Koala

Warning: This has (mild) yaoi content. If you do not like yaoi, then do not read this.

Light was about to fling himself down angrily on the bed, but remembered just before he did so that he was chained, yes chained, to the hunched detective next to him.

Instead, the imprisoned teen sat calmly on the edge of the bed, making hardly a wrinkle in the gray comforter. He forced his face into a smile and looked towards Ryuuzaki, hoping he could convince the man that no, he was not Kira, that anyone could see the truth, that in fact, everyone else on the investigation team knew it, and that living chained to a sugar-loving, poor-postured insomniac who only had one change of clothes was not his idea of a good time.

Of course, Ryuuzaki was not even looking at him, instead staring off towards the window, or perhaps the thin decorative tree next to it. Light gritted his teeth, trying not to exhale loudly in exasperation. Or maybe that would at least make the detective look at him?

Ryuuzaki wandered over to the window, the chain connecting them clinking slightly, and Light wondered for not the first time what went on underneath that black, unkempt hair. As if today's stunt with his father pretending to commit a murder-suicide had not been enough….

Light rolled his eyes. The detective was over by the window, and was not even paying attention. Of course Light knew the room was filled with hidden cameras and microphones (knowing Ryuuzaki, there were probably hidden mind-readers and pieces of cake as well), but if the cameras caught him rolling his eyes, he doubted it could be used against him.

And of all the things for Ryuuzaki to put him through, why on earth did he decide that chaining them together was the best course of action? Light stared at the silver cuff on his wrist, wishing it were not there. At least Ryuuzaki had complied when he had insisted that he get the cuff attached to his left wrist so it would not rub against or damage his watch.

And Misa had thought that something fishy was going on between them, convinced, as usual, that Ryuuzaki was thinking something perverted. Light thought that it was far more likely that Ryuuzaki had not intentionally implied any kind of kinky relationship with the cuffs, and had just thought the silver manacles would keep Light with him 24/7 in a purely asexual way, which fit the anti-social detective better than his white shirt.

Light supposed that the reason he had not complained earlier, when Ryuuzaki had first put the idea to him, was simply because he was so relieved not to be dead. Maybe in a few years he would tell his father that he was a frighteningly good actor, but any sooner than that would be too soon. Just thinking back to the incident, only a few hours old, was enough to send a fresh chill down Light's spine, putting a slight jingle down the length of the chain.

But in all honesty, how were the handcuffs really supposed to help anything? The entire building was filled with security devices, and the chain was only going to make things awkward. Light had already been trying hard to forget Matsuda's seemingly innocent question about where Ryuuzaki might have managed to come up with a pair of handcuffs with a two-meter chain. And horribly enough, Ryuuzaki had not given the man a decent reply. He had simply changed the subject, leaving Aizawa to cough disapprovingly in Matsuda's general direction, and Light to focus intently as Ryuuzaki explained the layout of the new investigation building. He nearly shuddered, imagining what Misa would have done if she had heard the question.

In some cases, it was best to not ask.

Light glanced over at Ryuuzaki's rounded back, the loose, white shirt serving as an inverse silhouette against the darkness outside the window. He suppressed a yawn—he had been through quite a lot today—and then suddenly looked around the room.

Why was there only one bed?

Did this mean that Ryuuzaki was going to let him out of the handcuffs at night so he could get a decent amount of sleep? It seemed reasonable enough. In the evenings, Light would simply be going through his normal routine of bathing, brushing his teeth, and going to sleep, things that had everything with personal hygiene and nothing to do with Kira. Light fervently hoped that Ryuuzaki would let him out of the cuffs for those kinds of activities, particularly the bathing. But Ryuuzaki's apparent inability to notice that something was awkward leapt to the forefront of Light's mind, and he found that he could not really imagine the odd detective letting him go free each night for simple chores. He could just imagine Ryuuzaki's monotone reply, especially when combined with the knowledge that the detective had confessed to keeping the entire Yagami house under surveillance for days…. Had it really been necessary to monitor the shower?

Something else however, caught Light's attention quite suddenly. Ryuuzaki was making strange noises. Light listened for a moment, trying to decipher the quiet mumbling noises, no, soft cooing noises, and only then did he realize that the detective had been making them for quite some time. He blinked, and stared at Ryuuzaki's back once again.

He wondered if Ryuuzaki were starting some other stunt, in which he would be trying to gauge if Light's reaction was too similar to what he expected Kira's reaction to be. What, did the man honestly expect Kira to be someone to give himself or herself away from fear of cooing noises, when a weapon in the face had not done the trick?

But no, it appeared as if Ryuuzaki were not paying any attention to him at all, preferring the company of the funny little tree to Light's. Of course, that would be Ryuuzaki's point, right? And if Ryuuzaki's newest idea was to drive Light insane by annoying him, then, well, Light really should not have to put up with it. He stood, an indignant frown stretching across his mouth.

He should start by telling the man to remove the handcuffs. Light would tell him that it was uncomfortable and, with all of the other security devices in the building, quite unnecessary. Unless pressed, he would not mention that it was also slightly disturbing and vaguely creepy and altogether absurd.

