A/N: That came out of nowhere and will be finished with one more chapter. It's unbetaed I beg pardon. I'm grateful if you point out the real bad mistakes which harm the story.
Disclaimer: If I owned 7th heaven it wouldn't have been so awfully cheesy.
This fic is about Mary coming to terms with her true identity dealing with her sexuality. Very slight mention of lesbian theme so homophobic people don't read.
Again she said on swing in the park deep in thought having escaped from her nosy family
Again she said on the swing in the park deep in thought having escaped from her nosy family. She felt bad for feeling this need to be as far away as possible but lately she felt like being alone. Fighting confusing and frightening thoughts and emotions she was no longer able to ignore or worse deny. They were there boiling inside fighting to finally break out into the open. She was slowly swinging absently and didn't hear him firmly approaching her.
"Hey Mary," Wilson announced his presence and the urge to talk.
Mary looked up only slowly emerging from her anxious mind and blink to focus onto the figure standing in front of her.
When she didn't acknowledge his presence verbally he tried it again:" Mary you can't run this time. I need to know what's going on with you...with us.
As Mary still lacked a reaction he continued feeling more and more frustrated and annoyed.
"Please Mary. I Love you. If there's something wrong...with me or whatever you can talk to me. I'll understand and we'll work this out."
Wilson tried to make her look into his eyes but failed poorly. Eventually he lost his pretended strong composure and let his head hang defeated. She sensed the change of attitude in her still boyfriend and forced herself to look up at his defeated figure. It hurt her deep inside to see him so hurt and disappointed. But what was she supposed to say? If she didn't have an satisfying answer for herself. It killed him and her but what was she supposed to say. She had to struggle with herself recently. She couldn't sleep properly cause those thoughts were circling non- stop. Getting to her and her confident exterior. Making her analyse the great question: Who am I?
Finally she spoke:" I don't wanna hurt you more than I already have but I have no answers."
Then she got up from the swing and walked away without another word. He stood there shell- shocked and rooted to the spot.
"You're breaking up?" he asked loudly to her retreating form.
It was loud enough for her to hear so he took the lack of a response as a yes. He was devastated. That was not how he had imagined this talk to end. Not the solution he'd expected. Definitely not.
"Hey Mary. I haven't seen Wilson around for quite awhile now. What's he up to?" Lucy asked her older sister through a mouthfull of mashed potatoes.
Mary looked up with a disgusted face due to the pieces of potato on her face. Wiping it away she swallowed and answered in a quite detached and emotionless way:" We split up two weeks ago."
The rest of the Camdon clan looking up in surprise and in mid-bite by how unmoved Mary seemed.
Eric was the first to re- gain his composure and asked:" Why didn't you tell us. You must be in need of a conversation. Did he break it off?"
"How do you feel Mary? You know I'm there if you wanna talk," Lucy assured her and her other siblings nodded.
Fortunately nobody saw how annoyed Mary rolled her eyes and how reluctantly she looked up to give her incredible nosy and annoying family a faked smile of gratefulness.
"Thanks but I'll be ok. And I ended it," Mary replied hoping to have succeeded in keeping the air of utter annoyance out of her voice.
Only Matt watched her more closely sensing something he just couldn't define yet.
This night Eric and Annie Camdon stood in the kitchen washing and drying the dishes when their conversation reached Mary. Both felt worried when thinking of their oldest daughter.
"I hope Mary's alright," Annie suddenly exclaimed sounding as helpless as she was feeling. "She has been too quiet lately. Didn't wanna talk and keeps the things happening in her life to herself."
Eric put down the last dish and dried his hands with a towel before turning to his wife. His forehead was contorted in a worried frown.
"I don't know. But I'm worried. I mean Mary's never really offered any information about her life voluntarily. But I agree she's been too quiet. Too locked. But I think the split up shook her harder than she let's on."
Annie nodded absently her eyes unfocused said:" I hope that Lucy and Matt can distract her. Maybe even with a new flirt. The last was added with huge discomfort and really tentatively.
Even though Eric deeply disapproved of that option but saw the truth behind it.
Lucy found her sister lying on her bed in their room appearing to be contemplating the ceiling. That one image never leaving Mary's mind almost driving her insane brought her into this thoughtful mood. But slowly she became aware of this one little change inside of the twisting and turning, sickening and exciting emotions. The deep apprehension and fear and hate toward those emotions seemed to have subconsciously turned into some of resignation and finally into something close to acceptation. But that still didn't mean to act upon those. She still felt odd and disgusted by them. But the main emotion was fear of rejection. She had long won the internal fight she'd held with god and everything her father had taught her based on the bible and everything religious. If God wanted people to pretend to be somebody else and be unhappy their life long God wasn't worth her time. She slowly started to feel good and comfortable about it.
