Prologue

The first thing I saw after the bright blue light dissipated was a tall, skinny guy…or rather; I saw the back of him. I noticed that he was running like crazy towards a blue phone booth, his tan trench coat flapping in the breeze. I stopped short and stared at him. Wondering why he was panicking, I looked behind me and immediately saw the reason. There, behind us, was the most hideous looking creature I have ever seen. It was big, and blobby, and turquoise with huge black eyes and fangs dripping with gore. I stared at it, wondering if I had leaped onto the set of some bad B movie.

"ROSE! RUN! QUIT LOOKING AT IT!"

I turned back and noticed tall guy was frantically waving and screaming at me. Deciding to play along until I figured out what the heck was going on, I hauled ass towards the phone booth. While I ran, I looked around at the amazingly detailed movie set trying to find the director, the sound guy, lighting crew, anyone involved with the production. But, to my surprise, I didn't see any soundstage. All I saw was desert stretching out as far as the eye could see. I wondered if perhaps we were shooting on location somewhere until I realized that tall guy, the monster, and I were the only people around. Confused beyond belief, I watched while tall guy opened the door of the phone booth and sprinted inside. I couldn't think why there would be a phone booth out in the middle of the desert or why tall guy would want to hide in it, but at the moment, I wasn't going to ask questions. I would do what I always did; go with the flow until Al showed up to fill me in on where I was and what I had to do.

I ran towards the open door of the phone booth while the guy in the rubber monster suit roared in my ear. I was nearly there when I suddenly felt something sharp rake across my back. It took me a second to work out that the man playing the monster had just scratched me. Cursing under my breath, I picked up speed and concentrated on getting through the open door before the method actor injured me. Just then, tall guy leaned out, grabbed my arms and pulled me inside. I stumbled forward while he slammed the door and locked it.

It took me a moment to shake off my disorientation and that's when I noticed that the interior of the phone booth was enormous. In fact, it didn't resemble any phone booth I had seen before. Tall guy walked over to a weird structure in the center of the room that had an odd assortment of switches, buttons and doo-dads on it. I stood and assessed my surroundings and deduced that this must be someone's idea of a futuristic control room. Indeed, tall man was now running around the circular structure pulling levels and pushing buttons. I watched him while I listened to a strange wheezing noise that seemed to be coming from all around me. Tall man finished doing his manic little dance around the structure and then, he finally gave me his full attention.

"You gonna stand there in the doorway all night?" he asked.

"Um…no, I was just…catching my breath." I said, walking towards him.

"And is that what you were doing when you just stopped in your tracks and stared at the Wogan?" he countered. "I don't know what you were thinking, Rose, but that little stunt nearly cost you your life."

Rose. It didn't sink in until that moment that I was in a girl's body. I groaned. God, I hated leaping into women.

"Um…I'm sorry…" I said, wondering if we were still filming.

Al. Come on, old buddy. I need you to get in here and fill me in on things.

"Well, next time, don't be so reckless, alright?"

"Um…yes, alright."

My eyes widened when tall man leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. Okay, so…they're a couple then, I guess? I watched while he went over to a computer monitor and began typing. Figuring I might get a clue to my surroundings, I came up behind him and looked over his shoulder, but to my surprise, the only thing on the screen was a bunch of concentric circles. Tall man looked back at me and smiled.

"So, where to next?" he asked.

I stared at him, confused.

"Um…I don't know. Where do you wanna go?" I said.

"I'll go anywhere you wanna go."

I sighed inwardly. Yeah, that was helpful. I looked around for Al, but at usual, he was late in arriving. I looked back at tall guy who stared at me with an expectant look on his face. I shrugged.

"Just…pick somewhere," I said, wondering what he was talking about.

Did he mean where did I want to go after filming stopped? Or was this his lines in the movie? Maybe he's waiting for me to say my line and this is his way of prompting me. I'm about to ask him where I can get a copy of the script when he suddenly smiled and typed out something on his computer.

"I know just the place," he said. "Belocarius Pelorzian. It's wonderful this time of year."

Okay, so he is saying lines. Damn, I need to get my hands on a script. I hesitate a moment and then tap him on the shoulder.

"Yes, Rose?"

"Um…where's a script?"

Tall man paused a moment and then gave me an odd look.

"Script?"

"Yeah…the script for the movie we're shooting. I need to see my lines. I had a rough night last night and I can't remember what I'm supposed to say next."

I winced when tall man stared at me in shock.

"I'm sorry?" he said.

Suddenly, I have a funny feeling I just said the wrong thing. In fact, from the way tall man was looking at me, I 'm pretty sure I just put my foot in my mouth. But, what else could it be? Surely, this is some kind of movie set. I mean, this can't be real life…can it?

Tall man stared at me for a moment and then a huge grin spread over his face.

"I get it. You're pretending we're in an old sci-fi film, is that it?"

"Um…yeah, I am," I said, following his lead.

Tall man slipped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close.

"And I suppose I'm the big scary alien that kidnapped you and is taking you away to my planet to be enslaved for the rest of your life, is that it?"

I stared at him.

"Yeah, exactly," I said. "You kidnapped me and took me away from my home, so I would toil in the…space mines, forever and ever."

Tall man chuckled. He gave me a sinister look.

"Yes, that's right; you will work for me in my banana mines for the rest of eternity, so I can have banana splits whenever I desire! Bwahahahahahaaaaa!"

I can't help but smile when he sniggers at that. At least tall guy has a sense of humor. He gives me a warm smile.

"Eh, Rose, you'll like working in the mines. It has a lovely banana smell and once you have done a day's toiling, you'll get to wear a skimpy harem girl outfit while you feed me my treat."

I nod, not quite sure how to answer that.

"But, on the more serious side, you and I are going to Belocarius Pelorzian to have a bit of fun. They have a wonderful resort there that's surrounded on all sides by pink waterfalls. And, at night, you and I can sit on the balcony and watch the meteor shower. How does that sound?"

I stare at him, wondering if he's still pulling my leg.

"Um…it…sounds fantastic," I said.

"Great, then that's where we're going, so if I were you, I'd go pack an overnight bag."

"Okay…I will."

Tall man let go of me and sat down on the battered jump seat behind him. Not knowing what to do, I sat down beside him. He gave me an odd look.

"You don't wanna pack anything?" he asked.

"In a moment, I just…wanna rest here."

He smiled, put his feet up on the rim of the structure and leaned his head back. After several minutes the ship landed and powered down. I looked around, praying Al would show up. Then, just when I had begun to lose hope, there he was. I leapt up and ran over to him.

"Al," I said, in a loud whisper. "Where on Earth am I?"

"Um, that's just it," Al replied. "You aren't on Earth."

I frowned.

"Excuse me? What's that supposed to mean?"

Al sighed.

"I hate to tell you this, buddy. But…you are on an alien spaceship with an alien."

I freeze. Turning slowly, I look around at tall man who is staring at me with an odd look on his face.

"Oh boy," I said.