… As were the noises currently issuing from Ryuuzaki's mouth.

Light cleared his throat. "Ryuuzaki," he addressed the detective, attempting to ignore the sounds. For a moment, nothing happened.

"Yes, Light?" Ryuuzaki asked in his usual monotone. Thankfully, the weird noises had stopped, and the hunched man turned around to face him, dark eyes wide and unblinking. For all the world, it seemed as if nothing was out of the ordinary (not that Light counted Ryuuzaki himself as something ordinary).

Light forced himself to remember his purpose, trying not to get lost in deciphering Ryuuzaki's inhuman body language. "Ryuuzaki," he said again, now that he had the man's attention. "I've been thinking that perhaps the handcuffs are a bit too much," he began easily. Light paused as he noticed the slight narrowing of Ryuuzaki's eyes, the start of Ryuuzaki's vague but curious smile, and the almost unnoticeable tilt of Ryuuzaki's head. Damn him. He still thought that Light was Kira, and that by asking to remove the cuffs, Light was proving his theory correct. Light pushed on, determined to show the man that he was not a mass murderer, and that no one in his or her right mind would want to be chained to Ryuuzaki, not even the most desperate girl on the planet. And Light was most certainly not the most desperate girl on the planet. "Look, I know you think that avoiding the handcuffs is something that Kira would do," he told the older man with a heavy sigh, "but don't you agree that they are unnecessary?" He gave Ryuuzaki a smile, though it was forced.

Ryuuzaki continued to give him the "I think the percentage has just gone up" look from underneath his wispy black bangs. Light wanted to curse.

"I know you have security cameras everywhere," Light pointed out, his voice losing some of its former crisp politeness. "And microphones and who knows what else. And I don't mind that at all. It's just, why should I have to wear handcuffs on top of that? It's as if I'm guilty already, and I'm not." He emphasized that last point.

"There are still some places in the building that do not have the security as high as I would like it to be," Ryuuzaki said simply. His eyes slid back to the tree, and Light closed his eyes, counting to three. It was so obvious that the security was plenty high in this room. Otherwise Ryuuzaki would not be willing to take his eyes off of him, not even for a second. And did the detective honestly expect him to go wandering throughout the building in search of areas with the least security? Light wasn't stupid; he knew that staying in view of all the cameras at all times was a good idea, given the situation.

"What if I just stay in certain areas?" Light asked, hoping that the detective would give in, though he doubted it very much.

"Of course that is impossible, Light," Ryuuzaki answered, swinging his head back around to stare owlishly at the teen. "If I told you to stay in certain areas, then you would know which areas have less security. By chaining us together, I am already handing you many of my secrets. If you are Kira, then you could use all of this knowledge to your advantage."

Light had stopped paying attention after the phrase "if you were Kira." Frankly, he had heard that one too many times for it to really mean anything anymore.

"Fine then," Light said, changing tactics. "I'd like to take a bath and brush my teeth. Then, I'm going to sleep." He stared down Ryuuzaki, and nearly punched the man when he heard his answer.

"Really, Light?" asked the detective, sounding as if he did not expect this at all. "But you took a shower earlier today after I released you."

Light gritted his teeth. "I'm Japanese, so I am used to taking a bath in the evenings." He had spent far too long in that cell, and one shower was not going to do it for Light right then. Besides, the shower had been cold, as Light tried to wake himself up from the horrible nightmare that began with a stupid idea to turn himself in, starred a dark cell with Ryuuzaki's voice crackling over the speakers, and ended with a finale where his father attempted to kill him. One shower was so far from enough to allow him to relax that it was almost laughable. But only if one laughed in a tense, nervous sort of way.

Ryuuzaki put a thumb to his mouth, and chewed on it slowly. "Then, if that is what you'd like…." He trailed off, his eyes drifting inexorably back towards the tree. "Must you do it now?" he asked, his face taking on an expression that looked almost… hopeful?

"What is it, Ryuuzaki," Light asked flatly. If it had only been a few hours and the detective was already making him this angry, Light knew that staying chained to him for the rest of the Kira investigation was going to be the death of him. Or Ryuuzaki, if Light lost his self-control and found himself pummeling the man. He doubted the detective could take a strong punch to the face….

"I was hoping to introduce you to someone," Ryuuzaki said suddenly, catching Light completely off guard. Light had enough sense to wait for Ryuuzaki to finish before asking questions like "who is it?" or "why now?", knowing that Ryuuzaki would eventually tell him if it were important. After a pause that was longer than that of most humans, the dark-eyed detective continued.

"I want you to meet my sister."

It was probably the last thing Light expected. He blinked a few times in shock, and his mind whirred. Of course Ryuuzaki would have family, and even a sister. He had just never really considered it before, and even now that the idea was in his mind for consideration, he found it difficult to imagine what Ryuuzaki's parents might be like to have produced such an odd-looking and eccentric child. Ryuuzaki's sister would undoubtedly be at about the same level of weird.

