Written for The Rainbow Challenge on HPFC. I claim no ownership to the Harry Potter universe - though I think I own Danny Woods...

Not So Bad:

At nine years old, Teddy Lupin had learned a great deal. He'd learned how to use a few simple spells, though he wasn't supposed to. He'd learned how to commit some of the best pranks, though his grandmother would have thrown a fit if she'd known. He'd learned the difference between right and wrong, what war was, and the way his parents had died.

Unfortunately, he's also learned (via his good friend, Mr. Danny Wood) that girls had cooties.

Of course this wasn't true, but no one had told Teddy that important note. In fact, Teddy had only been told this a few days before Victoire's birthday party, so Danny's words were still fresh in his mind.

"You see," Danny said, shuffling his Famous Wizard cards. "All girls have this thing – cooties. It makes you go ga-ga, and then you're never the same again."

"How do you know?" asked Teddy warily. Danny had said some crazy stuff in the past before…but Danny was a year older so he knew more, right?

Or at least that was how Danny put it.

The older rolled his eyes. "I've seen it. Remember how my Dad used to spend tons of time with me, when he wasn't coaching Puddlemere?" Teddy nodded.

"Well you see how he is now," stressed Danny. "It's now Alicia this and Alicia that. It's like he's a whole different person!"

Teddy agreed. Mr. Wood had been quite different lately…

"But how'd he get like that?" asked Teddy.

That was when the knowing look entered Danny's eye. "The cooties got him."

"How?"

Danny shrugged. "I walked in on the two of them kissing once. Maybe that's how you get them."

That didn't quite work and Teddy told his friend so. "After all, Aunt Ginny and Grandmother have given me kisses before."

Danny furrowed his brow, and shuffled his cards once more. "My Granma kisses my cheek all the time and pinches it. I'm still normal, aren't I?"

Teddy nodded. "Maybe it has to be someone that's younger, or who you're not with all the time…like if I had a sister or something I couldn't get cooties from her."

Danny had shrugged before Teddy's grandmother had called him to go…

A Weasley birthday was always something to be reckoned with. No matter whose it was, the whole family gathered at the celebrator's house, brining gifts, foods, and often close friends. None left without experiencing quite more than a minor form of chaos.

Teddy and his grandmother had been considered honorary Weasleys for many years and had thus been to many of the Weasleys' celebrations – and were accustomed (or as accustomed as one could be) to the uproarious hubbub that occurred at the festivities.

These events were often great fun, though Teddy was most often the oldest kid there. Victoire was the closest at being only two years younger. The two were often paired up together because of this – but it seemed that Teddy was to be on his own if he was to keep his sanity.

Arriving at Shell Cottage (which really was too small for the party, but was made to work anyhow), Teddy was able to duck out of Aunt Fleur's outreaching grasp, and head over to where to where some of the Weasley boys were running around, and chasing a specifically charmed snitch that Uncle Harry had brought. Lately Teddy had been discriminating himself away from the younger children, but as it was an acceptable excuse for avoiding the girl's and their pretend tea party inside he joined in on the game, even playing enough so that he was actually trying to catch the snitch, and succeeded a few times as well. Teddy had no hope of making the Quidditch team or really any desire to. But it didn't take much of a look at James Potter to know he'd probably try to do what his father had – try and get on the team in his first year.

All too soon, the children were called in to wash up for cake and presents. They all ran in, yet Teddy's growing dilemma was in his mind. The little girl Weasleys were all extremely affectionate with one another and their cousins. Hopefully they'd leave him alone…

Aunt Angie had baked a tremendous strawberry cake for Victoire, and the birthday girl's bright eyes lit up when it was brought out. The whole group broke into song (rather badly – the Weasleys weren't know for their singing voices), and cheered when she blew out the candles. The cake was then cut and distributed, all speaking with their mouth full that Angelina had done wonderfully.

Cake was soon devoured, and it was time for the endless stream of gifts. There was a tradition to move from youngest to oldest in the family and everyone had brought something for Victoire. As Teddy was actually one of the 'elder' ones he had quite a while to go, and lost track of the coloring books, dolls, and dresses the young girl got.

Teddy became lost in thought wondering if perhaps his father had gotten attacked by the cooties too when Aunt Ginny's voice broke into his thoughts.

"Teddy? It's you turn."

His head snapped up, and realized everyone had their eyes on him. Teddy disliked that, but pushed along, grabbing the gift and walking past the plethora of redheads to the crowned one, sitting in the huge armchair.

Victoire smiled up at him, and he passed the gift, mumbling, "Happy Birthday."

