A/N: This just came to me while I was in the shower (shaving, aka punishment) and I wanted to write it down before I forgot.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything else you may recognize. Also, this idea was formed originally in my mind, so any resemblance it bears to another fanfiction is completely unintentional.
Rosalie's Shame
(Rosalie's POV)
"Gosh, Rosalie," a human twit prattled on, "you're so perfect! What is your secret? It simply isn't fair to keep it hidden from us all!" It had been a few decades since Emmett was changed and Carlisle finally put his foot down, forcing his "children" to enroll in the local high school. None of us were happy—with the exception of Alice, who would be happy even if she was stuck in a room with creepy crawly things.
The sixties were unkind to the humans. Another war was created, with one major difference from all the other wars I had seen: civilians rebelled to an extreme extent. Drugs and protest were aplenty in the town we'd chosen this time, Edward's home of Chicago.
"I'm serious!" The human's ramblings brought me back to the here and now. Our home economics teacher seemed to think she was doing us a favor by giving us a day free of work. If she only knew how dangerously close I was to killing the twit…
What was her name anyway? Not that it mattered; it would just help to know what name to put on the restraining order.
Ever since we were enrolled last week, I haven't gotten a single moment of peace; from boys ogling me, to girls trying to learn my supposed secret, all the way to people asking if I wanted some LSD—it was insane!
"You want to know my real secret?" I asked her in a fake friendly voice.
"You bet!" Her eye glittered, obviously hoping I would be a new friend for her.
"You're annoying the hell out of me. How about you leave me alone now?" She visibly deflated, but obeyed me anyway.
I huffed, trying to look indifferent when in fact I was spiraling into a sort of depression.
'You're perfect,' she had told me. Ha! If only she knew my true shame…
It was just after I took care of Royce and his buddies that I learned my true flaw. I was trying to relax, take in everything I knew about being a vampire, by soaking in a nice hot bubble bath.
I ran my hands down my legs, enjoying the forever smooth texture, courtesy of my shaving the day before I was changed. My hand trailed up my left thigh: smooth, smooth, sm—
Not smooth! There, hiding in the bend of my left knee was a spot of stubble! How could I have missed this when I shaved last?!
I did the only thing I could do—I screamed. Carlisle and Esme came rushing to the bathroom door, concerned. Edward no doubt already knew of my predicament.
"Rosalie! Sweetheart, are you alright?" Esme called.
"No!" I cried. "I need you to come here! Go away Carlisle, this is girl stuff!"
She nudged the door open, coming to sit on the edge of the tub. "What's wrong, dear?"
I sobbed once before answering. "Feel!" I brought her hand to my shameful spot of stubble.
"That's all? Honey, all you need to do is shave it off!" she laughed.
"Oh." My perfect brow creased. "Do we have a razor?"
"I'll get you one."
Within seconds she had returned, handing me Carlisle's prop razor and shaving cream.
As quick as was possible for a vampire I lathered the cream and ran the razor over the area. I sighed, happy it was over. I washed off the remaining cream and ran my hand over the spot.
"No!" I shrieked again. It was still rough!
"What now, Rosalie, darling?"
"It's still rough! Oh my gosh, what can I do?" I sobbed wildly, flailing my arms around.
"Here, I can solve this. You go around and get dried off and dressed, I'll be right back."
I sniffled, but obeyed.
Not long after, my mother returned with a suspicious-looking pot and strips of cloth.
"Since shaving won't work, we'll just have to try wax."
"What?! Just think what that could do to me!"
"Do you want to get rid of the hair or not?" she challenged.
I huffed, but agreed. I laid down on my stomach, embracing the warmth that was spreading through me thanks to the wax.
"Okay, sweetie, I'll pull on three. One, two, three!" She yanked the strip off, pulling away a bit of skin with it, causing me to yelp.
"Did it work?" I asked anxiously.
She ran her finger along my knee, sighing. "I'm sorry, Rose, no. I'm out of ideas."
"No! I will get rid of this!"
I tried every method I could think of, even going so far as to try to pluck the offending hairs out one by one.
All my effort was in vain, I thought grimly. Thirty years later and I still have the horrid patch of hair on my knee.
Perfect? I was far from it. For eternity I would be plagued with the unsightly stubble. Eternity is an awful long time. I can only hope that one day these humans could invent a way to remove hair from a vampire's leg.
I sighed. Perfect didn't exist, even for me.
A/N: I personally think it's a funny image—Rosalie Hale, world's most perfect vampire, with a patch of unshaved leg. Ha. Serves her right for being so beautiful!
I sincerely hope you all liked this and were able to get a laugh from it (no matter how small). This is my first real Twilight oneshot since I've been on hiatus. And in my opinion, it's better than my others.
Suggestions are welcome, reviews are love.