A/N: A few wonderful people started writing this pairing, so I decided to join the bandwagon. Characterization had been a problem for me, but this new plot bunny attacking me tells me that I can somehow pull it off. I hope. Especially the romance; I don't think something mushy would ever do the trick, but I'll do my best! And oh, don't worry; I won't be putting a lot of author's notes and crap after this. That being said, I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: Gintama and its characters are owned by a genius that goes by the name Hideaki Sorachi.

Summary: She went back to her home planet to become an alien hunter alongside her father. Four years later, she visits Edo, looking for a fiancé. But it just so happened that HE was the first person she ran into...

Pairing: Okita/Kagura

Rating: T for language

Beta-ed by: neko11lover (thank you so much, Daishin-chan!)

Before you read, of course you'd need proper mind set, as well as a clearer view of what had happened, so here goes.

Suppose that at some point in the later parts of the manga, Kagura decided to return to her home planet and join her father in hunting down aliens all over the universe, because before she can even turn fifteen, Gintoki has convinced her to secure her own future as early as now. That path was, of course, one which was more productive than eating sukonbu or going hungry due to poverty, and it's the path that an alien hunter takes. So she had gone home and had undergone some Yato-style training in order to follow her father's footsteps. (And if you're wondering, she brought Sadaharu along too.) After four years, Kagura (with Sadaharu) returns to Edo, though not as an alien hunter… but as a woman in search for her fiancé.

And this is where our story starts.

Conspiracy Theory
© Doctor Meowzie

- - -

ONE - Where the hell was everybody?

"That dog looks like it'd bite anyone's head at any moment…"

- - -

"Okay, Toushi, what's new for today?" Kondo sat down beside the vice commander, who was holding the right side of a newspaper while Kondo took hold of the left; both men scanned the various articles scattered all across the front page, and upon setting eyes on the headlines, the words printed in the biggest font, and on a picture that showed remnants of what looked like a ramen bar that was blown to dust, Hijikata Toushirou immediately paled.

"Kondo-san…"

Kondo Isao scratched his chin lazily. "Hmmm, Prince Hata went home safely now. That's good. Oh, another one of his pets broke out of its container and plucked his antenna out? Even better."

"No, no—ah, that's good news I guess—but no, that's not it. Kondo-san, look more closely. A little to the right."

The Commander of Shinsengumi raised an eyebrow at the next lines he read and grinned widely. "Oh, another panty thief caught? (1) Ah, Otae-san! It's Otae-san! As expected of Otae-san, I've heard it's the fifteenth of the successors of that panty thief from four years ago that she's been decapitating these past few weeks. Oh, wait, there's a new one, so that makes them sixteen. Haha, impressive!"

"No, actually it's the seventeenth in the newspaper. There's been seventeen panty thieves caught so far, Kondo-san. But that's not it. Look, it's the biggest picture you see. And Sougo is there doing the V-sign."

Hijikata seemed to have been unheard as Kondo made his next comment, where the commander looked at him seriously, or as serious as a gorilla's face can get.

"…Toushi, I didn't know that there was another alien attack. Did you hear anything about this?"

Just what you'd expect from the feared and respected higher-ups of the Shinsengumi: an intellectual, strategic, updated discussion like this.

"Huh? No… no, I didn't hear anybody saying anything about that. Damn, where was it?" Hijikata scanned through the article about the most recent alien attack. "Tch. At a host club, huh? What have our men been doing all this time, reading JUMP under a tree instead of patrolling? That's it. It's seppuku for whoever that irresponsible bastard is…"

Kondo nodded and continued, "Oh, but it says that the alien has already been taken care of. Look here, see? 'Prince Hata intended to spend his last night in Edo trying out his charms on various women (Hijikata coughed at this), but miserably failing to do so while earning a few emotion-packed wounds, and some heart-shaped bruises. Thus in an attempt to, as what his manservant tells us, "lock himself away in the darkness, never to return again" (which in human language would mean that he merely desired to cry out in agony because the pain he felt all over his body was worse than that time his poop got stuck at that hole in his ass when he was eight), Prince Baka drowned himself in several bottles of Don Perignon, eventually getting drunk and knocking one bottle of Don Perignon over his pet armazilla…'"

Hijikata stared at the article questioningly. "Armazilla?"

