as well. That was the thought that stopped all of the negative feelings he had towards her in an instant.

There was a totally different feeling in his heart when he turned up his face to look at the sky again. The stars were twinkling as if they were laughing with glee.

Since I told James that I was leaving the next day I only had a little bit of time to try and make things right between us. I was walking down the hallway outside his room when I saw Dolores striding towards me.

"May I speak to you for a moment Lily?" I nodded even though I didn't have much time. I would always make time for somebody who had something to say. I felt like I knew what this conversation was going to be about and I was dreading seeing the disapproval on her face. She had become like a mother to me and I never wanted to hurt her either.

"James told me what you did last night." She was taking in every aspect of my face and I knew that she was looking for something.

"I did, but I thought that it was for the best. I would take it back if I could. I know now that I didn't look at every possibility to the full extent that I should have." She nodded.

"You spoke with your mother last night didn't you?"

"Yes I did. She said that the two of you had spoken in the past. Why didn't you tell me?" Her voice was sad when she answered.

"Would you have believed me?" I thought about it for a moment and shook my head.

"I wouldn't have at the beginning at least, but as things kept moving I got lost." My words made her pause, but before she could speak she saw something over my shoulder and politely excused herself. I turned and just as I thought James was standing behind me.

"Hello." His voice was just as cool as I knew it would be after what I'd done the night before. I swallowed and steadied myself for the conversation to come.

"James, I'm sorry. I was wrong to automatically assume that we couldn't be together. I would never want to hurt you and I know I did that last night. I wouldn't blame you if you wanted me to leave today and never show my face here again, but I need to tell you that I was mistaken when I tried to cut our ties. We could still be together if you wanted and it took a dream and a conversation that I never thought I would have to figure it out. What we have is not the result of some tie to the first nice person I met. What we have is so much deeper than that and I was wrong to try and deny it. I am sorry. I hope you can forgive me." His face showed no change and I had no idea what he was thinking, but it was obvious that it wasn't nice thoughts. I would make do on my own. I began to turn away, but his hand lashed out and gripped my wrist. He was staring into my eyes and I saw that he had let his walls down once more. He was letting me in.

"I thought about it, last night after you'd left. It took a bit of time, but I realized that you only said what you did to try to stop me from clinging to us. I will tell you though. It wouldn't have worked. There is nothing in this world that would make me give up on you." He pulled me to him and I knew that we would work through whatever life threw our way, and as long we had each other and great friends we would come out on top.

It had taken a moments pain to open up the possibility for a lifetime of pleasure. Destiny had given me more than I thought I would ever have and the strength to keep going was all I had needed.

So that is chapter 19! I really hope there are people out there that are still reading this. It has taken me more than 2 years and if anybody has been with me from the beginning, then thank you sooooo much! I couldn't have done it without knowing that you were reading.

I will be rewriting the first dozen chapters because let's face it; I was a really inconsistent writer back then. I will be improving them and reposting them as soon as possible.

I hope you liked the ending and thank you to everybody who reviewed. I'll only ask once more. Please let me know what you thought of it. If you want an epilogue let me know and in the review, tell me what loose ends you still think there are.

Amber Eagle