TEH BETS OF D00M
Note: This is a sequel to Environmentally Friendly Akatsuki. But you don't have to have read that one to read this one
Disclaimer: I ish not owning Naruto or teh Akatsuki -sigh-
Other Note: Hidan's swear words will be replaced in underlined sweets instead For safety purposes...
Warning: General crack...and stuff :)
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The TV buzzed once again in the Leader's study as he watched the two arguing men in front of him. He was incredibly pissed that this was the 14th time Deidara and Sasori had argued about art today.
"Art could be incredibly boring at times," Pein muttered to himself, arousing the attention of the two Akatsuki members.
"Did you say something, Leader, un?" The blonde asked curiously, looking as if he was going to burst. This certain blonde was way too hyper for his own good today.
"Actually, I did," Pein snapped. "You two got a mission to complete! I've told you two hours ago to get the mission done!"
"Um...what was the mission again hm?"
"STEAL MONEY!" Kakuzu yelled from the corridors. "OR GAIN MONEY IN ANY POSSIBLE WAY!"
"Stealing is bad!" Came an indignant voice from under Pein's desk. "So sempai can go with the second option. See, you could be a teacher, or a...a painter, or...an artist? Oh oh oh! How about...-insert drumroll here- ... an actress!"
"TOBI!" Deidara let out a girly shriek.
"We'll just go now," Sasori muttered, dragging his furious partner away from a certain masked man, who was cackling inside his head.
And together, the two set out of the hideout and left the Akatsuki for good- -cough- I mean, started their mission.
However, they did not notice an incredibly evil man tailing them, with unmistakable red eyes.
"I LIKE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES! CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES FOR ME! I LIKE IT FOR BREAKFAST I LIKE IT FOR TEA. CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES ARE PERFECT FOR ME!" Sang an incredibly off tune voice, belonging to no other than Kisame.
"Kisame! Shut the cream bun up," snapped Hidan, in his sacrificial chamber once again.
A shadow slipped past, with glowing red eyes and everything else encased in shadow. Kisame's brain took a minute to process the information, then another minute to react. He took one minute to catch up to the shadow, who, as everyone must have guess by now, was Itachi.
"Hey Itachi-san, what'cha doin'?" Kisame asked cheerfully.
Itachi gave the blue man a death stare. Surprisingly, Sasori and Deidara didn't notice, as this was the 15th time they had argued about art today.
"Shhhhh, be quiet, I'm trying to win a bet!" Itachi hissed.
"Oh, a bet? Sounds interesting." Kisame lowered his voice, but Itachi still winced at what Kisame thought was a whisper, but really was quite a loud yell.
"Deidara? Did you hear anything?" asked the redhead puppeteer and puppet.
"Hmm? I didn't catch anything un...just because I have more mouths doesn't mean I have more ears un!" Deidara whined.
Sasori rolled his eyes and they continued their discussion –ahem- argument about art.
In the bushes, Itachi let out a sigh of relief. They were safe...for now. He wondered how Kisame ever became a Ninja with such a loud voice and crap tracking and concealing abilities.
"Wow, they nearly caught us, Itachi-san. I wonder what gave us away..." Kisame said thoughtfully.
"It's you, you idiot!" Itachi snapped, wondering if he just dump his overly stupid partner somewhere in the middle of the forest and then he can never be found aga-
Wait...where did Sasori and Deidara go?
Itachi's eyes swung around widely, before he saw the slightest trace of blonde through the thickest possible bushes. So that's where they were. "Follow me," he hissed to Kisame, creeping carefully towards where they were.
Kisame followed, wondering if his partner was about to give him cookies...or cream would be nice!
Meanwhile, an utterly perplexed Deidara was staring at his partner, who had produced a scroll.
"What are you doing Danna, un? There's no enemies here!" He whinned.
"Shut up!" Sasori murmured, summoning Hiruko from the scroll. "Deidara, have you ever wondered how you're going to die?"
"Hmm...Well I've always wanted to die in an explosion un. How artistic..."
Sasori mentally smacked himself. What was he thinking? "Well, now I'm going to kill you," he muttered quickly.
"What hmm? I didn't catch that un," Deidara said cheerfully.
"I said...I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" Sasori shrieked.
It was at that moment that Itachi decided to spring out.
"Aha! I knew you were plotting an evil scheme of yours, Sasori, when I found you talking to Zetsu the other day!" Itachi cried dramatically, pointing a dramatic finger at a not-so-dramatic Sasori.
"Huh? I haven't spoken to Zetsu in a month..." The redhead replied, confused.