"Ordinarily," the shaggy-haired detective went on, his eyes boring holes through Light's forehead, "I would not let a suspect get anywhere near her, but given the circumstances, I think that it is unavoidable. She is staying in this building, and since it is difficult for her to visit, I wish to spend time with her." His black eyes moved a little lower and he held Light in a tight gaze. "You will be kind to her. You will not be rude. You will not belittle or insult her in any way. Is that clear?"

Light nodded easily despite the harsh tones the man used to give his commands. Light was not the type to insult people, and he was now fairly sure that Ryuuzaki's sister was as weird as Ryuuzaki, and probably still in school. From Ryuuzaki's words, she seemed like one of those kids that often got teased. Light was confident that he would have no problems getting on her good side. He was a model big brother to Sayu, even when she was being silly and hormonal and a junior high school girl, things she had been continuously for the past few years. Maybe he could convince Ryuuzaki's sister that he was not Kira, and then she could put in a good word for him to Ryuuzaki…. Light was actually looking forward to meeting her. He might get out of these handcuffs sooner than originally expected.

"Good." The detective paused for a moment, and looked at the carpet. Actually, as Light followed the man's gaze, he saw that he was actually staring at the way his toes scrunched up the carpet beneath them. Light was not impressed. He inhaled deeply, prepared to clear his throat as a reminder to Ryuuzaki that he was still on Earth and had offered to introduce Light to his sister, but the older man spoke.

"Please call her… Larrikin," he said softly, his lips curving upwards into a little smile as he said the name.

Light nodded earnestly, glancing to the door. And then Ryuuzaki turned back to the tree by the window, giving Light his white shirt-clad back. The teenager was thrown off. What about the sister? Wasn't he supposed to get an introduction right now? Hadn't Ryuuzaki been the one to insist that he meet her right now? The teen was sorely tempted to push the man out the window, investigation and sister be damned, but knew that if that happened, they would not need to insist he was Kira to sentence him to life in prison. And in the end, Ryuuzaki would win and end up getting what he seemed to have always wanted.

Ryuuzaki began poking the branches of the tree, and Light idly wondered if he could pull the detective over by yanking hard enough on the chain. A leaf fell gently to the floor, and Light realized that it must be an actual, living tree inside the room, rather than one of those fake, plasticky ones that were in every cheap mall. Well, if you had enough money to buy a building in downtown Tokyo and refurbish it as your secret investigation base, then you might as well buy yourself a tree to go in it, right?

Ryuuzaki turned around, but instead of his usual slouched posture with his hands draped at his sides like strange pieces of seaweed, both his pale hands were at his chest, holding something very carefully. The thing seemed to be covered in scruffy gray fur and about the size of a small cat, except it was rounder.

"This is Larrikin," Ryuuzaki told him in a voice that sounded reverent and endearing at the same time, holding out the creature towards Light like some kind of Rafiki with the little thing playing the newborn Simba. Light's mind shied away from the disturbing corruption of Disney imagery, and he stared hard at the gray animal, until finally he understood what it was.

Larrikin was a koala.

But Larrikin was Ryuuzaki's sister.

Therefore…

… Ryuuzaki thought he was related to a koala?

Of course not. That was stupid.

Light's mind moved quickly. Ryuuzaki was playing some kind of prank on him, and it had only worked this far because Light was too tired and cranky to keep a close eye on someone he suspected to be a compulsive liar. Light knew the detective would never introduce his sister to the one person he believed to be Kira.

So in conclusion, Ryuuzaki was still a complete liar, and Light was still tired and cranky. If Ryuuzaki were just going to be silly for the rest of the evening, Light was more than ready to flop down on the bed and become unconscious.

"Ryuuzaki," the teenager began in a low tone of annoyance. He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes, dumbfounded at the sheer idiocy of the man renowned as the world's greatest detective. "Ryuuzaki, what is the meaning of this?" Light was tired, so he decided to do something that he would not do under ordinary circumstances: he would play the pity card.

"I'm really tired right now, and I'm just not in the mood for one of your little games." Light said, trying to pin the man in a hard stare. Ryuuzaki was being difficult by watching the koala and refusing to meet Light's eyes. "I'm not stupid enough to think that the creature in your arms is actually—"

"You promised," Ryuuzaki hissed suddenly, his black eyes snapping to Light's. He pulled the koala in close to his chest. "You promised to be kind, and to not insult her." The man might have looked hurt, but Ryuuzaki's expression was generally about as hard to read as that of a trout, and just as expressive. Light did, however, recognize that the dangerous edge was back in his voice.

"Ryuuzaki," Light began testily, "I'm tired, and I'm not in the mood for one of your games."

"So you think this is just a game?" he asked, his tone darkening.

"Of course it is!" Light threw his hands into the air, causing the silver chain between them to rattle and clink ominously. "You just want me to fall for the latest prank! I remember what you told me when I was your prisoner, and well, I'm not going to fall for any of your crap!" Light took a deep breath. He really was tired, and this was turning into an argument against his better judgment. "Look, I'm sorry about that outburst," Light recovered, "it's just that I am very tired and I'd really just like to go to sleep. It's been a very hard day for me, and I don't think I can take any more silly business from you—or anyone—right now. Please, Ryuuzaki, just let me go to sleep. In the morning, we can get to work catching Kira." Light gave the detective a half-smile, deciding that adding in the part about working to catch Kira was a good touch.

