Jet Lag
-Near-

Every relationship has it's 'make it' or 'break it' moment. That's what makes each relationship amazing on it's own. Both people have held on through the 'break it' moments and sighed gently through the 'make it' moments. Mello and I are different. We are very different.

We've never had a 'make it' moment where we just sat back on the side and watched ourselves blossom because of one another. We've never had a 'break it' moment, where everything seemed to crash down upon itself threatening us to either hold on for dear life or to let go and watch each other suffer. We, I don't think, are even in a relationship. Meaning, I have no reason for the butterflies in my stomach when he even glances my way.

True, there is some sort of relation between us, but we are more acquaintances than friends. We simply know one another. We don't end up in a high of happiness when the other is near. At least, I don't believe he does. I do, though. I always seem to.

As I watched him go, I wonder if this would be the moment where I let go and watch my life just leave me in the dust or if this would be the moment I would hold on for dear life and say 'no' to his having to leave. 'Matt doesn't care where you are.' But, I didn't. I couldn't. I let go and watched him walk away.

After the door closes, I stare after him, my brain seeming to have jet-lag. "I don't want you to go. I need you more than Matt does," I tell the door, as if it will tell Mello and my happiness will be restored in the form of a warm body hugging me closely.

No one comes through the door. No one passes on my message. No one seems to notice that I've pulled my blankets over my head and my mouth feels dry. And, I know, no one will come to my room until tomorrow asking if I'm all right. After all, Mello probably doesn't want to see me after I embarrassed him last night and Rodger knows I can care for myself.

I slip beneath the white and hope I can just disappear into my room until Mello comes back. I hope he comes back soon.