OMG! This is like, totally my first yaoi fic! So surprising, yeah? I mean yeah, it was inevitabul, with Sonic and Shadow being so totally in love and all.

On with the fic and stuff!

Together

Sonic gingerly sat down on the couch. "Thanks, Shadow. I would've been toast without you. Those Egg Pawns, man..."

Shadow sat down next to him, facing the hedgehog. "My pleasure."

Sonic yawned, stretching his arms out. "You mind if I crash here for awhile? I'm too tired to go home."

"Anything you want," Shadow said distractedly, fixated on Sonic.

Sonic looked at him quizzically. "Why are you staring at me?"

"No reason," Shadow said, leaning towards Sonic.

Sonic shrank back, a look of confusion upon his face. "Uh, Shadow? What are you-"

"Your eyes…they're so green…" Shadow murmured, leaning even closer.

Shadow was an inch away before Sonic stopped him. "Wait a minute," he said angrily, "what are you doing?"

"Well, Sonic…" Shadow mumbled. "I've had these feelings for a long time and-"

"No no no, that's not what I meant!" Sonic said impatiently. "Don't you know this is an Ultiman92 fic? He never writes us this way!"

Shadow stopped and thought a moment. "Hey…you're right!" he said. "Since when did he become a yaoi fanboy?"

"I don't know," Sonic said, his eyes narrowing, "but I'll get to the bottom of this."

Somewhere in the Midwest, a teenage girl was typing furiously at a laptop between giggling fits. "Oh no!" she gasped. "The characters have found me out!"

She resumed typing at a furious pace. "If I hurry, I might be able to get them to the sex scene before-"

CRASH!!

The door burst open, and a strikingly handsome teenager strode in. "Oi!" he yelled. "Who are you, and how'd you get into my house?!"

"Ultiman92!" the girl gasped. "How'd you get in?"

The teen gave her a look. "Didn't you see two paragraphs ago? I kicked down the door Chuck Norris style," he said, indicating the broken remnants of the door lying around him.

The girl drew herself up to her full height, which wasn't much. "Ultiman92, I am a representative of Fangirls Advocating Gay Groupings."

The teen scratched his chin. "Wait…that would make the abbreviation-"

"Never mind that!" the girl said hastily. "I represent 85 of the authors on fanfiction, and we are looking to expand. We've seen you're work, and we're impressed by your quality standards."

"Even though I never finish half the fics I start?' the teen asked, an eyebrow raised.

"Well…the stuff you do finish is pretty good," the girl replied. "Anyway, we like your style, and we want you to write with us. Come write yaoi. You can't resist the hot, sexy, steamy, raunchy, randy-"

"Enough with the adjectives, please," the teen said, fighting his gag reflex. "Besides, what makes you think I could write that…that stuff?"

"Your profile says you only release fanfiction when you're 100 sure of its content. Just imagine that kind of yaoi you could produce if you were up to it," the girl said dreamily.

"I'm trying not to imagine it, actually," the teen said, looking slightly green.

"Look, I've started this yaoi fic on your file. If you let me release it under your account, you'll see how much the fanfiction community loves having another talented yaoi writer!" the girl said excitedly. "So if you'll just kindly step back and let me finish…"

"Oh hell no," the teen said firmly. "I'm not letting you release any yaoi fics under my profile."

"Come on, please?" the girl pleaded. "Just a oneshot?"

"No."

"A poem?"

"No."

"A songfic?"

"No."

The girl pouted. "Come on, I spent all afternoon typing this!"

"It's only 2:00," the teen pointed out.

The girl opened her mouth for a comeback – then stopped and sat back down in front of the laptop. "Oh, forget you," she said dismissively. "I'll keep working anyway."

"Oh no you won't!" the teen roared, diving for the laptop.

A furious tug-of-war match ensued, consisting of hldkfjgkvnbkcjfk,. Kfgjfkgjkmbkfh,

Mkfjggkhmgbmkdjiuij kjkfjhitjijgiofkjgjfl dktjiogjgkcvmnv djfijgufhvjnmckcmofkjin

Sonic and Shadow are in love! They're in love! Lo-

Get your bloody hands off my keyboard, you prat!

Make me, you non- yaoi prick!

