Disclaimer- I owned Twilight in a past life, but Stephenie Meyer totally stole it!
Stephenie: Did not!
Me: Did too!
Stephenie: Did not! I SO owned it first!
Me: Oh yeah, that was The Pellinor Series and Alison Croggon.
Alison: I never stole it from you!
Me: Yes you did!
(argument continues for a very, very long time)
So basically, I never owned Twilight. In this life or any other.
Chapter One: Welcome to the Show!
Random Announcer Guy: 4-3-2-1. Hello, and welcome to The Amazing Adventures of Aro the Arotastic!
Other Announcer Guy: Is Arotastic even a word?
Random Announcer Guy: Of course it is. I just made it up.
Other Announcer Guy: Whatever.
Camera Guy: Can we get on with the show already?!
Random Announcer Guy: Yes, yes, of course. Now, where was I?
Other Announcer Guy: You were just going to tell them about the show.
Random Announcer Guy: Ah, yes, the show! I…what was the point of this again?
Other Announcer Guy: Who knows?
Random Announcer Guy: Anyway, basically we're following Aro around with hidden cameras so we can laugh at random things he does when we're supposedly not looking.
Other Announcer Guy: Yeah, dido.
Random Announcer Guy: So…let's get on with the show!
random theme music plays involving the words Aro the Arotastic
(Scene cuts to the Volturi sitting around a very large, ugly old table)
Marcus: So…whadda you wanna do?
Caius: I dunno, whadda you wanna do?
Jane: SHUT UP! You've been doing that for the past 3-and-a-half weeks!
Marcus: Has it really been that long?
Caius: Wow, we really need a life.
Alec: That you do.
Felix: Hey, does anyone know where Aro went?
Jane: He's over in the corner there, sulking.
Alec: Did you just use Aro and sulking in the same sentence?
Jane: Yes. Yes I did.
(Felix walks over to a sulking Aro, who is seen sitting in a ball, rocking back and forth and singing "The Wizard of Oz" in Chinese…..backwards.)
Felix: Aro….what are you doing?
Aro: Sulking.
Felix: Why?
Aro: I miss the penguins.
Felix: I thought I explained this to you Aro. We can go back to the zoo any time you want.
Aro: Really?
Felix: Yes.
Aro: Let's go now!
(They all follow a suddenly happy Aro up into the streets as they make their way to the zoo.)
Jane: Ummm…Aro?
Aro: Yes, my dear?
Jane: Are you telling me you were sulking the whole 3-and-a-half weeks I was listening to Marcus and Caius's boredom because you wanted to see penguins?
Aro: Of course! Why else would I be sulking?
Marcus: At least we're doing something now.
Caius: True.
(They finally arrive at the zoo and head straight for the penguins.)
Aro: Hello little penguin! What's your name? (waits for response) Oh well, it doesn't matter! I'll name you myself! Your name is….uh……Penguin! Yes, Penguin the penguin. I like it! I'm Aro! Aro the Arotastic! Jazz Hands!
Penguin: Squawk!
Aro: Aw, isn't he cute?!
Jane: Yeah, yeah, very cute. Can we go now? He's making me hungry.
Aro: You lay one hand on Penguin and I will put you in a box and ship you to Easter Island!
Jane: Woah, dude. Chillax.
(They leave the zoo and head back home, where they are greeted by a very hyper-looking pink rhinoceros.)
Aro: Yay! Pink Rhino!
Felix: God, he smells like….is that baloney?
Aro: No silly! It's a she!
Felix: So it is boloney!
Aro: Hello Mr. Rhino sir! How are you today?
Pink Rhino: (growls)
Jane: (leaps onto Pink Rhino and eats him)
Aro: Nooooo!!
Jane: Eww! Tastes like boloney!
Felix: Ha! See?!
Aro: Well, I'm off to bed.
Alec: You don't sleep.
Aro: Who are you - my father? I'll sleep whenever I feel like it!
(Several futile attempts to sleep later, Aro resides to painting his nails a funny green colour.)
Dimitri: (walks in on Aro and his nail-painting)
Aro: (stares Dimirtri down)
Dimitri: I'll pretend I didn't see that.
Aro: You better.
(Dimitri leaves the room but is heard laughing hysterically in the hallway about 6 seconds after he leaves)
Aro: (Shrugs and continues painting his nails, singing "Killa" the entire time.)
(Scene cuts back to the Random Announcers in that one room we can't really decipher)
Random Announcer Guy: Well that was interesting.
Other Announcer Guy: You said it.
Random Announcer Guy: Join us next time, when elephants get pedicures and Smurfs invade Volterra!
Camera Guy: You're not supposed to know what happens next time!
Random Announcer Guy: Who cares? Arrivederci (that's Italian for Ciao)!