Disclaimer: SVU and its characters are not mine… but these pop tarts are. Anybody want some?

A/N1: The hot blonde on Olivia's arm that makes Alex jealous? Yeah, she's mine. I made her up. I took the names of two of my friends and combined them- as a tribute of sorts… Alex's colleague? He's mine too. This is Alex's POV, thoughts; I might get around to using some lyrics in this thing- if I do, artist/song title info will be in my A/N for you guys…

A/N2: This one starts out with a little angst. Also, there's going to be some humor to this one, because, as we all know- Alexandra Cabot is a bit of a smartass… It's one of the things I love about her most…

The Trials of Love

-iheartSVUandNCIS

I'm about to take a bite of my turkey and provolone wheat wrap when a familiar sound causes my interest in food to wane significantly. Suddenly, the fact that my stomach growled every five minutes in court this morning is no longer important, and the fact that I stood in line for twenty minutes waiting for nourishment does not matter.

It's not a sound I hear often, but I would know it from anywhere…

My eyes scan the crowd, then fall on you. Standing in line, oblivious to the world around you, you are laughing at something the woman with you must have said, your smile genuine, your features warm and worry-free.

A pang of jealousy shoots through me as I watch her reach out and fix the collar of your leather jacket, her fingers lingering a little too long for this to be interpreted as a friendly gesture.

I had heard that you were seeing someone. A colleague of mine who is as addicted to gossip as I am to caffeine couldn't resist stopping by my office a few days ago to ask whether or not it was true that my SVU detective was prancing around all over Manhattan with a leggy, busty blonde. I was surprised to find out that you were dating, but finding out that you were dating a woman shocked the hell out of me. I shrugged it off, ever the professional, and told Gregory Klein I hadn't heard a thing.

It's one thing to hear about you being with her… it's something completely different to see you with her…

Having lost my appetite, I put my wrap down, rolling it back up in its foil wrapper, convincing myself that I will save it for later; at some point today, I will have to eat. I take a long cool sip of my strawberry banana smoothie, watching the way she leans in close to you, no doubt as eager to hear what you have to say as she is to get you in bed.

Of course, there's always a possibility that you are not interested in her, that this is just a friend of yours that you are having lunch with. You could be friends, and nothing more. I could have absolutely nothing to worry about…

And there it is again, for the second time in less than three minutes. You are laughing, and this time, you reach out and rest your hand on her shoulder for a few seconds. I cannot help it. I cringe…

Maybe she's telling you about her husband's inability to pick up his dirty socks, or her little boy's recently acquired affinity for a four letter word that starts with an S and ends with a hit…

Or maybe she's telling you all the things she wants to do to you tonight, once you and her are in the privacy of her apartment… Maybe she's telling you how she wants to kiss you until you're gasping for air, how she wants to run her fingers through your cropped brown hair, explore every inch of your tone, beautiful body…

I watch as you continue to laugh and enjoy the blonde's company. Both of you scan the menu and place your orders. I don't have to hear you place your order to know that you will be sinking your teethe into a chicken, bacon, and ranch wrap and taking long, brain freezing sips of a strawberry kiwi coconut smoothie.

Wonder if Ms. Bottle Blonde Barbie knows you well enough to know that about you… And how old is she… like… 12?!

You must feel my gaze, because just when I have decided to look away, decided that I cannot continue abusing myself, our eyes lock, and it feels almost as good as it does bad.

I watch as you hold up your hand, silencing whatever she was saying, and motion for her to follow you over to my table.

That's the thing about irony... It fucks you every time.

How ironic, choosing to walk twelve blocks in these heels for an amazing wrap I probably won't even eat because I just saw the woman I have had a crush on for the past however long all over someone else…

Okay, so you were not all over her… but you're here with her… when you had an invitation to join me for lunch.

My gut is doing amazing things right now, things that would, without a doubt, put the world's best high flying trapeze artist to shame.

"Hey, Alex… Maddox, this is Alex Cabot, my ADA… Alex, this is Samantha Maddox, Civil Actions ADA." You make the introduction, and I politely shake hands with her.

I can't help but want to squeeze a little tighter. I don't do it, but for a millisecond, it does cross my mind.

"Nice to finally meet you. Liv talks about you all the time." Your companion, Maddox, says, smiling at me.

Her voice grates on my nerves. I know nothing about this woman, and yet, I already hate everything about her. Her blonde hair is just a little too… blonde. Her smile is too… toothy. Her suit is cheap, and her shoes… well, okay, I like her shoes. I think I might actually have them in blue… But everything else? I abhor.

