A Somewhat Sexual Star Fox Story That Isn't Gay... For Once

In the candle lit bedroom Fox made love to Krystal slow and tender on the satin sheets. Krystal was four months into her relationship with Fox. She hated it. It had gotten boring. Every few nights it was the same old missionary sex. For a space hero, Fox had no sense of adventure.

"I came," she muttered after Fox had undulated into her forty-one times.

Fox frowned and looked past her and kept fucking until he finished a minute later.

She sighed.

"What is it?" Fox lay down next to her.

She picked up a clump of rose petals that Fox had sprinkled over her naked body earlier. "This is just a little trite I think."

"Trite?"

"Yes. Really Fox? Rose petals?" She looked around the romantic bedroom: five flickering candles, a stick of 'spring shower' incense, and family photos with their frames facing the wall. "We did rose petals and candle lit incense last week. A little variety wouldn't hurt."

Fox shrugged. "We had a ton left over. I thought I'd make the most of them."

"When it comes to sex, you really don't have to think of conserving—wouldn't you agree?"

He moved his arm around her, placing a hand on her breast, giving a light squeeze. "Hey, we got a pretty busy job, I think we're—"

"There, see that," Krystal interrupted. She pulled the hand off her breast. "You just squeeze my breast like it's a stress toy. I want passion."

Fox sighed. "Technically it is a stress toy."

"What?"

"I mean," Fox corrected. "I'm tired and burnt out every day—running around Lylat doing missions. Sorry if I don't have time to make it fun and unique every five minutes."

"But I'm not asking you to make it fun and unique every five minutes. Just at least every week. Is that asking too much?"

Fox pulled himself out of bed. "I'm going to brush my teeth." He blew out candles on the way to the bathroom and threw the stick of incense in the toilet.

Krystal punched her pillow. "Turn the light out when you're done."

"I always do," he muttered. "I always do yet she still tells me."

Several sexless days later, the team was sent to Macbeth. After an easy mission of shooting up super-large space fungi attacking moon colonies, they all went to a cheap bar in Macbeth City. Falco bought everyone a round of beers. Fox, Falco, and Slippy sat at one table; Katt and Krystal at another.

Krystal sipped her beer. "Katt, about you and Falco, I feel a little silly asking—well no—nevermind, I won't ask."

Katt put her beer down and went wide-eyed. "No no, tell me! Don't be shy girl. Ask away." She touched her chest. "I am an open book when it comes to me and Falco."

"Well all right. Does the sex—ever get boring?"

Katt giggled. "No way, never. Falco is always showing me new tricks. Like the other day Falco learned how to fuck me and lick my clitoris at the same time."

Krystal blinked. "That's possible?"

Katt smiled smugly. "Anything's possible with Falco. To return the favor, right now I've been reading up on how to milk his prostate."

Krystal gazed at the avian at the other table with envy. He had just said something funny and Fox and Slippy were laughing. Then he held his hand up for a high five which Fox and Slippy gave ceremoniously. Then Fox said something and laughed and Falco and Slippy just looked at him and sipped their drinks. Krystal sighed.

At the other table, Slippy nodded to the door. "Oh look, it must be shithead hour."

The Star Wolf team walked in. Panther secured a booth in the corner. Wolf and Leon headed straight for the bar. Wolf glanced around the light crowd and saw Fox. He smirked and sauntered over. Leon continued to the bar.

"Out of all the fucking bars on the planet," Fox grumbled.

"Fox, what a surprise." Wolf put his hands on his hips. He saw their irritated expressions. "Hey now kid, I thought we were on good terms."

Fox sighed, "We are."

"Then what's eating you?"

Falco gulped his beer. Fox shook his head. "There's no problem. Enjoy your drinks."

"Can we join your table kid?"

"No," Slippy said.

Fox frowned. "And stop calling me kid."

Wolf shrugged and walked away. What bothered Fox about Wolf showing up at places was demonstrated by what happened next: Wolf walked over to Katt and Krystal's little table.

"Oh look," Krystal smiled, "A bad guy."

"Hello ladies," Wolf said. He pulled up a chair and sat in it backwards with his legs spread.

Katt stiffened up. "Um, did we say you could join us?" She pulled her jacket shut more to hide her cleavage.

"No," Wolf said. He kept his attention on Krystal. "How are your psychic abilities these days?" he asked playfully.

Krystal rubbed her temples. "They're telling me that one very troubled wolf is desperate for attention right now."

"Hey, space is a boring place these days."

"Satisfy your boredom somewhere else," Katt said. "Preferably with your hand."