Ryuuzaki's emotion seemed to deflate, and his head tilted to the side as he looked down at the koala in his arms. "Ah," he began softly, as if speaking to himself, "I was hoping that you, Light, might at least be able to understand…."

"I'm not buying it, Ryuuzaki. I'm tired, but not stupid," Light reminded the man flatly.

The detective looked up at him sharply. "I disagree. You are arrogant and selfish. You do not see anything beyond yourself. That makes you tired and stupid." He abruptly turned and started to put the koala back into its tree.

"Well, that comment makes you childish," Light snapped back, realizing the hypocrisy of the comment only as he said it. Now he was certain that he just needed to spend the next few hours unconscious. His mind needed some time off so it could work properly when it returned.

Ryuuzaki spun back around, his black hair waving around his head and the chain quivering and chinking quietly. His thumb went to his bottom lip and his eyes seemed eerily black and wide. "Light… does that also make me human?"

Light blinked, and when he opened his eyes, he noticed something that made him pause. It was not a very long pause, but it was a complete pause. For a few moments, Light could not think, could not breathe, and could not function. He had noticed something very strange, and it was not even Ryuuzaki's hunched shoulders and dark eyes that made him pause.

It was Larrikin, who was sitting on a small branch, hunching forward, clinging to the trunk of the thin tree with wide black eyes staring calmly at Light, and her thumb was hanging off the edge of her lower lip.

The world came back into focus for Light, and he had to turn his head to look at Ryuuzaki because his eyes seemed to be frozen wide open. The detective was still hunched forward, his thumb poking his lower lip. He was giving Light a very curious stare.

…I want you to meet my sister….

Suddenly, the idea that Ryuuzaki thought he was related to a koala did not seem as strange as it did only moments earlier. Perhaps he thought that he actually was a koala himself. The likeness between the detective and the Australian marsupial was… uncanny. If Ryuuzaki actually believed himself to be a koala, it might even explain a few things.

It would explain why Ryuuzaki did not have mannerisms belonging to normal humans.

It would explain why Ryuuzaki did not have posture similar to normal humans.

It might even explain why Ryuuzaki was always chewing on something roughly the size of a leaf.

But there was one problem. Light had no explanation for why Ryuuzaki thought he was a koala, or at least related to one. Could Ryuuzaki at least be Australian? That would at least put him in an area where he would have access to the creatures, and it was obvious that the detective was not full Japanese. Perhaps one of his parents were Austrailan, and in some kind of weird repression of painful memories or crazy accident involving a brain injury, Ryuuzaki had begun to think that parent was a koala. Maybe this accident also gave Ryuuzaki his amazing detective powers.

"Light," the man said suddenly, giving the teenager a calm stare and unconsciously mimicking the koala. "You seem to be thinking very hard about something. Would you mind telling me what it is?" His voice was toneless, and rather creepy.

Hearing the man's voice made Light realize that his crazy-accident-gives-normal-boy-a-blessing-and-a-curse theory was ridiculous. But at this point, was anything making sense? Especially if he considered the fact that he had only met Ryuuzaki because he believed Light to be a serial killer who murdered people with mysterious heart attacks. So no, nothing was making sense.

"It's… well, um, Ryuuzaki?" Light asked, knowing as he did so that he was starting down a path that he might regret having taken when his mind was once again computing at its normal speed.

"Yes, Light?" the detective answered somewhat sullenly. Apparently he was still a little upset about Light calling his sister a creature.

Light plunged resolutely onward. "Why do you think that the koala is your sister?"

"Call her Larrikin." The man was being utterly childish again, but if it meant that Light would get at least some kind of answer….

"Why do you think Larrikin is your sister?"

"We had the same mother. That is what makes people siblings, you know." Ryuuzaki seemed to be happy that he had convinced Light to use the koala's name.

"Ryuuzaki," Light said, his brow furrowing. "You know that you can't have the same mother as a koala. That would make you a koala, too," he pointed out. He hoped Ryuuzaki understood this, and if he did not, then something was taking precedence over solving the Kira case.

"No, I'm obviously adopted," Ryuuzaki stated, moving to the side of the bed where Light was standing.

"Koalas don't adopt," Light insisted.

"As if you are in a position to know," Ryuuzaki countered. The detective climbed onto the bed, crouching on it as he did when he sat in chairs.

"They can't adopt." Light rounded on Ryuuzaki as he spoke, crossing his arms in front of his chest. He was wondering if he was saying it to prove it to Ryuuzaki, or to himself. That was a bad sign.

"Not officially." Light could feel the beginnings of a smile of relief. "But they can unofficially, you know. Without doing the paperwork and such," Ryuuzaki finished, destroying Light's fledgling grin in the process. The detective began pulling the pillows out from under the sheets of the enormous king-sized bed.

