Hello, everyone! It's me! Anomynous Nin! And I'm here with another new story! A parody one, of course! Well, anyway, this story is the parody version of the original Naruto series, much like an abridged series. So anyway, I'm gonna give up writing lemons for a while and start getting in touch with my humor side. So here's my new, parody story!
Oh! And before I forget, I will not use my usual writing style, but to use the name/paste sopy something-something... Don't know what that is, but it's like any other parody stories. Ok! On with the new story!
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto... or any other stuff that I will mention in this chapter,
Episode 1:
Enter! The stupid main character of the series!
Narrator: A long time ago, the Pokemon, Ninetails, attack a peaceful city known as Pallet Town...
Random person: Hey... Wait a minute! That's not in the script!
Narrator: It's not?
Random person: No! There's no Pokemon in here!
Narrator: What do you mean, no Pokemon?! This is Pokemon, damn it!
Random Person: Uh... No. It's Naruto, not Pokemon.
Narrator: What? I'm not in the Pokemon studio?
Random Person: Uh... No. And by the way, Pokemon is in the 4kids company. This is Viz company.
Narrator: Oh... But can I just say something in here?
Random Person: No. Get out!
Narrator: If you kick me out, the fangirls will get me!
Random Person: You don't have fangirls.
Narrator: Yes I do! Also, I like fat women and cats. I can bang them all day, if I want! Maybe I should assassinate the lord and become a lord of this world! Then, I will kill all men and be the single man in the world! Then--
Random Person: ... GUARDS!!
The guards came in the studio.
Random guard #1: Ok, bud! You're coming with us!
They grabbed the narrator.
Narrator: Let me go! I have rights! And I got a restraining order to not drag me out of the building! Here it is!
He pulls out a restraining paper. One of the guards took it from his hands.
Random guard #2: Hm... Sir... You're still under arrest.
Narrator: WHAT?! What do you mean?!
Random guard #2: Well... It expired... three years ago.
Narrator: Huh?
Random guard #2: And also... There's a stain on it, a heart that says "N plus Michael Jackson", a drawing of a guy stabbing guys and a phrase that says "I'm gay!".
Narrator: Um... That wasn't me.
Random guard #2: Of course it wasn't... By the way, that's a sarcastic tone.
The guards dragged the narrator out of the studio.
Random Person: Ok! Next narrator!
Suddenly, the Sandaime Hokage came in through the door, surprising everyone in the studio.
Random Person: What the...?! The Sandaime Hokaqge?! What the heck are you doing here?!
Sarutobi: What? I am just here to say the prologue of the story, that's all.
Random Person: But... Aren't you supposed to do Hokage stuff? Like, you know, writing papers, taking care of children and something Hokages do? (Thoughts) And by that, I mean... Banging chicks... Perverted Hokage...
Sarutobi: Well, I decided that it's a good time to explain the storyline for everyone who are stupid enough to not know what is it.
Random Person: Then do it.
Sarutobi: Alright... Ahem! Long time ago, there's a fox with nine tails who got trapped in a baby's body by a man who died, that's all.
Random Person: What the...?! That's too short, old man!
Sarutobi: Any other ideas?
Random Person: Explain it a little better!
Sarutobi: It is better.
Random Person: That's too short! No one will know what you're talking about!
Everyone: Yes, we are.
Random Person: Ah... crap.
Sarutobi: Then on with the episode!
And the episode begins...
In the peaceful, crappy old village of Konoha, a village that is filled with ninjas and perverts, we see a stupid, blonde kid holding two pots of paint, with two adults following him... Yeah... 'nuff said.
Naruto: HA HA HA HA!! You can't get me, you slowpokes!
Random jounin #1: Naruto, come back here! And we'll give you something that will hurt so much!
Naruto: Then I'll run away faster!
Random jounin #1: Wha...?
Random jounin #2: You idiot! You're supposed to tell him that if he comes back, we'll give him free ramen!
Random jounin #1: Oh... Uh... Naruto, come back here! And we'll give you some free ramen!
Naruto: Nice try! But I aleady ate one this morning!
Random jounin#1: I thought you said it'll work!
Random jounin #2: How am I supposed to know that he already ate ramen this morning?! I mean, I didn't eat noodle soup in the morning! It's really unhealthy!
