The Sound of a Silent Scream
by Vanessa S. Quest

Wataru shook as he gasped, trying his hardest to regain his control over his lungs to stop hyperventilating. Counter-intuitive to these efforts came as his mind screamed at him just what the letter clutched in his fist told him, now abandoned at his feet, a silver ring with a single golden band through the center.

Kazuki Yuichi, the perfection that he is, the man Wataru had given himself to, the man who claimed to love him so much had just air-mailed his ring back in the most devastating Dear John letter ever post-marked.

As his eyes bleared over with teary drops, his chest felt tight, lungs smoldering as they insisted to keep hastening their rate, giving him less and less air as the panic-attack worsened.

No, it couldn't be true though! Why? Why would Kazuki leave him like this? Hadn't he said they'd live together? And now suddenly… Wataru had suggested, no, told Kazuki to go to the States to visit his ex-girlfriend before her operation, it was his fault because he was so proud of himself that he thought Kazuki could never 'do better' was that what his hubris had done? He thought it was just some absolute trust, and yet…

Wataru couldn't keep his feet, collapsing, he passed out, still struggling to find a way to fill his lungs.

Today had been the worst day of his life. The one bit of luck, if he could think of anything, was that at least his parents weren't home, at least no one would witness something as pathetic as his fainting.

Masanobu assaulting him with kisses seemed like nothing compared to this wound, though the attempted rape wasn't exactly a 'nothing' moment within his own life. Every bit of his skin tingled and hurt, every part of his being ached and all he could wish for would be to hear Kazuki's voice of reassurance… and yet… that would never happen again, ever… he was such a fool, he actually had been so full of himself to believe that a perfect person like Kazuki could actually love him, a nobody… a normal guy like him.

To say he wasn't sure how long he was out would be an understatement, all he knew was that when he came to, no one had come home yet, and that it was at least twenty minutes later, maybe even more, after all, the sun had changed position in the sky enough for him to have noticed. With shaking hands, he gathered up the letter and discarded ring on the floor before making his way to the nearest liquor store, no tonight was not going to be a sober one at all.

In his distraught state, Wataru didn't sense Kawamura behind him as his best friend approached. Kawamura looked into the hand-basket Wataru was carrying.

"Oi, Wataru, I guess you're getting plastered tonight, huh? What happened?" Wataru jumped at the sudden sound before turning to see Kawamura, his eyes red. "…Dude, what's wrong? Your eyes look terrible, what happened?"

He shook his head, "…I… he… Kazuki… he… he left me…" Tears began to pour from his azure eyes regardless of his location in the middle of the liquor store.

"…What?" Kawamura was dumbstruck, there hadn't even been a fight as far as he knew, so then…? "Come on, I'm taking you out, the Circle's having a--"

"I can't go there either!" Wataru shook his head violently in refute, "I can't even go near Asaka! Today has been the worst day in my entire life! First Masanobu asked me out, and after I rejected him, he started to force himself on me… and then I get home only for Kazuki to have…" he choked back his sobs indiscretely, "…sent me a dear John letter, I'm going home, I'm drinking, and I'm not leaving that house until my chest stops hurting!" Wataru spun around on his heels and approached the counter, slapping the bottles down with several clinks to chime with the several bottles of assorted hard liquor, screw beer, tonight he needed to get drunk and fast, none of this nursing himself into it shit! He put the money on the counter before helping to bag, he wanted to get home and to start drinking immediately.

Kawamura was shocked, it didn't make any sense. He tried to keep pace with Wataru, to talk to him some more, but the other was too distraught even to confide in him more than that. His eyes narrowed, and what did he mean Masanobu forced himself on him?! He took out a cell-phone before dialing, first he'd call Wataru and try to convince him to let Kawamura tag along, he'd need some massive babysitting with this amount of heart-break…

"Wataru… oh thank goodness you picked up… listen, Wataru, just because he left you doesn't mean you have to be alone, I'm coming over your house now to keep you company..."

"WHAT?!"

Kawamura blinked, "Wait a second, Masanobu… why do you have Wataru's phone?!" It hit him, hard, Wataru must have dropped his phone when Masanobu had pushed himself onto the teen. "Shit… Masanobu don't you dare do what you're thinking! Leave him alone-- Hello! Damn it, are you there? He just hung up on me… shit!" Kawamura turned to leave, he had to get to Wataru's house.

Wataru sat on the floor to his room, why couldn't he make his hands stop shaking? Why couldn't he just get steady? Regain some mental balance… something? Couldn't he have some sanity? Couldn't he?! He let out a low, wispy sob as he held his ring in his hand. It burned, that ring that he had loved for so long burnt him as he clutched it, why did it hurt this much?

He buried his face into his knees, wanting to throw up and drown at the same time, he felt so vile he didn't know how to cope. Kazuki, kind to everyone honors student… he always did treat Wataru the worst, he never thought the Kazuki Yuichi would be capable of something as pathetic as a Dear John letter to dump someone!

