Author's Note – Yay! I'm finally working on my original computer, which means there will probably be no more grammar and punctuation errors. I know it's been quite a while since I last updated, and I apologize for that. I would also like to thank all of the people who have been reading my fics, and a special thanks to all of the people who have submitted reviews. This fic in particular is one I wrote over a month ago, but couldn't find it to type it. And yes, it's a sort of random parody. It will be a one-shot, so please don't ask me to add another chapter. I'm already busy with my two other series, and I might be going on vacation again very soon, so my schedule will be very packed. I hope you enjoy this one. Disclaimer – I do not own any of the characters within this fic. All character's and other properties and such belong to their rightful owners.

'He's really going to kill me now,' Seras thought as she rushed down the stairs to the sublevels as quickly and safely as possible. The nightly mission had ended a little more than twenty minutes ago and she and the Wild Geese had just returned to the Hellsing mansion. Therefore she had little time left before her "employer" Sir Integra summoned her for a report. There was something that Seras wanted to take care of before that and before she saw him- her master Alucard. Altogether she didn't have much time.

Finally reaching the final level, Seras ran down the hall and dashed into her room, slamming the door behind her and locking it. It wasn't much use since he wouldn't be stopped by a simple bolt, let alone even consider using the door itself. He almost always just crept his through the walls, floor, or ceiling. Without warning. It made her wonder if he had any sense of decency at all…

Still in a flurry, the young Draculina grabbed the pillow from her coffin, removed its pillowcase, and bounded over to one of the dressers she didn't really use. Flinging open the middle drawer – which was empty – she laid the pillowcase inside as a rumpled center, and went through the other drawers. She pulled out clothes she hardly wore and added them to the pile to make a sort of nest. "Just a minute, just a minute, I'm hurrying," she muttered, to whom, no one in the room would have known.

Standing back to inspect her work, Seras peered into the once abandoned drawer and checked to see if the rumpled pile of clothes met her standards. Satisfied, she sighed with relief and a small smile formed on her face. "Okay. Now we're ready." She was just unbuttoning the collar of her uniform when an all-too familiar voice sounded behind her.

"Evening, Police Girl."

Seras spun around, eyes wide. "M-m-m-m-m-Master!," she squeaked. She gave a quick glance at the No-Life King and to the drawer behind her. With a quick flick of her wrist she slammed it shut, unwillingly locking eyes with her sire. She felt a bit conscious of the unbuttoned collar of her horridly tight uniform shirt.

"Well, well. What are we up to now?," her master smirked. As much as Seras respected Alucard, and showed him gratitude for a second chance while remaining completely loyal to him, he never ceased to intimidate her with his presence. This evening's attire didn't help either. It was the same usual get up; the black Victorian suit with white undershirt, knee-high black boots, blood red trench coat with matching ascot and wide-brimmed hat, and finally the white gloves. The brim of his hat cast a shadow over half his face, but did nothing to hide the fiery ember-colored eyes, glowing amusedly out at her. His handsome face framed by the thick, uneven locks of his ebony hair, which contrasted with is snowy-pallor skin. He sat in one of the chairs at her table, ling lean legs crossed with is fingers intertwined together at his stomach, and the usual smirk plastered to his features. One protruding fang was just barely visible on his lower lip. Seras couldn't decide if he was creepier with or without his orange-tinted sunglasses, which were absent for some reason.

"I um… I uh…," she muttered trying to come up with some sort of explanation. She knew she couldn't lie to him for two reasons. One; if he really wanted to and just quit this usual games of taunting, he'd simply read her mind. Two; and most importantly, he hated dishonestly with a passion. There was only one time that he had ever yelled at her. Well not at her, she hadn't done anything really, someone had just really pissed him off, and due to her mouth she'd ended up being his way to vent a lot of steam. It had been in Rio, and to this day she still remembered that look of fury on his face and being inches off the ground by the front of her shirt. She didn't plan on repeating that.

