Losing Battles, a naruto fanfic

Losing Battles

Left Behind

"You must never be satisfied with losing. You must get angry, terribly angry, about losing. But the mark of the good loser is that he takes his anger out on himself and not his victorious opponents or on his teammates."

Richard Nixon

Battle one:

Gaara

Gaara sat upon the dais placed atop the platform for his very presence. The Hokage sat on his right, the Mizukage on his left, while the genin gathered down below. Yes, he and Tsunade-hime had worked hard. Another nation had joined the alliance and now three kages sat atop the platform raised above a stadium of genin trying to prove their worth.

Gaara tried to focus on the genin. He was supposed to be a judge as well; but his gaze kept shifting to the crowd, to the spiky blond locks of the man he loved- the man who once loved him too. He tried not to grimace as he noted him turn his head to smile and laugh at the brunette next to him. That dark raven hair, pale skin and casual demeanor- he would know Uchiha from a mile away.

Gaara tore his gaze away. He focused intently on the fighters, wishing for a moment that it was he in the ring, punching out his frustration. It had been nearly two months. Two months! And yet one look, one touch, any form of proximity to the Konohan would make his heart beat a little faster. Not the butterflies of youthful puppy love, but the panic that threatened to break his cool façade.

He had made a promise and he would keep it. It would always be difficult, but he was shinobi: one of the strongest. Surely someone of his strength would not succumb to the pangs of a broken heart.

He considered it training- one that was honing his skill for lying and deceiving. One that was necessary, lest he lose Naruto completely. And it was hard. Harder than anything he had ever done before. But when the hurt threatened to overwhelm him, he'd remember that face- Naruto, standing before him, tears streaming from his blue, blue eyes when it was Gaara's heart that was breaking. He had apologized, told him it wasn't going to work- the distance, the time constraints . and Uchiha is closer.

Naruto never said that part, but Gaara understood. Instead, the love of his life asked if they could stay friends, pleading that he still needed him and would always care about him. Gaara stood like a statue, sand encasing him so tight it restricted the trembling of his hands. He had paused a moment as though considering, secretly willing his voice to not betray his agitation and gave a simple nod instead.

Naruto made him promise- promise that they'd always be friends, because they were still precious to one another even if they couldn't be lovers anymore. He made Gaara promise that they wouldn't lose their friendship and Gaara, desperate to hold onto Naruto in any way, had agreed.

Naruto seemed so relieved then. And while Naruto poured the tears that should have been his, Gaara had smiled.

He summoned every memory of his youth for strength- the long years of silence and emotions held down beneath the surface. His anger had cooled and it was always difficult without the mask of rage, but he discovered that silence was just as effective.

"Kazekage-sama." Gaara's attention snapped back to the present.

"Yes?"

"Is the heat too much sir? You look unwell."

Gaara cursed inwardly. "I am fine, but please, can you fetch me some water?" The words rolled quick and smoothly from his tongue.

"Yes sir, right away."

Gaara's teeth clenched slightly. He forced himself not to look, though he knew that wouldn't stop him from thinking about them. Eyes shifted back to the battle winding down on the grounds.

Yes. Lying had certainly become easier.

"How can I lose to such an idiot?"

Aarom Nimzovich

Battle two:

Sakura

The next day…

Sakura slammed her glass onto the counter with a little more force than intended. She let out a big sigh of content as the sake left a warm trail in its wake.

"Good work today." A pale hand placed another shot in front of her. Sakura turned in surprise while Shikamaru smiled at her in amusement. "Take it. You deserve it."

Sakura grinned. "Careful. Wont Temari get jealous with you buying drinks for other girls?"

"Not when he didn't buy it," Temari clarified as she strode up to the bar. Sakura gave her a smile and a wave. Temari was still a bit of a mystery to her, but ever since saving Kankuro's life a few years ago, the older kunoichi had warmed up to her. "That was supposed to be his… but we're supposed to play shogi tonight. He refuses to drink it."

