"I'm joining the Order of the Phoenix."

"What?"

"I said, I'm joining the Order of the Phoenix."

"..."

"Fath-"

"You bloody well are not!"

"But, Father—"

"No buts! You are not, I repeat, NOT joining the Order of the Phoenix."

"Why not?"

"You are a Malfoy! Malfoys have respect for themselves! They do not join poncy little groups dedicated to fighting people they mistakenly think are beneath them! You will become a Death Eater and that's final."

"..."

"Why the hell would you want to join the Order of the Phoenix anyway?"

"Why wouldn't I? Have you seen their official robes? They're silk. SILK! What do the death eaters get? Cotton! Common, everyday, cotton! And the death eater standard robes are some tacky material I don't even want to know the name of!"

"... really?"

"Yes! Not to mention the Order tattoo is so much more stylish. I mean, the Dark Mark's alright, it's got the whole snake and skull thing going on, very menacing and whatnot, but the Order tattoo... it's gorgeous!"

"Well... I suppose the Dark Mark is a little on the simple side."

"It's this stunning little phoenix, right on the hip, whose tail trails off into a circle of fire. The blend of colours is the most outstanding artwork you've ever seen!"

"That does sound- wait, what? The hip?"

"Um... yeah."

"Draco, how do you know the Order tattoo is on the hip?"

"Uh..."

"Draco!"

"Well... I might have... maybe... sleptwithoneofthem."

"You WHAT?!"

"Look, it was an accident! I walked in on them in the prefects' bathroom and one thing sort of lead to another."

"Tell me it wasn't that mudblood Granger. Or Weasley."

"No, it wasn't."

"Good. That's... good. So who was it? And tell me you at least managed to get some inside information from them in the process."

"Well... um, he didn't really-"

"He?!"

"Um... yes?"

"Draco. Tell. Me. Who. It. Was."

"..."

"Draco!"

"It was... um... well... does it really matter?"

"You're sleeping with the enemy."

"I'm not sleeping with him! I told you, it was just that once! Or... twice. A few times maybe."

"You're sleeping with the enemy."

"In all fairness, if I join the Order he won't be the enemy anymore, he'll be my boss... is that better or worse?"

"Your boss? ... Oh dear Merlin, tell me it's not Dumbledore."

"WHAT?! Oh god, no! NO! How could you think that?! Merlin, Father, that's gross!"

"Then who... oh. Oh no. Oh no, no, no."

"Er, Father? Are you alright? You don't look to good."

"Son, I want you to listen close, alright? Do not trust a Potter. Ever. It doesn't matter what he tells you, do NOT trust a Potter."

"Well, I wouldn't, he's never really proven himself... well hang on a second. What do YOU know about the Potters?"

"... I went to school with one of them. You know that. I know what they're like."

"..."

"What?"

"What?"

"You're giving me funny looks, Draco."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"I'm not."

"You are."

"Father, I'm not... well it's just, going to school with a Potter and knowing not to trust one in a sexual situation is... well it's not really the same thing, is it?"

"I've no idea what you're talking about."

"Uh huh."

"Draco."

"Yes, Father?"

"Get out."

"Yes, Father."