Random jounin #1: I'd eat it in the morning...
Random jounin #2: Just shut up and catch him already!
And it goes on and on for two hours... Until they lost him.
Random jounin #1: Where the hell did he go?!
Random jounin #2: Quick! Let's go to the sidewalk that has nothing to do to the episode at all!
Random jounin #1: I agree!
They jumped on some random sidewalk that has nothing to do with the episode at all. They looked around themselves to see if Naruto is here. But he's not here... Except for a weird poster that has the same size as a garden wall... Except that it looks like a picture of a beautiful woman... and another beautiful woman... Make-out with each other... with no... Ok, that's too much.
Random jounin #2: He's not here. So let's get back to the Hokage mansion.
Random jounin #1: Wait... Why do I get a feeling that we're missing out?
Random jounin #2: 'Cause we're jounins?
Random jounin #1: Makes sense.
The jounins disappear from the sidewalk. Then, the poster sticks off and it revealed Naruto, with a grin.
Naruto: Heh heh heh... Those idiots! They didn't noticed that disguise I made to keep me from getting caught! He he he...
Well... Looks like Naruto doesn't noticed the poster as well... Also, someone just suddenly came behind him, screaming...
Iruka: Oh yeah, soldier?!
Naruto: AAHHH!!
He jumped, and got into his soldier stance, without looking behind him.
Naruto: Sir, yes sir!
Iruka: Where do you think you're going?!
Naruto: Trying to find my way to the academy, sir!
Iruka: (sigh) Naruto, it's me, Iruka-sensei. And no, you're not trying to find your way to the academy.
Naruto: (Turns around) Oh... Hey, Iruka-sensei! I'm just looking around to find a present for you, that's all!
Iruka: You used that excuse last time.
Naruto: Um... I've been chased by some guys?
Iruka: That one too.
Naruto: Um... Training to beat Sasuke.
Iruka: Come on! What do you think I am?
Naruto: Um... I'm gay?
Iruka: ... That's it!
And that's when he tied Naruto all over the place and dragged him to the academy.
In Naruto's class...
Iruka: Ok, class! I found Naruto and dragged him all the way here. He's doing some unpleasant thing again.
Guys: Thanks for the free one hour time, Naruto!
Girls: I hate you, Naruto! You and your stupid, unmature pranks!
Naruto: Why is it always the guys who I get cheered on?
Iruka: Ok! Today will be the last day until the graduation exam! And I want you all to show me what you have learned this far... Except for the breakfast break, hot girls studies, alcoholic, describing a man's private spot, Cloud 9... and any other stuff related to this.
Random girl #1: What about the Sexy Jutsu studies?
Iruka: Sexy Jutsu...?! Wait, I don't remember teaching that thing! Where did you get this?
Random girl #1: (Blushes) Um... Nothing, that's all...
Iruka: ANYWAYS... Today, we will be doing Henge no Jutsu training. And that way, you can all be whatever you want to be... But only if the transformation is properly safe... Meaning no violence, no sex, no yaoi...
Boys: EWW!! Yaoi!
Girls: Yaoi! YAY!!
Iruka: And no yuri...
Boys: Yuri! YAY!!
Girls: EWW!! Yuri!
Random girl #2: Actually, I kinda like Yuri-
And that's when the girls threw random girl #2 out through the window.
Iruka: Ok, that's enough with the Ew/Yay/Throw thing. You must concentrate with the graduation exam that is coming tomorrow. So practice!
The class then lines up. After a while, half the class succeeded.
Iruka: Ok, next is Sakura.
The pink hair girl steps in the front.
Iruka: Ok. Let me see your progress.
Sakura: Ok.
She formed a handseal and transformed. And she transformed into a woman who is a singer, who was once bald, who got arrested for the first time and... She's a crack pole.
Britney Spears: Oops, I did it again. I'm breaking your heart. And got lost in this game. Oh baby, baby.
Iruka: Ok, that's nice. Britney Spears... That's a first.
Sakura: (Transforms back) Thanks, Iruka-sensei! (Turns to Sasuke) See that, darling? I did it! Now, give me a kiss!
Sasuke: Soo not happening... Stalker.
Iruka: Alright. Emo boy, you're next.
He's addressing to Sasuke.
