warning : This is a Tenna/Devi fic. Yes, you read that right. While this fic is not graphic in the least, if you feel that femslash/yuri/homosexuality in general is "wrong", "sick", or just "ewww! gross!" then I want you to do something. Stare at your screen for a moment. Staring? Good. Now, do you see that back button on your browser? Click it.

notes : Since this is my first foray in writing JtHM (or IFS, actually), I'd appreciate any feedback not along the lines of "EWW!!111 U R 1 SICK B*TCH!!11". It gets monotonous.

Dedicated to Shiawase.



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Sometimes, it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.

Well, alright, it does if I feel like going to work that day. I may have to suffer but at least I'm suffering to continue my livelihood of... more... suffering....

It'll get better though, I hope. That stupid, unlikely hope is just about all that keeps me going. I hope I'll be able to finally paint and express myself as living instead of the shit I do. I hope I'll finally find a decent man instead of half-dead perverts, homicidal maniacs, and brain-eating zombies. Were all of the guys in this town dropped repeatedly on their heads as children?? Maybe I just have really bad - ... what was that noise?

Oh, someone's at the door. I've been a little extra jumpy ever since Nny. Having someone who you think you've really bonded with pull out several sharp objects with the intention of chopping you into dog food will make a girl a little paranoid.

Yeah yeah, I'm coming! Let me just put down my paintbrush.... Did I just hear a squeak? Alright, now it's either some lost girl scouts trying to sell me moldy cookies or it's Tenna with that damned doll. If I ever start talking to inanimate objects, I'll - oh, fuck, I already have. Least it's not a sock puppet. Or a doughboy.

Just a psychotic painting. At least she's been quiet today.

Alright, undo the locks, open the door....

"Hey Devi! Spooky," *squeak* "said you were lonely so I skittered right on over! Mind if I come on in? Thanks!"

Tenna, with some goofy grin on her face, proceeds to make herself at home in _my_ apartment. ... You'd think I'd mind more, you really would. As much as Tenna scares me sometimes and annoys the hell out of me others, she's a... a... Hold on, I'm looking for the right word. Word, hell. One word can't describe Tenna.

She's cheerful almost all the time. I think the only way you could really make her upset is if you did something to Spooky. I've been tempted a few times to rip the stuffing out of that doll, but I'm not suicidal. Sometimes I think she's on drugs, but while Tenna isn't the brightest shade of magenta out there, she's not that fucking stupid. She wouldn't warp what little of her sanity she's got left with shit like that. She's got some weird... I don't want to say fascination, but I'm afraid that's all that comes to mind... she doesn't seem to mind death. She's not suicidal, no no, or homicidal, but she does carry around a skeleton doll and drive into daycare centers. Little things like that.

"So what's going on with you?" I watch as Tenna plops down on my couch, Spooky cozily nestled against her side like some sort of demented pet. "Any more hot dates lined up? You should get out more."

Yes, her amazing answer to anything. I swear I could have a pack of rabid wolves eating me alive, and if I screamed for help, she'd tell me to get out more.

"I've just been painting." As usual. "And _no_, I don't have any more 'hot dates' lined up. That idiot who lit himself on fire was hot enough for me, thanks."

"Marshmallows."

What? "What?"

"You should've roasted marshmallows! Geez, everyone knows when someone else catches on fire, it's an immediate invitation to make smores!"

"R-Right...." Scary sometimes, yes indeed.

"Hmm.... Hmm.... HMM!" Tenna sits forward suddenly, chin in her hands, and her sharp green eyes focus on me. ... I don't like that look.

"What is it?"

"You need a man!"

Like I haven't _tried_?! Repeatedly?! And each and every one of them.... One normal date. I'd like one fucking normal date where I'm not almost killed or my date doesn't blow up like a damn outhouse. Is it too much to ask to have one normal date before I'm eighty years old and I'm living by myself save for the hoards of angry cats I chuck at little kids?!

"Look, Tenna - "

"There's a big party going on at this club!" She breaks in and... she's got that grin again. I am so fucked.

"Don't you remember what happened the _last_ time I went to a club?! Bee-girl, vampire-on-fire? Any of this ringin' a bell?!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she says seriously before breaking into another grin. "It'll be great! Spooky told me all about it! You just find yourself a date and go and party down!"

"Right. And where will I find this magic date?"

"Work?"

"Hell no."

"Hmm.... Hey, that Johnny guy is still single, right?"

"HELL NO!!"