"Yeah. Some alien-breed of an animal called armadillo; only, it looks like something Godzilla gave birth to." For a second, Kondo seemed to look doubtful, but decided to continue reading loudly nonetheless. "Anyway, 'the armazilla getting Don Perignon poured all over its body has triggered a completely unexpected allergic reaction, which resulted in a great expansion of its body, growing a thousand times its size until the whole host club and its neighboring business establishments were destroyed by the humongous armazilla that began to run amok. It was at this exact moment that a Chinese woman clad in red appeared, and with one bullet shooting out from the tip of her purple umbrella, said armazilla went weak on its limbs and seemed to have felt dizzy. With a follow-up punch on the head—a frighteningly powerful blow that had green blood oozing out of the armazilla, the Chinese woman's fist may have been made of iron—Prince Baka's pet alien was knocked out…'"

Two pairs of eyes landed on the small picture of a woman beating the crap out of an armazilla.

Commander and vice-commander looked at each other and blinked.

"So… that Yorozuya China girl is back, huh." Hijikata took hold of his cigarette and blew smoke out of his mouth.

Kondo nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah. My my, she really has grown to be like Otae-san! And there's her large pet dog! Haha, it kind of looks a little different here, though…"

"That dog looks like it'd bite anyone's head at any moment…"

"She must be serious with the alien-hunting business. I heard Umibouzu-dono's taking a break somewhere out there."

"Maybe that, or she just dropped by our planet to visit their old place."

"Probably."

They silently went back to the newspaper and chose to read other articles.

…

Then Kondo broke into a heavy sweat and laughed nervously.

"S-So, Sougo did it again, huh?" (2)

"Here you go, Sadaharu!" Kagura happily exclaimed, throwing a pack of dog food she had just bought from a convenience store with her savings.

Sadaharu caught it with its paws and ripped the pack up with a single stab by one of his fangs. Sadaharu from four years ago looked the same as he did now, as cute as ever. As the inugami (3) fed upon his food with a most satisfying look on his face, the peach-haired girl can't help but grin not only at how her pet dog had managed to retain its cuteness these four years (although she didn't really understand why some people still called him scary), but more so on the fact that the dog was able to endure being under her care for four years and a few months. He was most definitely by far her favorite pet. All other past Sadaharus couldn't last through the night as Kagura would end up killing them with her bare hands, but her current Sadaharu can even keep up with the barbaric training she had been undergoing.

Although Umibouzu initially disapproved of Kagura hanging around with an inugami, she had somehow managed to completely tame him; Sadaharu was now the girl's faithful sidekick in the job.

…ah, scratch that 'girl' part. She had already shot up in height, her curves have finally revealed themselves, and she by now definitely wore a bra to make sure her chest won't spill out, so she wasn't a little girl anymore.

Patting her dog on the head, she opened her umbrella. Today was a sunny day in Edo, and seeing as the sun was already high up the skies, it must've already been around ten in the morning.

Biting on a piece of sukonbu, Kagura sighed. She just came back last night, and the first thing she had encountered was an alien attack at a host club. She didn't really have any intention to fight any aliens at all, but since innocent citizens were bound to get hurt, springing to action had been a must. After all, Kagura had wanted to change her Yato ways—that instead of fighting to satisfy her innate thirst for battle, she'd fight in order to protect others. (4)

She stood at the rooftop of what had once been her home in the city, idly watching as citizens passed by the roads without even noticing her. What else was there to do? She had been bored ever since she arrived the previous evening.

Kagura was supposed to barge in the general store in a grand fashion she's rehearsed a few times at her own home (and if she's lucky her foot may even land on Gin-chan or Shinpachi's head while she's at it). She did just that, but to her chagrin, nothing but silence greeted her. No one seemed to be around in the Yoruzuya Gin-chan to welcome her back. Why was nobody around? Surely Gin-chan hadn't thought of moving out, had he? The usual appliances were still there, as well as the sign board that was put up outside.

Royally pissed, Kagura had spotted the latest issue of JUMP that Gin-chan must've bought that week and had promptly thrown it out the window. (And then a voice somewhere outside suddenly screamed "OH MY GOD HAMO-CHAN IT'S JUMP! IT'S JUMP!!" Not to say that it was unexpected, but oh well. Good for them. Bad for Gin-chan.)

The prime reason she hurriedly came back to Earth was to ask Gin-chan to do her a favor. Since Gin-chan was a samurai with a silver soul, Kagura knew that she could count on him.

BUT WHERE THE SHEEP WAS HE??