Deidara, however, looked quite cheerful at all this. "Oh, but I've talked to Zetsu un! He asked me about my hair products and then I told him I used Pantene and then he asked me what shampoo he should use and then I told him he should probably use Garnier and then he asked me why and then I told him Garnier would make his hair look cooler and then he asked me-"
"DEIDARA!"
"Sorry un..."
There was brief silence, followed by a very loud and dramatic voice.
"But still, Sasori, I found out your scheme!" Itachi yelled for the world to hear.
-In Konoha-
"I could've sworn I just heard Itachi's voice..." Sasuke said in his emotionless tone.
"Oh come one Sasuke, Itachi's probably miles away. Can't you focus on your training or I'll use Rasengan on you when you're not looking," Naruto jeered.
"You'll never catch me off guard!" Sasuke yelled quite as dramatically, facing Naruto and holding a kunai like a fencing sword.
-Back to the Akatsuki-
"I could've sworn I just heard Sasuke's voice..." Itachi added.
"Oh come on Itachi, Sasuke's probably miles away. Can't you focus on fighting me or I'll cut your head off when you're not looking," Sasori smirked.
"You'll never catch me off guard!" Itachi screamed. Déjà Vu yet?
"We'll see!" Sasori cried, launching himself at Itachi, puppet forgotten.
"AAARRRRGGGHHHHH!!" Both men yelled, kicking and punching and biting and scratching and yelling.
Kisame and Deidara exchanged confused glances, then slowly began to back away until they were no longer in sight.
-After a few minutes of kicking and punching and biting and scratching and yelling-
"Oh my God where did Deidara go?" Sasori shrieked.
"JASHIN!" A voice bellowed.
"Huh? Hidan?" Both men turned to see Hidan and Kakuzu, quite breathless but there.
"What are you doing here?" Itachi asked wide-eyed.
"Yeah, this was our mission alone." The first time Sasori and Itachi had agreed with each other since their bets were placed.
"Yeah, well that bastard Kakuzu had to cookie drag me along and he said he lollipop wanted to come because-"
"Because I wanted to make sure you two weren't doing anything wrong with the money," Kakuzu interrupted. "I was right to come...right?"
"No you chocolate bastard," Hidan muttered under his breath.
"Yeah, well anyway we gotta find Deidara...and Kisame," Sasori added hastily. "We don't know where they could go and-
"There's no need to hide stuff from us, we've heard it all," Kakuzu interrupted again.
"Oh...so you heard Sasori and I arguing?" Itachi asked.
"Well yeah. And the kicking and punching and the biting and the scratching and the yelling," Hidan said in one breath. For once the sentence wasn't imbedded with swear words.
Sasori looked the tiniest bit ashamed, but Itachi didn't seem to have changed. Uchiha's do not look ashamed, everyone realized.
"WELL LETS JELLY GO!" Hidan yelled, annoyed that the silence. Everyone trooped off to find the pair.
"Deidara!" Sasori yelled, wandering North from what they all agreed was camp.
"Kisame! Deidara!" Itachi yelled, wandering South from camp.
"Sherbet Deidara! Sherbet Kisame!" Hidan yelled, wandering East from camp.
"Kisame! Deidara!" Kakuzu yelled, wandering West from their camp.
Meanwhile, said blonde and shark were wandering around, and happened to stumble upon the quad's camp.
"Oh look, Kisame no Danna, I found a camp un. There's lots of hair products too! Sunsilk...hmm...looks exactly like Itachi's shampoo un," Deidara grinned gleefully.
"You idiot," Kisame muttered. "That is Itachi's shampoo. See, it says 'Sasuke' on it. Wait...SASUKE? You mean Itachi borrowed his shampoo?"
Deidara sweat dropped.
"Okay, well this must be their camp," Kisame added, trying to fix up the awkward moment.
"Oh un...well where do you think they went un? Danna even left Hiruko here."
"I don't know, but the logical thing to do is wait for them here. So do not move," Kisame said wisely. At least someone in Akatsuki had some sense.
"Okay un..."
Reassured, Kisame proceeded to set up a fire, although every time he tried, it singed his skin and smelt suspiciously like burnt fish. At last, he snapped. "Can't you help me here?" He asked angrily, eyes boring into Deidara's back.
The blonde didn't move. "I can't un..."
"Why not?" Kisame asked irritably. "Don't tell me you lost both your arms again.
"It's not that...YOU DON'T LET ME MOVE UN!" Deidara yelled, still not moving an inch.
It took a few seconds for the message to sink in. But then...
"I DIDN'T MEAN THAT DAMMMIT! YOU CAN MOVE!"
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Hope you enjoyed it. Please R&R or I might not update D: And you don't want that...well anyway
Have a nice day -Poofs-
Art is a bang XD