"Of course they don't do the paperwork," Light said through gritted teeth. "They don't do anything at all."

"That's obviously false. Koalas spend most of their time eating and sitting." Ryuuzaki began arranging the five pillows in a line along the far edge of the bed.

"Exactly. They don't spend their time adopting people." Light put his arms on the bed to lean towards Ryuuzaki's back. "So I don't get why you are trying to prove that a koala adopted you into its koala family."

"I am not trying to prove that, Light. You are the one who asked me about it. You are simply not accepting the answers I am giving you. Again, you are being arrogant and are ignoring anything beyond your own experiences." Ryuuzaki twisted around to stare at Light from underneath his bangs, his expression, as usual, unreadable.

"What proof do you have that some koala adopted you? Or that Larrikin over there is a relative of this mother-koala?" Light leaned closer until he was in danger of falling forward, his hands slowly being sucked into the plush depths of the gray comforter. Ryuuzaki's excuses had to be just that—excuses. There was no way… no way that… koalas…. "What, did you live in the Australian wilds or something?" Light taunted desperately.

"Home Hill," Ryuuzaki responded, speaking in English. The detective ceased poking the line of pillows, and went still.

"Excuse me?" said Light, thrown off by the sudden change of languages.

"Home Hill," the detective repeated more slowly. "It is a place in Queensland. Even if you are Kira, there is no one I know there who you can kill. This is because I do not think you can distinguish the face of one koala from another, and also because most of them do not have names."

"You mean to say that you have a family—of koalas—that lives there? At Houmu Hiru?" Light asked, butchering the pronunciation of the town. He was too bewildered and confused by the discovery of Ryuuzaki's latent koala-ness to care about his English skills.

"When I was young, I lived near the town of Home Hill. There were sugar plantations there, by the delta of the Burdekin River." Ryuuzaki appeared to be staring into himself, as if reliving the experience. He tilted his head sideways and brought a finger to poke at his lip. "I suppose I was something of a wild child."

Light chose not to point out that to most civilizations, Ryuuzaki would still qualify as one. "You mean to say that you were raised by koalas," he said instead. He tried to keep his tone skeptical, but Ryuuzaki's posture was too similar to that of the little Larrikin, and the rest of their brethren. Light could not help but notice that Ryuuzaki's unspoken argument was a very good one.

"Yes, until I was about eleven." Ryuuzaki dropped the hand away from his mouth and his eyes rolled to stare at the headboard. "That was when Watari found me, and taught me how to speak."

Light raised his eyebrows. "Watari taught you how to speak?" For some reason, the idea of the old man patiently training a child Ryuuzaki to speak was not as unimaginable as he thought it might be. The man certainly doted on the detective enough. Ryuuzaki seemed more like a spoiled pet than a spoiled child.

"He was in Australia, doing linguistic research, and came across me while studying variation in the Australian dialects." The detective continued staring at the headboard, or perhaps staring at the space the pillows had vacated. "At first I was very skeptical, and refused to go with him because I believed I would not be able to have sugar from the plantations." Ryuuzaki stared at the ceiling. Light was in a state of near-shock. Was all of this true? There seemed to be too much background, too much information that could not be made up on the spot, and it all matched Ryuuzaki's strange lifestyle. "I thought that without the sugar, I would die." Light saw a slight smile form on Ryuuzaki's lips, and wondered if that statement were still true. "So in the end, Watari bribed me away from my family with sweets."

Something which, Light realized, would be a very disturbing thing for Watari to do under any other circumstances.

"So…" Light began slowly, realizing that for the first time, Ryuuzaki seemed to be opening up to him. Perhaps he was starting to let the Light-is-Kira thing go. Light had, after all, been proved innocent through the captivity-followed-by-murder-prank. "So you used to live in Australia. What happened to your real parents? The human ones, I mean." Light had always been curious about Ryuuzaki's past, because he had always known it must have been very odd.

Ryuuzaki shook his head suddenly, the ends of his black hair swinging around his face. "I do not wish to speak about this anymore." He pulled back the covers near the head of the bed, and then looked over at Light, who was still trying to go over what had been said in the koala conversation.

Light blinked as Ryuuzaki continued to stare at him, and then thought about the more immediate issues at hand. The handcuffs were still on. Ryuuzaki had stopped staring, and was beginning to climb, vaguely koala-like, into bed. There was only one, large bed. The handcuffs were still on.

Ryuuzaki looked at him again. "Light, would you mind moving for a moment?" the detective asked, unaware that the reality of the present situation was dawning on Light, causing an emotion similar to horror. Light stood woodenly, removing his hands from their indentations in the fluffy comforter and the cushy mattress. Ryuuzaki immediately tugged the gray comforter towards his side of the bed—did Light really just internally accept that there were going to be sides?—and then stepped over it, somehow managing to remain in a crouch as he did so. Ryuuzaki promptly tossed the blanket over the edge of his line of pillows, effectively creating a large, gray wall of soft, pillowy-blanketness.

