Summary: It was the truth she wanted, when they finally met after one long year. It was the truth he would give, after remembering everything that had been stolen from him. It was more than the truth they wanted from each other after all that.
Pairings: Lelouch Lamperouge/Kallen Stadtfeld
Disclaimer: I don't own Code Geass. It's produced by Sunrise and the character designs are copyright to CLAMP.
Absolution
It had come as a shock in varying degrees but this one was the biggest of them all. The man she suspected then let go was the man who had captured her respect, admiration, and fervent loyalty. He was blunt about using them, the Elevens he was trying to revert back to being Japanese. It was a stab to the heart. And even as she wanted to run and save him, all she could do was run, run away. One year later, she met him face to face once more, back to the man he was. And she demanded answers.
"Did you use Geass on me?" she was blunt about it. She wanted to know if there was some truth to her unwavering loyalty. She didn't mind being a slave to the man she admired and respected, if only it led to the freedom of her people. What she did mind, however, was the lack of truth and knowledge on her part. And when he nodded, it opened an old wound. "…How do I know that you're not making me do this?"
There was a painful silence that followed her question. Raising the gun, her arms shook as she continued to keep it pointed at him. She was serious, but something inside her couldn't bear to pull the trigger. As he continued to approach her, she stiffened. Her heart was racing as she struggled to steady her arms. She would shoot if he did anything wrong, she reminded herself. When his chest was against the gun's barrel, he finally opened his mouth to speak.
"I did, Kallen," he said simply. Her eyes began to water as she stared at him in disbelief. There were no embellishments to his reply, just the plain and unadulterated truth. What was all this then? Was she doing it out of his command or did she do it out of her own volition? "But you still have your will. I didn't make you do this, Kallen. You chose to do it." His words made her ears perk up. Could she believe the man who used them, who used her, to tell her the real truth?
"How do I know, Lelouch? How!" cried out Kallen, dropping the gun as she started to cry, slamming her fists weakly onto his chest. Despite his extreme lacking in physical prowess, he proved able to take her attacks. Hot tears continued trailing down her face, hitting the floor in haphazard splatters. And just as she was about to strike him one more time, his hand caught hers.
"If I used Geass to command you to follow my every word unwaveringly, you wouldn't be acting this way now would you? Seeds of doubt would never have sprouted because you'd believe no one else but me," he explained quietly, gripping her wrist tightly. It wasn't painful though it was tight. It was almost as if Lelouch was looking for an ally in Kallen, someone else to whom he could divulge everything his heart and shoulders would bear besides C.C. He needed someone who saw him not as an accomplice but as another who wanted retribution for the wrongs that Britannia had caused.
Teal eyes met magenta as Kallen looked straight at Lelouch. Her eyes were still tearing but they were subsiding. Her chest slowly stopped heaving heavy breaths as she continued to listen to his explanation. So she wasn't a slave, not in the slightest! If she were in his place, he would do exactly as he said if he forced her subordination that much made sense in her clouded mind. But it still didn't answer why. Why did he have to hide? What did he have to hide?
He was a Britannian who sided with the Japanese. Unlike her, Lelouch was full-blooded. Was he just more sympathetic to the plight of her people? Somehow, she doubted that was the only reason, but his sympathy and empathy were real enough. He was not ashamed of telling her that he did, in fact, use them to further his own gains. What did a pure blooded Britannian like him have any reason for a vendetta against his motherland? Surely he was just from a rich family, not a noble one, who had no reason for planting seeds of hatred in its members against the royal family?
"You need to know more?" he asked as he put his hands against her cheeks. They were cold and warm at the same time, shaking against her skin as they stayed put. She waited with bated breath as she wondered what he was going to do next. What spell did he use to put her under his complete control? He may have given her many wounds but Kallen found herself going back to him each and every time. His thumbs moved, wiping away the tears from her eyes. "I will tell you more… but we must escape for now. Babel Tower will fall to its destruction soon, bringing us with it, if we don't hurry."
Newfound courage struck through her, bolting every fiber of her being, as Kallen remembered the situation they were in. This was no time to start remembering that she had feelings for Zero and that she was slowly coming to terms with his two identities: a rebel and an extremely gifted student. Lelouch released his hold of her, bringing his hands to his jacket afterwards. When it was unbuttoned, he cloaked it over her.
"We need to go, now," Lelouch said in his usual curt and unembellished manner. Kallen couldn't agree more as she grabbed his hand and started to run, run towards her Knightmare and one that they brought for Zero's use for escaping. And as the two teenagers continued to run towards their escape route, it could only be left to curiosity if they realized their hands intertwined in a tight hold, one that could be interpreted that they were more than just comrades.
