Selfish
Disclaimer: Of course I'm not making any money off this. And neither is anyone else anymore because the show never got to go on.
Author's notes: Thanks so much to all who gave feedback on my earlier E2 fics! Think of this as a deleted scene from the episode "Survival of the Fittest" taking place sometime after the rest of Eden Advance discovers what happened during Alonzo, Julia, Morgan, and Danziger's scouting trip. (My first serious E2 fic that I've posted here so I would SO love some constructive criticism. Please?)
Danziger was sitting in his tent alone, fiddling with True's VR gear, not that there was anything wrong with it. He had to do something, anything he could think of to keep his mind off what had happened during the past few days. Going outside to tend to the vehicles wasn't an option – not when he'd been receiving stares from everyone at camp for what he'd done, stares ranging from anxious (Baines) to downright hostile (Alonzo).
Devon hesitated outside Danziger's tent. She knew someone had to talk to him about what had happened. Usually there was nothing stopping John Danziger from sharing a piece of his mind with anyone, especially with her. Not this time, though. He'd closed everyone off from discussing any more details of the incident with the grendler. Even though the one grendler outside steadfastly kept stalking the camp.
It was time to say something.
"Danziger? Can I come in?" Devon's voice was halfway tentative, halfway pleading.
He grunted something that sounded like neither yes nor no. Realizing that it was the closest thing she would get to a yes from him, Devon lifted the flap and stepped inside the tent.
He sat on his bed and kept polishing the VR gear, not even bothering to look at her. What was it he was more afraid to see in those eyes of hers? Anger? Fear? Disappointment?
What did she need to tell him so bad that she'd come seek him out when she knew he didn't want to talk?
Well, to hell with her and her pontificating.
He raised his eyes up and glowered. "What do you want?" His voice dripped ice.
Devon flinched. "John, I just want to tell you-"
"That I was wrong? That I was stupid going past fail safe like that? That I shoud've listened to you?" His voice raised with every syllable dangerously enough to carry outside and make a scene, but he didn't care.
Devon stood, stunned. Her mouth opened and closed as though she was gasping for words. "You think after everything you've been through, I came in here to say I told you so?"
His eyes narrowed. "Well, didn't you? If I'd just turned around when you said so, we wouldn't've seen that damn grendler in the first place!" He snapped. "Come on, Adair, lay it on me, then! Yell at me! Throw things! Tell me what a schmuck I was!" He grabbed the VR gear he'd been fiddling with and flung it away from him.
Devon felt stung. She knew better than anyone else that she and John Danziger had had more than their fair share of battles. That they almost never agreed on anything.
But did he really think she'd come only to goad him when he'd just been through hell?
Devon glared back at him, her expression a mix of confusion and hurt. "Maybe I don't think it was your fault. Maybe I came in here so you could yell at me. Blame me for what happened. Did you ever think of that?"
He stood up. "Why the hell would I blame you?" She'd completely lost it this time.
"Because I'm the one who miscalculated the coordinates of the pod!" yelled Devon. It was her turn to make the scene but she didn't care, either. "I'm the one who practically sent you all on a wild goose chase to your death! This was not your fault, damn it, what do I have to do to get you to see that!" She turned away from him.
Deep breaths. Just calm down. You have to calm down. You have to convince him you're on his side.
Silence followed for the next few seconds as neither looked at each other.
Danziger's anger started to thaw. "It wasn't your fault either," he said softly.
"It wasn't yours, either, John." Danziger was startled to see what looked like tears in her eyes. "And I didn't come in here to say I told you so." She paused. "I came to tell you I don't care what happened out there or who or what got killed. I don't give a damn if you killed a grendler or terrian or koba or ten. I'm just glad you made it back alive."
She couldn't restrain herself anymore. She stepped forward and locked him in a tight embrace. "All I was worried about was you." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "I guess I'm just selfish that way."
And I don't give a damn that a grendler had to die so I could live. All I cared about was getting back alive, to True. And to you. So I guess that makes me selfish, too. Danziger didn't say those thoughts aloud as he stood there in the warmth of her embrace.
"Adair…" he began gruffly "about what happened…I really am sorry I-"
Devon's grip on him tightened. "It's okay."
"No, it's not-"
"Yes, it really is. It is. It's all going to be okay," she murmured soothingly as they held each other.
Devon finally stepped back. "Get Julia to patch up that gash," she said, softly brushing her hand across the nasty open bruise on his forehead.
Danziger resisted the impulse to grab her hand and kiss it. Definitely not the time to give into that impulse. Or the impulse to grab her and kiss her. "We're not exactly on talkin' terms right now," he mumbled.
"Tell her I told her to do it," said Devon with gentle insistence.
With one last sympathetic toward him, Devon left, Danziger's marveled gaze following her as she walked out of the tent.
A/N: One of the things that bugged me about this episode was how shunned and isolated Danziger was during it – Bess comforted Morgan, Julia and Alonzo had each other, but only True stepped forward to tell Danziger what he did was okay. I would have liked to see a scene where Devon did the same, but of course we never got it in the episode; hence this fic. Thanks for reading!