AUTHOR: Elizabeth E. Carter

TITLE: Life with Teenage Daughters

SERIES: Mass Effect

CATEGORY: Family / Humor

SPOILER ALERT: post ME3 and my own Ashes stories

DISCLAIMER: Bioware owns the concept of Mass Effect and all of its characters. This fanfic is for entertainment and no profit what-so-ever

MEMEMEMEMEMEME

Shepard confiscated the young man's wallet to check if it had condoms. It didn't. It was a point in his favour. But it was not enough. She draped her arm around the young male's shoulder and proceeded escort him into her study. The first thing that the boy noticed was the array of model ships the greatest hero of the galaxy—scourge of the Reapers had. He was about to comment on it when Shepard activated a remote signal to a hidden wall panel. Behind the models, behind the toy ships was an even more impressive display of guns.

The dark haired hero looked to the young man. "I'm a Spectre. I killed Saren, Sovereign, Harbinger, the Illusive Man, brought Cerberus low, destroyed the Collector base. And assured the Reapers were vanquished for all cycles to come. See those? I'm very good with them, I am even better with my biotics." she gave the teenager a very hard look.

"If I need to put someone down as a Spectre I can. If I don't have the authority… for my girls or my boy I don't mind going to prison. I've been there before when I was forced to destroy the Alpha Relay to stop the Reapers." Shepard leaned in close to the teenager. "Just think what I will do to protect my little girl." there was a feral look on the aged human's face.

The young man was shuddering, literally trembling.

Shepard was grinning.

"You date my little girl, here are the rules: One: you stay in school and you go to university. Two you stay employed. Three: No drugs. Four: no heavy drinking. Five: no other girls or boys, no lies. You don't even look at them, not like that anyway. And you know what I mean. Seven- you will always come to the door to pick her up-you come inside, you will never honk the horn and you will always walk her to the door. It doesn't matter how long she takes to get ready for your evening out you will wait without complaint. And if she wants to come home early you do it! And if she thinks she can stay out past the curfew I set, you reminded you I and her mother won't be happy about it. Then you text me and tell me at the very least you did that much.

"You will never abandon her anywhere. You will never ever coheres, bribe, belittle or presser my little girl into any kind of sexual contact. You are allowed a few kisses, hand-holding even a cuddling on the sofa watching a movie. But never ever behind a closed door in anyone's bedroom. If I ever find out otherwise I. Will. Kill. You. And I don't care who your parents are. Understand?"

"My daughter stays a virgin. Asari doesn't mean whore, slut or easy. Asari means respect and a lot of it. Got it?"

The boy nodded. Vigorously.

"Your buddies laugh, jeer or torment you for not 'bagging the blue' or 'getting near azure' and you don't stand up for my daughter you don't get to be her boyfriend any more. Understand?"

Again the boy nodded. Shepard scowled.

"Yes Ma'am." he stuttered out.

"No skycar, no vid-game, no bike, no sports team is more important than Hannah. If you are going to be late you call. And you tell her the truth as to why. She might be your girlfriend but she will always always be my little princess. I love her; Hannah means everything to me"

"Yes ma'am."

"Good boy." Shepard looked at Rael'Zorah Vakarian vas Rynock and smiled warmly this time. "Han is waiting for you. Oh and send your Mom and Dad my love."

The silver eyed turian-quarian hybrid garbed in blue and white quarian styled shirt and trousers nodded vigorously. "I certainly will Aunty Sam."