Sakura laughed. That was just like Shikamaru. He never drank too much before a "match." "Cheers then," Sakura raised the cup to Temari. "I owe you one." She knocked back the drink, taking a nice swig.

"Good, cuz I may need a favor soon." Temari gestured towards another corner of the warmly lit izakaya. A table of shinobi sat talking boisterously amongst small dishes and too many cups of beer.

"I was surprised not to see you with them," said Shikamaru. "We decided to call it an early night, but decided to check up on you."

Sakura smiled. Shikamaru was really thoughtful at times. As a fellow examiner this year, she was able to find that out for herself.

"Thanks you two. I'm fine. Just tired. Not in much of a party mood. Between the exams and Tsunade drilling me on those new medical jutsus…" She gave them her usual flirty smile and made a show of being more energetic than she felt.

Shikamaru didn't look convinced. Temari gave a sympathetic smile. She gave her a gentle pat on the shoulder before whispering something in her ear. Sakura's eyes widened in surprise and with a sober nod Temari was wading her way back to the crowded table.

Her eyes wandered over to the table- she watched as the blond in the middle smiled and laughed like he always did. She marveled how one so troubled with the things he faced could always seem so carefree. Sasuke was poised at his side; face a solid blank except for the occasional quirk of lips that revealed his amusement. While on the other side sat the Kazekage. He sat quietly, observing the group like one studying mice in a cage. He only spoke what was appropriate, received when it was polite to, but remained otherwise wholly unattached. Those who didn't know him would attribute it to being the Kazekage. Those who knew him… well, they knew better.

The sake had left her warm and relaxed, but observing the three of them brought back the anger. She wondered how he could do it- where did all that strength come from. How could he be Naruto's friend when his new lover sat next to him, a clear reminder of why they were no longer together? Had Naruto meant so little to him? Was the kazekage truly so cold? Had all notion of his change been illusion while a heartless murderer still lay beneath that mask of sand?

How else could he have forgiven them? She still could not.

Sakura had discovered their relationship by accident and by then it had already been weeks. In her youth she had witnessed their strength and their talent and she had felt left behind. Just when she thought she had caught up, her teammates and her friends had reassigned their roles and she no longer played a part in it.

She thought things had gotten better between them. She thought Sasuke's new attitude had been a change for the better- the girlish crush she had convinced herself was gone crashed over her with a vengeance. But now she knew, watching that devilishly handsome face, that the smirk twisting his lips were not caused by her but by the man next to him.

Sakura shifted on her stool, turning her body away from them. Part of her felt a sense of relief. It wasn't her lack of charms that failed to enrapture him, but her lack of, in medical terms, male reproductive organs. And if that's what got him off, well that was fine too. But it pissed her off to no end that neither of them felt inclined to clue her in before she stumbled across them with their hands down each other's pants.

In a way, it was that betrayal, that lack of trust that hurt more than any slighted womanly pride. Gaara may have been gracious enough to forgive their transgressions, but she would neither forget nor forgive so easily.

"You look ready to murder someone. Dare I ask what you're thinking?"

Shikamaru's question caught her off guard. She shook herself like one startled out of a dream. "If it makes you feel any better, I only found out because I'm the one filing the mission reports." A slight tremor ran through her. The thought had never even occurred to her. That explained some of Shikamaru's recent kindness, she thought grumpily. "Those two have been very tightlipped about the entire thing. If you ask me, I'd say they're trying to keep it a secret." Secret? Alarm bells started going off in her head. "Too bad that's not Naruto's strength."

She didn't try to hide the sudden concern, imploring Shikamaru to explain more. Naruto told nearly everyone about Gaara. Tsunade herself knew about their trysts. So why then this sudden change?

But Shikamaru only pat her shoulder. He seemed to understand whatever thoughts were going on in her head. "If you think about who we're dealing with here, it shouldn't take you too long to figure it out."

