Numbing by FlameTwirler

Chapter 1

Shizune looked up from the trauma patient she was working on when she heard Sakura call the time-of-death for the injured shinobi on the next stretcher.

One of the squads out on mission had been ambushed and a retrieval detail had brought them back only about an hour earlier. Three had been declared dead on arrival. Five others had been shut in that room with Sakura and herself as they'd poured every ounce of chakra into them, attempting to save them.

Shizune had seen Sakura gravitating toward Haji, wanting to work on him, but she'd intervened. They had five patients and she couldn't afford to allow Sakura to push all of her effort and waste all of her chakra in case he turned out to be too far gone to be saved. Unfortunately, from one look she guessed that was the case so she'd taken him on herself.

She didn't know much about the relationship between Haji and Sakura, just that they'd been out on a single date the week before. She had no idea the type of feelings Sakura harbored for the shinobi but she could feel the younger woman's eyes burning into her back while she worked fervently on him. She should have scolded her for taking even the smallest amount of her attention away from her own patients – after all, since Haji's situation was so perilous and they had an uneven number of patients that meant Sakura was going to be working on three as opposed to her own two – but she trusted in Sakura's dedication. She wouldn't let her concern for a friend get in the way of her duty.

Still, as she heard Sakura call out the time-of-death for the first unfortunate shinobi, then again for the next only ten minutes later, Shizune knew that her own was a lost cause. The next patient she had lined up was in much better shape but was quickly going critical with the lack of care and she knew she was only pushing so hard about Haji for Sakura's sake. Deep inside she knew he'd already slipped away from them around five minutes earlier. It broke her heart to have to do such a thing with Sakura in the room but she finally declared Haji's death and handed him off to the orderlies who would move his body to the morgue.

While cleaning herself off and moving to her next patient she risked a quick glance at the other medic. To her credit Sakura was still working furiously on her patient, not allowing her own feelings to hamper her ability to help another shinobi. Shizune welled with pride at the strength of the young kunoichi even as she shook her head in sympathy. She wasn't sure she could have handled such a situation with anywhere near as much composure.

Once turned back to her own work she actually winced when she heard Sakura call the time-of-death for her last patient. From the moment the injured shinobi had entered the hospital she'd known they'd had little to no hope of survival but she'd hoped at least one of Sakura's patients would make it through. She knew Sakura was sure to beat herself up even more now that not only had Haji died but so had every single patient under her care.

After a moment though she realized she'd heard something odd in Sakura's voice. Her own patient was doing well enough that she knew he was going to make it, though she didn't envy him his next week of recovery, so she risked another glance at her pink-haired coworker.

Sakura's face was blank, carefully neutral as she stripped off the protective clothing that had gotten blood on it. Something about her reaction struck Shizune as wrong but she couldn't put a finger on it. Sakura quickly scanned the only patient left in the room, and seeing Shizune had everything under control, turned to leave the trauma section. A part of her wanted to follow her compatriot out the door, to make sure she was okay after such a long, hard day. It was always taxing on them to watch fellow shinobi die, regardless of whether they'd known each other or not, but a friend or possible lover?

Shizune shook her head. There was nothing for it; she had a patient to take care of and that was always priority. She'd have to trust that Sakura was either strong enough to deal on her own or smart enough to seek out one of her many friends to help her through the night.

When Kakashi came to the memorial and saw her sitting there his stomach churned. The sky was sunny and her pink hair shone too brightly, too brilliantly for a place such as this. Everything about it seemed out of place and he suddenly wished her gone, annoyed at her presence.

Whether the annoyance was directed at her for impeding on his time at the memorial or if it was for her and the fact that she might actually have reason to be there – if she wasn't there just to badger him again - he wasn't sure. All he knew was that something shifted inside him and it felt…off.

Sakura apparently felt his irritation and didn't want to disturb him - she knew his time at the memorial was precious to him, understood now more than he'd imagine – so as he crouched down she immediately stood and brushed herself off. Without looking at him she called out a simple "Goodbye, sensei" as she walked away.

The empty tone of her voice had Kakashi swiveling his head her way, almost willing himself to see inside her head. That kind of voice, the way she was holding herself, the fact that she'd called him sensei when she hadn't called him that in years…it all was simply not Sakura, not the emotionally over-charged kunoichi who was as passionate in her sadness as she was in her happiness.

For a split second he felt guilty for the way he'd reacted to her presence but then shrugged it off just as quickly. She was just too bright to be butting into his dark little corner of the world; someone like her didn't fit, didn't belong.

He wasn't sure if her visit had been yet another one designed to try and break him out of his long-ingrained habit or if she had some other reason for being there. In the end he decided it didn't really matter. He knew if something was really amiss he'd know before long. She'd never been the kind of person who could bottle something up inside for any lengthy period of time.

Besides, even if something truly was plaguing her she'd get over it soon enough. If she could live through Sasuke she could survive anything.

Gaze turning back to the stone his eyes automatically wandered past all the names of those he'd known and loved, those whose lives had been erringly entrusted to him, then settled on the grass for another somber afternoon alone with his thoughts.

A/N: Well here's an attempt at a new story. Going to be a lot more philosophical so it'll be an interesting journey.

Edit: Rewrote the first scene 12/07/08 - just wanted to change the perspective a bit.