A/N: JKR created the world, ergo, I own nothing. A big thanks to respitechristopher for beta-ing and making sure I properly entered the mind of three teenage boys. And thanks to some eagle-eye reviewers for noticing a couple of typos here and there. I do have footnotes at the bottom, to clarify some dialogue choices I made in the body of the work. Thanks for reading.

The Ravenclaw Three

i.

Terry Boot is the first person Michael Corner meets on the Hogwarts Express. Terry's hair is all over the place and he wears a faded Newcastle United kit, jeans and trainers. Michael snorts because he knows exactly what he needs to do to introduce himself to the boy. He opens his mouth wide, and in the most off-key and loudest voice he can muster, sings at the top of his lungs:

"AAA-NNND IT'S SUNDERLAND, SUNDERLAND FC . . . We're by far the greatest team, the world has ever seen!"

Michael has only himself to blame as Terry spends half the ride to school inventing new combinations of swear words that make absolutely no sense, even throwing in rather interesting sexual activities involving humans, sheep and goats.

Michael can only gape. The boy's only eleven!

But he is a Newcastle fan.

He probably doesn't even know what half of those things mean.

I don't even know what half those things mean!

Michael cocks his eyebrow, smirks and asks, "Was that really necessary?"

Terry looks at him and his whole face contorts with disbelief. "Well, you brought up those stupid-arsed goat-fuckers, not me!"

Michael realizes he's been laughing the entire time.

ii.

After the Sorting Feast, the two new friends find their trunks in their dormitory, which matches their common room in look and color, but on a smaller scale, as there are only five boys that were sorted into Ravenclaw. Terry points out the clean-cut bloke reading from The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection.

"What the f-" Terry thumbs in the boy's direction. "We just got here! What could he possibly be reading about?"

Michael shrugs. "What d'ya think we should do about it?"

Terry narrows his eyes and gestures to Michael's 'Led Zeppelin: Tour Over Europe' tee shirt. His mum had given him that shirt. Apparently, she had . . . no, has a thing for Robert Plant.

Terry's voice brings him back. "Well, you're the Muggle music know-it-all!" He winks and Michael's already got a friend he can roll his eyes at. "How about serenading him, hmm?"

Michael thinks and whispers. "A little 'Herman's Hermits' can't hurt, can it?"

"It's educational . . . and he's clearly into learning."

Michael nods in agreement.

Terry holds up a fist, and with the other hand, grabs a pillow off of his bed. Michael does the same.

Terry quietly whispers "On three!" And he mouths "One . . . Two . . . THREE!"

And Michael and Terry introduce themselves to Anthony Goldstein by bashing him about the head and shouting in horrible voices: "I'm Henery the Eighth I am! Henrey the Eighth I am! I am. . . !"

iii.

Anthony is so different from Michael and Terry that every first-year in Ravenclaw wonders out loud exactly why and how they're friends.

Michael always says it's because Anthony pays them well.

Terry always says it's because they need him for target practice.

Anthony always says it's because they'd fail all of their classes without him.

But only the three of them know it's because Anthony managed to spike their pumpkin juice the first dinner after the Sorting Feast with his brother's first-day-at-school present— a boxful of assorted Safari Sweets, guaranteed to make the eater sound and smell like an animal.

For the rest of their first year, and onto the second, the other Ravenclaws are flummoxed when Anthony keeps calling Michael and Terry "Polecat" and "Ape" respectively.

iv.

Michael's nickname changes late in their fifth year twice -- once, for a week, after Terry catches him in the bathroom starkers and starts calling him, "Cock n' Balls", and then a second time, right after the Ravenclaw – Gryffindor Quidditch game.

For the entire week following the match, Michael endures Terry and Anthony both making donkey sounds and yelling "Eeyore!" every time he shows up in public. He responds with a healthy dose of glaring and an obscene number of two-finger salutes.

And Michael and Anthony both return the favor when Lisa Turpin breaks up with Terry the following year.

v.

Michael is really not picky about the girls he likes. He starts noticing them late into his thirteenth year, and then by necessity in their fourth year, the year of the Yule Ball.

As he grows older, all that Michael seems to require in a girl he dates is that they be funny and smart, they give as good as they get, and they share an appreciation of Muggle things, especially music. They must be willing to listen to him strum on his Muggle guitar and to listen to him sing his Zeppelin and Rolling Stones.

He's very excited when the pretty red-headed Gryffindor he meets during the Yule Ball says her dad loves Muggles. He finds he can't stop thinking about her afterwards, even after one week.

vi.