He didn't know it was possible for a girl to beam but that's what Victoire did. Her white teeth (all of them – she hadn't lost any teeth yet, surprising) practically glistened in an unreal matter that made Teddy's hands sweat.

His face grew pale, and Teddy knew his hair must be draining of its chosen orange color. Damn, did he accidentally get the cooties without noticing? Why else was his stomach misbehaving?

As he was in this state of panic, Victoire had ripped open the packaging revealing a set of magical balloons – ones that once had been blown up, and then popped would reveal surprised. Similar to a Muggle piñata – just with more of a surprise.

"Oh neat," Victoire murmured in delight. She looked up to Teddy. "Will you blow one up for me?"

"Sure," he said, unthinkingly, taking one of them and trying not to freak out that his fingers were now feeling tingly where Victoire's had touched his. Teddy stretched the balloon a few times, before bringing it to his lips and exhaling into the balloon. Once filled, he tied it -- a bit clumsily -- and handed it back.

"Great," said Victoire, tucking it onto the seat next to her. Teddy would have headed back into his seat (he could hear all the Weasleys quietly gossiping of pairing the two up) but Victoire stopped him.

Before he could react, she grabbed at the collar of his shirt. Teddy realized what was about to happen, and tried to shift away but the little red head was too fast and she had her lips against his cheek and gone before he realized it.

"Thank you!" she said cheerfully as if not knowing what she had just done to Teddy.

In horror, Teddy mindlessly moved back to his seat, and collapsed, bringing a hand to his cheek. The others were now watching Ginny give her present, but Harry noticed young boy's strange actions.

The godfather stood, and took a hold of Teddy's shoulder, pulling him to his feet and out the doors. The other partiers didn't notice as Victoire was cooing over her new stationary set she'd gotten from Ginny.

Teddy himself barely noticed he was in such shock; it wasn't until he had been sat on the boulder outside the cottage, and Uncle Harry was sitting across from him, did he notice.

"Are you alright?" Harry asked, concerned.

Teddy shook his head, miserably. How horrible – he was going to turn into something he wasn't and not do anything but talk about Victoire.

He wondered if Danny would stop being friends with him because of this.

"What's wrong?" Harry put a hand on Teddy's shoulder. "Are you sick?"

Nodding, Teddy looked away. Would Harry not like him too now?

Harry said urgently, "Teddy, I can't help you unless you tell me what's wrong. I can't fix it and help you unless I know what's going on."

The words were awful against his mouth. The nasty, nasty, nasty, cooties were already there. It took him a moment, but Teddy was able to choke out the two words that explained it all:

"Victoire. Cooties."

Harry stared blankly at his godson for a long moment. Teddy began to feel his stomach sink further – apparently Harry didn't want to be his godfather anymore – when Harry began to laugh uproariously.

He chuckled loudly, echoing off the rocks around them, slapping his hands against his thighs, growing hysterical.

"Uncle Harry?" ventured Teddy after this didn't stop after several minutes.

Slowing down, and still having shaky breaths, Harry began to shake his head. At last when he calmed, he ruffled Teddy's now pale yellow hair.

"You've nothing to worry about, Teddy," said Harry fondly.

"But-but-"

"Let me guess, Danny Wood told you?" asked Harry knowingly. Teddy nodded.

"But you saw how Mr. Wood is – he's always talking about Alicia, and he's no fun anymore –" Teddy protested.

Harry shook his head. "It's not like that at all. Oliver is just in love."

"Love?" Teddy asked, grossed out.

"Yes," Harry said. "And it's not as gross as you think it is."

Teddy wrinkled his nose.

Harry smiled wryly. "Really, Teddy. I suppose in about ten years you'll be agreeing with me."

He knew he wasn't going to be agreeing with that, but instead asked. "So I don't have cooties then?"

"Nope," said Harry cheerily, standing up. "Shall we go in? I'm sure your grandmother is missing you."

Teddy nodded, and stood, following his godfather back to Shell Cottage. Reaching the door, Harry added, "You'll learn that one day."

"What?"

"Love," Harry said plainly. "It's not so bad." At Teddy's incredulous glance yet again, Harry said, "Teddy – I'm the one who's experienced it. Trust me – you'll be quite thankful for it."

He went into the house, leaving Teddy to wonder the double meaning behind his godfather's words. That is until he heard Mrs. Weasley (Aunt Ginny's mum) call, "Who wants cookies?"

Teddy dashed in, amidst the mass of redheads – his hair a happy orange.

Reviews are immensely appreciated - more so than the advice given to Teddy by Harry.