Sasuke: I'm not emo...
Iruka: Then stop acting like one.
Sasuke: ...
Iruka: ... Alright, just do it.
Sasuke formed a handseal and transformed. He turned into...a black skin, black outfit dude.
Emo boy: ...
Iruka: ... Uh... Ok?
Sasuke: (Transforms back) Hmph...
Iruka: Alright, next is Naruto.
Naruto: (Steps in) Alright! Here I go!
He formed a handseal and transformed. He turned into... Uh... A... Uh...
Iruka: (Is scared) No... No...! It can't be...!
Michael Jackson: Ow! How are you doing, you fine man?
Iruka: AAHHH!! Not Michael Jackson!!
Naruto: (Transforms back) Hah hah hah! I got ya, Iruka-sensei!
Iruka: Ok, that's it! Time out, Naruto!
Naruto: But we're not in kindergarden.
Iruka: TIME... OUT!
Naruto: But where should I go?
Iruka: In the corner of the classroom! Now time out!
With a groan, Naruto goes to the corner of the room.
Iruka: Ok, if anyone does something that makes me angry, then it's time out for you!
Random guy #1: Um... Can I go to the bathroom?
Iruka: TIME OUT!
Random guy #1: But I was just asking if-
Iruka: TIME... OUT!
With a groan, random guy #1 goes to another corner of the room.
Iruka: Anyone else?!
Silence...
Iruka: Good! Now let's move on!
And that's how the class got silent for the rest of the day.
After school, Naruto and Iruka are on top of the Hokage monument, where Naruto has to clean the faces up.
Iruka: Naruto, clean all the faces until at least one sight of paint is gone, understood?
Naruto: But it'll take hours to get it clean!
Iruka: DO YOU WANT ANOTHER TIME OUT?!
Naruto: (Scared) No...
Iruka: Good... Oh. And when you're done with it, we'll go get some ramen if you want.
Naruto: REALLY?! Oh boy! I can't wait!
Iruka: Heh... You like ramen so much, huh?
Naruto: Once I'm done with this, I'll go get a chicken-flavored ramen! Maybe porc-flavored! Or shrimp!
Iruka: Um... Naruto...
Naruto: Maybe if I mix the flavor, I can get a super, delicious ramen! That will be great!
Iruka: Naruto...
Naruto: And after I finish eating my ramen, I'll take over the village and be the king of all lands! Then, everyone will give me their money and their clothes! Then, I'll bang all the girls in the world, including small ones, because that's what I'm going to do... Banging some chicks! And-
Iruka knocked Naruto out with a quick blow on his neck.
Iruka: There... That will shut him up for a while... (Realizes) Oh damn it! I forgot! He has to clean all the faces! (Grabs Naruto and shakes him) Wake up, boy! Wake the hell up!
After a few hours of shaking Naruto, they're now in the Ichiraku Ramen Bar. Naruto has already ate three ramens and is going to eat his fourth one.
Iruka: Naruto, do you know what Hokages are?
Naruto: Yep!
Iruka: And what they do?
Naruto: Yep!
Iruka: And how they work hard?
Naruto: Yep!
Iruka: And how they banged chicks?
Naruto: Ye... Hey, wait a minute! That's not how they-
Iruka: ANYWAYS... Why did you do that to the Hokage faces? They're badass, you know.
Naruto: Yeah, that's why I want to make fun with them.
Iruka: Because they're badass?
Naruto: Yep!
Iruka: Make sense to me...
Naruto: Hey, can I wear that forehead protector of yours, Iruka-sensei?
Iruka: No way. This is for bastards like me. No young kids can wear it. It is a sign of a true ninja who kicked ass and always bang chicks, 'cause he's hot.
Naruto: Ok, I think I had enough with the "Banging chicks" part. The readers already read it, like, three times now.
Iruka: Ok, ok... Anyways, no, you're not going to wear my headband. You're still not a ninja yet. To obtain it, you have to pass the graduation exam. You already failed the test two times because of your stupid mind.
Naruto: Oh come on! Name one thing that makes me stupid!
Iruka: You used Sexy no Jutsu to fool the others...
Naruto: Uh... Ok, I admit it.
Iruka: Then, you told lies about something...
Naruto: Uh... Ok, that's three...
