I'm... afraid.

I wish I could just tell her my feelings.

I can't help it.

These feelings... won't leave me be.

Are they wrong? To desire a girl this way...

I just cannot help but be captivated by her beauty.
The thought of her lingers in my mind. I wish for the two of us to be.
I cannot help but look in her direction. And when she looks back, I cannot help but wonder what is on her mind.

I yearn for her. Body and soul.

Intimate dreams make me wonder where I have placed my sanity. Can it really be?
I do not know.

When we talk I cannot help but be captivated by those lips... glisten and gleam with a shine of strawberry lip balm.
How I yearn to claim those lips. How I yearn for her... to want me as bad as I, her.

Her beautiful figure... it would make any man swoon. How I wish to have her in my arms.
I wish to hold her as tight as I can. To place my cheek upon that shoulder.
To claim her neck and leave a love bite in its wake. To make her mine.
I want to wrap my arms around her waist and capture her lips in a passionate kiss.
I want her.

Body and soul.

I wish to make her mine and mine alone. If ever a man were to take her away from me.
My heart would ache, my desires no more and only a thought for her happiness would remain.
No matter what, I wish for her happiness.

This... is a lie.
I have always wished for her happiness. But more than that, I wish to be the cause of that happiness.
I want to be the reason for her smiles. Those warm smiles that make the world just disappear.
Smiles that make words useless and smiles that make me flustered and my cheeks blush.

If I've ever the strength to show my affections, I wonder if I would have the strength to be turned down.
I am not confident in myself to do such a thing.

She is the reason for me to be. The day we met, she looked upon me with a bright smile.
We became friends, and we still are. That is all we are. Friends. I want... more, I want more of her.
Would she... would she want me as well? More than a friend.

I love her thoughts, I love her words, I love her. Her mutual love for everyone and everything make her beauty flourish.
But I want her alone.

This primal need will not go away.
She is in my dreams, in my mind... all the time.
I wonder if this is wrong. I cannot stop these feelings.

If I were to take her by force? ... Never.

These feelings...

Feelings can not be controlled. Only influenced.
That is what I believe. Maybe it is true, maybe it is not.
Maybe it is just a lie I tell myself to keep sane. I do not know.

I am confused.

I wonder... does she love me? Would she? Someone like me... possibly.
I would be too afraid to ask her what she thought of me, and what she would think of us.
I fear the thought of losing her as a friend. If I were to lose her, I would not know what to do.
My heart pounds at the very thought.
I am content. The way things are right now, I am content. I ask of no more.

Still.

We are friends now.
But I continue to wish... for her. To touch her, to hold her, to kiss her.
I yearn to hear her talk, to know what she thinks, to have her confide in me.
What am I to you... friend? love?...lover... impossible.

If you knew my feelings... How can I tell this to you, Himeko.