Three Months Later: Zero's Room
After they had escaped and slowly rebuilt their headquarters, it took the next three months of their time to finish everything. Slowly, the situation had been explained to the former key officers who had understood the situation. Lelouch still hadn't removed his mask, but the members had long accepted their masked leader. He was the hidden face but he was the very reason they were able to get this far. It was a fair enough trade for them.
Familiar faces were working with him as the top echelons of the Black Knights and the former prince wouldn't have it any other way. They had matured as a rebel group and so had he, as the center of it all. He would carry more burdens now that the Emperor and key members of the army knew of his identity, but it made the stage all the more interesting. Lelouch still had many tricks up his sleeve to bring the downfall of the Britannian Empire. As he continued to mull over the past three months of his life, the automatic door to his room opened, forcing him to reach for his mask.
"Who is it?" There was no reply but footsteps, getting louder and louder. A sudden shiver ran down Lelouch's spine as he picked up the mask to wear, only to be stopped by a hand. A sardonic smile appeared on his face as he wondered how to battle with his unannounced visitor. Was it someone knew who managed to get to his room without Lelouch receiving word of this visit? Or was it someone out to bring him back to the Emperor, a spy who had infiltrated the Black Knights. "What are you planning to do?"
"Well, I was planning to take you up on your word on telling me more about all your secrets," the visitor replied coolly. Lelouch turned around to see Kallen, waving slightly. So she didn't forget. It wasn't that he wasn't planning on conveniently forgetting to seek her out to tell her answers to the questions she had yet to ask but everything just played out as they did. "For starters, why are you siding with us, you who is pure Britannian? What slight could Britannia have made to you and your family that you so desire their downfall?"
Silently, Lelouch motioned for her to sit down on her bed as he went over to the chair across it. It was a long story, one that required comfort. It was one that he told few and kept it as a secret because that man used his own children as pawns. If he could help it, Lelouch would tell no one of his true identity, not as Lelouch Lamperouge masquerading as Zero but as Lelouch vie Britannia masquerading as a Britannian youth whose family name was Lamperouge.
"Lelouch Lamperouge, that is what you know me as… correct?" Kallen nodded slowly, wondering where this was going. Lelouch turned his back to her, walking over to the door as he pressed numbers to lock it from within. He wanted no one else to hear of his story, not while he could help it. "Not surprising, as it's the mask I wear other than that of Zero's. My real name is Lelouch vie Britannia, son of the man who conquered Japan among other territories, a man I had long cast off as my father as he cast me off as his son."
Kallen stared as she watched the man of noble blood walk back to his seat, opening and closing his mouth as he continued to speak. His story of his mother's assassination, the effect it had on his sister, his seeking audience with his father, and how it all ended up with the two being sent to Japan as pawns overwhelmed her. His knowledge that his brother Clovis and his sister Cornelia hated Japan because this was where he and Nunally had supposedly died all made sense. Though it was a weak and pathetic reason, it wasn't as unfounded as she had thought.
He had committed fratricide when he killed Clovis, an action he seemed to have regretted at first but slowly come to accept. It was entirely impossible to avoid death if one took the violent course of action. His thirst for revenge and to create a world where his sister could live in peace almost balanced each other out, making him neutral, but it was undeniable that his hands were stained in blood. Kallen watched him, looking at him with soul-searching eyes, as he continued his tale.
When he had finished, Kalenn was unable to find any words to say. She wanted to stand up, to reach out, and to tell him that she was going to stand by him. Never mind that they had different goals in mind. Ultimately, if he won, so would Japan. It would no longer become Area 11 but it would go back to being what it used to be: a country ruled by its own people. In that way, he would have created a world where his sister could be able to live in peace, without war looming over their heads.
"You must think I'm crazy. What, a former prince cast away by his own father standing up to rebel against him? I hate that man, more than you can ever know. He cares only for the strong," said Lelouch with a bitter laugh, a sardonic smile forming on his face. Slumping his back, Lelouch buried his face in his hands, his hair falling down like black water. Kallen shot up from her seat and all but rushed beside him, encircling her arms around him, his appearance weak and fragile.
Lelouch pulled away, confusion in his magenta eyes. Why did she do that? Why did she not run away as he had expected her to? He wasn't looking for compassion or pity from her, not in the slightest. She wanted the truth and he would give it. He trusted Kallen enough to know that she wouldn't divulge it. And now, he was feeling something he hated. He was scared, afraid that he would break if he did anything. It wasn't for self-preservation that he locked himself away. It was almost like he had to be that Messiah who would die (figuratively) in order for everyone to live better lives.
