DISCLAIMER: MaiHime and MaiOtome belong to Sunrise.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I belong in bed asleep not trying write after work. This piece was inspired by Colbie Caillat's song 'REALIZE' and a spin on some of author's own memories.

Ending at the Begining

The day was long and boring as school days usually are and I am glad to finally be free from class. I didn't want to go to my dorm, but knew she was waiting for me there. It's kind of weird because we usually meet on campus first. It was just another day here but not for me, I was about to find out that today things would change for better or worse…

I'm just standing here outside our door trying to imagine what the outcome of our conversation is going to be. Just standing here it's getting harder for me to breathe because of the things said and done behind this closed door. Did I make a mistake and push too far? I wanted to show her my true feelings, but I think she doesn't feel the same. As close as we have been I guess I assumed too much and have succeeded in only pushing her away.

What was I thinking?

I should have stayed in my bed last night and swallowed those feelings. We wouldn't have spent most of today not talking if I had. I crossed an invisible line and kissed her; that had been so good I thought I was dreaming at first. Unfortunately I noticed her body had reacted to that kiss and I reached into her shirt and touched her stomach right at the waist line of her pants, my finger along the hem and just beneath it.

I didn't wait for her to object or stop me and I traveled up her stomach and cupped one of her breasts. Even through her bra it was soft and yielding, but her nipple was erect and excited me as much as it seemed to her. I can't walk through this door right now, not feeling like this, but there is nowhere else to go. I think I'll just sit here for a few minutes and compose myself, it'll be easier to face her once I forget the anxiety I felt as I removed that damn shirt and bra, still waiting for her to stop me.

It was over nearly as soon as it had begun, I had taken her nipple with soft lingering kisses before I wrapped my lips around it taking pleasure from sucking on it so lightly just brushing it between my teeth. I had thought for sure this was what she wanted too, but she grabbed my hair and pulled me away. My hand was still inside of her pants and was now just at the hem of her underwear.

Her flesh was so warm and inviting that I had crossed from friend to something more without asking or thinking. I loved her and I knew she loved me. At that moment when she pulled me away it wasn't love I saw in her eyes, it was betrayal. She had flown off the bed and locked herself in the bathroom. She didn't speak to me and didn't come out of the bathroom until I had left the room trying to shake off what I had just felt or thought I felt from her as I touched her.

I am not sure I understand what happened to make me do that to her but it was done. I can't take it back and right now I can't move anymore forward. My legs won't lift me from the ground and my mind won't stop playing that look. Suddenly the door opens and she is standing there just looking straight ahead not seeing me. She is so beautiful, but there is concern and something else etched into her profile. I guess I had been wrong about her not seeing me because she has walked into our room again and left the door wide open.

Still there are no words and now it takes every last bit of strength to move from where I sit. She must be in the bathroom again because I don't see her in the room. I guess she is going to talk to me from behind the safety of the door. Wait a second…her school uniform is spread out on the floor this isn't like her. The bathroom door opens and she walks out without a stitch of clothing on. My mind goes blank just examining every curve stopping at her face seeing tears in her eyes.

"I thought we were friends, I didn't think…that's the sad part I didn't think, again." Her words are cutting me hard and deep. This is too unnerving I need to get out of here. Five steps to the door and I can let my anxiety take me far from here. What…why is she walking towards me?

"You didn't ask me, you didn't force me though, I was as curious as you were. The problem was I was scared because I enjoyed your touch, I still want your touch." She's breathing heavy and it's as heavy as my own because right now she's taking off my jacket, my tie, unbuttoning my shirt, my head is swimming and I can't move.

"WE are going to finish what you started last night. I need to know the truth, I need to know how far between us 'I love you' really goes." Her hands are shaking as she touches my breasts and leans in for a kiss. There goes my bra…that heat is our skin touching, ok I'm beyond anxious now. I'm as scared as she is but this is just the beginning…