"What are you doing?" Light asked, his mouth moving before his mind gave it permission. The teenager assumed that by now he was beyond tired. The conversation with Ryuuzaki had thoroughly confused him and made him question a lot of things he had taken for granted, like the fact that Ryuuzaki at least considered himself human. The day had just been too long and too… insane for him to really continue dealing with it all.

"I have strange sleeping habits, which you will simply have to become accustomed to," was the reply. There was no room for debate there, to the teenager's dismay. Light could not have guessed that the world's weirdest detective might also have the world's weirdest sleeping habits. The man thought, at least at some level, that he was a koala. And he intended to share a bed with his teenaged Kira suspect.

Light watched, beaten, as the koala-detective patted the blanket wall. He knew there was no use arguing for his own bed, or even for one pillow to call his own. Light's mind continued on its dismal, downward spiral. The handcuffs might never come off. And Ryuuzaki might someday think that Light needed to eat eucalyptus leaves. Light's life was probably over now….

Ryuuzaki climbed under the remaining covers, sitting with the white sheet and charcoal blanket draped around his hunched shoulders. He gave Light a significant look and patted the spot next to him. It was the universal "come sit here" sign, apparently even used by humans who did not really think of themselves as human.

Defeated, drained, and disgusted, Light obediently went to the bed and pulled the covers over himself. He lay on his side with his back to Ryuuzaki, using one arm in place of a pillow. The handcuffs were draped over his side, leading towards the detective.

The chain clinked, and the lights dimmed, and went out. He heard the rustling of the blankets, and then suddenly the bed shook and the blankets were tugged off Light's legs.

He rolled over in despair, and waited for his eyes to adjust to the sudden darkness. About a minute later, Light perceived that the movement had been Ryuuzaki flinging his arms and legs around the mass of pillows, so that he was now clinging to it…

… the same way a koala clings to the trunk of a eucalyptus tree.

Light awoke suddenly, and was immediately uncomfortable. He was pretty sure someone had their arms and legs across his body and was clinging to him. He opened his eyes, and was greeted by a dark ceiling.

It was still dark out except for the silvery gleam of moonlight and the colored glow of Tokyo nightlife leaking through the window, but that spiky silhouette at his shoulder was, undoubtedly, Ryuuzaki's head.

That warm weight across his chest… that was Ryuuzaki's arm. And clinging to his shoulder? Ryuuzaki's other arm, complete with fingers clenching his shirt.

The warmth seeping into his side was Ryuuzaki's stomach….

And across his crotch was Ryuuzaki's leg. Perhaps it was his thigh. It did not matter. Light did not believe that it, or any body part belonging to the detective, should be there. Now that Light was awake, and very much aware, the position of their bodies was quite… uncomfortable.

It had been some time since Light had even seen Misa (not counting the freak car ride/murder-suicide prank), but he was, after all, exceedingly arrogant and therefore still a virgin. And mildly prone to having embarrassing reactions that he could not control very well. And now was not the time he should be thinking these sorts of things… with Ryuuzaki's leg pressing against him, all warm and….

Light tried shifting away, so Ryuuzaki would not wake up, but so he could move away and avoid waking Ryuuzaki up. The plan backfired, and instead of losing contact with Ryuuzaki's stupid leg, Light found himself biting a lip as Ryuuzaki's thigh slid to create a deeper contact. There had also been a moment of friction there.

Light held himself still, barely daring to breath. He wondered how Ryuuzaki could have mistaken him for the stupid pillow-tree. Maybe he had been looking for something with a little more wood? Not funny, his mind yelled immediately after the thought. He was still too tired and loopy. It was the middle of the night, after all, and it had not been a good day to start out with. Light took one slow and even breath. What he needed was a plan.

Maybe he should just wake the detective up, and ask him to move. But then it would be hard for him to miss Light's condition. So perhaps he would just throw the detective off of him, and have the throwing be the waking so Ryuuzaki did not have a chance to find out what Light was, well, up to. Yes, that was a good plan.

After a mental count to three, Light shoved the detective off to the side. He shivered reflexively as the thigh slithered off of him, but he was relieved that finally there were no body parts not belonging to him covering his loins.

There was a sudden noise like a cat drowning, and Ryuuzaki sat up in the bed. His eyes were wide and his skin had a grayish cast to it from the dim light in the room, giving him a rather koala-like look. Strangely enough, instead of making the detective look creepy, it made him look rather cute. Ryuuzaki peered over at Light, who was propped up on his elbows to create some kind of diversion from the awkward lump in the blankets just below his navel. Light sat up fully, letting the blankets bunch in his lap.

"Light, you pushed me," Ryuuzaki whined.

"You, uh, grabbed me." Light decided to pretend as if his words could have no possible meaning other than Ryuuzaki taking a fistful of Light's shirt.

"I was sleeping," Ryuuzaki continued, his voice higher and whinier than ever before. It sounded suspiciously like the drowned-cat noise.

"Yeah, well, you were touching me when I was sleeping," Light said, his attempt to make Ryuuzaki's actions sound less perverted about as successful as a Matsuda's luck dating.

