Spirius. A naive strumpet of a man, he always cornered me...

"Dick hangin'?"

"Not really, what is it that you want, Spirius?"

I knew that he was a supporter of the rebellion. I could see through his greasy smile that he had consumed many transfats the evening prior, and that some vicious dry humping may lie ahead. Nevertheless, I continued on with the interrogation of his plump and disturbingly tumor-ridden frame.

"Well...lemme look at mah calendar...let's see here."

He scratched at his tumors violently, pus starting to ooze from the open wounds.

"Looks like you're in luck, missy." The greasy smile returned to his putrid face, his features tightening as his body inched towards me.

The negative ions began to rumble deep inside my pancreas; the nervousness and anxiety building to an explosive orgasm of pain, all I could fathom was Cyrus' bosoms caressing my soft cheeks once again. I knew not what to believe, for Troy had taken responsibility for the murder of Cyrus, and I had no one to turn to, now that the Golden Master had passed on.

Then it hit me. I knew precisely how to solve my problem. I needed to revive the Golden Master. (Pan slight right--shit adjust the camera--)

"There's something you need to return to me before I can grant you your small favor."

"What's that?" I replied, knowing now that dry humping was in the near future.

"Sword. Fight."

"...What?"

Some people have extrapolated on the facts of past events. This isn't relevant to the subject at hand, however it seems to bother me every now and then when one references a bullet point on the giant graph that is Human Life. I feel the vague populace crucify me with factual evidence, and although my opinions seem to lie in the same spectrum as Lucifer's, I ponder on love alone in a bedroom. Well, not a bedroom, a closet. There are so many different types of vermin in this world...rats...among others...

"A sword fight! The babbling brooks of yesteryear have spoken of this phenomena for ages! A duel between two species, you being the weaker of the two of course, however--"

"What? What did you say?"

"Babbling brooks?"

"No, the comment about weakness. It was offensive."

"Oh--what? Oh, don't be a wretch, 'tis the workings of the world. Misogynism is the new Chivalry in this day and age."

"You are a demented witch of societal norms. FEED ON MY TRANSCENDENTALIST WRATH!"

"A-HA! You cannot use Transcendentalism on me! 'Tis a movement that has fallen beneath all levels of society, THEREFORE DECLARING IT NULL AND VOID!"

"CURSE YOU, GREAT PHILOSOPHER 'newbtranzySI3L3NC3xx1'!!!111"

"Now that I've caught you off-guard...I PLAY ABSURDISM! 'TIS UNSTOPPABLE!"

Edward Franklin Albee III (pronounced /ˈɔːlbiː/ AWL-bee) born March 12, 1928 is an American playwright best know for Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, The Zoo Story, A Delicate Balance and Seascape. His works are considered well-crafted, often unsympathetic examinations of the modern condition. His early works reflect a mastery and Americanization of the Theatre of the Absurd that found its peak in works by European playwrights such as Jean Genet, Samuel Beckett, and Eugene Ionesco. Younger American Playwrights, such as Pulitzer Prize-winner Paula Vogel, credit Albee's daring mix of theatricalism and biting dialogue with helping to reinvent the post-war American theatre in the early 1960s. Albee continues to experiment in new works, such as The Goat: or, Who Is Sylvia? (2002).

"You use the interjection ''tis' often. Are you aware of that?"

"'Tis no matter--"

"CAUGHT YOU! TIME FOR GODOT TO SHOW UP, SPRING FLOWERS!"

It was then that I stabbed him to death, I was reminded of the slaughterer of man's vicious dancing, but the disturbing mustard colored liquid that began to drip from Spirius' eyes worried me somewhat.

I suppose suicide was love...one may look down upon me for this, but I do miss Troy...sort of.

Now that Spirius was gone, it was time to put down the rebellion. But before that, I had to shoot an advertisement for a local toothpaste advocate, Reynold Shirley. Then, and only then, would I be able to revive the Golden Master and Cyrus, and put a stop to the bloody war.