Lucy lowered herself onto her sister's bed and touched her tentatively. Mary flinched because of the scare she'd suffered by Lucy's sudden presence and touch. But her eyes remained focused on the ceiling.
"Mary. What about a trip to the promenade. Have some ice cream a pizza. A nice sister evening?"
Mary was about to say no but after looking into her sister's pleading eyes she agreed.
"I'm looking forward to the special day you'll get your licence," Mary replied dryly.
"Thank you. You're the best!" Lucy squealed delighted.
"So off we go!" Mary said unenthusiastically.
"cheer up Mary. This is gonna be fun. I promise. You won' t be the third wheel. You know my friends."
"Yay. Hail for integration," Mary said sarcastically.
The two of them were sitting on a bench enjoying their ice cream. The one more the other less. Both were watching the people passing by and were lost in their thoughts. The one's thoughts circled around a certain someone not being able to rid herself from them so finally relenting and letting herself think. Because thinking doesn't hurt anyone.
"You know. The guy I'll date on Valentine's day has a really awesome looking brother. Who is interested in my sister. He's in your year," Lucy said waggling her eye brows.
"What are you doing with your eyes? That's creepy and looks like you're retarded!" Mary said dryly and slightly annoyed due to the "bringing- you- together- with- a- great-guy- to- cheer- you- up" stunt she was trying to pull.
"I don't feel like it," Mary replied.
"O C'mon!" Lucy exclaimed. She looked at her sister shortly and pointed her finger at some guys standing outside of Pete's pizza. That's him. See the great blond curls. He looks so awesome," Lucy ranted dreamily. "And the black haired tall guy next to him is his awesome brother. Gotta admit he's damned handsome."
Mary replied bored once again:" I don't feel like it."
"I don't suggest you two should go and marry right away. Just a date," Lucy said becoming slightly irritated.
This time Mary didn't even waste energy for a reaction and resumed watching the person who occupied her thoughts and passionate dreams. She couldn't take her eyes off of her.
"But you're looking at him!" Lucy stated.
"Hey!" she almost shouted. As Mary still didn't show a reaction Lucy started to poke her into the side.
"What!?" Mary said annoyed.
"You can't keep your eyes off him. So why not go on a date?" Lucy asked also getting annoyed by her sister.
"I'm not interested in him!" Mary said emphasizing the him knowing fully well that she'd be save saying it that way. Because Lucy'll never connect.
After that she stood and left towards the car. Leaving a utterly irritated Lucy behind starring at the bunch of youth in front of Pete's. There were only her soon to be boyfriend, his brother and a tall, skinny girl their age, dressed in lose jeans a lose Tee and a leather jacket. Her feet were clothed in Chucks. She had dark brown curly hair pulled back into a lose pony tail.
Lucy screwed up her eyes deeply confused because she didn't understand. She knew that girl. She didn't have a good reputation. Finally she followed her sister towards the car and joined her in it.
As Mary predicted she never made the connection.
"Shall we wait for your friends or what?" Mary asked.
Lucy avoided her sister's gaze guiltily.
"What!" Mary inquired impatient.
"Well I only wanted to get you out of your shell," Lucy said tentatively expecting the worst.
But Mary merely shrugged and was about to start the engine as Lucy said:" I don't know what I'm supposed to think that this cool respected guys hang around with that girl."
Mary turned towards her sister making her explain it with only one look.
"I mean everybody knows what she is."
Again Mary needed only one look to make Lucy continue and say what Mary knew she'd say. She dreaded the way her sister would say it.
"Ähm... That's wrong ... w..what she is," Lucy stuttered.
"What is it that she is!" Mary wanted to know and if her sister wasn't so occupied with that boy and her own life Lucy would've been ably to hear the slight desperation in Mary's voice.
"She..." Lucy breathed in and continued:" She's a disgusting Lesbian," Lucy spit out disdainful and disgusted.
Mary said nothing. She only started the engine and drove home. Not knowing what she would be for her own sister. Her words had hurt her. In anticipation she had awaited Lucy's words dreading the way she'd phrase it but despite this still hoping for an understanding, accepting thinking. Now she knew it was the way she'd dreaded.
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