Bond

Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series. Stephenie Meyer does.

Summary: New Moon Divergence - Bella was practically comatose when Edward broke her and left her in the woods. She has been hearing his voice. And now she has this burning sensation in her chest. What if it wasn't just her attitude but something more supernatural causing all of this.

Notes: Two parter and a particular theory of mine that I have been wanting to write out in story form. So that is why I have been sitting here trying to get the words out for the past six hours. Oh, and check out the new page break idea I had!

The world's on fire and
It's more than I can handle

Sarah McLachlan, World on Fire

Ever since he had left, my chest burned in agony. It was more than the pain of a broken heart, more than the fact that he didn't love me, more than the fact that I had been abandoned. It was so much more. I didn't know what it was, but I knew one thing.

My heart burned.

Day in and day out, in reality or my dreams, it was a constant ache that never went away. I can't describe it beyond the comparison that it was nearly at par of the bite James had given me making my blood boil. I never breathed a word to Charlie, this had something to do with vampires, and there was nothing that he nor any other human could do.

Jake never understood why I sometimes rubbed my heart, and I couldn't tell him. If I did, he would go on a cross-country hunt to find the Cullens, and I knew, deep down, that if Edward was killed, the burning would consume me.

So, when I almost tripped on a floorboard one morning before school, I tugged at the board until I had pulled it free, intent on replacing it. I hadn't expected the treasure trove of memories that lay underneath that mere floorboard. Pictures, gifts, the CD, and a page from my address book that had contained all the phone numbers of the Cullens, before they moved, something Alice had given me that summer before, knowing that one day I would need them.

Suffice to say, I skipped first period.

Tears were in my eyes as I delicately picked up each and every piece of memorabilia that I had from the Cullens. With every piece, I relieved the memories that accompanied them, the good and the bad. I was balling by the time I had reached the CD, playing and listening to the delicate melody that Edward had made for me, once upon a time.

But it was real, and I finally had proof for that. That once upon a time, Edward Cullen had loved me, until he grew tired of his plaything and left. Left me broken beyond comprehension.

And burning alive.

I fingered that piece of paper with the number, wondering if I should, if I could call them. Could I handle it? Would they even want to talk to me? They had all been against Edward's plaything in the beginning, and while I had thought that I had made some actual progress in the family, becoming friends, sister and even a daughter to them. But then they had left without a glance backwards.

The burning spiked then, making me rub my heart again. The fire was consuming me and I simply couldn't take it anymore, it was reaching the point of when I screamed in my dreams, it wasn't because of the nightmares, it was the pain in my heart.

A fire that was eating me alive on the inside.

Firm in my decision, I picked up the phone and dialed. It couldn't be anyone who hated me, or was overly emotional. I needed clear facts: what the burning was, how to stop it, etc. After that, it would be a clean break. This would probably destroy what little balance I had gained over the last couple of months, but I needed to solve this now. Before it killed me.

The phone on the other end picked up, and before the receiver could speak I quietly stated, "Hello Dr. Cullen, I need your help."

There was a sharp intake of unnecessary breath on the other side. "Bella?"

"Yes, this is she," I responded, quickly trying to get out the facts before he hung up on me and changed his number. "I know I shouldn't call you, and you are probably angry and so will he-" I couldn't say his name. It simply hurt too much and would spike the pain even more. "But I need your help, as a doctor."

"Of course," he murmured. I could hear the daily noises of hospital hustle and bustle and felt a pain of regret that I was taking him away from his job, away from a life that he could save.

I would have to make this quick, for those lives he could save. "My heart feels like it's on fire." It was blunt, but there was no other way to explain it,

There was a stunned silence on the other line, and I began to worry that maybe I shouldn't have called him. It could simply be a heart condition, and nothing vampire related at all, and now I was going to break apart again because I didn't go and see a normal, human doctor.

Harshly, he questioned me, "When did it start hurting?"

