I sigh heavily as I glance out the window of my office. While I love my job, being inside on a beautiful May afternoon is a definite drawback. I cross the small room to open a window inviting the ocean air in for a spell. Outside on the lawn, groups of primary school children are attempting to fly the kites they made in art class. They trip over their own feet and each other and I can see grass stains forming at their knees. Yelling encouragement to each other, some of their creations soar for a few brief moments before crashing down. Others kites flap sadly on the ground, trying to will themselves to soar while they remain earthbound resembling flopping fish out of water.

Looking past the younger children, I can see the 'tweens' lounging on their lunch hour. Suiting their title of being caught 'between child and teen', I can see some of them watching the kite flying escapade with a longing in their eyes--wanting to be just young enough to participate in such activities still without being deemed 'babyish' by their peers. I understand this longing well.

The other tweens keep an eye on the highschoolers strung out about the lawn, drunk from the sun and the promises of impending summer vacation. They are no doubt making their weekend plans, counting down the minutes until everyday is like a weekend.

Some of the seniors are horsing around with a Frisbee, while others chat animatedly in groups or on cell phones. Though it is a sin, I envy their freedom for a few moments. Are they thinking about where they will be when summer was over? Are they making plans for university to be over--the time when they will be unleashed on the world, all paths unfurled at their feet? I can only imagine what some of them are planning on doing after university. Remembering what my plans had been so many years ago, I marvel at the difference in what I had imagined I would be doing to what I had become.

Catching sight of Susannah and her friends CeeCee and Adam, I laugh out loud in spite of myself to think of Adam one day being called to the church or the idea of seeing Susannah fully regaled in a nun's outfit. Quickly growing sombre, I recall that never, not even in any wild dream or nightmare, had I planned on this path while I was still in high school. You can have an infinite number of plans and dreams in your head, but sometimes, what you want and what you get do not match, no matter what you do to make it so.

Stiffening a little when I see Paul Slater approach Susannah's group, I prepare myself to run out into the yard to stop someone from throwing the first punch. But no punches are thrown. Paul sits down on the lawn with them and I can only assume they are sharing a joke, because I can hear CeeCee's laugh all the way across the yard. I am amazed and awed at Susannah's restraint and the grace she has shown in forgiving Paul for the lengths he had gone to in an attempt to keep her and Jesse apart.

Such a powerful thing, the act of forgiveness. Oftentimes, I feel as though I am an exceedingly forgiving person and wonder if this was why I had been called to the church. Some days I was sure that my forgiving nature sealed my fate with God. Yet how can I not offer absolution to those who seek it out? Though I am part of the church and striving to live a righteous path, I am still so painfully human, making more mistakes than I care to acknowledge. I know how easy it was to cross the line, both intentionally and unintentionally. If I can be forgiven by the Almighty, who am I to turn my back on those around me?

There are those times, however, when small seeds of doubt sprout up, no matter how regularly I tried to weed them out before they can take root. How can I dole out forgiveness to others so readily, yet not even offer it to myself? And then I wonder if, in all of his divine forgiveness, if God will forgive me for the omission of one confession I have never made to any living soul.