"Maybe I thought you were a tree?" Ryuuzaki asked, his voice losing its high, whiny pitch. There was a hint of mockery in the detective's tone, as if he were also thinking of the "wood" joke.

"This isn't funny," Light stated bluntly. "Why would you mistake me for a tree?"

Ryuuzaki seemed to think about his answer for a moment. "Probably because you are harder." There was a pause, during which Light was speechless and his teenage mind went into overdrive, and then Ryuuzaki continued. "Yes, the pillows are much softer than you."

"I meant, is it necessary for you to sleep like that?" Light was barely able to find his voice and make it work properly. If Ryuuzaki continued to throw phrases out that could be taken in such a tantalizingly inappropriate way…. Stop. Light was quite certain that he had not just thought that Ryuuzaki plus inappropriate equaled tantalizing….

"Yes, I have slept like that for as long as I can remember. Of course, in my earliest recollections, there was an actual tree," Ryuuzaki said matter-of-factly, as if sleeping in trees was natural. "And the positions were different."

Light tried not to choke as his mind wandered over the many meanings of "different positions." He willed his body, particularly the lower regions, to relax and his mind to go back to being the way he was during daylight, when he had plenty of sleep. Light had to find a way out of this situation, and quickly. It did not help that his brain was betraying him by letting his sorely deprived libido do all the thinking.

"Well, never mind then," Ryuuzaki went on, curling down and pulling the blankets over himself. Light slowly relaxed back onto his elbows and then onto his back. He felt himself sinking down deeper into the mattress, the smooth sheets trapping in his warmth, and the tension slowly receding from his body.

An arm and a leg suddenly curled around him.

"Ryuuzaki!" Light half-yelled, half-gasped. He twisted away quickly, hoping Ryuuzaki's leg had not had time to notice a sudden change in the posture of Light's crotch.

"Sorry!" came the voice of a drowned cat quite close to his ear. The arm and leg immediately withdrew, but Light could still feel the heat from Ryuuzaki's body as it radiated from skin not two centimeters from his side.

"What are you doing?!" Light demanded, his voice changing pitch dramatically on the last word.

"It was instinctual, Light," Ryuuzaki said quickly.

"What?!"

Light really did not like what his mind was doing to Ryuuzaki's response. It was too vague; it could mean a lot of different things. If Ryuuzaki were gay, then certainly, pressing his smooth skin against Light and creating a little friction was instinctual… and Light did not want his mind going there.

"If you were a tree, you would be a stronger one than the pillows over there," Ryuuzaki explained. "It's just one of the things koalas do. You go to the biggest, strongest tree, and that's the one you hold on to."

Even if Ryuuzaki were not gay, then a recording of that explanation would probably be enough to convince Watari that he was. The detective was talking about always going for the biggest piece of wood in the forest.

No, Light told himself firmly. Ryuuzaki was simply explaining natural selection. The koalas that did not have the instinct to sleep in the sturdy trees were eaten, and did not survive long enough to mate…

Well he's certainly smart enough to mate, said Light's libido. Let's go.

"Those are the best ones to sleep on," Ryuuzaki drabbled on, oblivious to Light's inner struggle.

Of course, Ryuuzaki's words were only going to get worse. Now he was talking about sleeping on the biggest stick in the forest, and Light might have even caught that unintentional allusion to homosexuality when functioning under normal daylight conditions. Light's muscles were straining with tension, and wished he could plug his ears and undo this conversation. He needed to go back to sleep….

"So I hope you don't mind," Ryuuzaki said, leaning into Light's side and sliding a hand across his chest. Light opened his mouth to protest, but Ryuuzaki's leg slipped onto him, brushing feathery-light against him.

Light's protest turned into a very breathy moan.

"My, this is a funny tree," whispered Ryuuzaki, to Light's acute embarrassment. Even worse, Ryuuzaki had not moved, and his breath was hot against Light's collarbone. The detective was doing all of this deliberately?!

"Ju-just move!" Light panted, and instantly knew he should have been more specific.

Instead of moving away, and leaving Light alone, Ryuuzaki squirmed closer, his thigh pressing firmly against Light and his knee hooking over Light's hip. One hand was already embedded in Light's shirt, but the other moved up to tangle its fingers in Light's hair. Light gasped, his head spinning. Ryuuzaki was gay?

Wait, Light was gay? No, it was just that it had been a very long time since Light had indulged himself and now….

"The tree keeps making noises," Ryuuzaki noted in a throaty whisper. "And it keeps moving… and it has a funny branch, right about… here." Ryuuzaki slid the hand on Light's shoulder down, across his heaving chest, over his taut abdomen, and cupped Light's erection through his pants.

"This… isn't… fair," Light moaned as the other man held and stroked him, leaving hot, moist puffs of air on his exposed collarbone. When had the top buttons on Light's shirt come undone, anyway? Light's thoughts were spinning out of control, and he was rapidly losing any desire to regain control of them. His body seemed to be moving of its own accord, his hips thrusting him as deep into Ryuuzaki's hand as his pants would allow.