Wolf noticed Krystal's empty glass. "Can I buy you another beer?"

"No," Katt said for her. "You can't."

Krystal traced a finger on her glass. "It's a Zoness Moon Lager."

Katt glared at Krystal with a look of 'what the hell are you doing?'

Wolf rose. "One Zoness Moon Lager coming up—excellent choice might I say." He looked at Katt. "How 'bout you pussy cat? Want me to line up another glass for you?"

Katt didn't look. "No."

"Sounds like someone didn't change her kitty litter." Wolf hissed mockingly.

Krystal giggled. Katt glared at her. Once Wolf was out of earshot, Katt put her claws on the table and leaned forward. "What the fuck."

Krystal's shoulders rose defensively. "What, it's free beer."

"It's Wolf O'Donnell."

"So? He's rather friendly you know, and he's certainly redeemed himself for his past sins, yes?"

"He's trying to get into your panties," Katt said.

"What? No." Krystal almost laughed. She watched as Wolf leaned with his elbows on the bar, joking with the bar tender. She studied his ass and fluffy gray wisp of a tail. "That's impossible. I thought he was gay?"

Katt almost spat beer. "He's not! He has sex with lots and lots of women and right now it looks like he wants to add another notch to his bedpost."

Krystal bit her lip. "Really?"

Katt went wide-eyed. "Oh my god, are you checking him out?"

"What? No I'm not."

"Oh my god, you are!"

"I am not!"

"What about Fox?" Katt asked. "Hello? Hero of Lylat." She held up her hand like a plate. "On a platter." She studied Krystal's deflated expression. "Wait—is something wrong with Fox?"

Krystal pursed her lips and shrugged. "No, not really."

"Does he hit you?"

She looked at Katt with disbelief. "What? No. Of course not."

"Okay good," Katt sighed. "I always wonder about him. He has the crazy eyes. If he ever hits you, you let me know and I'll put rat poison in his burritos."

Krystal shook her head. "Even if he was hitting me, I would not want you to put rat poison in his burritos, okay? No the problem is just, I don't know. The sex is—"

Katt gasped excited. "He's not pleasing you?"

Krystal scrunched her nose up. "Pleasing is such a broad term, but I guess not. Not really, no. Am I being vain? Everything else is great."

"Honey, sex is everything. There is nothing vain about wanting a good orgasm. If he can't get you off, you need to seek professional help."

Krystal looked at Wolf again.

Katt pointed. "That is not professional help. That is another man's penis."

Krystal bit her lip. "I bet he's big."

Katt gasped. "Krystal! Ew! Wait." She smiled. "How big is Fox?"

Krystal shrugged. "I don't know, maybe like five inches."

Katt suddenly looked concerned. "Five?"

"Perhaps a little less."

Katt palmed her cheek and shook her head. "Are you serious?"

Krystal shrugged. "I think I'm going to break up with Fox."

"No no, don't break up with him just because of his penis."

"I'm not. It's not that. I mean size doesn't matter, right?"

Katt looked elsewhere.

"It's just his attitude about everything. He's so possessive," Krystal said exasperated. "Sometimes, I wonder what he'd do if I did break up with him. I think that's the only reason why I stay with him. I get a bad feeling about breaking up with him. About my future. And I hate the things he likes: rocketball, politics, the news, doing yoga and pilates. And he's always so boring."

Katt sighed. "I am sorry. It will just be sad if y'all break up. It could be awkward. Would you stay on the team?"

"Of course I'd stay on the team. That's my job."

"I just think it'd get awkward."

"It won't get awkward. We'll be professionals."

Wolf returned with Krystal's beer and grinned at her. She smiled back. Katt gulped from her glass, downing the whole thing. She stood up and crossed her arms in front of her all cute like. "Well, I better get back to my boyfriend." She tilted her head and beamed. "You two be nice now."

Wolf smirked, "Yes ma'am."

She frowned at Wolf. "Don't ever call me ma'am." She smiled at Krystal. "Bye!" She stepped away and when Wolf returned his attention to Krystal, she mouthed the words 'tell me everything.'

Krystal nodded, then cupped her glass and smiled at Wolf. "So!"

+.+.+.+.+.+.+

The door to the hotel room was kicked open. It swung and hit the wall. Wolf carried Krystal in, then slammed the door shut with his heel. He carried her to the bed and dropped her on the sheets, coming down on top of her. She clutched at the fur on his neck and he grabbed her face and kissed her all over. He started pulling off his flight jacket. She helped him and wrapped her legs around him, and said, "Condom?"

