From the Bottom of My Broken Heart, an inuyasha fanfic

From the bottom of my broken heart

I sat in my chair, in my room as the radio was on playing ninety's music. I turned to the window, in a dazed, thinking about the possibilities InuYasha could be doing right now. Maybe...just maybe he was thinking and missing me like I was missing him.

Ha! Yeah right...he's probably thinking about ways to be with Kikyo. I frowned a bit, feeling myself lose concentration. No, I shouldn't be thinking this way...Kikyo and InuYasha were meant for eachother and who says I should get in their way of finding love...I couldn't do that to InuYasha, he just had to be happy...and I was, I was being selfish...He was...he was my best friend, and I couldn't be in the way of his happiness.

A familiar song came on as I tried to concentrate on studying for my finals before summer was about to come...

"Never look back," we said
How was I to know I'd miss you so?
Loneliness up ahead, emptiness behind
Where do I go?

I didn't know why but song writers would know exactly how their audiences are feeling. Every single bit of it, because this song reminded me of my situation with InuYasha...You see, InuYasha and me were best friends since we were little, after a while in middle school, we began to like eachother and started dating, he was my first kiss...my first everything. Well, besides that. He showed me how to really express my feelings of love to everyone...

In the end though, he decided that we should just stay best friends since it wouldn't work out between me and him. During that time, Kikyo had shown up and InuYasha took a liking to her, I though on the other hand let it off nonchalantly. I mean, I was hurt, but what could I have said? It was his decision, I just went along with it, no matter how much it killed me inside.

And you didn't hear
All my joy through my tears
All my hopes through my fears
Did you know, still I miss you somehow?

I listened to the song intently, comprehending the lyrics and being very familiar with them. They related to me so much, and I did instinctly hear InuYasha once told me to never look back on the past, it only brings you down. I guess he was right, because I feel as though right now, I'm being push back down the mountain that is blocking me from forgetting everything.

I don't regret anything, I just wish that it would've went at a different way. I still see InuYasha, it's just, for me, an awkwardness...though I doubt he can tell. He acts as though nothing has happened and just picked up where we left off our best friend "thing." Though he doesn't know it, acting like that destroys me everytime. How could he go and act like nothing happened? How could he forget all those memories that were so dear to me?

I shook my head a bit and my frowned deepened, I've got to stop being so self-centered and think that as long as he's happy...I should be. I mean, there are plenty of other guys I should be looming over, like Kouga-kun...or Hojo-kun! Thinking about those guys made me smile and I suddenly, somehow, felt beter. Was that suppose to be a sign of moving on?

From the bottom of my broken heart
There's just a thing or two I'd like you to know
You were my first love, you were my true love
From the first kisses to the very last rose
From the bottom of my broken heart
Even though time may find me somebody new
You were my real love, I never knew love
'Til there was you
From the bottom of my broken heart

I suddenly layed my head down on the desk and tears abruptedly started leaking out of my eyes. Why did this have to happen to me? I don't understand?! Was I not satisfying?! Was it because I never gave up my virginity to him?...Why did I feel so miserable? I thought that I hid it so well...

I walked out of my room into the bathroom to look at my reflection. I splashed water on my face repeatedly and shook my head of any negative thoughts. Then I stared at my reflection in the mirror, everything was so evident. My expression was so readable. My emotions, my thoughts, they...they were all plastered on my face!! How ugly is that?! I shook my head vigorously for the fifth time in this very moment. Was I so readable that even many can see my miserable and pathetic look? Did Sango notice it? Miroku? Kouga-kun? Hojo-kun?...Did InuYasha notice...?

Walking out of the bathroom, I felt a melancholy aura suddenly overcome mine. I...I didn't know why I was so suddenly emotional over this...I mean I never was before. I walked back into my room and closed the door. Leaning on it, I slid down and inhaled slowly.

"Hey." A sudden voice, startled me. I jumped up very fast and looked over at my bed to see InuYasha siting there with his books in his hands. Study time, I guess?