Her eyes slid over to Sasuke. Little had changed outwardly. His expressions had softened, but publicly very little had changed.

"Don't be too harsh on Naruto. He's going to need his friends once Uchiha is through with him." Sakura's eyes darted back to Shikamaru, but he was no longer looking at her. She was startled to find him locked in concentration- eyes narrowed, jaw set, everyone knew that look from battle. It alarmed her that Shikamaru thought so negatively of the pairing. He was seldom the type that cared, but as one who was famed for plotting the steps that others would take she shuddered to think of the pathways he had already predicted.

Temari approached them then, and all her questions remained unheard. The Kazekage was with her and a single guard in tow. "You wished to speak to me?" Gaara asked plainly. He looked at her expectantly. Sakura knit her brows in confusion before a pointed look from Temari prompted her to nod.

"Yes please, have a seat. Sorry to tear you away from the party."

Gaara smiled. The curve of lips that told her the ruse was up but he would play along anyways.

"Well then, you kids have fun!" Temari slapped her brother lightly on the back. "Come on Nara, you owe me a rematch." She was already on her way out the door.

Gaara sat atop the stool at the small bar, shifting his robes while waving a brief farewell to his sister. Sakura wondered how he could look so graceful hopping onto a stool while draped in so much cloth. He whispered something to his guard and the anbu retreated to a corner of the izakaya.

Sakura ordered another drink and set one down in front of the kazekage.

"Kankuro couldn't be here today," he said, "but he sends his regards."

"He's doing well?" She couldn't help asking. A sense of warm nostalgia floated through her at the mentioning of his name.

"He complains that the girls in Suna aren't as pretty as you."

Sakura smiled. Miles away and he still managed to be a flirt. It hurt just a little to remember that. Her relationship with Kankuro had been even shorter than Gaara and Naruto's. After a year of struggling to maintain a long distance relationship, it was clear that their obligations as shinobi would not allow them that luxury- he as the kazekage's right hand man and she as Tsunade's top apprentice. She envied Temari's ability to travel so freely between countries, having been appointed diplomatic envoy to Konoha. She didn't think it a coincidence that Tsunade gave Shikamaru the task of escorting her.

"You can tell him I miss him too." She looked down at her glass. She meant that too. Especially now. Her teammates no longer brought her any comfort and Kakashi… well, they never had that sort of relationship to begin with.

"And how about you?" she asked. "Are you doing well?" She tried to keep the sympathy out of her eyes, but judging by Gaara's reaction, she had failed.

"I know what you're thinking. I ask that you stop… for my sake. I'm fine until people look at me with pity. Stop before I believe I deserve it."

Sakura nodded. She could understand that. The only thing she believed was that she had the right to be pissed off. "You're more gracious than I am. Had it been me, I would have hung Naruto by his toes and used him for shuriken practice."

Gaara smiled. Perhaps the first smile she had seen from him this entire week. "Naruto's only crime was following his heart. While that may be a source of my pain now, it's also the very quality that made me love him. How can I begrudge him being himself?" His green eyes joined that smile and Sakura's heart softened just a little. It was obvious who that smile was really for.

He took a swig of the sake sitting in front of him as though he had just noticed it. Sakura chuckled. Gaara was definitely a better person than she was.

"You impress me kazekage. I could never sit next to my ex and his current lover with such composure. You've really put things behind you, haven't you."

Perhaps it was the liquor that prompted her to speak so bluntly, but she didn't realize what she had said until she noticed the silence stretching between them. Peering at the kazekage instead of the empty glass in front of her, she noted the way the curve of his jaw stood out prominently. His eyes focused straight ahead in a cold hard look. He had to have been clenching his teeth fiercely- the way he gripped the cup in his hand.

"I remain at his side because I cannot, as you say, put things behind me. Naruto begged that we remain friends, if anything and I don't have the strength or the will to deny him."