Wolf paused for a second. "Yes." He fumbled through the pockets in his tossed aside flight jacket. "Here somewhere." He found one and set it on the nightstand. "Shall we foreplay first?"

Krystal was taking her pants off but stopped. "Yeah." She nodded. "Yeah, foreplay. Sorry, it's just been a while since I've heard a guy ask me about foreplay."

"I feel strange," Wolf said. "Fox did not seem happy to leave you at the bar when they left. Are you sure this is all right?"

"Fuck Fox!" Krystal spat. "I'm not going back to the ship to watch him play 'Space of Warcraft' for five fucking hours. We're over!"

Wolf grinned and went back to kissing her, but then she stopped him.

"What?" he asked. "What is it?"

"I just want to also say… I want you to get freaky with me."

"What?"

She nodded. "I want you to do fucked up things to me. Really get freaky with me. I want you to bend me like a pretzel and do all kinds of dirty things with everything you have."

Wolf inhaled exasperated. "You are something!" He pulled down her blouse and gnawed at her bra and ran his hands up her thighs. The bra had a front clasp. He undid it with his teeth and jerked the bra off, making a muffled laughed. Krystal pushed her breasts together. Wolf spat the bra out and went back down on her and licked and suckled furiously at her perk white-furred titties.

"Really freaky," she commanded.

Wolf grunted, then nibbled on one of her pencil erasers until he was really gnawing. She moaned and thrust herself against him. She grabbed the crotch of his jeans and felt the long hard member. It went halfway down his thigh. She beamed. "Oh my!" She furiously rubbed it.

Wolf groaned on her tit and shook and threw his head back. "Shit."

"You like that?" She grabbed the outline of his rod and squeezed and pumped it.

Wolf whimpered and bucked his hips, "Yeah."

"You know what I want?" Krystal moaned. "I want it down my throat. I want it balls deep."

Wolf opened his eyes at her with shock. "You're crazy."

She licked her lips. "Crazy for cock."

Wolf fumbled with his jeans and pulled them off. He wore black boxer briefs. His hard python snaked down almost to the edge of his briefs. It had to have been at least nine inches. Krystal couldn't stop herself from continually tugging at it and tracing her nails over the fabric from the balls to the tip. He pulled his shirt off and shook his fur out. He was a gray-furred beast, muscular, white fuzzy washboard abs. His thighs and calves were taut and sculpted to his large clawed feet. He accidentally yanked his eyepatch off with his shirt, exposing a gray foggy left eye.

"You warrior," she beamed. "Don't wait for me to do it," Krystal said. "Just shove it in mouth."

Wolf blinked and tugged his boxer-briefs down—his rock hard member bouncing out. He tugged the boxer-briefs down his legs to his ankles, and off his feet. He thought to find his eyepatch but figured she didn't care about that. Krystal got a good look at his pink rod, exposed and glistening, the musky scent. She made an O with her mouth and he climbed up and held it to her lips.

"No," she said irritated. "Just shove it in. Use me."

"You really are something." Wolf shook his head, closed his eyes and did as she said, shoving it in. She moaned and gagged and let him fuck her face.

For several hours they performed all sorts of sexual acts: oral, vaginal, anal, manual stimulation with paws—in all sorts of positions. At one point, Wolf made love to her with his tail. The hairs exhilarated her insides. He jerked his tail around in her. While accomplishing this, he climbed on top of her and thrust his meat pole between her breasts while she pushed them together making it nice and tight. Similarly at another point, Krystal pressed her footpaws together and Wolf made love to the space between her warm leathery footpads while tail-fucking her. At another point, Krystal blindfolded herself with one of Wolf's socks tied around her head and asked him to spank her. He complied and went military on her blue furry ass cheeks and then ate her out, ass to pussy.

Overall, Wolf enjoyed four orgasms. By the third one his member ached to the point where it wasn't quite comfortable anymore so from then on he gave her all the attention. Krystal enjoyed five orgasms, including three cluster orgasms that sustained for three minutes each because Wolf knew how to charm her clitoris, breasts, G-spot, and rectum simultaneously with tongue, fingers, cock, and tail.

Afterward, they passed out on the floor because the bed had been ripped open by claws and springs stuck out in random places.

+.+.+.+.+.+.+

Gold sunlight lilted through the blinds of the kitchen windows on the Great Fox. Fox sat with a cup of coffee and read the news on his laptop through reading glasses. The door slid open and Krystal limped in but stopped when she saw Fox.

He took off his glasses, shut the laptop, and looked at her. "I was wondering when you'd come home. Slippy said you just docked."

"I'm going to lie down."

"Did you fuck him? How was it? Slut."

