Without Him Part II

Her jaw was clenched and her heartbeat pounded in her ears as she shut her front door as quietly as she could. She was trembling so badly that she almost tripped on the walkway. She forced herself onward.

The wind began to rustle through the trees overhead, just barely, and she heard the creak of a cricket by her foot as she passed onto the Lawrence property. She caught sight of the glow of a single candle in the parlor, but it did not illuminate that dusky room.

Then, before she knew it, she was standing on the doorstep.

Great heavens, I can't go inside! The thought sprang into her head, but against her will, her hand lifted up and worked the knocker.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Nothing happened. The deep ache in her chest tightened down, for she did not know what she would do, how she would live until morning, if he did not answer the door.

The lock worked. Her eyes flashed. Slowly, the big door swung open, and a servant holding a candle opened the door.

"Please," she asked, trying to keep her voice from trembling. "I know it's very late, and I'm terribly sorry, but I desperately need to speak with Laurie."

The servant nodded.

"He's in the drawing room, Miss. He's not been to bed tonight."

Jo could not bear to answer. She just stepped over the threshold and entered the house. The servant shut the door behind her.

The house was almost completely dark, save for the servant's candle, and the dim illumination coming from the parlor. Taking a deep breath, Jo started toward that room.

She winced as her shod feet made noise on the floor--her presence was certainly known, now. She halted at the threshold of the parlor, resting her hand against the cool wooden doorframe.

Teddy sat inside, toward the middle of the room, leaning back in an armchair that faced the door. The single candle she had seen earlier sat on the small table by his right hand. He had not undressed for bed--he remained in his trousers, shoes, long-sleeved white shirt and blue vest he had worn the previous day, though the collar of his shirt had been flung open. He did not move, his long dark hair hanging down around his face. She could not see his eyes for the shadows.

All was silent, again.

"Teddy," she whispered. Her voice sounded like a ghost's; it was so weak and hesitant. She saw the barest tightening of his strong jaw. Otherwise, he did not respond. Feeling herself go pale, she ventured into the room, one step at a time, her hands clasped in front of her. She had been braced for anything--except being this afraid.

She stopped in front of him, her gaze tracing the bridge of his nose, his lips, his chin and jaw, the way his hair fell across his forehead.

"I have something to confess," she began, a little braver this time. "And I know it will sound foolish because I've argued with you so much about it and we've had this dreadful...misunderstanding--Rather, I have had a misunderstanding, because I had no idea until this evening that something like this could even be possible, and then I couldn't sleep because..."

He looked up at her. His auburn eyes shone in the candlelight--brilliant and deep and startling. Her heart skipped a beat. When on earth had he become so handsome?

But he still said nothing. The silence became oppressive, crushing. She could almost feel him slipping away from her. Her hands clenched. And she decided to skip the rest of her explanation. It did not matter, anyway.

"Teddy, I love you."

His eyes flickered, but remained on hers. Tears burned her eyes again, tears that embarrassed her but she could not restrain them. Reflexively, she chuckled and swiped at her face.

"I'm such a fool!" she sniffed, laughing and crying at the same time. "So stubborn and brave and stupid that I didn't realize that...To realize what I..." She trailed off helplessly.

His guarded expression gradually formed to one of open disbelief and his lips parted.

"Jo," he breathed, starting to say something. At the sound of her name, she fell on her knees in front of him and scooted closer. He straightened and sucked in a breath, his eyes flashing, but it was as if his form had come to life again. She could not resist reaching for his hands, closing her fingers around his.

"Teddy, I'm so sorry," she insisted, unable to look up at him but running her thumbs across his warm knuckles and the backs of his hands. "And you have every right to throw me out of your house for what I said to you...but I had to come and at least tell you that if you leave I could not bear it," she lifted her head at last, gazing straight up into his eyes. His were riveted on her.

"You mean that?" he asked quietly. She did not reply, but another tear spilled onto her cheek without her consent.

"Teddy," she murmured earnestly. "I loved you all the time."

Delight sparkled through his eyes, and a shadow of a smile played across his mouth.

"But Jo--"

She could not let him finish. Her heart had leaped too high.

Leaning up, she took hold of the front of his vest and covered his lips with hers. He yielded to her instantly, wrapping his arms around her. She ran her fingers through his hair, then wrapped her arms around his neck.

He finally broke the kiss, because neither of them had been breathing, but he did not withdraw from her at all. Instead, he pressed his forehead down against hers.

"You will never regret me, Jo," he promised. "But I have to be honest with you--I don't think I can be a saint, even if I swore it."

She leaned back a little, caressing every feature of his face with her eyes, and tracing his lips with her fingertips. He smiled.

"I do not want a saint," she told him, returning his smile. "I want you."

THE END