A/N: I know, I know. You're waiting for me to post some literary masterpiece and I keep posting these goddamn humor one-shots! Well, I haven't posted anything at all in a while. I've been devoting my time to solely original fiction. But its 1:30 in the morning and this popped up in my head. Just to get me back into that fanfictiony feel of things. I don't know if it's all that great. And guess what. It's got Roger in it. Shocker.
Disclaimer: Well, seeing as I am not the ghost of Jonathan Larson, RENT is not mine.
"Do you have any…threes?"
"Roger…" Mimi whined exasperatedly. She put her hand down on the floor in front of her and tilted her head upward to look at her boyfriend, wondering how on earth she had ended up on the hardwood floor of the loft playing an incredibly lame game with him rather than going out and having fun. She pouted disappointedly. Why did she always listen to him?
"Meems, I believe the appropriate response is Go fish." He corrected. Either he was joking with her, or he really was completely oblivious. Sadly, she was leaning towards assuming the latter.
"No, Rog. You don't get it! This is NOT a date. I do NOT want to spend my Friday night playing Go Fish with you!"
"You don't?" Roger asked as if he couldn't fathom the idea of anyone not wanting to spend their night playing card games with him, "Well, we could play other games! War, Spit, Spoons…Or if you don't like cards, we could break out Twister! Or Monopoly! Everyone loves Monopoly. C'mon, I'll be the hat…"
Mimi narrowed her eyes at him, "Roger, I don't want to play board games with you either."
Roger's mouth dropped open in genuine surprise, forming a perfect 'o' shape. He studied her for a second, squinting and trying to read her face. "Oh, I know what this is about," He said knowingly after a few seconds, and then he nodded encouragingly "Mimi, just because you suck at Go Fish doesn't mean you can't be trained. Mark sucked at first too! But I'm still friends with him! We worked through it. Meems, I'll love you even if you do have threes."
"Wow…" Mimi sighed. Was it too much to ask for a boyfriend who wasn't totally inept at life? "This is not about threes Roger! I don't even have any threes! This is about the fact that Go Fish is not romantic!" She explained irritably. It amazed her how hard simple concepts like this were for him to grasp.
"What do you mean it's not romantic?! Go Fish is totally romantic!" Roger insisted defensively, he looked around the room wildly, as if a legit argument would jump out at him from behind the couch, "Look! Look at this card!" He cried, taking one out of the deck, "It's got a heart on it! Hearts are as fucking romantic as it gets!" He waved a five of hearts around in her face.
"Just because there's a heart on the card doesn't make it romantic." Mimi argued, shaking her head in dismay at her sorry excuse for a boyfriend. WHY did she love him again? Well, there was that ass of his. And every once in a while he'd do something right. "Romance is deeper than that, Rog."
Roger furrowed his brow in deep thought, "France is romantic! Go Fish was invented in France." He announced after a moment of silence.
"You made that up."
"So what if I did?"
"You're just proving me right…" Mimi laughed, drumming her fingers on the floor.
"Well, I'm SURE there are situations where Go Fish could be romantic." Roger suggested, dropping his cards to the floor in the realization that it may be a while before they returned to the game.
"Pfft. Name one." She challenged, rolling her eyes.
"Well, what if I proposed to you while playing Go Fish?"
"I'd murder you, and then I'd keep the ring." Mimi replied truthfully. The idea of anyone proposing while playing a card game wasn't even close to the fairy tale proposal she would prefer.
"Jesus Christ, that's awful!" Roger exclaimed disgustedly, probably imagining Mimi taking an engagement ring from his corpse.
"I never said I was a good person." She shrugged jokingly.
He smiled. "Touché."
"So are you ready to admit that you're wrong?" Mimi inquired, raising an eyebrow.
"Nah, I think I'm gonna stand by my theory. Go Fish is definitely romantic." He stated stubbornly.
"Just face the fact that you're not a romantic guy!" Mimi pleaded, desperately wanting to move on to a different activity.
"Wait, wait, wait, wait, WAIT! Hold up. Now you're saying that I, ROGER DAVIS, am not romantic? That's insane!" Roger countered, starting to get a little bit offended.
"Well," Mimi started, a smirk playing at her lips, "you're not."
"I wrote you a SONG!" He brought up franticly, "That's like the essence of romance! SONGWRITING!"
"Yeah, but first you left me and ran off to Santa Fe," Mimi added matter-of-factly.
"Ooooh…Low blow." Roger narrowed his eyes, "Y'know, you're not exactly the queen of romance either."
Mimi smiled, holding up a card, "Don't you mean, the queen of hearts?" She'd just distract him with card humor.
"You can't distract me with card humor."
Damn.
She put the card down dejectedly, "Alright, when have I ever been unromantic?"
"Well, your first attempt to WOO me was climbing through my window via fire escape!" Roger pointed out.
"So?"
"Breaking and entering is so not romantic."
"But it is sexy."
"Yeah well…" Roger trailed off, straining to think of another plausible excuse. After a few minutes, he grinned. "What if there was a prize to winning the game of Go Fish?"
Mimi looked up at him, "I'm listening." Prizes are prizes. No matter how stupid the game.
"If I win, I get to have sex with you. And if you win…" He cocked his head to the side suggestively, "you get to have sex with me."
"I see where this is going…" Mimi picked up her small deck of cards. Roger beamed appreciatively.
"So, my dear Mimi, I will ask you again. Do you have any threes?"
With a laugh and a shake of her head Mimi responded, "Go fish."
It may not be romantic, but if you play it right, it is sexy.
A/N: I'm so corny. Haha, how do you people deal with me? The ending sucked a little bit, I apologize. You know when your writing starts out okay and then sort of withers and dies as it progresses? I think that may have happened here. What do you think, my lovely reviewers? Review!