I really need to stop, but I know I can't. L and Light are just too hawt.

I seriously hope this won't turn out to be another long one, but with the ideas my Muse has been producing I dunno…

By the end of this I'll be running for my life from an irate L (and probably Light too), so yeah. Some of you may be like my Muse and find this hysteric in a sick way and some of you will roast me with flames.

Yeah, and the way this'll turn out, Light will be consistently sort of OOC, and it'll switch between L being as in-character as I'm capable of writing and so OOC my head will start to ache. Just so you're aware.

It probably won't help one bit, but I've already published the sequel to this fic, and it's called Aftermath. I suggest you not read it until we at least get farther in this plot, since I give little to nothing away in the sequel and make you wait for the juicy plotness.

And since she was the one who gave me the idea to publish Aftermath first, and since she vowed to kill me if I went through with the intended ending, this one is dedicated to my friend Amanda. I'm sorry for losing your card!

"Ryuzaki," Light said, glancing at the detective from the corner of one eye.

"Yes, Light-kun?" L replied absently, still staring at the computer screen as he held a sugar cube between his teeth.

"Please stop doing that." A slightly uncomfortable tinge had entered his tone, and L looked curiously over at the young man.

They hadn't been chained together for very long, but already it was clear that some of L's peculiar mannerisms were starting to bug Light out. Like his habit of slobbering all over whatever food item he happened to have in his mouth.

"Why?" L asked, stifling his curiosity.

"You're giving me a hard-on," Light replied, pointing to his pants which were now starting to resemble a tent.

"That was rather blunt, Light-kun." L remarked, seeming unphased. "I never even knew you were gay."

Light snorted, rolling his eyes. "Oh please. You're just asperger's. Even though I haven't come out and said it I haven't been hiding the fact."

The corner of L's eye twitched. Oh hells no. "Did Light-kus just accuse me of being autistic?"

"Considering that you have no social skills whatsoever, you exhibit repetitive movements like biting your thumbnail, and you talk and sit like a special kid, yeah."

He had a point. "Light-kun, I'm not autistic." L said, frowning slightly.

"You may be up there on the intelligence and creativity scale, but your people skills are almost zero. You lie compulsively, and you have absolutely no empathy." Light retorted, scoffing.

Got me there. "Fine. But what makes you say I'm a compulsive liar?" L said with a touch of wariness.

"Because, when normal people say something and mean in there's inflection in their voice! If you had normal social skills you would've noticed it. By all rights everyone should see right through you, but since you always act like you don't give a shit you're a really good liar." Light replied with a snort.

"I think I'll take that as a compliment." L said, turning back to the computer. "But I'm not asperger's."

"If you like." Light chuckled. "But neither are you completely straight."

L turned to fully face the young man, his brows hooded in mild irritation. "What are you rambling on about now?"

Light rolled his eyes. "If you weren't so asperger's and you bothered trying to interact with people, you'd maybe have figured out what sexuality you are before this. But trust me, some people are just endowed with this uncanny knack for figuring out whether or not someone's straight, and my inner gaydar has been going off around you."

Light was being particularly annoying tonight. Not that he was ever not annoying. For some reason, L found that the young man constantly rubbed him the wrong way, ever since they'd met. It was completely irrational, which only irritated L further. Light gave him absolutely no reason to hate him so, and several reasons to feel some mutual respect, given the young man's intelligence rivaling his own; but the fact remained. Whyever he felt this way, L really hated Light's guts. And the infuriating young man's behavior tonight was not helping.

"Well that's all well and good, Light-kun can keep thinking that to himself." L huffed, turning back to the moniter. "But I'm not gay."

"Or are you? The way you purposefully eat food so suggestively around me only makes me think that you're trying to seduce me. Why would you put the handcuffs on in the first place?" Light grinned, though it was really a thinly-veiled malicious smirk. "I think you've had a crush on me since we met and this is how your little asperger's self deals with it."

The auburn-haired young man wheezed painfully as L's foot connected hard with his upper body, overbalancing the swivel-chair and dumping him on the floor. The force of the kick sent Light's body skidding far enough away that it pulled the chain taut, and in his unbalanced position recoiling from the kick L was pulled off his own chair.

"Methinks the great L doth protest too much," Light commented with a weak chuckle as he tried to sit up with a muted grunt. He looked up at the detective, who had clambered to his feet once the floor had broken his fall and was standing over the young man chained to him with a stony expression. Light could tell right off that the dark-haired man was struggling to keep his expression neutral, and suppressed a smirk.

He was easier to piss off than expected. Granted the poor guy was so antisocial he hadn't a clue how to interact with people normally, but it was impressive how easy it was to fracture the calm persona he wore. Light was half inclined to stop, but he decided to see just how much further he could push the dark-haired detective.

He'd admitted to himself that he had a mild crush on L, but he'd had enough of those that he could deal. L, however, was a completely different story. He'd obviously never been attracted to anyone. Now this was only a wild guess, but Light was very perceptive, and he could swear that L was infatuated and had no idea how to handle it.

Light was hoisted to his feet by a very irate L grabbing a handful of his shirt and pulling the younger man up roughly. "Methinks Light-kun would be smart to shut up and go to bed." L said in a voice that was just on this side of a hiss, though his face remained expressionless. That tone was warning enough; Light relented.

As they crawled into bed, Light settling down with a muted grunt and L curling up in his trademark pose with a laptop's screen shining into his pale face, Light wondered if he'd gone a bit too far. Well, he'd find out later. Perhaps L would calm down overnight. Light turned onto his side so that he faced away from L, closing his eyes with a soft sigh.

L, meanwhile, was trying to interpret his own reaction to Light's provocations. Anyone would be miffed if some arrogant college student (who was still highly suspected of being a mass-murderer; over ninety percent despite the low numbers L threw around) accused them of being autistic. Or when that same college student accused them of being gay.

Then again, L wondered why he should be insulted. He honestly had never felt the inclination to pursue any sort of relationship with another person that was beyond the bare minimum to interact in a non-hostile manner. So really, who was to say that he wasn't gay? Considering the fact that he hadn't been attracted to any female before – well, he hadn't been attracted to any male either. Since he hadn't given his sexuality any thought whatsoever, it would be childish not to keep an open mind.

If anyone but Light had made the comment, L probably would have shrugged it off. But since Light had been the one to say it, L shouldn't have been surprised at how it irritated him.

Something the young man had said caught L's attention, though: the comment about having a crush. Usually L was detached enough that little besides a person being blatantly stupid irritated him, which was one of the things that made his irrational hatred of Light so much worse. So it was odd, L had decided quickly, that he despised Light so thoroughly and so utterly without reason.

But, maybe Light had unwittingly guessed correctly when he made that taunting jibe. The normally anti-social detective was clueless when it came to dealing with people(when it wasn't a criminal he was tracking down, of course), so it sort of made sense that the only way his subconscious could figure out how to deal with infatuation was to make him dislike the object of his affection so heartily. Like how little boys in the schoolyard would tease the girl they liked.

That particular comparison made L wince slightly. Yes, it was childish. To the utmost degree. But L hadn't been able to help it before, and was currently deciding whether he wanted to put forth the effort to try and help it or not.

L glanced over at the peacefully sleeping young man beside him, his brows hooding slightly as he muttered, "I still hate you."

Yup. And if you've read the sequel, Aftermath, you'd be wondering how we get from here to there. But that will come later. As soon as I convince my Muse to leave the sequel a one-shot and make her concentrate on this.