"Aw, but he was cute and - "

" - AND HE TRIED TO FUCKING KILL ME!!!"

"Ohh, he's the homicidal one? Neat!"

Sometimes I think that _I'm_ going to become the homicidal one. I just want to go back to bed....

---

I don't know how she talked me into this.

"Don't worry, there won't be any psychopathic guys in this club!" she assures me for what has to be the 100th time as we head towards it. "Isn't that right Spooky?" *squeak*

Wondering again how it was that I allowed myself to get into this wonderfully fucked up mess, I let Tenna drag me into the club.

Immediately, I realized two things.

Number one - Tenna was right. There aren't any psychopathic guys in this club.

Number two - The reason for number one is because they're all _girls_.

"Uh.... Tenna? I don't think - "

"OHH! I like this song! Come on, Devi! Let us dance like wild alpacas with their ears set aflame!"

She drags me out onto the dance floor, despite my various attempts at clutching tables to prevent my descent into lesbian hell. I don't need this, I really don't. I've had bad enough luck with _guys_ - I don't need it with girls too! They're the last vain hope I have! And now... now that hope is going to get shot, I just know it.

I dance anyways, trying to ignore the two girls a few feet away from me getting lipstick all over each other. Least no one's hit on me yet. Which... which is kind of depressing actually.

Well, at least Tenna is having fun. I did _not_ know that she could break dance.

Did she - I wonder if she knew what kind of club this was. I'd ask but all I'd probably get is a weird answer involving Spooky. Sigh. Time to get a drink.

"I'll be right back, Tenna."

"I am as flexible as a Brain-Freezy bendy straw!!"

"Right."

I make my way to the bar and come face to face with the bartender, who seems to be the only man in this entire place. No - wait. She has a chest. But she's also got a beard.... I really hate judging people, but, well... ew. I don't like how she's leering at me either.

"What can I get you, sweet heart?"

"Please don't call me that. I'd like a - " I'm craving a Cherry Fiz-Wiz, but that was one of Nny's favourite drinks.... Damn it, I won't let bad dates run my life! " - a Cherry Fiz-Wiz."

She looks disappointed but hands me the glass anyways. I sniff it before drinking - I don't want any weird shit in it - and pay her. Now, where'd Tenna get... off... to... oh... my... God...

She's surrounded. By this group of... girls. They're really pretty; a lot are blonde. They're all giggling and laughing and one is looking at Spooky and Tenna is laughing and talking.... What's this hot flash of.... I don't know.... I think something just exploded in my stomach.

Tenna notices me - finally - and waves me over. I finish my drink and warily make my way through the crowd again. They haven't done anything to me, but I can't say that I like that group of girls. Maybe it's something in their eyes. Or maybe it's the way that one keeps touching Tenna's shoulder.

"This is Devi!" Tenna says by way of introduction. Spooky just *squeak*s.

"It's nice to meet you, Devi," says one blonde, and I think her forced smile got lost in the disgusted curl of her lip.

"Devi's my ho," Tenna says wisely. ... Did I just hear that right?!

"T-Tenna...."

"Wellll, she's not yet," *squeak* "but I wouldn't mind it if she would be because I know how to use the bathroom, I don't try to grope her with shards of glass in my skin, I don't try to kill her, and I don't eat brains," Tenna finishes with a smile. A real smile. Not those goofy, crazy ones she usually has.

The girls have made little disgusted noises and moved away. Good. Tenna's mi - ... Tenna deserves better.

So I give her a small smile of my own. "If I'm your ho, then you'd damn well better be my bitch."

"Do I get to wear leather?"

Tenna in leather? There's an interesting mental image. ".... maybe." I'll have to paint it.

"Alright!" She's grinning again and clutching Spooky happily to her chest. "Now let's get the hell out of here. This place sucks like a Hoover."

Now wasn't it _her_ bright idea to come here in the first place? I seem to have forgotten to voice my complaint out loud though - she's taken my hand and suddenly she's just so... she's so warm. So alive. So weird. So Tenna.

So very, very Tenna.

"Yeah, let's go."

This is weird. Tenna's a girl. I've never had a problem with homosexuality; it's just not something I've ever been interested in myself. Don't swing that way. So why was I feeling... j... je... j... _jealous_ just now? Why am I smiling like a lunatic just because she's holding my hand as we head back outside? Why do I have the stupid urge to hug Spooky and thank that thing for telling Tenna to tell me to come here?

It's been an interesting day. It really has been.

But a good one.