17 Ways To Get Rosalie Hale To Hate You
Be human.
Be almost as pretty as her.
Crush on Emmett.
Demand to get turned into a vampire.
Buy many awesome sports cars and don't let her near them.
Love being the center of attention.
Tell her you never want kids.
Make a joke about rape.
Ask her to tell you her story, and laugh hysterically throughout the whole thing.
Walk in on her and Emmett sharing a "private moment". Make your eyes go as wide as saucer plates when you see Emmett and then blow him a kiss and wink before skipping out.
Shake your head sadly and tell Rosalie in an apologetic tone, "Rosalie...," –Sigh- "I'm sorry. I hate to burst your bubble...but you're just not stunningly beautiful. That is why I'm off to go ask Emmett to marry me."
Giggle and walk up to Emmett saying, "You must have all those muscles from all those "private moments" with Rosalie! ...Oh! Rosalie, I didn't see you there!" Pat Rosalie on the head, wink at Emmett and skip away.
On Rosalie's anniversary of becoming a vampire, take a jackhammer, and "accidentally" massacre Rosalie's precious BMW. Leave a note on the now chipped, bruised, and battered car saying, "Happy Anniversary on becoming a vampire! Love, Emmett's biggest fan." That should just about make her day.
If number 13# doesn't get you killed, send Emmett candy hearts saying, I'll be your frosty the snowman if you'll be my Dracula. (A/N: A really corny joke that Julia and I came across was, "If Frosty the Snowman and Dracula had a kid, what would its name be? Frost Bite. Disturbing, is it not?)
Something completely unrelated: Shouldn't this be "17 Ways To Get Rosalie Hale To Kill You"? Now for 15#, ask Rosalie what she's going to name her kids and when she says something along the lines of, "I'm not pregnant, you bitch." You blink a couple times and exclaim in a loud voice, "Oh that's right! You can't get pregnant, because you're a vampire and can't have kids! That explains everything! Bye now!" And run off like the scared little adolescent you are.
If Rosalie's nerves aren't already fried enough, then ask her to baby sit your kid, and tell her not to bite it. When you get back from wherever you were, make a show of checking your baby for bite marks.
And LAST, but not least (I mean come on, there are TONS of ways to piss off Rosalie), trash her closet.
Thank you, thank you! Julia did all of them until number 11. Then I, Tirzah took it from there. Review to let us know what you think!