Disclaimer: I only own Edward in my dreams. He, and the rest of the Twilight characters, belong to Stephenie Meyer, that lucky girl!

The hot water pounded into my back. The pressure on the stream was on the most powerful setting, at the hottest temperature, but it still only felt like someone was dripping warm water onto my back. I frowned as I concentrated on the sensation. Had it always been so weak? Or was I just becoming numb to one more feeling? I shut off the water in order to save myself from that dangerous line of thought.

Wiping off the condensation on the mirror, I caught a glimpse of my face.

"Well, shoot." I murmured to myself, grazing my gray eyes with my fingertips in the mirror. The irises were a light gray, with a black rim around them. The effect was altogether creepy, and I knew I had put off hunting too long. I cursed my stupid "gift" for the millionth-time. When Laurent had changed me, my original immunity to other vampires' gifts stayed. In addition, I developed an immunity to bloodlust. Although my sense of smell was perfect, the blood of others didn't affect me whatsoever. I guess I must be constantly thirsty, but I couldn't feel it so it didn't bother me. However, my eyes had faded from a rich red to a light grey and, no matter how much I drank, never changed to gold. Apparently it scared humans when my irises faded so light though, so I tried to avoid it by hunting. But, I didn't really enjoy hunting at all, so I tried to avoid that too. My existence was a complete lose-lose situation. Damn Laurent for trying to kill me! Damn those stupid wolves who drove him off before he could finish the job!

Okay, so I guess it was kind of a useful gift. I could walk amongst humans with ease as soon as my transformation was complete. I never even had to struggle with my choice to only feed on animals. Well, I did in the beginning, just to convince myself that I wasn't feeding on humans for ethical reasons, not just because of him. I glanced at myself once more, hoping that somehow my eyes would have darkened on their own. They hadn't. I sighed in resignation. I really needed to invest in a pair of colour contacts one of these days. There was nothing for it but to take a sick day from work and go hunting. At least it wouldn't take too long. The good thing about living in Juneau, Alaska, was that good hunting grounds were never far away.

I got ready as slowly as possible, taking the time to straighten my hair and apply makeup, trying to delay the inevitable. Then I placed a call to the tourism office where I had been working after graduating university for the fourth time. Seeing as no tourists really stopped in Juneau of their own accord, I wasn't really missed if I took the occasional day off. After the call I knew I couldn't put it off any longer, so I slowly trudged towards the door. Before I could reach it, however, Tanya burst through the door.

"You'll never guess who's come into town!" She exclaimed, nearly hopping with excitement.

I had been living with Tanya and her "family" for about 5 years now. Her coven had slowly expanded, until there were nearly 10 of us. We were scattered throughout Alaska, but 4 of us lived in Juneau. Almost every vampire who lived in Alaska was a "vegetarian". If other vampires passed through, we gave them two choices: become one of us or leave and never come back.

"Who!?" I exclaimed, her enthusiasm rubbing off on me. It was hard to ever feel bummed around her.

"Oh, it's this- I don't think you know them- haven't seen them in forever! This coven-used to be close with one- oh! It's just so exciting!"

"Tanya," I replied soothingly. She often worked herself into a frenzy like this. "Calm down! I'm sure you would love to tell me who's here, but I can't understand your frenzy-talk."

She giggled. "I know, I know… sorry, I just haven't seen anyone in this coven for a good 40 years! They actually used to live around Forks, in Washington? Isn't that where you were changed? The Cullens? Sound familiar? Hey, now that I think of it, they lived there around the time you were changed…" Her voice trailed off.

I realized my breath had stopped. Years of freezing the pain was the only thing that kept me standing.

"Bella? You don't look that hot… well, not literally, I mean you always look gorgeous, but are you alright?" Tanya inquired, her enthusiasm replaced with a concern.

"Yes." My lips moved of their own accord. "I just need to go hunting."

Her next words were lost to me, something about where they were staying and how she planned on bringing me to visit later that night. I only nodded mutely. Eventually she left, with promises of returning later. I concentrated on taking steps towards the door, down the steps and into my car. Once I had started driving down the highway, though, my concentration broke and I had to pull over. Like melting ice, the memories- and pain- came flooding back. Each breath escaping my chest brought back a new memory, and not just about him, either.

Edward's lips in my hair. Breathe in. The hospital room in Phoenix. Breathe out. "You're no good for me, Bella". Breathe in. The meadow. Breathe out. Laurent. Breathe in. Jacob. Breathe out. Billy. In. Charlie. Out. Renee. In. Edward. Out. Edward. In. Edward. Out.

One by one, I crushed each memory into the farthest corner of my mind. They wouldn't help me now. I sorted out my thoughts in order to calm myself, closing my eyes. The Cullens were in town. Did they know I was here? No. Of course not. Why would they? Alice probably stopped keeping tabs on me after they left. Besides, they surely wouldn't come here if they knew I lived here. They weren't that cruel. Were they?

So what could I do? Run away? No. I was stronger than that. I would just keep a low profile, is all. I would make up some excuse to Tanya to avoid seeing them, take a few weeks off work. They probably wouldn't stay for that long, anyways. Maybe they wouldn't all be here. Maybe it was just Rosalie and Emmet, on yet another honeymoon. The thought soothed me.

I let out a harsh laugh. Who was I kidding? I wanted to see them. I wanted to be able to see the only part of my past life as a human that I could see. But I wouldn't. Staying in the same town and hearing about them through Tanya would have to be good enough for me.

I turned my car around and headed home, leaving behind all thoughts of hunting. I had bigger things on my mind than freaking out humans.

AN: I know this storyline is a little cliche, but I couldn't help it. Sooo, this is my first fanfic! Was it terrific? Did it make you puke in your mouth? Share it with the world and write a review!