I couldn't give Carlisle the real answer, ever since Edward told me he didn't love me, so I settled for a similar period of time. "Since you all left."

There was some noise from his end, but I couldn't tell exactly what he said, but Carlisle sounded mad. I fearfully considered ending the phone call. They didn't love me, or even want me. Why was I going to them for help with something that probably was mundane? Why wasn't I asking the pack even?

Because I still trusted the Cullens with my life, no matter how badly they destroyed me.

Shocked from this revelation, I barely heard Carlisle telling me that Alice would be coming by to pick me up in a couple of hours. I began to protest, telling him that it wasn't that bad. I could live with the pain. It was merely an inconvenience. His reply startled me even further.

"That main will kill you, Bella. Alice will pick you up soon. Write a note to Charlie, tell him you went to see Renee, and we'll make sure Renee can't get any phone calls for the time being. Just be ready in a few hours," he calmly explained.

I nodded, and then realizing that he couldn't see me, verbally acquiesced. I hung up the phone before sliding to the floor. All of it was hitting me now, I had spoke to Carlisle, Alice was coming, and I was dying.

Ironic that.

All I had wanted to do the last couple of months was want to be dead, merely existing instead of living. But now that I had my death sentence, I didn't want to die. I didn't want to leave this plane of existence, not just yet. Not when Charlie was so worried about me, not when I had just made the best friend I could ever have, or had become part of a family – albeit a family that had an affinity for wolves.

Not when I was just now piecing myself together.

The repercussions for this simple phone call were going to be huge. I knew that, at the least. Whatever was making my heart burn had angered even the unflappable Carlisle, a feat that I had never seen done before, but I had the ability to make the impossible possible as it seemed. The pack wouldn't be happy, not in the slightest, but I'd have to explain.

Trying to prevent my upcoming mental breakdown, I pulled out some paper and began to write Charlie a letter, explaining that I couldn't take it in Fork anymore, that I was taking Renee up on her offer to live with her in Jackson. It was sudden, I know that, but I needed to go. It was getting worse, being here with all the memories. If I didn't leave, I would never be okay.

Jacob was so much harder. I told her exactly what was going on. I couldn't lie to him, not to my best friend. I told him that I was dying, that Carlisle could fix it and I had to go if I wanted to live. I needed to leave, but I swore I would come back. I added on to watch over Charlie, and take care of everyone in my absence and most especially himself.

I sealed both letters up ad wrote the approtiate names on them, laying them on the counter where I knew Charlie would see them. I went up to my room and packed up a few items that I would need for this trip, clothing and all the essentials. And suddenly the house was too silent, too cold for me to keep my mind off the coming trouble as I sat down on my bed.

And I broke down.

I was crying messily, big, gulping sobs that were barely allowing me to breath at all. I was practically howling in the pain – whether from the burn in my chest or the broken heart that I was suffering from, I had no idea. I was tearing at my hair, barely able to keep myself from flinging things around, destroying the precious few pieces of evidence that I had of our time before all of this. A time where I had been happy, a time where I had been loved – or at least thought I was loved.

But then it all came crashing down because clumsy little Bella cut her finger on a piece of paper. My world shattered because I was just too clumsy and stupid and so far out of my league that I never really noticed what was going on. That he was pretending to be this Prince Charming that I had dreamed of, a little girl dream. Well that little girl had seen the big bad world and had fled, leaving this shadow, this zombie behind.

A shadow that couldn't even take the memories that were all around her without falling to pieces. I was pathetic and I knew it, clinging to a man who didn't love, clinging to an ideal that was so far gone that I could barely remember what it was like to be the Bella he had "loved".

I was this broken doll that fell to pieces after she called a member of family that didn't even care about her anymore. I was doll that was dying. That's what it came back to the fact that I was dying. I didn't want to die. I still had so much that I could do, that I wanted to do. I wanted to watch Jacob and the pack eat, help Emily make lunch for all of them, laugh with Embry and Quil, I wanted to make Charlie dinner every night and poke of sports to him. I wanted to live, not merely exist like I had.