Terry says to Michael and Anthony one day, "Y'know, if you put me, you, and you," and he points to the pair of them in succession, "together — me, with my charm—"

Both Michael and Anthony snort.

"Michael with his sweet, sensitive, serenading skills—" Terry mock swoons and bats his eyelashes.

"And Tony with his brains, the birds'll fall all over us. It's like the three of us together make the perfect bloke!"

Anthony smirks. "Well, it's definitely not like we're lining them up in the dozens by ourselves."

vii.

Terry starts with girls' breasts. At least that's what he tells everyone within earshot of him. Terry's a huge flirt who doesn't seem to be satisfied until every girl that comes into contact with him is giggling and blushing and admiring him. Michael simply shakes his head and refers to him as the "Cock o' the North!" and Anthony enjoys telling those girls that Terry wet his bed until he was nine.

They know, and they keep it a secret, that Terry's harbored quite a crush on Su Li for a while now. And when they finally start dating in their sixth year, Terry's constantly walking around completely, utterly dazed, but deliriously happy. However, it's his mouth that gets Terry in trouble, and as soon as he starts talking about what they do in their private time together, Su Li calls it quits.

viii.

Michael and Anthony never expected to see Terry actually cry over a girl, but they do. Michael and Anthony think it's because the timing of the break-up is especially bad, given that it comes only a couple of days after Dumbledore's death.

ix.

Being children of Muggle-borns, Michael and Terry are scared of the attacks during their second year. Anthony at first tries to rationalize why they shouldn't be.

"Whatever that thing is, it's not going after their children! It's just going after them!"

It's not the smartest thing to say, because Michael and Terry think that Anthony's just being insensitive and that he doesn't understand.

"How can you say that, Tony?" Terry asks him. "Don't you get it?"

"It doesn't even sound like you bloody care!" Michael exclaims.

They almost come to blows over this misunderstanding, and it's after a week of not talking to Michael or Terry that Anthony finds them in the dormitory and they're talking about him.

"Remember when Tony slipped us those awful sweets?" Terry says with a laugh.

Michael chortles and snorts. "I didn't know he had it in him."

"That's bastard's brilliant," Terry says and shakes his head. "Absolutely brilliant."

That's when Anthony walks over and apologizes for his words earlier and that he does care and is just as frightened as they are, even if he didn't express it well before.

Michael and Terry simply sit and let him talk, never teasing him when his eyes start misting up.

x.

Michael admits he initially joined Dumbledore's Army because of two reasons: one, he wanted to impress Ginny, and two, he wants to know if it's true that Harry did see You – Know – Who. Ginny won't tell him anything, and he doesn't want to press too hard, lest he be on the receiving end of one her hexes.

He knows Anthony joined it to impress one girl.

And Terry joined it because . . . "Well, birds like a bloke who'll defend them."

However, by Christmas, they find that they're really excited to see if they can produce Patronuses. Michael is even more excited that he can finally Stun Ginny because he got over his pesky thing about not wanting to hex her. Anthony's feels his aim is getting sharper, and Terry can't help but think his spell-casting's growing stronger.

All that changes after a few months into the spring term, when Marietta Edgecombe rats them out to old Toad-Face, and the meetings come to an end. They may eventually lose their D.A. Galleons in the rush to pack the night before leaving Hogwarts, but they continue to practice their spells on each other.

Michael and Anthony both agree that Terry makes an excellent "dummy".

Terry strongly objects.

xi.

Michael's strumming at his Muggle guitar, and he's taking requests—

All from a Terry who has had way more than his share of firewhiskey.

"Oooh! "Do 'Magic's in the Air'! Sing 'Magic's in the Air'!" And he sings along, chorus and verse because he knows all the words.

Michael and Anthony never tell anyone that Terry loves wizard pop when he's drunk.

Instead, Anthony learns Recording Spells.

xii.

Anthony is fairly quiet, compared to the two monkeys he calls friends. He likes girls with intelligence and depth. That is why he is so drawn to Hermione Granger, and from third to fifth year, he finds spots in the library and chances to ask her about classes and assignments.

When Michael tells Anthony and Terry about a meeting at the Hog's Head their fifth year, Anthony gets so excited because he knows that Hermione had something to do with it. And when Michael tells Anthony that Ginny thinks Hermione has a thing for Ron Weasley, Michael and Terry give Anthony all their Honeydukes' candy . . . with a chaser of smuggled Ogden's Firewhisky to wash it all down. Anthony keeps telling them he shouldn't have any because he's a prefect.

