AN-This is the preview for the Nick/Tatum fic that I will be working on next.
Please let me know what you think. Thanks
Preview-Brick in the wall
June 2008
Nick really didn't know why he was here, of all the places in the world he could go he was standing here on her doorstep. He knocked, hoping he wasn't waking her up; swing didn't start till four in the afternoon if he remembered right. He heard footsteps come to the door and open it. Tatum looked through the screen at him confused and opened the door.
"Wow you really want those clothes back huh. Come in I was washing them." She opened the door and let him in. "I'm almost sorry that I borrowed them to sleep in. If I knew you were gonna hound me about them." She turned to say something else and Nick started crying and fell against Tatum. She was about Nick's height but he weighed a lot more than she did and her arm was still messed up from bullet wound a few weeks back she started to sag under his weight.
"Hey, hey what's going on here?" He just kept crying and Tatum sighed and hugged him. "Bad case? Bad day? Bad month…bad life?" He let out something between a laugh and a sob. "I hate to be a bitch here, but you're very heavy and my arm hurts." He straightened up and wiped his eyes.
"Sorry, it's just…it's been a shitty day." He sat down in Tatum's living room and looked around. Her apartment was neat but lived in. Papers and magazines were piled on the table, clothes were sitting in a basket were on the sofa with hangers nearby, a half finished glass of iced tea was sitting on the table, pictures were on a shelf to his right. He looked over to study the photos and noticed one of them was of Tatum and a little boy. This must have been her son. He was a splitting image of Tatum, bright red hair, blue eyes and fair skin. He was dressed in a karate outfit and both were grinning into the camera.
"That's Joey," said Tatum sitting a glass of ice tea in front of him. Nick took the photo off the shelf and studied it closer.
"How old was he?" asked Nick.
"Five," she took the photo away from Nick and put it back on the shelf. Nick thought back to Tatum telling him that her son would have been eight this year and he did the math in his head and was shocked to realize that Tatum would have been eighteen when she had him, just a kid herself.
"Were you and his dad together?" Tatum tossed a folded shirt onto the sofa.
"Nope, I got my positive test back and he got a full ride to Yale. Nice trade off huh?" Nick shook his head and sipped his tea and Tatum folded a pair of pants and looked at Nick.
"So do you mind me asking why you had such a shitty day? Most people who come to me in tears are people from group," said Tatum.
"Group?" asked Nick.
"AA, I'm a sponsor."
"I'm sorry I didn't know."
"Well it's not public knowledge. It's not tattooed on my forehead that I was a lush. You're avoiding my question by the way. What made your day so shitty?" She moved the clothes aside and sat on the sofa with her legs curled up under her. Nick sighed and told her about the new CSI that he had been paired with, the counselor who was trying to 'help them move on' and the fact that Warrick's case was getting colder by the day and other than the new in house investigation nothing was going forward.
"It's just…"
"You feel like shit because you can't do anything with the case and it pisses you off that someone who doesn't know anything is telling you to move on and that it feels like your friend is being replaced all at the same time." Nick stopped in mid sip and nodded.
"Yeah. It's just shitty you know. I mean I understand why we had to bring someone new in and yet it just feels like they want us to forget about him. And I hate shrinks, I know they mean well but…"
"They're pricks," suggested Tatum and Nick let out a small laugh.
"I swear if I hear them say one more time 'I understand what you're going through' I don't think I should be held accountable for what I do," said Nick.
"I had to go to one after Joey was killed and she told me she understood even though she didn't have children and she never lost anyone close to her. At least when I tell people on a case I understand at least I'm honest, I do understand." Tatum sipped her tea and an uncomfortable silence came between them. Nick fiddled with the glass in his hands.
"So...your kid did karate?" asked Nick looking at the photo again. Tatum gave him a half smile.
"He was my little bad ass. He got his white belt that night and I swear I had to pry it from his hands when he went to sleep." Tatum leaned over Nick and she brushed against him when reaching for the photo. "This was the last picture I got of him." She leaned back on her side of the sofa and looked at the picture.
"What happened to the guys who hit you?" Tatum scoffed.
"Four teenagers in the SVU, they were charged as teenagers. One is in a wheelchair for life, the driver and the other kids who somehow didn't get a dent on them did some time, 13 months was the sentence. They severed seven in teen prison-good behavior and their probation finished up this year. So they get to go on with their lives like nothing happened."
"Sucks when the law screws you over," said Nick. Tatum sat the photo down.
"We can't win them all." The dryer buzzed and Tatum got up and went into a little closet and pulled out his shorts and tee shirt that she borrowed. She folded them and went back and handed them to him. "I believe these are yours." Nick took them back from her and smiled.
"Thanks."
"Well I wasn't going to leave them dirty. That's just bad manners." Nick shook his head.
"Thanks for listening to me; I really didn't want to talk to that shrink and…"
"You didn't want to bother anyone else?" asked Tatum.
