Title: Growing Pains

Author: Aerith Queen of Cetra

Chapters: 1/1

Summary: The older brother is the protector, the saviour and the god to the younger brother. But how can Reks call himself that when he introduces the concepts of death to Vaan?

Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Tragedy

Beta'd: Nu-uh!

Warnings: Death, angst, violence, philosophical and rhetorical questions, Vaan being a naïve child!

Disclaimer: If I owned the rights to FFXII, poor Reks wouldn't have died! T.T … is he still dead? Yeah? Then I don't own it!

Author's Comments: I wrote this fic a helluva long time ago and I only found it again today, so I hope it still makes about as much sense as it did when I first wrote it! Enjoy!

Growing Pains

The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise.

-Alden Nowlan-

It was only on those small occasions, the ones where his more kind, gentler feelings were done away and there was no one else there to scold him for his immaturity or hold him in his fear, that anyone seen Reks' true emotions.

Vaan could remember one time in particular, one time when his beloved brother, his saviour, his god, finally snapped and said to him,

"What will become of you when I die…"

It wasn't a question, per say, it was more of a whispered remembrance of words once spoken to him.

Vaan was puzzled, shocked, scared even. This was not what his brother should be saying to him on a cold night in Dalmasca, hiding in the Garamsythe Waterway and watching the sky from one of the several holes piercing the ceiling that unsheathed the night sky to the steely waters below.

Vaan didn't like it. His hair blessed by the desert gods was damp and clung to his face and shoulders, giving the illusion of a thousand rat-tails in the small boy's impressionable mind.

For that was all he was, a small boy. And not only was he a small boy, he was a small boy with no parents. No mother to dote on him and no father to scold him when he managed to get himself in situations like this.

For example, running down into the Garamsythe Waterway on a whim, with no sword to battle with or shield to guard him. He was a defenceless lamb running towards the wolves.

If it had not been for his brother, who had returned home from a delightful chat with Old Dalan, the various creatures that lurked in the murky depths of the waterways would have killed Vaan, but of course the boy was not aware of this.

He was, of course, unaffected by the Dire Rats that scampered across the floor in a frenzy but when he found himself being chased by the agitated bat like creatures known as Steelings and into the arms of the terrifyingly vulgar, Malboro Overking, he found all of his courage seep from his soul.

At that time, Vaan had tasted the thrill and desperation of fear. The creature's tentacles seemed to encircle the small boy and the crown, which practically bounced on top of the beast's head, glimmered with, admittedly, more jewels than Vaan could count.

He had only taken the tiniest of gulps when he noticed a peculiar mist growing from within its mouth.

As the creature began to open its ghastly mouth, it suddenly cried out and swung around, flinging its sliced off tentacles in a random direction and revealing to Vaan it's back, and the large gash across the green expanse.

Vaan immediately scurried away and behind one of the various walls in the walkway. Though the beast had stepped into the shadows of the walkway, enough light was allowed to pass through the darkness and bounce back from the beast's glittering crown and a slashing… sword?

It wasn't very long before the Malboro Overking let off a dramatic screech and the crown could be seen no more. Stumbling from the darkness, holding an injured side with strangely shadowed eyes, came his beloved brother.

Vaan had shouted his name. Reks did not reply and with horror, Vaan watched as his brother fell across the side of the walkway and into the shallow waters below.

"No! Reks! Reks!" The chubby hands batted away the water that dared to come between him and his brother and went to Reks' side.

With the tiniest amount of communication from the elder man and the greatest amount of intelligence the younger could use, Vaan managed to pick up a vaccine and feed it to his brother. The shadows of his eyes dissipated.

Innocent tears rolled down those chubby, tanned cheeks and Vaan held onto his brother, only backing away when Reks' eyes, flashing with more disappointment than anger, narrowed upon the tiny form.

"Why did you come down here, Vaan? You knew the risks! How could you be so foolish! How could you-"

Reks reached out and pulled Vaan into his chest, resting his itchy nose on Vaan's soaked hair. "How could you worry me like that?"

It was rhetorical of course, but Vaan didn't know that as he furiously wiped away his tears and whimpered that he didn't know.

And from there, Vaan was presented this question.

"What will become of you when I die?"

Vaan knew his answer. "You'll never die big brother! You are invincible! You can never die!"

Reks didn't look at him. It was not the right answer.

Vaan tried again, hating himself for being so foolish. "Brother… I… I won't let you die! I'll protect you!"

Reks didn't expect that answer. He turned to Vaan, who was prompted from this to continue.

"You won't die! Because… Because I'll protect you! I'm strong! And… I'll get even stronger! So that - when the time comes… you…you don't have to be afraid and you won't die!"

Reks felt guilt at that moment. He had opened Vaan up to the horrible thoughts, which eventually consumed every man, thoughts which drove some men insane. The thoughts of death were in Vaan's head now and with it, death's dreaded consort; fear.

Yet he was trying to use that fear to better understand his 'weak hearted' brother. Reks patted Vaan on the head and he allowed this answer to be correct.

Vaan smiled and now watched the beaming stars alongside Reks. And that was the end of it for him.

But not for the other… no…not for the other… he had decided… that he would never be afraid… never… never ever again…

When confronted with the glaring face of his Captain, so close to his that breath's were intermingling, he decided that he was allowed to be afraid.

He had felt cold steel penetrate his unprotected skin and once he fell on the ground, the pain had spread like the cracking of glass.

Reks stared through blurred vision, reminded of that time. He wasn't staring at the fading vision of the traitor… no… he was merely staring at the blend of sandy blonde in the mix of it.

And one figure burned brightly in the midst of it, shining as clear as a blue sky. The image of Vaan, as it got closer, grew older. From a tiny tot that had gotten lost in a maze of water to the teenage boy who freely wandered those waterways to find, and destroy, those accursed 'Overkings'.

And once more, he felt guilt as the armoured hand of his not-so-little brother stretched towards him. Pain encircled him, for two very different reasons.

Reks did not see the metal plated hand, but the scar-ridden hands underneath reaching for him. He seen his brother's strife and hardship and he was mortified at it all.

"Are you afraid?" 'Vaan' asked him as Reks lay on the ground, tasting the vile copper of his own blood.

For a moment, he considered saying yes, but then he remembered who he was and he respectively shook his head. The hand retreated and the man slowly turned around and walked away without saying anything more.

Reks cried. That Vaan was not supposed to exist. That one with a solemn grin and shadowed eyes, the one who no longer ran around searching for mischief and making his brother worried… no… this one was all that was left… this one… that Reks had unintentionally created with a single phrase.

"What will become of you when I die…"

There was no answer for that.

Vaan had died a long time ago.

O.O; Strange little drabble that… oh well! I hope you liked! Don't forget to review! (Bounces off to revise for her exam on Friday)