"If you want fair, Light," Ryuuzaki breathed, "then you will have to do some work, too." Ryuuzaki followed up his words by pressing his lips to the hollow at the base of Light's neck.

Light shivered at the sensation, a low groan of pleasure seeping through his lips and gritted teeth.

Abruptly Ryuuzaki ended the gently sucking kiss, returned his hand to Light's shoulder, and wriggled along Light's side, up towards the head of the bed, so that his leg rested across Light's stomach and his face occupied roughly the same space as Light's ear. To Light's sudden dismay, it was far less of a lust-inducing position.

"Wha?" asked Light, his voice sounding like that belonging to a small animal in distress.

"There's…something," Ryuuzaki whispered anxiously. He seemed to be having trouble making his whisper as calm as he probably wanted. Instead, it sounded rather like he was panting in Light's ear.

"So… why'd… stop?" Light asked, vaguely aware that he was currently unable to form valid sentences.

"Larrikin just climbed over the pillow wall," the detective answered, his breath hitching as he suddenly froze. "And she's crawling over my back. It's a little uncomfortable."

"What?!" Light said loudly, lifting his head from the mattress to stare at Ryuuzaki's face, hidden under his disheveled black hair. The detective's eyes were dark and bright, his mouth in a pouty frown to show that he, too, was upset at this turn of events. He grimaced as something gray and vaguely hand-like took hold of the loose shirt on his shoulder. Light watched as two fuzzy ears and a round gray forehead appeared over said shoulder, belonging to none other than Larrikin, the cute little koala who was also….

Ryuuzaki's sister.

"Gah!" Light yelled, sudden, horrible realization coursing through him, causing him to twitch back from Ryuuzaki. "You were—with me—and your sister—in the room!" He could not imagine what kind of humiliation he would feel if his sister, Sayu, had been lurking in the tree instead of Larrikin. How could Ryuuzaki had forgotten that his little sister was still in the room!?

Ryuuzaki reached around and pulled the clingy marsupial off his back, making her give a short yowl that sounded like a cat drowning.

"Light, maybe you can put her back in the tree?" Ryuuzaki asked, gathering his legs underneath him and ending up straddling Light's stomach. He held the creature above the teenager's face.

"What?" Light asked, having missed most of the words due to Ryuuzaki's shifting position. Yes, Ryuuzaki had certainly been enjoying their time in the bed, if the hard weight pressing against his abdomen was any indication. But did he have no shame?! He was straddling Light and holding his sister!

"Please put the koala back in the tree, Light," Ryuuzaki stated, his voice straining a little as he moved the koala to the side and rocked forward to stare down at Light's face.

"Uhn… get off!" Light yelled after a moment's pleasure. The little sister was right there! Now was not the time to be grinding against each other.

"You are lazy," Ryuuzaki stated petulantly, climbing off the gasping teen and carrying the koala to the tree. The chain linking them together stretched taut, and Light had to roll over and reach his arm out away from the bed so the detective could set the koala back in the tree.

"You're… crazy," Light panted back, feeling only slightly more righteous than the detective. "That's your sister…. You can't do that in front of your sister," Light explained through deep breaths.

Ryuuzaki slinked back to the bed. "Light, that is a koala." He stepped up onto the bed in a crouch, and straddled Light again.

"But she's your sister!" Light said desperately, trying to wriggle out from underneath Ryuuzaki.

"Don't be silly. No one is gullible enough to believe that I was raised by koalas and lived off the sugar plantations until I was eleven. That's just ridiculous," Ryuuzaki said mischievously. He leaned forward until his torso was only centimeters above Light's. Light could feel the heat radiating off of him, as well as something very much like a tree digging into his stomach.

"But…" Light began helplessly, his mind trying to take in too much at once. He had the feeling Ryuuzaki was about to reveal something important, but felt too dizzy to really realize what the detective was getting at.

"I will teach you an Australian word, Light," Ryuuzaki continued, lowering himself neatly onto the teenager, their bodies fitting seamlessly together. His voice dropped to a whisper, placed right beside his ear. "Larrikin…. It is a word that means 'someone who pulls pranks.'"

… Someone who pulls pranks? Ryuuzaki's little sister had a name that meant prankster? But of course that was not her real name, because Ryuuzaki would never tell a potential Kira anyone's name, but koala's did not have real names anyway… so Ryuuzaki had named the koala "prankster"? That implied that… it was a joke. The koala adoption? Fictitious. The sugar plantations? Untrue. The tree-hugging instinct? False. Ryuuzaki had been lying the entire time.

"You… suck," Light hissed, embarrassed by his gullibility but unable to gather enough air to speak louder. "You are a larrikin…."

Ryuuzaki wiggled closer, burrowing into Light's chest and sliding a hand up to the base of Light's skull. He pressed his hips more firmly against Light, eliciting a gasp, and slipped his other hand underneath Light's shirt. His words came in a breathy rush.

"Not for the rest of the night."

This was written as a contest fic between myself, SlvrSoleAlchmst1, and The Angelic Demoness. The judge is anja-chan. I hope you enjoyed reading this, and that if you did, you go check out work by the above-mentioned authors. Please review!