"I guess." Tatum patted his head.
"Oh Betty you're so thoughtful." Nick didn't think about it and he hugged her and it felt, right, somehow to be this close to her. Tatum went to step away and their eyes locked and neither one of them could remember who made the move first but they were kissing and Nick dropped the clothes on the floor and wrapped himself around her. He couldn't remember the last time it felt this good to be with someone. Kristy…almost eight years ago that was the last time it felt right. She tasted sweet tea, something warm and comforting. Tatum broke the kiss and looked at him.
"Nick, I'm not sure this is the right time for this."
"I don't care…I just…I wanna feel something Tate," he kissed her again and he felt her put her hands on his chest and neither one of them could remember getting to the bedroom.
………………………………………………………………………………………………
Nick woke up with a start and realized he wasn't in his bedroom, Tatum looked over at him.
"You ok?"
"Yeah just a bad dream." Tatum sighed and settled in to her side.
"We get all the bad dreams; you think anyone else gets them?" Nick laid back down. She was the first person to not try to coddle him after he woke up from a nightmare, he didn't want to talk about them or even think about them. He reached over and brushed some of her hair back.
"Don't know, nice to know I'm not alone though." Tatum shrugged and dozed back off. Nick tried to go back to sleep and couldn't, that feeling about this being right was gone. Instead he felt a sense of guilt, your best friend is dead and you're sleeping with a co-worker nice way to remember him. Nick shook his head and got out bed and started to get dressed.
"You leaving?" asked Tatum half asleep. Shit.
"Um yeah…is that ok?" she gave him a shrug and a half smile.
"Not dating me, not married to me. I won't tell if you won't tell. We're friends; I'll see you at work tomorrow."
"Yeah, see ya Tate." Nick left the bedroom and headed out. Before he left he picked up the clothes she washed for him. Smells like lilies…like her. He left her apartment and drove home, he wanted to feel something and he felt empty. I can't…not now…I need to focus on work, finding who killed Warrick…I can't.
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July 2008
Leaving…she's leaving the lab. Nick had just found out that Tatum was quitting the lab and going to work for the Youth and Family department. He took paperwork tonight because it didn't require that much thought and people left him alone and he needed to be alone with his thoughts. Something was tightening in his chest and he wondered if he was having a heart attack, she can't go…stop her. Nick sipped his water and tried to breathe.
She's an adult and it's her decision to go.
That's bullshit and you know it…you pushed her to go. Nick shook his head and filled in a form and moved on to the next trying to push this next train of thoughts away.
She's been trying to talk to you for weeks now and you walk away, it's not right…she thought you were friends. This isn't the way you treat friends. You…you like her, it felt right. Nick slammed the paper work aside and went to see if Tatum and Greg were back from there case. He spotted them in a layout room and he felt his chest get tighter and something in the pit of his stomach looking at her and he went into the layout room and looked at her and Greg working. Her long red hair was pulled back and she was wearing a pair of reading glasses, she eyed him and than turned back to her work.
"Tate we need to talk." Tatum took off her glasses, cleaned them and than looked at her watch.
"Oh my god it's Nicholas Stokes and I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. It's only a month or so after the fact that you want to talk. What do I owe this wonderful honor?" asked Tatum. Greg looked back and forth between them and stopped working.
"About you leaving, we need to talk about that." Tatum turned her attention back to the evidence on the layout table.
"I cleared it with Ecklie and my boss two weeks ago. Why do you care anyway, it's not you've acknowledged me in weeks?" Tatum logged another piece and Nick felt like she punched him in the gut. She's right…why do you care. Nick looked at Greg and he really didn't want to explain to Greg what happened between him and Tatum.
"Greg can you give us a minute?"
"Oh no, stay Greg…maybe with a man here Suzie here will explain why I was good enough to sleep with but not good enough after the fact to even speak to in the hallways?" Nick knew his actions were uncalled for and she was calling him out on them and he needed to explain himself.
"Tate…" started Nick but Tatum cut him off.
"I didn't expect a relationship with you afterwards, but I did expect some respect from you. Even the dead hooker got a phone call from you the next day asking to go out for breakfast. However, you ignore me; you won't work cases with me and in general have been a giant asshole to me. I'm sick of it and you." Tatum took off her gloves and glared at him.
"I'm not going to tip-toe around you anymore the way everyone else in the lab does. You're an asshole and because everyone is so worried about you, people have started rearrange their lives so they don't piss you off." Tatum turned to Greg. "Tell Vicki here about your wedding, oh wait you're not having one now because you don't want someone getting their panties in a twist and think you're being disrespectful to the dead guy." It was below the belt and demeaning to bring Warrick into this and he felt his temper start to creep.
"Tatum," said Greg in a low tone.
"Don't even talk about Warrick like that!" snapped Nick. Tatum took off her lab coat and threw it on the ground.