"Come now, Police Girl. You seem as if you didn't want to see me. Cat got your tongue?" Seras formed a sweat drop at the irony of his statement.

"Well… I… you see, Master…" Seras gulped as he stood up to his full height. He was already tall enough, easily reaching over six-foot-two, and it didn't help that she was more than a foot shorter than him. She scratched her head, running her fingers through her spiky golden hair, as he took a couple of steps towards her.

"What is my little fledgling up to?" Seras took a small step back, now pinned to the dresser.

"Well…I…"

"Are we being devious?"

"No! I…"

"Now, Police Girl, you're more skittish than usual…" He leaned over her. "What do you have in the dresser?"

"C-c-clothes…"

"And why would you be hiding clothes?"

"Uuummm…"

"You can tell me, Police Girl."

"I'm not hiding clothes…"

"And what are you hiding?," he grinned.

Seras felt movement and began fiddling with her collar. 'Awww crap!,' she thought. 'Not now!' She gulped again. "I…I…!"

"Did you finally accept you nature and bring home a snack?," he grinned even wider.

Another sweat drop formed as she fumbled more with her shirt. "N-n-n-no! No! I didn't…" This was getting bad and she knew it.

"Now be honest. Your heat is actually beating. Haven't you gotten past tha-?"

"Mew!"

Alucard stopped and quirked and eyebrow as Seras instinctively put a hand to where her generous cleavage was. His grin faltered to curiosity and she gulped. "Erm…my- stomach?" She mentally kicked herself for how incredibly stupid that sounded. He cocked his head to the side, and before she could even blink, Alucard reached up and undid two more of the buttons of her shirt. She automatically blushed at how close his fingers were to her skin, while a little green-eyed black and grey fluff ball poked its little head up near her neck. "Mew! Mew! Mew!"

"Is that what I think it is?"

"Well… what do you think is it, Master?," she tried to smile, still blushing.

Alucard slapped his hand across his eyes, grumbling something she couldn't hear under his breath. It seemed suspiciously Romanian. When he brought his hand down, his smirk was very small. "You brought home a kitten? To a vampire hunting organization?" She nodded, reaching up to hold and pet the little fur ball in a manner much like a six year old girl would around a scolding parent. "How and why?"

She glanced at her master, then down at the kitten, who continued to mewl, sniffing her skin. "I found her on the mission. The rest of the litter was accidently killed by Freak fire." Seras' blue eyes began to sparkle with sadness. "The mother was killed, too. I couldn't leave her."

Alucard let out a sound of half-sigh and half-growl. "You are the most unnatural vampire in the history of our existence," he muttered. "You can't shape-shift, hardly regenerate, hate your 

coffin, refuse to drink, and – although you're part of the world's deadliest predators – you bring home a kitten." Seras bit her lip. "How and why would you hide it in your shirt?,' he snapped both from frustration and curiosity.

Seras scowled. "I didn't have anywhere else to put it," she whined. "Besides you and Pip are always saying that my breasts get bigger and bigger everyday. I figured none of you would even wonder about my cleavage, let alone think I was stowing a kitten. You wouldn't have known, would you?" She waited for Alucard to blow his lid, waited for his face to turn ugly like it had before in Rio. Seras knew she'd been pushing her luck way too far. Instead, he gave her a surprised look –

And busted up laughing.

The large vampire began laughing so hard, he fell flat on his ass and began rolling on the floor. His eyes began to water with bloody tears, and he clutched his sides as if it almost hurt. "You-! You-! AAAHAHAHA!"

Seras' shoulders slumped slightly. "I guess I have to get rid of it don't I-?"

"No! No!," he gasped. "K-! Keep the damn thing! Keep it! If it keeps making you do stupid things like that, I'll never be bored again!! AAHAHA!!" Seras scowled but as long as she got to keep her new pet, then fine. Let him laugh to death.

Author's Note- Okay, that's another parody for you guys. I think I'll start working on more serious Hellsing fics, but that may have to wait awhile. I hope you guys enjoyed it. Please review, I love hearing what you people think.