Iruka: Then you tricked adults into thinking that in the futur, they will be a pimp...
Naruto: Uh... I...
Iruka: Then you try to get in the girls' pants, and-
Naruto: Ok, I get it!
Iruka: Ok, tomorrow is the graduation exam. So don't fail this one!
Naruto: Right!
The next day...
Iruka: NARUTO!! YOU FAILED!! AGAIN!!
Naruto: What?! What did I do to fail again?!
Iruka: You just created a clone who has a pimp's feelings!
To the Naruto clone and a random girl...
Naruto's clone: So, baby... You lived not to far from here? If you want, I can bang you a lot.
Random girl #3: ... Get out, loser.
Naruto: ... Really, the banging thing has to stop.
Mizuki: Oh come on, Iruka. At least Naruto created a clone. Is that enough?
Iruka: No, Mizuki. The others created at least five clones more than Naruto. Also, clones do NOT have that kind of feelings like his clone. So I'm sorry, Naruto, but you failed... again.
Naruto: Oh yeah?! Well, at least I played Guitar Hero all the time!
Iruka: That's not true! I played Guitar Hero once before... I mean... Uh...
Let's skip to where the graduation exam is finished.
Naruto is not sitting on a swing, looking at the kids who graduated and the adults. He was sad that he didn't graduated... Three times. Then, there are two woman who are talking about him..
Random woman #1: Hey. Look. It's the orange, not stealthy, ungrateful, banging-chick, ramen lover, baddy bad, blond related, orange flavored, super loser-
Random woman #2: Yeah... The KYUUBI boy. And I heard that he's the only one who didn't graduated.
Random woman #1: Well, I'm glad that... Wait... What did you called him?
Random woman #2: What else? Kyuubi boy?
Random woman #1: Um... I don't think we should do that.
Random woman #2: Why not? I don't give a damn about the rules. I can call him anytime I want.
Random woman #1: Um... How many times did you called him that? And also, how many times did you insult him Kyu... You-know-what related?
Random woman #2: About six times in all.
Random woman #1: Um... I heard that if you did those kind of things three times, something might happen to you.
Random woman #2: Like what?
Suddenly, two jounins appeared besides her. They grabbed her by the shoulder each.
Random jounin #1: Young woman, you are under arrest for calling the boy Kyuubi related!
Random woman #2: WHAT?!
Random jounin #2: For that, we will punish you severely... with RAPE!
Random woman #2: EEEEKKK!!
Random jounin #2: In a whole day!
Random woman #2: EEEEKKK!!
Random jounin #2: With lots of guys!
Random woman #2: EEEEKKK!!
Random jounin #2: AND CLUCKY!!
Random woman #2: EEEEEEEEKKK!!
Random jounin #1: Uh... Dude? Clucky? Clucky is just a nice chicken.
Random jounin #2: Well, she's afraid of him, right?
Random jounin #1: Makes sense.
The two jounins and the woman disappeared from the academy, leaving one, small note.
Random woman #1: Huh? What's this?
She picked up the note and reads it.
Random woman #1: "I... hate... Clucky"?
While Naruto is still sitting on the swing, a smooth wind hit him. He turned around to see Mizuki, smiling on him.
Mizuki: Hey Fuzzbag.
Naruto: Fuzzbag?
Mizuki: I mean Naruto. Naruto. Hey Naruto.
Naruto: What do you want, Mizuki-sensei?
Mizuki: Come with me.
Naruto: Why?
Mizuki: Shut up or else, I'll cut your throat!
Naruto: Well, that's nice enough.
On the rooftop of some building...
Naruto: (Thinking) Man... Why can't I graduate? It was my only chance to be a female ninja! Damn you, Jesus!
Mizuki: You want to be a male ninja?
Naruto: Eh... Close enough.
Mizuki: Then tonight, you have to get a scroll from the Hokage residence.
Naruto: Ok. And?
Mizuki: That is all.
Naruto: But you didn't tell me all the-
Mizuki: That... is... all!
Naruto: But why aren't you doing it yourself?
Mizuki: Because I'm badass! That's what!
Naruto: But isn't it selfish?
Mizuki: ... Shut up. And I'll give you a cookie.
Naruto: Yay! A cookie!
Late at night... We now see Iruka laying on the bed, thinking about something.