She shuddered a little under the coldness of his glare. She knew then that she had grossly misunderstood him. She felt ashamed of herself for being so caught up in her own hurt when it was Gaara who was so quietly suffering.

She dared to touch his knee, rustling the soft fabric of his robes the way she would a good friend. "I'm sorry. I was out of line." He only shrugged and took a sip of his drink. "I only hope I can learn to be as patient." She glanced menacingly at the table in the back. "I won't pretend that everything is okay between us and as hard as I try, even Kakashi-sensei has noticed the strain. He even requested that Sai take my place a few times."

Ino chose that moment to glance up and caught her eye. Sakura quickly looked away. She looked down at her glass and hoped that Ino was no longer watching her, fearing that she'd witness the shame that must be clearly written in her features.

It was she who would recite the rules of a shinobi to Naruto all those years ago, she who was proud as she rambled them off by rote memory how shinobi were not to have feelings. It was now she who could not seem to remember that rule.

"Do not be angry with Naruto," Gaara spoke softly. "If anything, he deserves your pity, not your contempt. Stay by him," Gaara paused. "Support him." He cupped his glass with both hands. "There will be a day when he will need his friends."

"You sound like Shikamaru," she snorted. "It sounds so doom and gloom." She nearly laughed, but the look in Gaara's eyes stopped her. "You're serious." He nodded once. "What is it I'm missing?" She glanced back at the couple in corner.

"Naruto is smitten with Uchiha." Sakura nodded, glancing back over and noting the way Naruto seemed to be glowing. That was understandable. Who wasn't?

"But?" Naruto was presently laughing again at something he had said. Sasuke quietly sipped his drink, apparently not as amused.

"Uchiha is not." A shock ran through her. But then why? "Uchiha allows it because it's convenient for him… for now." A sense of dread filled her.

"Sasuke is using Naruto?" Her eyes darted back to Sasuke's cool, bored look- scrutinizing the posture and the way his body language exuded disinterest. Body Language 101. She had learned the signs and could kick herself for not noticing it earlier- the way he seemed to be enduring Naruto's presence as opposed to enjoying it. Very little had changed.

Her first reaction was to deny it. Sasuke was their teammate. He cared about them! He wasn't the type to use people like that…

"Naruto didn't tell you about their relationship, did he?" She shook her head trying not to understand the implications. Sakura looked back at the glass, wondering when she had managed to empty her cup. "Naruto, who tells everyone everything, is suddenly silent. He keeps his relationship under wraps. Whose request do you think he's following?"

Sakura felt ill. The last time she had heard something like that, Ino was messing around with Chouji. She had made him promise to keep it a secret and only told Sakura when she was sick with anxiety over Shikamaru finding out. Ino had tried to keep it secret because she was afraid of what other people would think… she wasn't proud of being with him.

Sakura had learned then that those who kept secrets of that nature were to be regarded with suspicion. Usually, nothing good came of it.

"Have you tried to warn him?" Sakura gazed worriedly.

"It's no use. Uzumaki has always done things his own way. He must learn his lessons on his own. And we, as his friends, will be there to help him up when he falls down."

Sakura ordered another glass. She downed the entire contents as soon as it arrived.

"He really doesn't deserve you," she whispered.

"Nor Uchiha you. But the heart never takes the matter of deserving into consideration. Does it?"

Sakura's head swirled with too many thoughts. She wished she hadn't downed so many cups so quickly. She could only look at the kazekage dumbly, trying to figure out how he had read her so easily. "The night grows late. I must go. It has been, as always, a pleasure." He gave her a small bow, dipping his head slightly to the side.

Slipping from his stool, he straightened his robes. His guard was quick on his heels and ready to go. He turned to leave, but paused before taking a step.

"Protect Naruto for me. Don't let Uchiha break him."

She couldn't understand why, but something inside her hurt at the sound of pain in that request. She gave no reply and watched absently as the kazekage disappeared behind the front door- her head buzzing with alcohol, her heart ringing with his words.