But he's already on his fifth shot.

xiii.

Michael only starts flirting with the dark-haired, sarcastic Slytherin girl in his Advanced Arithmancy class because he noticed her humming several Beatles tunes and doodling the names of Muggle bands while waiting for class to begin.

Well, that, and he's single.

And if he has to hear Terry take the piss out of him again because he's single, he just might slug him.

It's only when they start studying together that Michael realizes just how smart she actually is. He starts out thinking what clever, witty things he can say to her to make her laugh, but then realizes that he can just listen to whatever comes out of her mouth and toss a quip right back, and pretty soon, they've almost missed dinner because of their funny verbal tennis matches.

xiv.

Terry's a little skeptical about Michael's interest in the Slytherin girl because she's a Slytherin, but on the other hand—

"You've heard about her, right? Y'know . . . she really, really knows Hogwarts." And he pumps his fist in front of him, in a very suggestive manner and wriggles his eyebrows at him.

"Michael," Anthony says with a far more unconvinced look, "if you start going with her, the other students're going to talk. She's got a bad reputation—"

"Tony, only you would say that that reputation is bad."

Michael and Anthony both glare at a smugly grinning Terry, but for completely different reasons.

xv.

Michael fumes about Terry and Anthony talking to the girl behind his back. He wants to wring their necks.

How do you tell a girl you don't want them dating their friend because you've heard she's a slag?

Michael worries that she won't want to talk to him anymore because his stupid, well-meaning friends decide that they have to meddle in his life!

But, the next time Michael sees her, she only smirks at him—

"So, is that your wand in your robe or—"

"Nah!" And he shows her, winking and grinning. "Just a packet of Droobles."

She is caught off guard, but she laughs and it's not girly at all, but a big, loud barking sound coming deep from her guts.

"I think your friends need to lighten up a bit, Mikey." She says this, but she's still giggling.

"Oi! What's with this Mikey business?"

"Oh, you're getting the whole Mikey treatment for a week! It's only the least you deserve for those two butt-monkeys you call friends."

"Butt-monkeys?" Michael chuckles so hard he snorts through his nose.

"Yes, they're butt-monkeys, and I stand by that." He smiles at her as she puts her hands on her hips.

Michael realizes that she's smiling, though. She's smiling and laughing and shaking her head. "They're good friends to you, Michael."

She knows! She understands!

He can't stop smiling himself. "Yeah . . . hate to admit it, but they are."

xvi.

Michael can't help but feel that she was right. They really are good friends to him.

When his relationship with Daphne sours, they don't say, "I told you so," or insult her virtue. Instead, Terry bids good night to Su Li, and he and Anthony bring Michael up to the dormitory, sit him down on his bed, and they open another bottle of Ogden's, and the three boys sit around and listen to Terry as he rhapsodizes about breasts and other girly bits and explains Muggle football — yet again — to Anthony Goldstein, who can pretty much repeat the last ten years of the Tyne-Wear Derby by heart, even though he hates football.

xvii.

Michael realizes that he has met his match, insofar as girls are concerned.

He's head – over – heels, or as Terry so eloquently puts it, "Arse – Over – Tit".

"I do not think that means what you think that means, Terry."

To which Terry merely smiles and shrugs.

But Michael has indeed fallen hard for this Slytherin girl. He can't help it. She is so open with him, despite abandoning the relationship in February.

When she cries, Michael feels it's from a different sort of sadness inside her, and it's different from Cho. With Cho, he always knew exactly where the pain came from. He knew the source, he knew exactly why she cried, and he could snog her until she smiled.

But, ultimately, it wasn't enough. Cho needed something else. Something he clearly could not give to her.

But Daphne . . .

Michael feels like there's an older and deeper pain inside her, like there's something within her that she's never been able to remove. Michael notices that the only time that pain disappears from her eyes is when she laughs. And so, he makes it his duty to keep her smiling and to keep her laughing and to keep that hurt out of her eyes.

It doesn't matter to him that she is the one who ends things. She quits their relationship because she doesn't feel worthy of him. And even though she breaks things off, she does not want him to leave.

It's the first time in his life that he doesn't want to give up on something or someone. Maybe, Michael thinks, that is enough for her — if he stays right by her side.

Because it's definitely enough for his friends.

xviii.

Michael's first time is, quite honestly, the exact opposite of what Terry said it would be.

It wasn't just good.

It was . . . funscarywickedbadweird . . . and good.

Really good.

