DAYS LIKE THIS
Yo. It's me, Thundercracker. Yup, same old boring TC, drinking on a cliff. Alone. JUST HOW I LIKE IT. Yeah, that's right, I LIKE being alone. S'better than these idiots lying around and sucking spark. What is this, a military conquest or a heavy metal orgy?
I hate days like this. It started with another pounding of our afts by the Autobots. Megatron flies back all frustrated and angry and vowing to return, which of course makes him pretty horny. So he grabs Starscream and they start bonding- right there, in the flight bay- just eats his face and cockpit and wings and whatever. So of course everyone takes this as a signal to let go.
Pretty soon you can't walk around without hitting two or three idiots with their cables tangled: Blitzwing with Astrotrain. Dirge, with Ramjet, and Thrust. Skywarp with Rumble. Onslaught with Ravage. Breakdown with Dead End. Motormaster with some idiot. The entire Constructicon team with each other. Reflector, Reflector and Reflector. Yeah, get your processor around that one.
Soundwave's alone in the corner, all silent like Soundwave is, and recording everything like Soundwave does. Pervert.
So it's a free-for-all party, you think. Not me. I've never been one for that kind of thing. Maybe it's a manufacturing glitch, but I think I was programmed without a libido. When metal starts to clank I just excuse myself. Ain't nothing wrong with that kind of thing; I'm just not into it.
But I am pretty thirsty, and no one seems to be guarding the energon rations, which means extra cubes for me, yay. But of course they have to store the energon rations in the flight bay, so I have to glide above everybody and keep my optics closed before I see something too horrible for words,which means I keep crashing into the walls. Finally, I get to the smeltin' storage crates. I push the Cassettes off – are they trading tape strings!?—and fish out a batch of extra-filtered energon. It's so filtered it's radioactive or something. Good stuff.
So now I just fly the heck out of there with my cube, hoping that while I'm flying an Autobot kills me so I don't have to go back. I'm at the door when Skywarp teleports in front of me. He's got that glazed look in his optics (but then again this is Skywarp, so that's par for the course).
He reaches for my intakes. I dodge. I jet out of there. Me and my cube.
Skywarp teleports on top of me. In robot mode. So now he's clinging to my nose and riding me like a Kaonian cowbot and won't shake off.
"Yaagh!"
"TC, I love you."
"Get off, glitch!"
"Let me release your internal voltage regulator, TC! Let's share coaxial cables!"
"Skywarp, I wouldn't share coaxial cables with you even if you were the last mech on Earth, Cybertron, or on this and all other planes of continuity!"
"But…why?"
"Because you're built exactly like me, and I'm boring, so I find you boring."
He shuts up, but I can imagine the wounded- Polyhexian-puppydog look on his face, and regret my words. I like Skywarp. He's my little buddy. He's the guy I always turn to when I want to give my Air Commander some hell. He's my Best Friend Forever. I just don't like him that way.
" Listen," I say: "Down there are dozens of hot young mechs who'd love to share cables with a certain black-and purple jet. We all know you and Starscream are the bonding-baits of the base. Why not share yourself with someone who truly appreciates the graceful, exotic beauty of Seekers?"
"But I don't want anyone else. I love you."
Oh Primus, there he starts again. 'I love you.' I hate that word, 'love'. It doesn't have a place in this war. Maybe when we win. Maybe when it's safe to love someone without having to worry if you'll be flying to their grave tomorrow (Once I dreamed of a grave with a Seeker's corpse mounted above, except I couldn't make out its identity. Was it Starscream? Skywarp? Or me? I hope it's Starscream. Or even me. I couldn't stand it otherwise).
So I discharge a sonic vibration so powerful it temporarily knocks out his teleportation positioning sensors. Then I dive into a bank of clouds and gun it. By the time he recovers, I'll be halfway to Antarctica.
And that's where I am, on an ice cliff overlooking the sea, drinking my cube and brooding about Love. Energon overcharge does that to me - the brooding thing. Still, brooding is better than bonking, and this is the remotest spot on Earth I could find.
Speaking of bonking, there are awfully familiar noises coming from the beach below me. I don't want to look- -
Agh!- too late.
I look.
It's Skyfire and Starscream –(how'd Screamer get away from Megatron, anyway?)—and Prowl with Jazz. And those jet judo Lambo freaks with the medic. Hound with Mirage. Grapple with Hoist. Bumblebee with his furry little human. And Ironhide with Chromia.
And the Aerialbots doing….well, you know.
Hmm.
If I drop in on them guns firing, the Aerialbots might just put me out of my misery. Then again, it could be worse.
They might make me join them.
Sigh.
I really need to find a new brooding spot.