But that was only the realistic things that I wanted. The ones that were out of reach that I still wished for was going shopping with Alice, watching Jasper and Carlisle discuss some book, laughing at Emmett's jokes, try to play nice with Rosalie, eating whatever food Esme placed before me, and more than anything, him holding me, him kissing me, him loving me. I didn't care if he didn't turn me, all I knew is that I wanted a chance to do it all over again. I knew it was unrealistic, but that was wanted.

"I want Edward," I whispered.

The pain in my chest flared so fast and furiously that I didn't know what was happening. I felt exactly like that vampire bite from James, my blood was boiling, I was feeling as though I was being torn into two separate pieces, torn in two separate directions, shredded to tiny pieces. I was on fire and nothing could stop it.

A scream tore through my throat, and I knew I was dying. This was it. The end. Where were the flashes of my life before my eyes? The numb calm and realization? Was I only going to feel like I was being engulfed into the fiery pits of hell?

And suddenly, there was a cool countering my feverish fire. Marble arms surrounded me, calming the pain instantly, through the pain and exhaustion, I cracked my eyes open to see who was holding me, though I already knew from the smell that I was a vampire. Short black hair highlighted a worried pixie face that I recognised immediately, and I smiled, "Alice."

And then it all faded to black.

Know that we all fall down
Love till you hate
Strong till you break
Know that we all fall down

OneRepublic, AllFall Down

The first thing that I heard was the purr of an engine and drumming of the rain. The combination of the noises lulled me back into awareness. I opened my eyes and captured the sight of Alice, furiously driving as fast as she could, a frustrated and worried look portrayed in her eyes. Worried that I would frighten her with any sudden movement, I sighed before moving any part of my body.

Alice snapped her head in my direction, frustration fading away and worry becoming the predominate emotion on her face. I gave her a tentative smile before a sunny one broke across her face, dazzling me and viciously reminding me of him.

I noticed then, that the burn was still in my chest, but slightly dulled compared to the usual ache. I rubbed it, absent mindedly, noting the darkening of Alice's expression at the sight of my actions. "Where are we going?" I asked, trying to divert her bad mood.

"New Hampshire," Alice replied, turning her eyes back to the road. "We'll be there in about an hour. You worried me when you screamed and them passed out. I guess we're just lucky that I was near here to begin with."

I stared at Alice out of the corner of my eye, not wanting to look like I was staring at her. "You were near Forks?" I mimicked, incredulous. "Why?"

Alice sighed this time. "When we," she paused, "left. Edward told me to stop watching your future and for no one to contact you. We owed him much and tried to obey his request, but everyone was falling apart. All Rosaline and Emmett do are fight, Jasper is torn with guilt, Esme and Carlisle mourn the loss of their newest daughter, and I miss you. I was coming to get you back. Carlisle and Jasper knew, so when you called they just told me to pick you up and bring you back."

I noticed that she said nothing about him missing me and I felt the ache up a notch before I firmly placed it out of my mind. "I don't blame Jasper," I muttered, knowing that she would still hear me. "I blame myself."

Alice was gaping at me. "What did you do wrong Bella? All you did was accept and love us? We placed you in danger and hurt you. We are at fault, not you."

I shook my head and hid myself in the corner of the car, belatedly discerning that it was Carlisle's Mercedes. "I put you all on the pedestal and created this life that you all had acted and were human. Rosalie was right to hate me, I was manipulating you all, and after the party…" I took a breath forcing myself to say his name, "Ed-Edward told me that he couldn't keep the façade up that he was human anymore. It was something that I had forced him to become and mistaken his acceptance for love." I paused, trying to focus on something other than the spike of pain that came from saying his name.

"It's my fault," I stated, firm in my conclusion.

A deep sorrow crossed Alice's face before anger over road anything else. "Do you really believe that?" she bit out.