The good outweighs the bad, though, Michael certainly knows that much. He knows that that particular part of his body's never had so much fun. Not to mention his hands, his mouth, his skin . . .

He's just not quite sure if it was as fun for her as it was for him.

Terry said you'd know if she enjoyed it.

Anthony said he doubt if Terry would know if any girl did.

Terry had then flipped Anthony off.

"Uh- . . . umm . . ." he says, rolling over and looking at Daphne. She's got a big smile plastered to her face. It's a huge smile, so she must be happy.

Too happy.

"So, you . . . er . . . satisfied then, eh?" Michael could hear he was still out of breath.

"Er . . . y-yeah." She nods very vigorously. He deflates and his face falls.

"You didn't, did you?" Michael hears the defeat in his voice.

"Oh, well . . . three minutes might not be enough—"

"Three?! Come on! It was at least twenty!"

She smirks and raises an eyebrow at him. "Are we counting in dog years?"

He laughs and continues to pant. She's got a brazen, dirty sense of humor, just like Terry. She's also got a sharp brain, same as Anthony.

But she needs a place to call hers, borne out of a fear that she will never belong. That? That is all her.

And Michael longs to give that place to her; he feels it deep within every bone of his body, even if he can't quite name that feeling.

But, for now, he can show her how he feels with his body.

So, he looks down at himself. "Um, . . . w-we could try again?" He can hear the sheepishness, the nervous quiver in his voice—

He can't get another word or thought out, as she's pouncing on him one more time.

xix.

Michael thinks Astronomy sucks.

He thinks Astronomy has never sucked so much as right now—

"INCO-OOOM-MING!"

At Terry's booming warning, Michael ducks, just barely missing a Killing Curse. The curse strikes the stone of the Astronomy Tower, and dust blows into his eyes, temporarily blinding Michael. The Death Eater's broom bristles brush against his foot. Seeing how close the flier is, Michael jerks his foot up, knocking the Death Eater off balance and over the crenellation.

This is it!

It ends tonight.

One way or another.

"Whoo! Good one Mike!" Terry shouts.

Michael rubs his eyes. "Where's Tony?!"

"OVER HERE!"

Michael and Terry run to join their mate. Anthony's ducking behind a small embrasure as streaks of red and green pound away at the stone.

"Stupefy!"

"Expelliarmus!"

Michael and Terry simultaneously shoot their spells in the direction of the Death Eaters.

"Protego!" Anthony casts a Shield around all three boys. It vibrates against a few curses that more Death Eaters throw at it.

"So . . ." Terry pants, "anyone got . . . plans . . . for . . . this evening—"

A piece of the rampart explodes just to their left. They cover their bodies.

"Okay, so do we just hang out here, and wait to get killed, or are we waiting for reinforcements?" Anthony asks, yelling over the blasts.

Michael nods. "Flitwick, I think. Professor Lupin and his group are covering the doors, and that Auror, the big black bloke, he's got the North Tower—"

The Blasting Curse cuts through Michael's voice as the rampart they are crouching behind explodes into a million particles.

"YEEARGH!"

And Michael feels his heart stop as Anthony dangles over the edge of the destroyed rampart.

"Tony!" Michael and Terry yell and both grab his arms. They barely have a hold of him, and Michael feels Anthony's arm sliding out of the shirt.

"HOLD ON!" Terry shouts, "YOU GODDAMNED, STUFFY MOTHERF-"

Another curse sails by, almost cutting Terry's ear. Terry ducks and hits Michael, compromising their hold on Anthony's arms.

"GEE-YAAAH!"

"NO! TERRY . . . HE'S SLIPPING!"

Michael and Terry's faces strain as they duck the exploding wall and as they cling on for their best friend's life.

"LEAVE . . . ME . . ."

Michael and Terry's reactions are immediate and simultaneous.

"DON'T BE A PRICK, TONY!"

"WE'RE NOT GOING, YOU WANKER—"

"DON'T BE IDIOTS!" Anthony yells back, desperate. "YOU'LL FUCKING DIE! LEAVE ME NOW!"

Michael and Terry give two tremendous grunts, ignoring the rock blowing up behind them, showering them with dust, turning them white.

And Michael's crying as he feels Anthony's arm slipping . . . slipping . . .

And suddenly, Professor Flitwick comes bursting through the door firing spells, conjuring a Wind Charm that blows the two Death Eaters off course. Ernie Macmillian, Seamus Finnegan, and Hannah Abbott follow him, shouting fiercely—

"DUMBLEDORE'S ARMY!"

