Why My Son?

Daniel Pierce's thoughts leading up to the moment Hawkeye manages to contact him. First person POV. From The Late Captain Pierce.

Why my son? Out of all the men in Korea right now, why did it have to be him? He wasn't supposed to be near the fighting. What could have happened?

I got a letter from a general three days ago saying my son, my only son, is dead. I tried contacting his bunkmate, but the connection failed. No one is telling me anything! I don't even know how he died.

Not only was I informed that Ben is dead, but that the mortician has lost his body! Now I won't even be able to bury my son next to my wife. I can't even say goodbye.

Why now? I wanted grandchildren. I wanted someone to support me in my old age. Now I have no one. Carolyn only spent a few months with us in foster care. Now she's grown, married, and has a family of her own, clear across the country. I can't expect her to come rushing back here. But then, she and Hawkeye were very close as children. Ben still refers to her as his sister. How can I break this news to her? How can I tell her that the closes person to a brother she's ever known is dead? I can't even believe it.

Ben was such a caring person. He knew from an early age that he wanted to follow in my footsteps and become a doctor. It was so ironic, too. He hated his checkups. He hated being told he had to rest because he was sick, or that he couldn't walk on a sprained ankle. They say a doctor is his own worst patient. That's not true; a doctor's children are his worst patients. But my Hawkeye grew up to become the best doctor to come out of Crabapple Cove. He even went a step further and became a surgeon. That's when they drafted him. That's when they sent him over to that...place. That place that cost him his life! He was supposed to be safe in a MASH unit. But what do I know? They sometimes call the surgeons into the trenches. Maybe...no. I can't think about it. It hurts too much.

If someone could just talk to me, tell me something! I hate having to wait. I hate not knowing if or when I'll get to bury my son. Yes, get to bury my son. As if it's a privilege. No parent should ever have to bury their child.

I imagine he gave them plenty of grief over there. Hawkeye never could stand taking orders from some pompous know-it-all. That's what all those generals and colonels are. Ben was simply not cut out for military life. But they drafted him anyway. He was none too happy about it, and I'm sure he annoyed his C.O.s up to the very end. He wrote me frequently about the major who shares his tent; Frank Burns, I think. Talked about how he and Trapper or BJ loved to pick on the man.

Trapper John McIntyre. He's stateside now. Ben never got to say goodbye. And now, neither will Trapper. I suppose I'll have to write him, if I can just find where I put his address. Ben asked me to write him after he found out Trapper had gone home. Now, I have to write a letter I dread. I have to tell Trapper that his best friend won't be coming home.

Why isn't he? Why isn't my son coming home? How...when...why? It's just not fair. I know so many parents have to be given the same news I received, but I never could have imagined the day I got that letter telling me my only child had been taken from me. He left so much behind. I haven't heard his voice since he sent me that tape. And now I never will again. And the tape. I have to find it. I have to hear him speak again. If only I could hear his voice one more time. Just once more...

RRRINNNG!

Maybe they've found his body at last! Maybe they can tell me how and why. It must be BJ Hunnicutt. Oh, please be BJ with information...

"H-hello, Dr. Pierce speaking."

"Dad? It's me, Hawkeye."

He's alive?! "Oh...Ben! My son!"

AN: I know that for most of the series Hawkeye said he was an only child. But there were a couple of times early on he mentioned having a sister (whose name I made up). So it is my theory that she was just a foster child who stayed briefly with the Pierces. And for those of you who imagine that Dan would have a personality similar to his son, keep in mind that Hawkeye said his dad very very rarely reacts like this to anything. So it's fitting that Dan would be a little out of character here. That's what had Hawkeye so confused until he learned that he was supposed to be dead.