Iruka: Ah... Kagome... I wish I was in your series, Kagome... So I can bang you and stuff...
... Ok, the banging thing has to stop. Then, he heard a knock coming from the door.
Iruka: (Gets up) Grr... This better be important!
He opens the door, revealing Mizuki with a frightened face.
Mizuki: Iruka!
Iruka: What is it?
Mizuki: Someone stole Clucky!
Iruka: WHAT?! Clucky?! Not that young, peaceful chicken!
Mizuki: Nah, I'm just joking. That's not what I'm here to tell you.
Iruka: Then what is it?!
Mizuki: A log killed Clucky!
Iruka: WHAT?!
Mizuki: Nah, jokes on you again, Iruka.
Iruka: Oh, you got to be kidding me! Again?!
Mizuki: What I'm saying is, Naruto stole the scroll.
Iruka: ... And?
Mizuki: what do you mean "And"?! That's the point!
Iruka: You know what? Your point suck!
Near the Hokage residence...
Sarutobi: Alright, everyone! Naruto stole the secret scroll from me! I want all of you to go look for him around the village!
Random jounin #1: Uh... Why us?
Sarutobi: Because you're random jounins. You must help out!
Random jounin #2: Um... Aren''t you supposed to guard that scroll?
Sarutobi: What are you babbling about?
Random jounin #3: Um... You did say that you're the one protecting the scroll. Aren't you supposed to do it?
Sarutobi: Well... At least I am powerful than you all!
Random jounin #3: At least I'm not an old man!
Sarutobi: Ah, touche.
Somewhere in the forest, Naruto lands in the area with a wooden house that is not important to the storyline... at all.
Naruto: Now... To look at the scroll... And then, Mizuki-sensei will give me tons of cookies!
Suddenly, Iruka came in.
Naruto: Oh! Hey, Iruka-sensei!
Iruka: Naruto... What's that on your back?
Naruto: Uh... Nothing?
Iruka: Nothing? There's a big scroll on your back! Is it the Hokage's scroll?!
Naruto: No... It's... Uh... A giant... Eggroll! A giant eggroll! Which shapes like a giant scroll!
Iruka: Oh. Is that so? Then ok, I guess.
Suddenly, Mizuki appeared on branch.
Mizuki: Give me the scroll, Naruto!
Iruka: Wait a sec... You told me it was an eggroll!
Naruto: Oops...
Mizuki: Give me the scroll, Naruto! And I'll give you tons of cookies!
Naruto: Ok!
Iruka: Don't do it, Naruto! He's trying to trick you on thinking that he'll give you tons of cookies if you give it to him!
Naruto: What are you talking about? He gave me a cookie when I agreed to do this.
Mizuki: I have?
Naruto: Huh? What do you mean?
Mizuki: Um... I'm pretty sure I didn't. You just agreed to do this and you do it. I didn't give you a cookie.
Naruto: But I thought... Wait a minute...
FLASHBACKS! WOO!
Naruto: Ok! I'll do it! Now, give me a cookie!
Mizuki: Then go get it, tiger!
Naruto: Ok!
He runs off to do Mizuki's deeds.
Mizuki: ... Wait, did I forget something?
AWW! END FLASHBACKS!
Mizuki: ... Ah screw it. I'm not going to give you a cookie anyway. Now give me the scroll!
Naruto: YOU LIED TO ME!!
Mizuki: Yes! And not only that, you have something inside of you!
Naruto: Uh... Sorry. I just ate some ramen before I do this.
Mizuki: That's not what I mean, you moron! You have a THING inside of you!
Naruto: What... thing?
Mizuki: You know! You have a monster inside of you!
Iruka: Mizuki! No! That's a violation of the sexy beast of Konoha's rules!
Mizuki: ... we have a sexy beast? Anyways, you have Kyuubi!
Iruka: Mizuki, you bastard!
Mizuki: Oh shut up, Iruka. You're not even important in this scene.
Iruka: Yes I do.
Mizuki: Really? Then what is it?
Iruka: I protect Naruto from your giant shuriken.
Mizuki: ... Die, Naruto!
He drew out his giant shuriken from his back and threw it at Naruto. Just as Naruto was about to get hit, Iruka took the hit instead, with his back getting pierce by the shuriken.
