My first fan fiction story ever. It's meant to be funny, so hopefully you don't think its too stupid. Comments and Criticism are greatly appreciated! I do not own Harry Potter so don't sue me!

Draco was on his way home on the Hogwarts Express for his Christmas holidays. He was not looking forward to it at all. The Dark Lord was still staying at the Manor. He had been staying with Draco's family ever since the summer and Draco couldn't stand it. Having the Dark Lord living under the same roof as you was quite frightening. Draco didn't care what his little Death Eater friends said, it was horrible having him there! The guy ( if you could even consider him that) was such an ass! Draco knew his mother, Narcissa, felt the same way. Neither of his parents didn't particularly like having him there. The only person who seemed overly enjoyed by it was his Aunt Bellatrix, who practically kisses the Dark Lord's ass. Draco had tried to stay at Hogwarts for the holidays, but his mother wouldn't hear of it. So here he was on his way home, not wanting to get off the train.

The train pulled into platform 9 ¾ and Draco reluctantly got off the train. He was instantly greeted by his parents and his Aunt Bellatrix. " Honey its so good to see you again!" his mother exclaimed, pulling him into a rib- splitting hug. " Hello Son" his father said patting Draco on the shoulder. " Have you been practicing your oculmency like I've told you" asked Bellatrix in her cold, smugess voice. "Yeah" said Draco. He looked at his Aunt. God she's strange looking with those heavily lidded eyes of hers and what in God's name did she do to her hair! Truth was, Draco couldn't stand his Aunt. She was a complete psycho! Azkaban had definitely changed her. Bellatrix had always been kind of a bitch, but ever since she escaped from Azkaban she was even more bitchy, maddening really. " So is the Dark Lord still staying at the Manor?" Draco asked. " Of course he is!" Bellatrix exclaimed, " Why wouldn't he be?" Great, she's already getting on my nerves! " I don't know I just thought maybe he would stay somewhere else". Bellatrix smacked her lips." Silly Boy" she muttered under her breath.

They finally apparated in front of the Manor. Here goes nothing, Draco thought to himself. Lucius opened the door and they stepped through the threshold. " Home Sweet- " began Lucius but was immediately interrupted. "DRACO!!" the Dark Lord was standing right by the door way. "It's good to see you old boy, how have things been at school!" " Uh pretty good I guess", said Draco nervously. Why in the world is he acting like this, is he fucking high or something?

" That's great!", the Dark Lord said. " Well I have some Death Eater stuff to attend to, so I'll see you at dinner D- sizzle." He did some ghetto gangster sign then walked down the hall to the library. Oh my God, what the hell was that all about. Draco ordered a house- elf to take his stuff up to his chambers for him and followed the elf and his stuff up to his room. It was going to be a long week.

The past couple of days weren't as bad as Draco thought they would. Voldemort was surprisingly friendly towards him for some odd, unknown reason. This frightened Draco a little. Maybe he's being so friendly because he wants a huge favor from me. What the hell does he want now? He already wanted me to murder Dumbledore last year and I didn't even murder him. But that's not how the Dark Lord works. If he wants a favor he straight out asks you. No, No, he justs orders you to do it. Draco was wondering all this one day when he was looking for his ipod. He searched the Manor high and low for it, had ordered the house- elfs to look for it, and asked his parents if they had seen it. Nobody seemed to know where it had disappeard to. Draco had given up looking for it. He was walking past the Library when he heard singing coming from the other side. He peeped through the crack between the door and couldn't believe what he was seeing. The Dark Lord, the one everyone feared( except stupid Potter) was listening to Draco's ipod, trying to rap to an Eminem song. WHAT THE HELL! Has he lost his fucking mind!

Outraged, Draco ran to his mother. " Mum, the Dark Lord is listening to my ipod and I think he's been listening to it for awhile because I couldn't find it the other day when I was looking for it either." His mother looked up from the Daily Prophet she was reading. There was a picture of the mud blood Granger in it. " Well honey I'm sorry but what do you want me to do about it, he's the Dark Lord."

" Tell him that if he wants to listen to it he needs to ask me first before taking it without my permission" Draco could feel himself going red in the face. " Now dear you know I can't just go in there and tell him that, he'll get so mad." Narcissa said. " Well then get Aunt Bellatrix to, he'll listen to her and she's not so scared of him!" "Draco that's enough, and besides I doubt if your Aunt would waste her time with something like that, you know how self- centered she is." Draco smacked his lips at his mother and rolled his eyes ."Fine" he muttered, "wait until father hears about this." He stormed out of the room.

Voldemort continued to get on Draco's nerves. That night after the whole ipod thing, Draco was on his way to the TV room to watch his favorite TV show, Lost, only to find Voldemort already in there. He was laughing his head off and saying " oh the Miranda!"

Oh are you kidding me! Again, Draco ran to his mother. "Mother honestly the Dark Lord is starting to get on my nerves! Now he's hogging the only TV in this house and I'll miss Lost! What the hell is he watching!" Narcissa gave Draco a stern look. "Draco watch your language, and he's watching Sex and the City. It's his favorite TV show." "WHAT! You gotta be freakin' kidding me. Sex and the City is so stupid. It's just about these hookers!"

"Draco!" his mother exclaimed. " Well I'm sorry mum but it is." Later that night when Draco was on his laptop on his myspace, someone knocked on his door. "who is it ?"