A myriad of emotions ran through Lelouch's veins as he reached out to Kallen who didn't seem to be running away. He was scared, nervous, uncertain, shaking. When he finally reached out, his arms encircled her as his defenses started to break down one by one. Why was it that after he told his story, he felt so vulnerable? Wasn't he supposed to be the leader of the Black Knights, bringing them to victory? Leaders weren't supposed to be weak like this, not his image of leaders anyway.
"It's… alright. You're allowed weakness. You're human too, Lelouch…" Kallen whispered as she returned the embrace, tight and reassuring. The former prince's head shot up, confusion still evident in his eyes. Blood was running through his head as he felt his temples pounding. What was this attraction he felt? Certainly this was only because she was there when he felt the need to be connected with someone. With a faint smile that made him fall into temptation, Kallen spoke. "It's… alright. I don't mind… if it's with you."
Slowly, they stood up while their lips were locked in a passion-driven kiss. Their hands were pulling at the other's clothes as they stumbled towards his bed. In his state of vulnerability, his control over himself was weakening. Lelouch wanted Kallen and he wanted her now. Kallen, on the other hand, did nothing to lessen the already abundant temptation present to Lelouch. In fact, she just did more to fuel the flame of passion as they continued stumbling, only for her to fall on her back against the soft mattress with Lelouch on top of her.
"I… can't stop… if we go any… further," gasped Lelouch, his hands almost clawing at Kallen's clothes. Lust had long glossed his magenta eyes as he stared at Kallen, waiting for her reply. He could hold on for a few moments longer and if Kallen didn't do anything to go away, he couldn't and wouldn't stop himself. Her only reply to his words was to pull him back down. She'd think of the consequences later. Just as Lelouch wanted Kallen, she wanted him as well.
In the back of their mind as they continued to move, they wondered they would still choose each other if they could choose another. A voice answered them as cloth was torn away, thrown into a scattered pile on the floor. They would still choose each other; their bodies and minds somehow wouldn't let someone else take this position in their life. No one else was fit for the job of holding and shielding their hearts from the rest of the world.
Early Morning, Zero's Room
Lelouch watched as Kallen continued to sleep, her arms hugging his right arm as if it were a stuffed toy. Magenta eyes glanced over to the watch: three in the morning. Everything was still so foggy, his temples pounding as he continued to breathe deeply and slowly. Did everything happen as they did? Last he checked, they were both naked and lying down on his bed. Looking over both of their bodies, it was still that way.
Did he regret it? Only if she did. As he shifted his position slightly, Kallen stirred. Unhooking her arms, she put her palms on his bed and pushed herself upwards. The sheet fell away but she didn't seem to care. Looking at him with what seemed to be love in her eyes; Kallen leaned forward and kissed Lelouch on the cheek, earning her a surprised look from the Britannian.
"You're not alone Lelouch. Though we have different reasons for fighting this war… without you, we would be nothing. You have assigned me to be part of your personal guard, let me do more than guard your body. If you'd let me, I'd like to guard your heart as well, entrusting you to guard mine as I do yours," she said simply a sincere smile on her face. He couldn't speak as he listened to her words but Kallen gently coaxed an answer out of him.
"A hard bargain…" he began, almost able to sense disappointment in her eyes. Taking a deep breath, he started once more. "It's a hard bargain you drive, Kallen, but a bargain I accept."
From what started for a desire for truth on her part, she had gotten forgiveness for her betrayal one year ago. As he told her the truth, he had gotten forgiveness that he had been passively seeking. He never once went out of his way to ask for it but it came. It was this absolution he had gotten from Kallen, who still accepted him despite all his lies, that let him give what he had long thought he had locked away, his heart.
…FIN…
And thus ends my first ever Lulu/Kallen story. I hope the plot seems reasonable and the characters remain as canon as possible. It might be hard for people to see Kallen as being emotionally vulnerable at times, also Lulu, but it did happen in my honest opinion. It happened to Kallen in Stage 9 and to Lelouch in Stage 16.
Here's to hoping that there'll be more of a Lulu/Kallen fanbase and for the one that already exists, that this is a good story to jump off for me to write more. I'm sorry if my writing seems a bit… straight to the point and tells you everything from the get-go but I haven't written in a long time. Still, I hope everything is to your tastes.