She had thought of asking that old hag Otose about where Gin-chan could be, or maybe that other hag Catherine, but they weren't there as well. Otose Snack House had been empty that night, and still is.

Next she had gone to the Shimura residence. Again, much to her great annoyance, no one was also there.

WHERE THE HELL WAS EVERYBODY??

And more importantly, if they were having a vacation or cruise or what, WHY ON THE DAY SHE ARRIVED ON EARTH?? What bad timing!

…

Kagura was snapped back to the present when her dog affectionately licked the side of her face. Laughing lightly, she turned to Sadaharu. "Would you like to go for a walk, Sadaharu?"

The large dog barked rather cheerfully, telling Kagura that her pet had agreed with her.

Well, if everyone wasn't around, then she might as well not be around too!

She sprung up from her place on the roof and deftly landed on solid ground, Sadaharu following suit, and at that precise moment a loud blast sounded all throughout the area known as Kabuki Town, shattering the peace of the place as residents started bellowing due to the racket. The sound of concrete and wood being smashed to dust didn't escape Kagura's ears, and at the prospect of an alien possibly attacking the civilians of the town, she dashed as fast as she could towards the direction she supposed the explosion had come from, with Sadaharu right behind her and just as fast.

Kagura spotted three police cars when she arrived at the scene—speaking of which, Kagura realized that, upon closer inspection, what was now nothing but a complete mess had once been the dango shop that the Yorozuya had so kindly offered to help four years ago. (5) If it weren't for her, Gin-chan and Shinpachi, that dango shop might've lost against another sweets shopped owned by some big shot Amanto. If that had happened, the old man might've lost his only means of livelihood and go poor!

But now it was blown to dust and was barely anything like a dango shop at all.

What the hell…

"YOU GUYS!" She rashly grabbed one of the Shinsengumi by the collar. The police officer yelped and asked her what was up, but she ignored his question.

Why the hell…

"WHAT HAPPENED HERE, HUH? BASTARDS, YOU CALL YOURSELVES POLICE??" She was shaking madly. Dammit, if the police was around, why were they not able to do anything? The thought of the poor shop owner having lost a business establishment that had been passed down their family for years pissed her off greatly.

The other members of the Shinsengumi, noticing that their comrade was close to wetting his pants, turned to look at Kagura fearfully. With one bare hand she was able to lift a person taller than her by the collar. One of the members of the first squad noticed the purple umbrella she held on one hand and stuttered out, "W-Wait… what? Isn't she…"

Another one gulped. A person who wore Chinese clothes and carried an umbrella could only be someone who belonged to that clan. "N-No way… that alien h-hunter…!"

Who the HELL…

"WHO THE FUCK BLEW THIS PLACE TO BITS, HUH? WHO??" She ground out in a very unlady-like fashion.

Her victim then shakily screamed out, "O-OKITA-TAICHOU! We have a p-problem here!!"

"WHO?!"

"W-W-Well, it was—"

"Oi, you guys. Let's go. Nothing left for us to—" a voice piped up and stopped, as well the owner who had stopped on his tracks.

Okita Sougo, now four years older, still with a bazooka over his shoulder, sat eyes on Kagura.

Kagura, now four years older, still with her umbrella and her pet dog, sat eyes on Okita Sougo.

And then there was silence.

…

All of the Shinsengumi first squad felt the tension slowly building up, suffocating them with what was sure to be the calm before the storm.

Oh how sure they were that hell was about to break loose.

TBC

A/N: Kagura has her own drama, I guess. She must really miss the drama shows on Earth. Hmmm… since this takes place after four years, Kagura is now around 18, Okita is 22, and basically every other character grew older, so I hope you bear that in mind.

AND YES, THIS IS MULTI-CHAP.

Ah, if it's not much trouble, please leave a review. Do tell me if they were OOC or anything. Suggestions and constructive criticisms will be very helpful as well. And I know that there are many questions you'd want to ask about the fic (eg. why Gin-san told Kagura to go home, why Kagura needs a fiancé, etc.), so ask away. More answers will be revealed as the story progresses. Thank you so much for reading! I hope it wasn't made of fail.

Footnotes:

(1) Panty thief from episode 18.

(2) You might recognize that scene from episode 55, or that chapter where Otsuu-chan became the Shinsengumi commander for a day. I decided to use it.

(3) Inugami – "dog god", taken from episode 45.

(4) From the Umibouzu arc. I remember that Kagura wanted to change or something…

(5) Dango shop from episode 66.