Krystal looked at him with shock, then sighed, almost giggled. "Fox. I'm breaking up with you."

"You can't break up with me."

"Uh. I just did."

"You can't. I'm your boss. We're not broken up."

"What?!" She looked around like something smelled horrible. "You're not my boss."

"This is Team Star Fox," he said. "Not Star Fox and Krystal Slutbag."

"That's cute. I was hoping I could stay on the team, but I can see that's not going to work since you have the maturity of a mentally-retarded ape." She walked out the door. "Good luck finding another fucking psychic."

"We're not broken up!" Fox shouted after her. The door slid shut behind her. He looked at himself and shook and picked up his laptop and threw it at the stove. It broke in half. Liquid crystal splattered everywhere. He picked up a chair and threw it at the refrigerator. It bounced off and crashed into a potted plant, shattering it. Soil spilled everywhere. He noticed the fridge and stomped to it and ripped off all the love notes, pictures and heart shaped portrait magnets of him and Krystal and threw them. He stomped back to the electric stove and slapped his paw on a burner and turned it up to high. Within three seconds he screamed a blood-curdling scream and grabbed his hand and ran into a wall.

The door slid open and Falco ran in. "What the fuck is going on in here?!"

Fox curled up on the floor. "We're not broken up!"

"What the hell is wrong with you?! You're acting like a mentally-retarded ape!"

In her room, Krystal lay in bed and thought of Wolf's body, his tongue, his… other things. She touched herself and smiled. Ten minutes later Fox burst through the door. Krystal pulled her paw out of her panties and pulled covers over her. "Don't you know how to knock!"

Fox's hand was bandaged. He looked at her with deathly concern and regret. "Krystal." He glided up to her bed and kneeled next to her. "I don't know what got into me. Please. Please, forgive me. I'm sorry I said those horrible, horrible things to you."

Krystal lay back and looked at the ceiling and sighed. "Fox…"

"No no, you're right. I questioned your trust when I said those things. I'm just sorry. I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart. I'm a sorry fool."

She grimaced at the ceiling, then turned toward him and rubbed his cheek with her palm. "All right. I forgive you, but we need to talk."

"Please," he said. "Let me make you breakfast."

She groaned. "Fine. Breakfast sounds okay."

In the kitchen she looked around at the shattered potted plant, black soil everywhere, the thrown chair, magnets, and broken laptop. "Uh. What happened?"

"Nevermind it!" Fox beamed. "One of Slippy's new cleaning robots made a disaster of a mess!" He set down a plate of breakfast burritos in front of her. She smelled the egg-potato-bacony goodness. He set a napkin in her lap and a tall glass of orange juice by her plate. She sighed. "Fox, this is all very nice of you—but we do need to talk about things."

Fox closed his eyes and shook his head smiling. "Everything is all right Krystal."

She shrugged and bit into a burrito. It was delicious. She chewed and smiled—swallowed. Fox smiled. She finished one burrito and reached for the glass of orange juice. She stopped halfway. Her hand trembled toward the glass. Then she grabbed the table. Her lips trembled. Her jaw trembled. Her legs trembled.

Fox smiled.

Krystal pushed herself away from the table, struggled out of her chair. She grabbed her stomach. Black incomprehensible pain. She grimaced at Fox, drooled a little.

He shook a box of rat poison at her like a maraca and grinned from ear to ear.

She cried out, clawing at her stomach, bursting into tears. She bolted from the kitchen and ran to the bathroom. Fox followed her slowly.

When he reached the bathroom, he found her lying on the floor convulsing. Her whole body shook. Fox kneeled over her. "This is the Star Fox Team," he said. "Not the Star Fox Let's His Girlfriend Fuck His Former Nemesis Team."

She coughed. Red mush dribbled from her muzzle. "It was worth it," she gurgled. "If only you knew the orgasms we had."

He ripped a metal towel rack off the wall and beat her with it. Falco opened the door with Wolf.

"Oh hey Fox," Falco said casually. "Wolf just docked, he said he needed to talk." The two took in the scene in front of them.

Fox looked back at them holding the bloody metal pole.

Wolf stared. "You! What the! What the fuck have you done?!"

Falco backed away. "Fox." He shook his head. "Fox."

Fox ran after them with the pole. Falco and Wolf ran back to the kitchen. Fox struck Wolf in the back of the head with the pole, which sent him crashing into the table, but didn't knock him out. Falco opened a drawer and pulled out a small blaster. Fox hit him in the neck with the pole. Then right in the face. His beak shattered and he screamed in agony. Fox grabbed Falco's blaster, then karate kicked him into the wall.