Mizuki: Oh crap, he's right.
Naruto: Are you ok, sensei?!
Iruka: I'm fine. It's just a flesh wound.
Naruto: But doesn't it hit your spine?
Iruka: Nah. I have many others like this.
Naruto: ... Bones?
Iruka: Yes... bones.
Naruto: Um... Are you... Not human?
Iruka: Yes, actually. I'm a demon.
Naruto runs away from Iruka.
Iruka: Naruto, wait! I was joking!
Mizuki: Well, that was dramatic... And that's sarcastic.
Somewhere in the chase, Naruto runs away, jumping on branches to branches, from Iruka and Mizuki. Unfortunately, Iruka caught up to him.
Iruka: Naruto! Give me the scroll!
Naruto: I don't wanna!
Iruka: Mizuki is gonna catch you if you don't give me the scroll! So hurry!
Suddenly, Naruto threw a log at Iruka, causing him to fall right on the ground. He landed on it.
Iruka: A LOG?! How did you...?!
He poofed into Mizuki.
Mizuki: How did you know that I don't like logs?!
Naruto poofed into Iruka.
Iruka: 'Cause I'm a log lover.
Mizuki: Iruka?! But I thought you like Clucky?
Iruka: I do. I love them both!
Mizuki: ... Ah screw it. You're gonna die, Iruka.
Mizuki was about to draw out his second giant shuriken, until Naruto, appearing out of nowhere, rams on him. He then fell to the ground a foot away.
Mizuki: OW! What the crap?!
Naruto: Don't hurt my sensei, you bastard! Or I'll kill you!
Mizuki: Oh. It's the demon boy. What do you want now?
Naruto: Kill you, that's what.
Mizuki: That's all?
Naruto: Well, you're a log hater and all, and...
Mizuki: ... ah screw it. You're gonna die with Iruka, demon.
Naruto: Not only I use this technique I learned from the eggroll!
Iruka: ... So it really IS an eggroll!
Mizuki: What?! That makes no sense! How can you learn something from an eggroll! Eggrolls can't... Oh right... The scroll... Ha! Oh really?! Well, show me what you got!
Naruto: Careful... I'm going to use your worst nightmares!
Mizuki: Ooh! My worst nightmares! I'm shaking with a giant shuriken on my back! Ha! What is it?!
Naruto: I warn ya... I'm gonna use your worst nightmare!
Mizuki: And what would that be, brat?
Naruto: Log Shadow Clone Jutsu!
Mizuki: Log... Shadow... Clone...?!
Suddenly, hundreds of logs appeared out of nowhere in the sky and fell right on Mizuki.
Mizuki: NOOOOO!! NOT THE LOGS!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!
After 6 hours of log screaming nightmare, Mizuki found himself unconscious with a bunch of logs on him.
Iruka: Naruto, that was amazing! You learned a jutsu that frightens Mizuki!
Naruto: Nah! I really learned Kage Bunshin no Jutsu. But when I learned that Mizuki is afraid of logs, I created that jutsu. Just to scare him.
Iruka: Well, I guess I should give you something. Close your eyes, will ya?
Naruto: (Does so) Ok!
Suddenly, Iruka slams his forehead protector on Naruto's forehead.
Naruto: OWW! What's that for?!
Iruka: What? You're a ninja now.
Naruto: I am? I AM?!
Iruka: Of course! You graduated.
Naruto: AWESOME! I'm a ninja now!
Iruka: And also, I glued my headband so you can't take it off.
Naruto: You... what?
He tried to remove the forehead protector from his forehead, but it's stuck. Stuck good.
Naruto: Um... Iruka-sensei? Do you have something that I makes me take off that headband?
Iruka: Sure!... If you want your skin to rip off, of course!
Naruto: NOO! I CHANGE MY MIND!
Iruka: Too late, young man!
Naruto: NOOOOO!!
And so, Naruto's days as the ninja begins. Will it be something awesome? Or something... horrible?
End of episode
Hm... Well... Uh... I don't know if it's funny and all... But it's worth a shot, right? Anyway, do you guys like it? And sorry if some of these jokes... Or rather, all the jokes are not funny. It's my first time doing a parody fic. So... Give me your opinions, ok?
Well, Ja ne. And review Kudasai!