"Mind if we join you? We've placed our orders, just waiting for our wraps and smoothies…" You say, pulling out a chair for little Ms. Samantha 'Civil Actions ADA' Maddox to sit in.

I nod and motion for you to take a seat next to me, going so far as to reach out to slide the seat out for you. You sit down next to me, and it's all I can do not to reach out and pull your chair as close to mine as possible, my need to stake my claim on you growing as I notice her noticing you. I suppose that, if I had a dick, now is when I would pull it out and piss a circle around you.

I know that look, the one that's in her eyes right now, as she looks you over. She is attracted to you, and I can tell that she is more than willing to let you know. Lusty and full of longing, her glances in your direction make me uncomfortable.

I have kept my preferences hidden, chosen to be discreet, and when called for, I have even hung an attractive, successful man on my arm; men have political and social purposes, after all… The passionate ADA on your arm, however, has had no problem letting everyone know that she prefers to spend time with women, as evidenced by the alleged trail of them that she has left strung all over Manhattan.

"Turkey and provolone?" You ask, pointing at the untouched wrap in front of me.

I nod.

"My usual… right down to the strawberry banana twist smoothie."

In a moment of pure genius, I pick up my smoothie and offer you a sip. You smile, leaning in closer to me. Your hand covers mine, holding onto the smoothie, and your lips wrap around my straw as you take a long sip.

Out of the corner of my eye, I watch as Maddox's eyebrow hits her hairline. She clears her throat, but if you notice, you're ignoring it. You take another long sip before letting go, your fingers slowly sliding off of mine.

"Mmm… Remind me to get one of those next time we're here, Alex." You say, offering me a beautiful smile.

The annoyed look on Maddox's face doesn't go unnoticed by me, and I can't help but smile, wondering if she's as jealous of me right now as I am of her.

I wrap my lips where yours have been and take a long sip.

"I'll go check on our food… be right back, Olivia." Maddox stands and walks towards the counter, and finally, I have you all to myself.

A few seconds of awkward silence later, you reach over and take my smoothie from me, helping yourself as usual.

"She's… interesting."

Hopefully, you don't pick up on my jealousy or disdain. I want to ask if you're seeing her, if you're here on a date… if she's the reason you've been turning down all of my lunch and dinner invitations…

"Yeah. Sam's… a little… aggressive… But I like 'em rough." You say, sliding my smoothie back over to me with a smile. "I wouldn't give her my number, so she stopped by the precinct and asked Elliot about me. After talking to her a little while, he took her number and gave it to me, told me to give the hot blonde with the hots for me a call…" She adds, almost as if she knows about the questions I have but are too afraid to ask.

All I can do is hope that how I feel is not written all over my face.

"First date?"

You shake your head, and suddenly, it hits me: I'm a glutton for punishment. I'm sitting here, asking you about how things are going between you and the woman you're with, all the while wanting it to be me you're with… wanting it to be me…

"Third. Our first date was Chinese food in her office. She was working late, I suggested that we order take-out. She took me up on it… Second date was at Fitzgerald's, that small pizza place about three blocks from the precinct… Today, we decided to meet for a quick lunch. I suggested this place after finding out that she's into the same health food crap you eat." You say, pointing at my wrap once more and turning up your nose.

I would kick you, but here comes Ms. Perfect Timing, carrying food and two smoothies. You notice her struggling and, being your noble, chivalrous self, you stand to help her.

I should be stronger than this, but I am not, and so I slip my wrap and bag of Sun Chips into my briefcase, then sling it over my shoulder. I grab my smoothie, and before you and her are even seated, I am on my feet, preparing to make a rather rapid departure.

"I'm afraid I won't be able to stay, I'm sorry. I have court in the morning, and I still have a few testimonies to go over… It was nice to meet you, Ms. Maddox. I'll see you around, Olivia…"

Your date nods.

"It was nice to meet you too." She says, a small smile playing across her lips.

I don't know her, but I know that smile. It's the I win, you lose smile. Her up-turned lips seem to whisper, I've got her, and you've got lunch to go…

"See you later, Cabot." You say, sounding almost disappointed.

Before I'm even out of the small café, I can feel the tears stinging my eyes.

I wish I could shake what I'm feeling, wish I could stop the jealousy and pain from swirling around in the pit of my gut. I wipe the tears away as they fall, picking up my pace, wanting to put as much space between me, my detective, and her date as possible.

Once I am in the safety of my office, the blinds closed and the door locked, I allow tears to silently stain my face.