"Baby," I said, "please stay.
Give our love a chance for one more day"
We could have worked things out
Taking time is what love's all about

"I-InuYasha? What're you doing here?" I asked, voice a bit shaky. He cocked his head a bit to the side.

"I thought it would be a cool idea to study together, I asked your mom where you were and she said that you were up in your room so I came and you weren't here so I waited for you, but you seem a bit down, what's up?"He asked me softly. I just shook my head.

"It's nothing, don't worry about it. Anyways, sure, let's study together. We all got a very big day tomorrow." I said nonchalantly and sat down on my chair, turning on the computer. I was looking through my emails before I decided to study. I saw an anonymous email and I clicked on it.

"Who's it from?" InuYasha asked from behind me, I felt my heart beat pace a bit.

"...I don't know--Oh! It's from Kouga-kun!" I said excitingly. Opening it up, I began to read it.

To:

From:

Message: Hey Kagome! It's Kouga. I just wanted to greet you through mail and see what you were doing saturday after finals. I thought it would be great if we hang out and watch a movie or something. Anyways, if that's fine with you than just give me a call alright? Okay, talk to you soon.

From,

Kouga Ookami

My cheek burned of a shy sensation. I didn't know how to respond, besides InuYasha, I've never been asked out from a close friend before...sure I've gotten compliments that made me feel very embarrased, I've never gotten a "hangout" from anyone besides InuYasha...What should I say? Yes?...No?

"You aren't actually considering this, are you?" I heard InuYasha say behind me. I forgot he was in here.

"Actually, I might." I spoke back proudly. I glanced over at him proudly, only to be glared at.

But you put a dart
Through my dreams through my heart
And I'm back where I started again
Never thought it would end

"What?! Why!? He's an annoying guy! Always claiming things that aren't his..." InuYasha retorted back, irritatingly. This angered me...not that he was insulting Kouga, well I mean that was one of the reasons but the main one was because InuYasha was like that himself too.

"And why'd you care? If it's my decision to go out with Kouga, then you should be happy for me. Not lecturing me about Kouga's habits?!" I shouted back at him defensively. I think that stunned him because he backed away for a split second.

"Who said anything about me caring?! I don't care, go ahead and date him! See for yourself what kind of guy he is!" He shouted back at me and I just turned around to ignore him.

"You know what? I wasn't going to say yes, but now that you say that, I think I will see for myself what kind of guy Kouga-kun really is. And I bet he is much more of a gentlemen than YOU ever will be. Plus, aren't you suppose to be happy for me? I mean, I'm happy for you and Kikyo." I mummbled to him as I began reading through my textbooks. I can tell he was still there glaring holes at the back of my head. I turned over at him to see that he was looking at me with a sort of expression I couldn't really tell.

"You know what Kagome? I guess I am happy for you. There are you happy that I admitted that?" InuYasha said before grabbing his stuff. "I take back what I said about it being a cool idea to study together." With that he slammed my door and I could hear his footsteps fading away. I felt tears burn at the corner of my eyes...his words really burn.

I got up from my seat and grabbed the phone, I should really do this for myself. Even if it hurts, maybe this will be the start of getting over everything. I shouldn't dwell in the past anymore...plus, InuYasha never cares about what I really do anymore...

"Hello, Ookami residence." A muscular voice was heard on the other line.

"Is Kouga Ookami available?" I asked, my voice trembling.

"Oh, this is him."

"Hi! It's me, Kagome."

"Hey, Kagome! How are you doing?"

"I'm good, and you?'

"Ditto."

"Oh, I got your message and I just wanted to call you and ask if I could think about it."

"Okay! That's fine but hey listen, my mom needs to use the phone so I'll talk to you tomorrow okay?"

"Oh! I'm sorry! I just wanted to call and tell you that. Well, good luck on finals tomorrow and yeah! For sure, we'll talk tomorrow. Bye!"

"Bye! Good luck too!"

I again, slid down my closed door. How come saying that meant so much air being held in my throat? Was this really a good idea? I mean...what if it seemed like I was just using Kouga-kun as a replacement of InuYasha...No! I wasn't! I was moving on...