" It's your home dawg skillet biscuit, Voldy." My What?! Draco rolled his eyes. "Come in" he said trying to sound enthused. "Voldy" stepped into the room. He walked over and sat on Draco's bed. "So D-sizzle how's everything going with you? Got any ladies chasing after you?" He was talking in a really preppy, girly voice. Draco opened his mouth to answer but Voldemort cut him off. "Yes I remember when I was your age. I use to be quite handsome you know, before I wanted to look like a snake. The ladies were always chasing after me. But of course since I never understood love I never chased after them." Draco wondered if he knew how ridiculous he sounded right now. Why the hell is he telling me this, like I care. " Oh cool" he said, not taking his eyes off his laptop. He couldn't stand looking at him. "Yes which brings me to my point: I know that as a young man your experiencing sexual urges toward women and you might be confused about them. So I'm letting you know that if you have any questions about sex, I'm so here for you!" What the hell! Where did that come from? Draco had to literally grip the sides of his chair to stop himself from falling off it. He looked at Voldemort in the face now. Shock and embarassment must have overcome his fear of looking at the Dark Lord. "Uh okay thanks" he said awkwardly. " Sure thing D. I'm totally here for you." Voldemort continued in that preppy, girly voice. He got up and left the room. How the hell could he help me if he's never chased after girls, which means he's probably never had sex. What a fucking idiot.

The next morning Draco, his parents, and Bellatrix were eating breakfast in the kitchen when Voldemort came in. " So how's my favorite Deatheater family doing today?" he said in a cheery voice. "Just fine, thanks" both his parents said. " Oh my Lord I am doing absolutely wonderful, especially since you're here." his Aunt said. God what a fucking suck up. I should get her some knee pads so she's more comfortable when she's kissing his ass. "Why thank you Bella!" Voldemort said in a high, squeaky voice. " So D I heard that you missed Lost last night." Yeah thanks to you. "Yes I did" Draco said, not looking up from his porridge. " Oh no offense, but that show's lame. I tried to get into it, but that blonde southern guy got on my nerves with his sarcasm and nicknames he kept giving everybody. What an Ass! If I were on that island I would so Avada Kedrava his ass!" Draco was offended: Sawyer was his favorite character on Lost. Bellatrix asked " My Lord what shows do you watch?"

" Oh a number of them! I just love Sex and the City. Oh and I like Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy, the Office, Scrubs, ER, Prison break, Heroes, Ghost Whisperer, Medium, Bones, and House. I also enjoy the Golden Girls on Lifetime. Draco almost laughed, but stopped himself by biting down on his lip. " Oh wow you do watch quite a lot of shows." said Bellatrix. " I only watch soup operas during the day, that's it."

" Soup operas are so lame and boring Bella. How could you watch those?" Voldemort asked. Bellatrix was getting ready to answer when Voldemort jumped up suddenly from his chair. " Oh my god! I have to talk to Snape about something. Brb!" He apparated out of the room. " So does anyone know what brb means? Asked Lucius. They all shook their heads no.

Later in the Afternoon, Draco was on his way to the TV room again to watch one of the Lord of the Rings movies, the Two Towers, when he saw Voldemort already in there. This time Draco went in the room. He had somehow gained some of his courage back ever since the Dark Lord starting acting like a preppy girl. Voldemort was watching Bringing down the House, one of Draco's favorite movies. Voldemort spotted Draco and cried out " Oh Draco how's it going?! Did you come to watch Bringing down the House with me? It's so funny. I just love Queen Latifah, she's so funny!"

" Well actually- began Draco but Voldemort cut him off " Oh my god sit down this is going to be so much fun! We should do this more often. Maybe later we can pop some popcorn and watch another movie. No wait! I have a way better idea we should have a sleepover! Draco mouth was hanging open in disbelief. He closed it immediately. Voldemort didn't notice though and kept on talking. " We could invite all the Death Eaters, and all your little school friends, and your girlfriend I heard you had, Pansy Parkinson, and we could stay up all night gossiping about celebrities, and play games, eat a whole bunch a snacks, and watch movies! This is going to be some much fun! I'm gonna have a meeting right now about it." He pressed his Dark Mark on his arm and summoned his Death Eaters. "I'll make it a mandatory sleepover that way everybody has to come!, he said. He got up and ran out of the room leaving Draco in shock and disbelief. Is he actually gonna have a sleepover? What is he, a 12 year old girl? Why the fuck is he acting like this anyway? I wonder what came over him. Draco left to go tell his parents and Bellatrix about the sleepover that Voldemort, the greatest Dark Wizard for his time, was currently planning.

That night, Draco was looking for his laptop to get on his myspace to warn his friends about Voldemort's mandatory sleepover. Where the hell did I put it? Suddenly a thought came to Draco: I bet Voldemort took it just like he took my ipod that I never got back! Sure enough, he found Voldemort in the Library with his laptop in front of him. " Oh hey D what's up? Did you come to find out more about the sleepover. It' gonna be tomorrow evening around 5:00. I told everybody to bring a sleeping bag, a pillow, a snack, and any comedy or horror movie that they want." " Well actually I came looking for my laptop to invite my friends over myspace to the sleepover."

" Well my dear boy, can't you just like, I don't know, send an owl to them inviting them? I'm working on my myspace page right now. Oh and I sent you a friend request also. All the Death Eaters have a myspace, it's the "in" thing at the moment!" Yeah I know and I'd like to get on my myspace page on my laptop that was given to me. To control his anger he left the room and stomped up the stairs to his room.