Chapter 1 ~ Ken's Nightmare

Okay. I don't own digimon, the characters portrayed here are all characters from digimon and so... guess what? I'm afraid I don't own them either.
What a shame!

This is a repost of a chapter I wrote a while ago.
As I reread it I kinda liked the spirit of it, but there were parts I wanted to edit, so here is the new version.

Enjoy folks!
~Blonde-Eko

They danced the night away, he held her in his arms and she smiled at him. His heart began to beat faster as her eyes met his and his spirit soared; a perfect moment of bliss.

"Ken," she whispered softly, her breath tickling his ear. "Ken, I love you."

"I love you t-" he began, but suddenly she was gone. She just disappeared and he was alone again, holding thin air.

He didn't know where he was any more, or where she had gone, and he shivered. It was cold here, so damn cold. It was the darkness that was so cold, he realised, and the darkness was crowding in. Slowly it surrounded him and before he knew it was everywhere, thick and heavy, and he couldn't breathe. The darkness was suffocating him.

He gasped desperately for light, fighting down the panic that threatened to overwhelm him, but there was no light; not here, not anywhere. Just darkness enveloping darkness. His very soul was killing him slowly.

"Help..." he cried out, but no sound came. "Help me... Someone please!" But no-one heard him and no-one came. No-one cared, he thought sadly, and it was all his fault. He deserved to be despised because of who he was, because of what he was.

He was Ken Itchijouji. He was the Digimon Emperor.

He woke up sweating and shaking slightly, the dreams were back. He rolled over and sat up, breathing heavily.

"Ken, what's wrong?" asked Wormmon who was immediately by his side, concern for his friend written all over his face.

Ken looked down at the little caterpillar type digimon and tried to smile reassuringly. "No-nothing's wrong. I'm fine. Really." He said, trying to breathe normally again in an effort to compose himself.

Wormmon didn't buy it, he knew Ken too well. But he also knew better than to push him into answering something personal; if Ken wanted to reveal something then he would do it in his own time and his own way. What Wormmon needed him to know was that if and when that time came, he was there for him. That he would always be there for him.

Ken ruffled the top of Wormmon's head absently and rolled out of bed, heading for the kitchen in the hopes that some good, wholesome breakfast would calm him down. He glanced briefly at the clock on his way through and raised an eyebrow. Breakfast at four in the morning, he grinned slightly, why not? He shoved some cereal into a bowl distractedly and poured in some milk. His hands were still shaking.

He was not the digimon emperor any more and for the past several years he had actually been free of the nightmares and feelings which had once trapped him. This had allowed him, naively, to believe that he had put his past behind him once and for all. Obviously he had thought wrong. After tonight, as he had once again felt the darkness and guilt drowning him, he knew he would never escape who he was.

The dreams were back and just as real as ever.

He spooned mouthful after mouthful of the crunchy cereal into his mouth and chewed mechanically. I thought I had defeated him, Ken frowned. All that time I battled with the darkness inside me, all the help from Wormmon in giving me the desire to turn away from the seductive force of that power… Yet he still haunts me. The darkness still holds me. What must I do to defeat it for good?!

Wormmon sidled up to him and sat on the table. As he opened his mouth to say something Ken spooned a mouthful into it without thinking, taking his partner by surprise as he nearly choked on the mushy muck that Ken called cereal.

"Pleugh-!" He managed, dribbling some crunchy gloop onto his chin. "Cleugh-Ken!"

Ken realised what he had done and had to stop himself from laughing, instead he hurriedly wiped up poor Wormmon's chin where he had dribbled the offending gloop. "Oh, I'm sorry Wormmon!" He managed between guilty chuckles, "Here, let me get that." He mopped up the puddle of mess that his poor digimon had made on the table and grinned sheepishly at him, "I don't know what I was thinking."

Once Wormmon had composed himself he said, "Its fine Ken, you just took me by surprise, that's all." He chuckled fondly at his human before sobering up and continuing. "But Ken..." He hesitated, not wanting to pry but just wanting to let Ken know someone cared.

Ken looked at his partner and knew what was coming, "Yes pal?"

He crawled into Ken's lap and snuggled up to him, the closest thing he ever got to hugging him properly. "I was just... worried about you." He paused and Ken blushed slightly, but didn't stop him. The internal debate Wormmon had been having about whether or not to leave this alone raged on and Ken felt his uncertainty.

"Just say it, Wormmon. You're my best friend," He blushed even more. "You can say anything, ask me anything… It's okay."

Tears welled up in the bug digimon's eyes hearing those words and he quickly blinked them away before broaching the sensitive subject. "It's just that, well, I know you had a nightmare last night, I heard you. And it was no normal nightmare Ken, I haven't heard you like that since..." He sighed, not wanting to carry on, "Since you had those nightmares about the darkness when you were the…" He quickly spat out the distasteful words, "Digimon Emperor."

Ken flinched and Wormmon cringed in on himself, mentioning those days and the name Digimon Emperor was not strictly forbidden as such, but it was mutually understood that it was a sore subject. For both of them.

"I, uh, I..." he swirled the cereal around absently with his spoon. "Wormmon, you're right. I did have a nightmare last night." he figured it was best to talk about it, and he knew he could say anything to Wormmon and he'd understand. What's more, he'd help him through. So here goes, he took a deep breath. "It was about the darkness. It suffocated me and... and I called out for help but no-one came..." He began shaking and Wormmon thought he heard a sob. "No-one cared about me because I am the digimon emperor." He looked at Wormmon sadly, "I deserve what I got."

"NO!" Wormmon shouted, suddenly angry, holding Ken's chin between his forelimbs and looking into his eyes earnestly. "You are not the digimon emperor, you are Ken." He calmed down and rubbed his head reassuringly against his best friend. "You are my Ken. The digimon emperor died when you turned away from him. He's gone Ken, he doesn't exist any more, you won."

Ken's fist clenched and he looked down. "He does exist, he will always exist as long as I am alive. I can't win, Wormmon, I am the digimon emperor and I always will be." He broke down into sobs, "I can never escape him, myself, even now. H-he still haunts me and I'll never be able to defeat him."

Wormmon tried to snuggle deeper into Ken, and Ken held him tight, crying silently.

Ken was now sixteen years old and to most people he was seen as a contented, popular, normal teenager. To most people he was the perfect boy with the perfect life. Only a handful of people knew his secret, and out of those few only one knew how much it affected him still. Only Wormmon knew that, even now, he still despised himself deep down, and that no amount of good deeds could ever make right in Ken's mind his past actions. How could they know, looking at his carefree baring, that he still carried with him the guilt and the shame inherited from the Digimon Kaiser?

And now only Wormmon knew that his nightmares were back.

But even Wormmon had no idea of what had really scared Ken that night. It was not the darkness which had caused him to cry and shake and sweat, nor was it being abandoned. No. What had really scared him was the thought of loosing that girl, the girl in his dream.

The thought of loosing Hikari.