Wataru was convinced that there was an answer at the bottom of at least one of the four bottles of hard liquor he had piled about him as he took down another burning mouthful, tears making equally hot fissures down his cheeks as he binge-drank.

He heard the sound of his door open, did that mean Karin was home now? Damn it, he didn't want to deal with anyone right now!

It struck him, somewhere hard in the nether-regions in a sucker-punch, that Kazuki Shohei must be toasting to sweet, sweet success now that his darling little Yuichi was back on the path of the righteous. Wataru pushed his face into his knees to let the retching sobs escape his throat, the more he let out the noises, the more nauseous he felt, and yet somehow he didn't quite care. There wasn't anything left for him, well, not to grasp onto at the moment, he supposed that it was good that Kazuki hadn't thought to dump him on the day of the exams, maybe that was the real reasoning behind the Dear John letter? To make sure it didn't mess up his transcripts?

Wataru smiled bitterly, like he cared about a future anymore? What did he really have left? It hurt, it hurt so bad and the liquor wasn't helping to make that stop! What the hell? That's not how drinking was supposed to go…? He felt a tall shadow fall over his body before cool skin clamped down on his own.

Wataru wasn't drunk enough to really think his dear, sweet Karin could have a growth-spurt to turn her soft small hands into the calloused, gigantic hands currently wrapped around his wrists, his eyes shot wide. "…Masanobu what the hell are you doing in my house?! Get out! I don't want to see you right now!"

Masanobu pulled him to his feet, "You. You're coming with me, now."

Wataru pulled his wrist back, "No, I'm not! Get out of my house!"

Masanobu pulled Wataru to his chest before tilting his face up to kiss him. "I'm not going to leave you. I can't believe that idiot would be so foolish as to throw you away, but I'm not going to make that mistake! Wataru, be with me!"

"I told you already my answer's NO! Now get out of my house!"

Lips crushed down onto his, sending him toppling out across the floor, Masanobu hovering over him, almost crushing him with his weight, hands still pinning Wataru's wrists. Wataru turned to his side, thrashing to get out from under Masanobu, why he was there didn't even hit him, so much as that whatever had sent this extra windfall of bad fate was really pushing it too far. He managed to free one hand before slapping Masanobu across the face, hard.

"I'm NOT her, I don't need you to rescue me! Get the hell out of my house!" Wataru panted, surprised that the loud, resounding clap of his hand contacting Masanobu's cheek stilled the older man. He was panting, Masanobu was strangely still.

"I know you aren't her, that doesn't make me love you less."

"…Get… out… Get out! What do you think it is you just tried to pull?! I didn't think you were the rapist-type! Get out before I call the cops!" Wataru panted.

"I can't do that. I'm not leaving you alone as you are now."

"I'm safer by myself than with you!" Wataru spat vehemently, he never had been the sort to have a mean-streak, but this… this was too much to just wipe his hands clean of and let bygones be bygones.

He wanted to see Kazuki so much right now, he wanted it to be a bad joke, he really, really wanted it to all be some crappy dream, no, nightmare… he wanted to wake up and be reassured that this wasn't all real, so why, just why wasn't Kazuki there?! He rolled onto his stomach to start crying and heaving, he couldn't keep it down anymore. Clamping a hand across his mouth, he rushed to the bathroom to empty out the liquor he had stored on his lithe form.

After evacuating his stomach, he curled into his chest, and closed his eyes, he didn't care what happened to him anymore, if Masanobu really did plan to rape him, screw it, he didn't care; he just wanted to sleep now.

Masanobu followed Wataru to the bathroom, the paler brunette passed out looking so pained it hurt. Straightening up the bathroom and Wataru, he finally picked him up and carried him to his bed, laying him onto the futon. He spotted a letter and familiar looking ring, reading it quickly before making a few phone calls, he loved Wataru too much to let him be hurt so deeply.

Morning came, and Wataru's head screamed, he opened his eyes to see Masanobu, his own eyes went wide, "What are you doing here?!" Last night too blurry to know what happened, Wataru found himself doing the spot-clothing check. Finding he was still in the clothes he remembered wearing the day before without any new show of tags or reversed fabric, he let out a sigh, "You didn't do anything to me… thank god…"

"…" Masanobu put his hand on Wataru's head, "We have a flight to catch to New York at four, pack your bags. We're going to track down Kazuki and find out what the hell is going on."

Wataru's mouth dropped. "…W… What?!"

Masanobu smiled, "I love you, Wataru, I'd do anything to make you happy. I hope Shohei forgives me, because I think I might just have to hit Yuichi for this, making you cry like that."

Wataru swallowed hard, what the hell was going on here?! He forced himself out of the bed before approaching his cell phone Masanobu left out for him. "First, I'm calling Kazuki and asking him just what he means by all of this…" He swallowed hard as he began to dial, fingers trembling as he pressed send.

When a woman answered, he felt the knife slice into him, "…Is… is Kazuki Yuichi there?" He looked at the phone in complete disbelief, "Tell him it's Fujii Wataru, that I need to speak with him, please."

TBC.