Wolf struggled to get up. He grabbed a chair and threw it at Fox, who side-stepped it and shot Wolf in the arm. Wolf roared and clutched his arm and slumped against the stove. He looked up at Fox and tried to kick himself further against the stove. "I thought it was okay, kid. She said it was okay. She said it was over."

Fox grabbed onto a door handle, held it tightly. "Yes. It's over." He aimed his blaster past Wolf.

Wolf stared at Fox confused, then looked behind him and saw the window. "Fox no!"

With a red flash the window exploded out—a windstorm roared into the kitchen. Cabinets flew open. Everything sucked into space: pots, plates, soil, magnets, love notes, pieces of Falco's beak, chairs, the table. Falco tried to get up but was sucked out the drain of a window.

Wolf held onto the oven door handle with both hands. His boots lifted off the ground and dangled toward the window. "Fox!" he shouted over the roaring.

The refrigerator scooted clumsily toward the window, grinding, ripping tiles off the floor. It lifted off the linoleum and soared toward the window, hitting Wolf in the shoulder, knocking one of his hands off the handle. The fridge blew into space. Wolf's body twisted around 'til he faced the window. He kicked at it, screaming with terror. His ears popped. He saw stars, Macbeth far below. The cloud of kitchen debris and an inflated blue-feathered body drifted further and further away from the ship.

Fox aimed his blaster at the persistent wolf, but before he could pull the trigger, the oven door ripped off its hinges and Wolf flew out into space. He howled until there was no air to carry sound. Fox buried his muzzle in his arm, feeling the air suck out of his lungs. A metal barrier pieced together over the window frame—the emergency containment. The windstorm shrank to breeze, then a whistle, then nothing. The room was dark. There was another rush of wind as the room re-pressurized. Fox heaved for air. Red emergency lights flashed intermittently.

Fox let go of the door handle. With each red flash, he could see the kitchen was empty, bare, and spotless. Pure. Cleansed.

The door slid open behind Fox. Lights switched on. "Fox!" Slippy yelled. "What happened?! Are you okay?!"

Fox turned around and put the blaster in Slippy's wide open mouth and pulled the trigger. The toad flailed into the door and slid down, brains everywhere. Fox licked his lips. He stood still for several minutes. Blood dripped off his fur. Then the door opened again.

Katt—the first thing she saw was Slippy's dead body. She screamed, then looked at Fox covered in blood and chunks and screamed louder. He shot her five times. He stepped over her body and out of the kitchen, then went to the bathroom and looked at Krystal in a pool of blood that covered the entire floor. He lay down next to her, looked into her lifeless eyes, hugged her and kissed her neck, then put the gun to his head.

Krystal jolted awake in the hotel room, drenched in sweat. She was on the floor laying in a fluffy expanse of sheets and pillows. Wolf stroked her arm and looked into her eyes. "Baby, you're soaked."

She panted and rubbed her neck, then grabbed Wolf, touched him all over, clutched him, rubbed his white eyebrows with her thumbs and looked into each eye: one ice blue, one gray and foggy.

He smiled at her curiously.

"You're alive," she exhaled.

He stroked her hair. "Baby, after this night, I could die and not give a shit. Sounds like you had a bad dream."

She gulped and panted. "No. It was real. It was entirely real."

Wolf traced his paw down her chest to her belly button. "Calm down. It wasn't. You're here."

She caught her breath and exhaled slowly. "No it was real. I had a premonition. The long vivid ones are so rare," she said rapidly. "This is definitely a matter of clairvoyance."

Wolf brushed her face and kissed her.

"Wolf listen to me!"

He sobered, "Okay, all right. What happened in the dream, or vision I guess?"

She shook her head. "Burritos. Just… burritos and death."

Wolf lifted an eyebrow.

"We have to get out of here." She shook her head faster. "We have to leave right now."

Wolf got up onto his elbows, looked at her and shrugged. "Well… you wanna come back to Sargasso with me?" he asked almost jokingly.

"Yes!" she shot.

Wolf blinked, not expecting her to accept the offer. She grabbed his face and kissed him, then got up and started throwing things into Wolf's bag. She had nothing with her to take, but it didn't matter. Wolf got up, standing naked. He scratched his stomach and watched her pack his stuff swiftly. He started to help. Once they were finished, they showered together, made love, and were halfway to the Sargasso Pirate Outpost when Fox opened his eyes on the Great Fox, lying in bed, alone—

waiting—

Thanks for reading. Please review whether you loved or hated it. Also in your review, come up with a good title for the story since I don't know what else to call it.