"We're here, boys! The calvary's here!" Flitwick shouts.

Michael and Terry smile so big, they can almost feel their faces splitting into two.

Each boy finds a piece of the rampart that's still attached to the castle. They brace themselves with their feet—

"ON THREE, TERRY!"

"ONE . . . TWO . . ."

And Terry exclaims, with each pull and tug and lift:

"YOU'RE" — grunt — "NOT" — huff — "DYING" — puff — "A" — growl — "VIRGIN, TONY!"

And, with one great, final grunt, Terry and Michael pull Anthony back up onto the tower.

Panting and heaving out dust and rock, the three boys look at each other. Michael sees the trails of tears running down both Anthony and Terry's faces.

Anthony kicks Terry in the foot. "I'm not a virgin!"

And the boys laugh, pick up their wands, and join the battle once again.

xx.

Michael hugs Daphne and he hopes that it won't be the last time he does so.

They're coming.

"Love you, y'know." He says it quietly, hoping she won't hear it, because it upsets her that she can't say it back.

We're probably all gonna die.

She pulls away and runs her hand through his hair. She cries and sobs, but Michael knows she's still not ready to say it. But he can feel it streaming from her eyes.

Michael holds in a sigh as she nods and bites her lip.

Her group is pulling her away.

"I ha-have to go."

"I know . . . I still love you!"

And Michael watches as she runs, catching up to her group being led away by the big, black Auror that, for the life of him, he can't remember that bloke's name!

Terry says bye to Parvati Patil the only way he knows how — he gives her the longest kiss of her life. "You'll do great!" he whispers to her, his forehead touching hers.

Anthony finds Lavender Brown, and even though they are not together, Anthony still hopes that he will see her again. "Be careful, Lav."

She winks at him "Back 'atcha!"

The boys are now alone, and they turn toward their destination.

Terry nudges Michael. "You'll see her soon, after we've finished."

"I hope so, Terry . . . Merlin, I hope so."

Anthony, no great fan of the girl himself, can only smile. "She's tough, Michael. She's been through a lot."

Michael raises an eyebrow. "Well, that's unexpected!"

"What?"

"You approve of her now?" Michael smirks, but there's a sadness and a feeling of finality to their gestures and their faces.

Michael realizes it's as if they know.

They know they're walking to their own death.

Terry slaps him on the shoulder. "You know what we could do with now, mate?"

"What's that?"

"Tony, could you do with a song?"

Michael looks over at Terry, his face contorts with confusion.

"I wouldn't mind hearing Mike serenade us."

Michael snickers in disbelief at Anthony. "You serious?"

Anthony simply looks at him. "Can't think of a better way to send us off into the fray."

Michael blinks and swallows and chokes back a lump that's been growing ever since they started walking. He turns to his right and sees Anthony. He turns to his left and sees Terry.

The first friends he made at school are the last friends that will stand with him in the end.

Looking ahead, Michael sings the only song that comes to his mind, and he starts softly—

"What would you think if I s-sang out of tune?"

Terry smiles but there is water in his eyes. "Would you stand up and w-walk out on m-me?"

Michael looks over at Anthony, and he knows Anthony doesn't know the words well enough. So he sings to him in a shaky voice, because even though he's a bloke, a bloke can still cry—

"Lend m-me your ears, and I'll s-sing you a song."

Terry joins back in.

"And I'll try not to sing out of key."

Michael throws an arm around Anthony, whose eyes are glistening too. Terry throws his arm around Michael.

And this time, all three boys sing as they walk toward the Astronomy Tower.

"Oh! I get by with a little help from my friends . . . Mmm, get high with a little help from my friends . . . Mmm, gonna try with a little help from my friends."

Fin.

A/N:

1. Newcastle United and Sunderland are Premier League Football Clubs, with a long-standing rivalry between them. The Tyne-Wear Derby is local derby that's been in existence since 1892. The actual rivalry between Newcastle and Sunderland has been around since the English Civil War.

2. I'm Henry the Eighth, I Am, a British music hall song from 1910, credited with Fred Murray and R.P. Weston. Made popular by Herman's Hermits, in 1965. The spelling "Henery" is intentional, to denote the Cockney accent the song is supposed to be sung with.

3. With a Little Help from My Friends is written by John Lennon and Paul McCartney, off of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (1967).

4. Michael is paired with Daphne Greengrass. If you want to read more about their relationship, feel free to check out my stories, Daphne Greengrass and the 6th Year From Hell, and Daphne Greengrass and the 7th Year From Hell. Thanks for reading.