"Don't worry Susan you won't have to talk to me anymore. I'm done…good luck Greg and fuck you Nick." Tatum walked past him and headed out of the lab. It took him a second to get himself back and than he started to follow Tatum and calling after her. She had no right to do that no right at all…I was going to explain myself but fuck her too. Tatum ignored him calling out to her and she left the building but he wasn't going to let her get the last word.
"Tatum! What the hell!" snapped Nick once they got into the parking garage. Her outburst in front of Greg was uncalled for and her dragging Warrick into it was unforgivable. Does she have any idea how hard the past few months have been? She turned around and glared at him.
"I don't like being disrespected and that's all you've done since having sex with me and I don't have to put up with it. A position opened up with Y&F, I put in, I got it and now I won't be reminded daily of fact that I trusted you, slept with you and than got screwed." Another dig below the belt…it hurt but she was right, he couldn't admit it though.
"That is a load of shit!"
"Is it…is that why you avoid me in the lab? Why you switch cases the second you find out I could be on the scene? Was the sex that bad you have to go to such lengths to push me away? Well wait, it's not just me you treat like shit now, you treat Sanders like shit, Willows…is Grissom next?"
"You don't even…"
"Don't you dare say I don't understand what you're going through! Trust me I do, I know what it's like to lose someone you really care about and to not be able to make it right for them. Believe me, I have been on your path and it's lonely and it hurts everyone around you. If you wanna self destruct that's fine, just stop dragging people into it." Nick looked at her speechless and Tatum went on.
"I really liked you for some unknown reason, I would like to blame alcohol for me liking you and for letting you sleep with me not once but twice in one evening, sadly I have been sober for almost two years now. However you just may drive me back to gin and brandy for thinking that you were a decent man, the first decent one I have met since high school."
"Look I'm sorry for what happened, it was wrong of me to not talk to you and to be an ass to you…" It was mean, you didn't deserve that from me…it's just…
"You've been an ass to everyone," said Tatum starting to look a bit sad. "I just got a special dose of it." Nick felt like a jerk for what had happened between them, she didn't deserve the way he treated her. She had been there after Warrick died, it was nice to have someone to talk to and not feel like he was being burden on. It was nice to feel something good for a little while.
"Tatum, look…don't quit the lab. Let's just talk this over." Don't leave, even when I wasn't talking to you it was nice just to see you, to know I could talk if I wanted to.
"Don't worry about me; I can take care of myself and anyone else who comes along." She looked pissed at herself for saying that and turned to get in her car.
"What's that suppose to mean?" asked Nick.
"Nothing, just forget I said anything…I'm sure everyone will know sooner or later. Bye Nick," she got in her car and left him alone. What the hell does that mean…no…no way!
By the end of August the lab techs and swing shift were talking about how Tatum Fritz was knocked up and that's why she left the lab and went to Y&F where it was safer to work than the lab in her condition.
He wanted to call her and froze every time he started to dial her number. He sat outside her apartment trying to work up the nerve to go to her door, he tried to get the cases he knew Y&F would be on and yet she wasn't at the same scenes.
What would you say anyway? Sorry I treated you like shit and knocked you up and haven't spoken to you in almost two months. You need to make this right.
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"Look Tate…I need to make this right between us somehow." She took a step back and scoffed.
"What would make this right? You wanna take care of me, my baby, someday have the wedding and the house with the picket fence? Would that make this right?"
"Yeah." I wanna be with you doesn't that make it right? She turned around and looked at the artificial lake and shook her head.
"No it doesn't." she turned around and she seemed near tears and he felt something inside tear. "I really did like you, I let you know things about me that I haven't told anyone and the only reason you're saying what your saying now is because you feel some sort of male urge to take care of me, you 'need' to make it right you don't 'want' to."
"Tate just hear me out," he took a step towards and she took a step back. It was more than a physical step away, she was mentally and emotionally trying to distance herself from him and it hurt more than anything he ever imagine something hurting.
"You…you don't really care about me. If you did, even a little you wouldn't have acted the way you did afterward, you would have gotten a hold of when you found out, you would want to, not need to. I'm not gonna make you do something you don't want. It's not fair to me, or you, or it."
Nick felt hallow inside, she was right though. He was still hurting over losing Warrick, he was focused only on his work right now. He felt guilty being with Tatum, she made him laugh, she made him forget how he let his friend down. She was wrong about one thing though.
"I care about you Tate, I'm just not in a good place right now. I'm sorry." She wiped the tears quickly from her face. Oh god…I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
"Not your fault, I'm sorry you're not who I thought you were." She walked away towards the parking garage. He let her go, fought that urge to run after, get down on his knees and beg her to really hear him out, to take back what he said, to wait for him.
"I'm sorry too," he muttered quietly and he head back inside to his friend's wedding,
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