Fearfully, I nodded, not scared of her place as a vampire and the idea that she could kill, but with the fact that I had gotten to the truth and was clearly losing my first real friend. An angry growl made it passed her grinding teeth, frightening me further. "That idiot," she finally said. "Has destroyed the foundations of the relationships between my families and you. You had us on no pedestal. We were not actors in some play. Every action, every word I spoke to you was real. The meaning and sentiment behind them were real."

She turned and stared me in the eyes, "I love you Bella. You are my sister in almost every way. Don't you every disbelieve that. No matter what Edward," she spit out his name like it was something distasteful, "says, I will never believe otherwise."

Her face suddenly lit up, "Unless you try to take Jazz from me, then I might take you on a shopping trip as punishment."

I didn't know why or when, but I noticed at that moment tears were running down my cheeks. "I missed you Alice," I sobbed out.

"I know," she whispered. "I've had a hard time locating you since I decided to come and get you. Also, you and the house smell horrible. What's happened since I've been gone. Did you decide to keep all vampire's out with the stench."

It took me a minute to puzzle out the smell, but the answer came swiftly to me. Jake. I tensed myself. "The pack has been watching out for us and Jacob has been coming over a lot. He's my best guy friend, and helped me through everything that's been happening." I played with my hands, not looking at her, "He's been keeping me sane."

"Pack," Alice cautiously stated. "As in the wolves?"

I nodded, not trusting myself to say anything.

"They have no control," she screeched, enraged and terrified for me at one. "You could have been killed simply because they transformed near you. They are more dangerous than we are. And I can't see them, so no matter what, I would never know if you are alive or dead!"

"I know they have little control," I replied, calm in comparison to her passionate response. "I've seen what could happen to me, but they are careful now. Especially after what happened to Emily and all of that. I know what to watch out for and the signs." I took in a deep breath, smelling her sweet scent, "If they weren't near me, I'd be dead."

"What do you mean?" she questioned, terror reading across her face.

"Victoria is back." And that's all that really needed to be said, but I elaborated. "She tried to kill me once already, and the wolves have been tracking her, going in for the kill. Laurent is already gone. He was killed by the pack."

She deflated, worry and terror expended. "I'm so sorry. We thought she would follow us and leave you alone."

"'A mate for a mate' she said," I retorted. "Even though I am not Ed-his mate and never was."

Alice looked at me with a pitying look in her eyes. "He is a fool. Why do you not say Edward's name?"

I clutched my chest, "It hurts."

Her eyes softened, "We'll fix this. Sleep Bella, we'll be there soon. Sleep Bella, we'll be there soon."

And this time, I fell into the comfortable and waiting arms of sleep.

Kindly unspoken
You show your emotion
And silence speaks louder than words
It's lucky I'm clever
Cause if I didn't know better
I'd believe only that which I'd heard

Kate Voegele, Kindly Unspoken

This time, I didn't wake to the engine purr or rain, but to the feel of a cold, marble hand stoking my cheek. It was a motherly touch that was calm and patient, and even without opening my eyes I knew it was Esme, the woman who had become more of a mother to me than Renee ever had.

And I accidentally let that out. "Mother," I mumbled, really trying to say Esme. I swear. The hand stilled on my face before quickly removing itself. I quickly tried to open my eyes and caught sight of Esme's anxious face across the room.

I had hurt her with my accidental slip. "I'm sorry," I whispered, trying to sit up, even though there was an ache in my muscles as though I had run a marathon and lifted an impossible amount of weights. "I just," I broke off after I nearly fell back onto the bed. "I started to consider you my mother this summer in ways that Renee never was. The same with Carlisle." I traced the pattern on the quilt that had been tucked around me. "I won't call you that again, I am sorry –"

Suddenly, I had an armful of a joyful Esme hugging me. "Of course, I am honored for you to call me 'Mother'. I just don't want to be taking anyone's place in your life."