Groaning, I went back to my books. I forgot, finals to study on. But how was I to study with all this tension in my head?

I glanced back at the radio, that song...really explained me well...

InuYasha...

You promised yourself
But to somebody else
And you made it so perfectly clear
Still I wish you were here

That was the person I went to sleep dreaming of.

The next morning was the same as usual, nothing new. I got ready for school, greeted my family, ate breakfast, and now I'm off getting ready to walk to school. Was InuYasha mad at me?...I feel bad for what I said yesterday. InuYasha really was a gentlemen and he does have his sentimental moments, who was I to critcize him?

I looked down the shrine steps to find InuYasha leaning on a tree. His usual spot, waiting for me...I thought he was angry at me?

"Hey, InuYasha...?" I said before walking him to him. He looked down at me and smiled a bit. This sort of made my spine shiver, what did he have him mind this time?

"Hey, Kags." Kags? Why is he suddenly starting to call me by that name again? It was the only name he called me when we were...dating. I gave him a suspicious look.

"Ready to go...?" I said slowly. He nodded and we began walking towards the direction of school.

On the way there, he would either poke, tickle or hold onto me. It was sort of awkward and I didn't know what was up his sleeve. What was he planning? He was holding onto my elbow before I retracted it back.

"Okay, what's up? Why are you acting like this?" I said suddenly, placing my hands on my hips. He stared at me innocently and I glared at him.

"What are you talking about, Kags?"

"You are acting all mushy, calling me Kags, acting all weird OVERALL...It's just like when we were...dating. What's up with you?" I said straight on to him. His eyes were widened before he slowly regained composer. He took a big sigh before sitting down on a porch. He patted it, informing me to sit down to and I did what I was signaled. The next thing I knew was, I was in his loving arms, as he hugged me close to him.

"Kagome...I know this is sorta sudden, but I...I still have feelings for you." This shocked me and I looked up at him as he looked down with an unreadable expression. "I've always loved you, I just didn't know what to tell you. I mean with us being so awkward to eachother and stuff...I didn't know what to say."

"...then why did you--?"

"That, I don't know. I mean, I thought that you would like to start dating someone else when getting into high school and stuff. You get my point?" InuYasha's face was turned away slightly. I reached up and grabbed a hold of his cheeks.

"...InuYasha...I would never want to date anyone else, especially since I had you." I said sweetly at him.

"What about Kouga?" I looked at him solemnly.

"To be honest, I thought that by dating him...I could get over you. It may be a chance to be able to finally move on. Talking about Kouga-kun, what about Kikyo?"

"...I thought since I couldn't have you, maybe someone who looks like you would be okay." I was stunned at this. I slapped him hard, not realizing my own strengths. "Ow! What'd you do that for!?"

"That's for being a coward and running away from your feelings! And this is for making me hurt so badly!!" I slapped his chest as I tried to push him away. He held onto me tighter. Grabbing a hold of my arms, he pulled my body up so he can place a long, passionate kiss on my lips.

"That's for always putting up with me." He said to me and I was surprise to find him not mad at me. "Kagome...I'm sorry. I...I would like to start over. I mean, if that's okay with you?"

"InuYasha...Of course I would..." I said before reaching up and kissing him tenderly. Wait, what about Kouga-kun?...I'll just tell him about the situation between me and InuYasha...maybe he'll understand. I hope he does...

InuYasha's kisses were so undefinable...Everytime he kissed me so sweetly, I wouldn't be able to think and my mind would swirl around. I really did love him a lot...

"Never look back," we said
How was I to know I'd miss you so?

"...Kagome?" I looked over at InuYasha, who was now sleeping besides me. It's been four months since that happened between us. Right now, me and InuYasha decided to hangout at his house.

"Yes...InuYasha?"

"Nothing, I was just wondering if you were asleep." I smiled widely and brought his face to mines, kissing him hard yet tenderly.

"Does that answer your question?" I asked. He nodded vigorously and I giggled. This is how I wanted it to be...even from the bottom of my broken heart, I still wanted to tell InuYasha one day...

how much I loved him from the bottom of my once broken heart.