Prick?! Ohh, you're gonna pay for that, you little-

Smkbjuvidjekmvidcjfidjf,mfpoejioejowi549ir9kiloerfkKdjkork4ofglkr;gkfv;vjmkcmlcsdgjkrighbunmfeituhgybhjckmeiofvjb fkijfiodkfhgu6oijkfnjhgiuosjgih

-oi! Yaoi is life! It's everything! The reason for existence! It's-

I said, give - me - that - laptop!!

Kdluirjggkmbkv nvjoeifjgikfglhk,hlmkghjiorjkgiokfjghjurotijjfnuiehjfignjn

After a lengthy struggle, in which lots of pointless random typing on the keyboard occurred, (it was mostly her fault), -

Hey! You did it, too!

Quiet, you!

OW! You kicked me!

- the teen managed to brain the girl with the laptop, causing her to fall to the floor shrieking in agony.

I did not shriek!

I said shut up!

OW! Enough with the kicking, already!

The teen went on to deliver a preachy, high-handed rant on yaoi just because he thinks he's so much better than us and –

Hey! Stop editing!

Okay, okay! Jeez!

"In principle," the teen said angrily, "I don't have anything wrong with yaoi. Done right, it can be a respectable, well-written love story. It's the pointless, random, self-indulgent fics clogging up the Internet that I can't stand. I mean, take Sonadow," he said, indicating the bruised laptop screen. "It's an incredibly popular pairing, but where's the basis for it? I've played almost all the Sonic games with the two of them and I honestly can't see where it's coming from!"

The girl muttered something about sexual tension.

"Sexual tension?!" the teen said incredulously. "Do you define two guys trying to kill each other as 'sexual tension'? If that was the case, we'd see parings like Cloud/Sephiroth everywh-"

The teen broke off, understanding dawning on his face. "And suddenly, the mind of a yaoi fangirl starts to make sense," he said quietly.

The girl grumbled to herself.

"Did I hear you say something about Amy?" the teen inquired. "That's another issue I have with yaoi. I just can't see the point of yaoi pairings created just because you can't stand the lead female character! I mean, if you don't like the main male and female characters being paired together, then don't pair them together! An utter shock, I know! Not every story is required to have romance in it!"

"And another thing," the teen continued, "what is it with the self-indulgent yaoi porn on this site? I mean, my God! You can write whatever sick stuff you want to, I won't criticize you for it. But posting it on the Internet means you think everyone will enjoy it. Predictably, a good chunk of readers will love it, and go on to make their own. And the cycle just keeps repeating, with each sex story getting more tasteless and poorly written than the last. As a result, any actual good yaoi romances are drowned in a sea of crap. And you wonder why yaoi is given almost no respect by the uninitiated? I'm just tired of wanting to find a humorous story with Sonic and Shadow and having to wade through a sea of bad romantic comedies to get there."

"So to answer your question, no, I won't write yaoi for a bunch of immature, horny twats. Not now, not ever!" the teen yelled at the cringing girl. "Until you manage to convince me that your stories are worth my time and respect, I won't go within a mile of yaoi!"

"Now get out of my house!" the teen roared, pointing out the door.

The girl was gone in a flash.

The teen smiled, sinking into his chair and surveying the battered computer. "Too preachy?" he inquired.

"Definitely too preachy," Sonic agreed. "Still, the author managed to deliver his point with a valid, reasoned opinion."

"But he was a little harsh," Shadow countered. "Some people are probably going to get incredibly offended and write scathing flames telling him what a jerk he is. I can hear them now."

And sure enough, the cries of enraged fangirls filled the air, so loud and full of hatred that they managed to carry over to the actual fanfiction itself.

"Well, there are people who don't comprehend the idea of a parody, and the author understands that," Sonic said. "In fact, he's probably laughing his ass off right now at the idiots who can't take a joke."

And sure enough, the raucous laughter of the author filled the air, so loud and full of hilarity that it managed to carry over to the actual fanfiction itself.

"Anyway, the author did get his point across that he respects yaoi when it's done right," Sonic continued. "So if a reader thinks he's talking to them, they have no one to blame but themselves."

"Agreed," Shadow said. "All in all, it was a good equilibrium. It got its message through while still managing to be somewhat respectful. People should understand that the author is mostly kidding. Mostly."

"You said it," Sonic agreed. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I really need to go relax after all this. I'm still having recurring nightmares from Isolated." He shuddered.

The End

I promise you, that fangirl's never getting anywhere near my laptop again. Probably.

Please don't kill me for this. (braces for flames)

It's partially meant as a joke! I'm not normally that rude!

REVIEW! (be gentle!)