It wasn't that hard, I wanted to say, but I had to explain it. "Renee always treated me like she was my older sister, not mother. You treat me like I'm your daughter, not best friend. And Carlisle is the same way. Charlie and I co-exist and he's getting better at the paternal feelings and all, but Carlisle…well his manner is what changed my perceptions on who my family are. Anyways, Renee is my 'Mom' and you are my 'Mother'; Carlisle is my 'Father' and Charlie is my 'Dad'," I explained, thoroughly embarrassed.

I glanced up at Esme and was fascinated by the pleased smile that had grown during my speech. She placed her hand on my face making me look her in the eye. "Welcome to the family, my dearest, youngest and newest daughter Bella."

My heart felt like it might burst in happiness. "Really?" I inquired in wonder.

"Really," she laughed, a musical noise that immediately placed me at ease.

The door to the room that housed us opened, and Carlisle entered. I blushed, knowing that he had heard the entire conversation. I don't know why I had become so much less guilty. It must have been Alice's speech and my own opening of eyes I guess. It could have also been the fact that I knew I was dying and didn't want any more secrets to be kept, not now. Not after everything that had happened.

"Hello father," I bravely stated, observing as Carlisle's handsome face transformed into something more beautiful at my statement, a face that was something I had always dreamed I would se on my father's face.

"Welcome home Bella," he returned with a smile that caused my own to grow more.

I laughed. I was home, because when I was with the Cullens I felt more whole and alive than I had felt the entire few months alone without them. My home wasn't in Phoenix, or Fork; it was with them.

Then I remembered why I had been brought back into the fold by the actual flare of pain. I grasped at my chest, gasping at the actual pain it caused. This was different from the usual ache. It was like I was being attacked within my own body.

With pain in my eyes, I appealed with Carlisle, "What is happening to me?"

"It shouldn't be this bad. She shouldn't be in this amount of pain merely because of the distance. Something is wrong," he observed under his breath, loud enough for me to hear. I could see his mind furiously working.

I turned to Esme for guidance. "What is happening?"

She turned to her husband, and asked a question without words. He nodded, and she gently picked me up and took me down the stairs into what looked like the living room. This house seemed to have been restored again by Esme with its original classical beauty that stole my breath away. It reminded me of the one in Fork and all the wonderful times I had had there before everything happened.

In the room, Jasper and Alice were sitting, conversing in that rapid speech that I knew only vampires could hear. I could see no trace of Rosalie and Emmett, maybe they had left when they heard I was coming. I felt my broken heart give a tug, but I was rather good at ignoring that ache.

Both noticed Esme with her arms filled with me and broke away from the discussion to help me feel comfortable on a plush leather sofa. As Jasper helped tuck a blanket around my shoulders, I could see the raw pain in his eyes and regret. Grasping his hand, I tugged, making him look me in the eyes.

"Stop blaming yourself, Jasper. I was a klutz and cut myself on paper. Your instincts are your instincts. You can't stop your nature and who you are. The idea that you can actually abstain from drinking from humans is a miracle in my eyes. One lapse in judgment doesn't mean everything. You made a mistake. It happens. Just work more on controlling it," I told him, firm in discussion.

His eyes lightened, and I saw a small smile cross his face before he nodded. Alice beamed at me from his side, knowing that this was the stepping stone for Jasper to come out of self induced depression, a healing process that Alice would be there for every step of the way.

The four members of the Cullen family settled into seats as well, all facing me. They seemed to be waiting for something, and I decided that I would break the silence. "Where is everyone else," I queried.

Alice answered this one in her usual bubbly tone. "Rosalie and Emmett were in Europe on a second honeymoon. I threw Rosalie out after she made one too many snide comments. They have gone to get Edward to fix this."

Panic welled up in me. "They don't need to get him. He doesn't need to be here for this. Just tell me how to fix this, and we can. And then I can go back to Forks and leave you all in peace."

Esme looked thunderous at the idea of me leaving them behind again. "You are not leaving us behind. We left you once, and I am not willing to leave any daughter of mine behind again. No matter what my eldest son thinks is right."

