CHAPTER SIX
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Bill woke slowly, the effects of the gas still making his head spin. The rancid smell of the small room hit him again. When he had first entered the building he had almost turned his back and left but he hadn't left.
"Please lie still Mr. Kaulitz," that deep voice with the heavy American accent reached him from the darkness to his right. "You are still woozy from the sedative."
"Did it work?" There was a silence that scared Bill. His happiness was hanging in the balance and he could feel it bearing on him. "Please, tell me."
"I don't know," Bill slumped back. "I don't think so. I'm sorry sir. There is a small chance but we don't want to raise false hopes. Your eyes were very badly damaged." If Bill's heart wasn't already broken it would have shattered. The last person who could possibly do it, according to the pamphlet his brother had sent him, couldn't. He could hear the fake sympathy in the man's voice and knew he would feel sick at the look he was giving. The darkness was almost his friend now. He laughed harshly at the bitter thought, scaring the man into silence.
The sound of his brother's voice drifted though his mind. It had no complete image to accompany it but still it had been all that had kept Bill alive in the long years that had passed. How he had longed to add an image to the sound and when Tom had tried to fix him he thought he would be able to find that image. Now his last chance had slipped away. He laughed again, a cold, hollow sound empty from despair. The man had long ran for the door and so he should. Maybe they should be scared of him.
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Tom stepped out of the tourbus into the hot Munich sun, subtly stretching his sore limbs after being stuck in the cramped bus. The streets were packed with fans screaming as Tokio Hotel descended from the bus. Tom grinned at Gustav and Georg. They all turned to look for Alex. He came down the stairs, smiling that smile that sent the fans wild. Secretly Tom thought that Alex's smile was nowhere near as beautiful or stunning as Bill's. He felt his heart ache at the thought of his brother. Five years had passed since the night Bill had told him to get out his life and he hadn't seen his baby brother and everyday Tom died a little more. Soon he was going to be nothing but a shell filled with anguish and despair.
"Come on Tom," Alex called. "We need you here. The fans are getting pissed." The 23 year old sighed and turned round, plastering a smile on his face. When Bill was thrown out of the band there had been an uproar. Nobody wanted a new singer in the band. The fans everywhere loved Bill. The only thing that stopped half of them from giving up on Tokio Hotel was the other Kaulitz twin, Tom. Tom didn't want to stay in the band, the memories were too painful but he couldn't do that to Georg and Gustav. No matter what happened they were still his friends and he wasn't going to stab them in the back like he did to Bill. Tom shivered at those words. How could he have done that to his brother? The drugs were long gone now and they were never going to come back. His smoking had gone with it, remembering how Bill was always saying that smoking was bad for you.
Bill. That name was like chocolate to him. So beautiful and smooth, so sinful but every time he tried to say the name it melted on his lips and he swallowed it back down. Bill lived in him now and no where else. No one in the band mentioned the gorgeous boy anymore. Alex had made the mistake of talking about him once and Tom had knocked him out. It had quickly become very clear that speaking about Bill was taboo and you would answer to Tom if you broke the unspoken rule. Not even the G's dared to think about their ex-singer.
Another groupie flashed here boobs and Tom obediently signed the exposed flesh. Of course he meant nothing by the wink he gave her, nothing he did to the groupie's ever did. Yes, he would fuck them and tell them he loved them but none of that meant anything. It only meant it when he was with Bill but he was gone now and so nothing Tom did meant anything.
The Fans were satisfied for now and the band headed towards the entrance to the huge theater they were playing in in an hour. The band routinely split, each of them heading to their dressing rooms. Tom entered his and closed the door, leaning back heavily on it. The calendar on the wall screamed the fact he had been avoiding all day. 1st of September. His birthday, his and his twin's birthday. He shouldn't be alone right now. He should be celebrating with his brother, laughing and joking. He should be happy but in that last five years that had passed he was only happy when he playing his guitar and even then only if he was playing the songs that he and Bill had written. He should be opening presents and throwing parties but he hadn't had a present in five years. Such a small thing as getting a present or having a party seemed painfully wrong without Bill at his side.
Tom wondered how he was still living.
He opened his wallet and took a deep breath before looking at the treasured photo he took everywhere with him. It was a photo that no one else had ever seen, not even Bill. It had been taken two days before the night that had brought his world crashing down. In the photo he was sitting on a couch, one arm wrapped tightly around Bill's waist, the other holding the camera. Bill was lying back on Tom's chest with his head tucked under Tom's chin. He was smiling that beautiful smile that melted Tom. Two pairs of identical brown eyes looked up at Tom from the photo. One pair was as empty as his heart but the other pair smiled at him, the love from the picture somehow still alive. Tom wished those eyes would look at him now.
"Tom," Georg called from the outside the guitarist's dressing room. "Five minute warning." Tom didn't reply lost in the photo he held. It wasn't abnormal. Before the start of every concert he locked himself in his dressing room not talking to anyone, instead just staring at the photo. The rest of the band just left him to his own devices.
Five minutes passed and a knock on the door pulled Tom from his memories. "Yeah, I'm coming. I'll be out there in a second." He took a last lingering glance at those eyes then closed his wallet and shoved it in his pocket. Time to put the smile on and play those songs that meant nothing to him. He had flat out refused to play their old songs if Bill wasn't singing and so now they played songs that Alex wrote. Empty songs. They matched Tom perfectly. Empty songs for an empty heart.
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The concert had been the same as every other. Tom had acted just as they had expected him to. He flirted with the groupies and let Alex dance closer to him but never as close as Bill was allowed. He had acted to the best of his abilities and now he was done but unfortunately the fan weren't. David had asked them to do a post-concert signing. Tom had been tempted to refuse but then again it would keep his mind off depressing subjects.
"Happy birthday Tom!!" Another groupie screamed the repeated phrase at him and thrust a letter his way. He mechanically smiled and accepted it. He had so many letters now all of them saying different things. People of course assumed he would never read the letters but he did. He read them because, like the signing, it kept his mind off other things.
"Okay boys," David appeared at their side. "You can wrap it up now." Tom nodded and abruptly left as he always did, leaving his band mates to 'wrap it up'. He headed back towards his dressing room, knowing that Saki would come and find him when the tour bus was ready to leave.
Hey Tom!!
My name's Becky. I'm like your band's #1 fan. I have every CD and DVD you ever released and two copies of the ones with Bill. I'm so sorry about what happened to him.
Guess what! I have an entire room covered in posters of you. Yeah you. I love you so much!! Your smile is so gorgeous. We like totally should met up some time. I live in Munich so like give me a call if you're lonely. My number's at the bottom.
Anyway, I'm sooooooooo happy you read this.
I love you Tomi!!
From Becky.
It was the same thing in every letter but somehow he didn't mind. Each one was yet another person in the world who loved his band. Sometimes he wondered if they didn't really love the band but just loved him but the way that some of them wrote the letters made him certain that wasn't true. He put the recently read letter down and picked up a new one.
Tomi,
You fixed me. You don't know how but I'm fixed now.
I love you
The letter was short and to the point but it didn't surprise him. He had often received letters saying that he had somehow healed various people. Apparently he had healed a donkey once before as well and that had surprised him.
Someone knocked on the dressing room door. He frowned and glanced at the clock on his dresser. He had been in here for an hour already. The tour bus must be ready to go now. He slowly got up and went to open the door. A man his age stood there, looking at his feet.
"You fixed me Tomi," the man looked up and brown eyes met identical brown eyes. "I love you."
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Well this is the end of my first long story. I hope you liked it. I had fun writing it. Thank you for reading!!