I could see that she was not to be moved on that topic, so I gave her a small smile in reponse before Carlisle added on, "And Edward needs to be here because the reason you are in pain is his fault."

They all exchanged glances before Carlisle cleared his throat to explain exactly what was happening. "You know that in our family we have all coupled off except for Edward," I nodded. Carlisle took the hand of Esme beside him, "We have called ourselves husbands and wives, but for vampire's this is a stronger bond. We are soul mates, as cliché as it might sound," he ended with a chuckle.

"There are five bonds between two soul mates. The way a vampire can know they have found their soul mate is through the electricity between the two beings. Every time they touch, they become more aware of the other. That is the physical bond. The emotional bond is that no matter what mood the other is in, both can sense it and comfort the other by a mere touch of hands. Those are the easiest bonds that can be found between two vampires."

En-wrapped in the tale that he was telling me, I barely noticed that I was rubbing my chest, but every single one of the vampires in the room, zoned in on my movement.

"The next bonds are not found but created between soul mates," Carlisle continued. "There is the bond of strength. Both of you can gain strength by merely being near the other; again, touch is imperative in order for this bond to be created. The fourth bond is the mental bond between the two. They can hear each other's voices in the others head. A popular theory is that part of each other's souls have bonded, but then the main belief is that vampire's do not have souls. And the last bond is one of love. When all four other bonds have been completed and true love is achieved between the two, this bond forms, bonding the two together for eternity."

I leaned back in shock. I could read between the lines and see where Carlisle was going. "So I am bonded to Edward, and that is why my heart aches. Because it is not completed?"

Carlisle shook his head, "If it was uncompleted, it would only be a phantom pain. Yours and Edward's bond was completed. It hurts because you two are separated and have been for a while. What I don't understand is the flares of pain and the intensity. It shouldn't happen. The only way is if one side has rejected the other, but –"

Alice broke in, "Edward told her he didn't love her anymore."

Carlisle turned to me for confirmation, and I slowly nodded. Surprising me, and the others around him, he swore quietly. "He must not have known. Well of course he didn't, no one truly explained the bonds to him beyond the first two, my fault."

He looked miserable, and I reassured him, "You cant know everything Carlisle, and anyways, isn't this only to happen between vampires?"

"Yes," he laughed, ironically, "But you two seem to break all the natural laws of order that I have known over the past hundreds of years that I have learned."

I pondered all that I had been told. It made sense since skin on skin contract between the two of us always allowed me to feel as though I was being shocked, and he had admitted that he had felt it too once. Also, I had noticed that being near him and touching him always made me feel better and when we were separated no matter how short the period of time, I was saddened by his loss and could not get comfortable.

Also, I had been told I had made a miraculous recovery and needed little therapy, had that been because of Edward's own strength and healing abilities? Also, I had gained, during our period of time together a supernatural ability to discern what people were thinking.

But the idea of Edward's voice in my head, and my not being crazy for hearing it, elated me beyond belief. All those times I had heard it, I had simply begun to believe that I was going insane. But no, it was merely part of our bond. And the pain, that was because I wasn't near Edward, and he had rejected me. The initial rejection might explain the comatose state I went into, but the resulting actions were all on me. No matter how much I wished it hadn't been all my own actions, they were.

"It makes sense to me," I stated, looking into all their faces. "I've been hearing Edward's voice when I do certain activities." At their curious looks I elaborated. "Death defying stunts like riding a motorcycle, and all that. The other steps of the bond have happened too. So I have bonded with him, what do we do now?"

The room got quiet for a moment. "We wait for him," Jasper volunteered.

"Why?" I asked, lost on why needed him in this situation.

"He has to reaffirm the bond and be in contact with you for at least 24 hours for the bond to repair itself," Carlisle explained.

"What do you mean my reaffirm the bond?"

A look of shock must have been firm on my face, because Alice took pity on me and explained. "He had to tell you he loves you and mean it."

Oh.

To be continued...

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